text44111;"""Of course, I couldn't just appear at Kobayashi Corporation's offices and request a meeting with their CEO."""
text44112;"""As a point of fact, I was a criminal and could expect to find myself behind bars at any moment."""
text44113;"""By now it was clear that Kobayashi Jun had known all along where Kagome and I had been hiding.<w> At least our approximate location."""
text44114;"""He probably also knew I'd returned home by now."""
text44115;"""Which meant that my encounter with the police, or worse, Kagemaru was just a matter of time."""
text44116;"""And the people to decide when and if that would happen would not just be the CEO of Kobayashi corporation but also his newfound granddaughter."""
text44117;"""Of course, I had no reason to believe that Kagome would agree to everything the old man had prepared for me, but I also couldn't just believe she'd be able to change his mind if he decided to take action."""
text44118;"""I couldn't expect help from anyone — I only had myself to rely on."""
text44119;"""And that meant that at the very minimum I couldn't stay here."""
text44120;"""Of course, it was hard to leave the home I had just returned to, but at least I had more time than a month ago, when Kagome and I ran away from Tokyo with little to our name."""
text44121;"""I packed some things, opened the front door, and froze at the doorstep."""
text44122;"""I turned around and cast one last glance down the dust-covered hallway."""
text44123;"""Of course if I was lucky enough to find Kagome and persuade her our relationship wasn't over, I could return."""
text44124;"""But if not…"""
text44125;"""I kicked aside the fallen leaves with the tip of my boot and prepared to set off when the phone rang."""
text44126;"""It couldn't hurt to take one last call, right?"""
text44127;"""Nick, is that you?"""
text44128;"""Ellie asked without waiting for my reply."""
text44129;"""To say I was surprised would be an understatement."""
text44130;"""Yes, it's me."""
text44131;"""I talked to my grandpa and…"""
text44132;"""I could tell she was extremely nervous."""
text44133;"""Well, he didn't confirm your allegations directly, but I know that sometimes his silence means more than any words."""
text44134;"""And you decided to call me…?"""
text44135;"""I quickly filled in the pause that followed."""
text44136;"""If you know anything else, I want to hear it!"""
text44137;"""Okay. Let's meet, and I'll tell you everything. Can you come alone?"""
text44138;"""I can."""
text44139;"""Then let's meet at the bar in an hour."""
text44140;"""In an hour and a half. See you."""
text44141;"""She said briefly and hung up."""
text44142;"""It didn't seem like one of Kobayashi Jun's tricks — he wouldn't put Ellie at risk.<w> For the second time…"""
text44143;"""But I still had some reservations."""
text44144;"""Ellie could bring a tail even against her will."""
text44145;"""I had to be prepared for that."""
text44146;"""Our meeting wasn't for an hour and a half, but I hurried to the bar as full speed."""
text44147;"""When I stormed in and looked at the surprised Bartender, the clock read two."""
text44148;"""Oh, Kolya! Haven't seen you in a while. There've been rumors lately…"""
text44149;"""No time for that! I need to ask you for a favor, as a friend."""
text44150;"""I'm listening."""
text44151;"""I'm having a meeting with a girl at your bar in a bit. But I'm afraid she might be followed, so there's something I want to ask you to do."""
text44152;"""You don't have any customers yet anyway…"""
text44153;"""I made a wide gesture, indicating the empty tables."""
text44154;"""When she comes, call her in and close the bar. If someone tries to break in, we'll leave through the back door. I remember you having one, right?"""
text44155;"""Aren't there easier ways to meet with a girl in private?"""
text44156;"""His salacious smile didn't suit the situation at all."""
text44157;"""It's not about that! I have far more important things on my mind than hooking up with broads! It's a matter of life and death!"""
text44158;"""The Bartender's expression changed, and he stared intensely at me for a while, as if trying to recall a theorem long forgotten."""
text44159;"""And what if someone comes before her?"""
text44160;"""Well, then close the bar down now, I don't know!"""
text44161;"""He paused before replying."""
text44162;"""Fine. But only for you!"""
text44163;"""There was no need to tell the Bartender what was really going on, and neither had I any desire to."""
text44164;"""So I just kept sitting at the counter with a glass of water."""
text44165;"""So, no beer for you?"""
text44166;"""I need a clear mind."""
text44167;"""I see."""
text44168;"""So anyway, where have you been? Or is that a secret too?"""
text44169;"""Was working as miner."""
text44170;"""I smirked sadly."""
text44171;"""You, a miner?!"""
text44172;"""The Bartender laughed loudly and banged his fist against the counter a few times."""
text44173;"""Yeah, I get it, it's a good joke."""
text44174;"""I raised my arm and flexed my bicep."""
text44175;"""The Bartender's smile vanished at once."""
text44176;"""I had to leave Tokyo for a while, because… Because I got in the way of the wrong people."""
text44177;"""What people?"""
text44178;"""Suddenly, he squinted suspiciously and became unexpectedly serious."""
text44179;"""Well, uhhh…. Your bar isn't in any danger, don't worry!"""
text44180;"""I'm worried about you!"""
text44181;"""Thank you…"""
text44182;"""Was all I managed to say."""
text44183;"""Of course, I didn't always take the huge, sometimes clumsy bartender with his strange sense of humor and a deliberate aversion to personal space seriously, but I couldn't accuse him of a lack of sincerity."""
text44184;"""…"""
text44185;"""For the next hour, he just kept babbling about whatever, as if afraid to allow for a pause in his monologue even for a second."""
text44186;"""Finally, the agreed time arrived."""
text44187;"""Go take a look. She should be there already. If there's no one else around, call her in here."""
text44188;"""Sir yes sir!"""
text44189;"""He saluted like a seasoned veteran and rushed outside."""
text44190;"""It didn't even take a minute for the door to open again and for Ellie to walk downstairs, accompanied by the sound of a bolt locking into place."""
text44191;"""The girl stopped at the counter, looked at me and then checked her surroundings, confused."""
text44192;"""What's this all for, Nick?"""
text44193;"""Do you want to kidnap me again?"""
text44194;"""She asked with more surprise than fear."""
text44195;"""You could have been followed."""
text44196;"""I invited her to sit at a table in the far corner of the bar."""
text44197;"""The Bartender stayed behind the counter, gave me a nod, and returned to his business, his whole demeanor trying to make it clear that he wasn't eavesdropping."""
text44198;"""You don't think much of me, after all!"""
text44199;"""I'm not accusing <i>you</i> of bringing someone along… But they could be following you without you knowing."""
text44200;"""Who's <i>they</i>?"""
text44201;"""Ellie wouldn't let it go."""
text44202;"""Whatever, doesn't matter, forget it. Let's just say I'm more comfortable here than outside."""
text44203;"""I don't even know why I'm here and why I'm talking to you now, after what you and that girl did to me!"""
text44204;"""And now you're calling her my cousin. Thank God she's not a sister!"""
text44205;"""She smirked bitterly."""
text44206;"""I only just found out recently, I'm as surprised as you are!"""
text44207;"""But, if you think about it, it all makes sense! After kidnapping you… Sorry, again."""
text44208;"""It was difficult for me to look into her big, piercing eyes."""
text44209;"""Had I ever apologized to her for the kidnapping?<w> I couldn't remember…"""
text44210;"""Well, I mean… I thought that something was off! Your grandfather could easily have captured us, but he didn't."""
text44211;"""Everything went too smoothly, like in some kind of spy movie."""
text44212;"""Until now we've been hiding in a mining village — and I could believe that we'd managed to hide from your Corporation…"""
text44213;"""But when we returned to Tokyo, it turned out that Kyosuke had been lying to me and Kagome's grandfather had been in the hands of Kobayashi Corporation all this time."""
text44214;"""So what point are you trying to make? What does it have to do with us being related?"""
text44215;"""Ellie interrupted me, irritated."""
text44216;"""I patiently continued:"""
text44217;"""Think for yourself. If your grandfather could have busted us at any moment, why didn't he?"""
text44218;"""I don't know. And what does it matter?"""
text44219;"""It was obvious that Ellie wasn't going to delve into my complex logical analysis."""
text44220;"""Okay, fine, but you spoke to him yesterday, right?"""
text44221;"""I did…"""
text44222;"""Ellie replied somewhat absent mindedly."""
text44223;"""So, what did he say?"""
text44224;"""Nothing in particular."""
text44225;"""\""His silence means more than any words\"" — to quote you."""
text44226;"""So what?"""
text44227;"""Ellie kept being stubborn, like a person unwilling to acknowledge the obvious but painful truth."""
text44228;"""So, he's perfectly aware of the fact that Kagome is his granddaughter!"""
text44229;"""Nick, this isn't enough! Your words are the words of my kidnapper. I shouldn't even be here! I should've actually brought police with me!"""
text44230;"""She was saying this fueled by emotion — but it was more anger at herself than resentment toward me."""
text44231;"""If you'd been a hundred percent sure I was lying you wouldn't have come here."""
text44232;"""…"""
text44233;"""She bit her lip, turned away, and stared at the Bartender, who was slowly and even somewhat desperately wiping glasses at the far side of the counter."""
text44234;"""Let's say… Let's say I believe you. What do you want from me?"""
text44235;"""I smiled and straightened my shoulders, stiff from tension."""
text44236;"""As it happens… Kagome has decided that it was too dangerous for us to stay together and left. I'm sure she had nowhere else to go but to your… her grandfather."""
text44237;"""I don't know what she's going to do next, but it doesn't seem like a good idea to me."""
text44238;"""So, you want me to be your Cupid after everything you two have put me through?"""
text44239;"""She asked with clear hostility."""
text44240;"""Even if we're related, that doesn't mean anything!"""
text44241;"""Well…"""
text44242;"""In reality, it rather looked like I was trying to save my own skin."""
text44243;"""With Kagome around, I'd be safe from Kobayashi Corporation."""
text44244;"""Most terrifying was the fact that I wasn't sure whether that wasn't my primary goal."""
text44245;"""You have a right to think that."""
text44246;"""To think what?"""
text44247;"""Ellie gave me a confused look — it seemed like I'd been talking to myself there."""
text44248;"""You don't owe me or Kagome anything. I'm just asking you as a friend… as a human!"""
text44249;"""Asking what, Nick?"""
text44250;"""You can talk to your grandfather and find out where Kagome is now. If I could only see her for a couple minutes…"""
text44251;"""Ellie pulled back, crossed her legs, and brought a thoughtful expression to her face, as if trying to solve a complicated mathematical problem."""
text44252;"""Why would I do that? Believe it or not, I don't need a sister like that!"""
text44253;"""Then we can help each other. Iwamura isn't particularly interested in becoming a Kobayashi either."""
text44254;"""To a certain extent, it was true."""
text44255;"""Kagome had had plenty of time to remind Kobayashi Jun of her existence, but she'd never done it."""
text44256;"""But right now she's at my grandfather's, according to you?"""
text44257;"""Ellie was also right in her own way."""
text44258;"""She had to go, there was no other choice."""
text44259;"""Next thing you'll say she sacrificed herself to save you!"""
text44260;"""She smirked almost contemptuously."""
text44261;"""Well, I wouldn't go that far."""
text44262;"""Then what do you need, Nick? What is this all for? You look like a completely desperate man trying everything he can, even the most impossible option."""
text44263;"""I fidgeted in the chair and started looking all over, as if trying to find support somewhere."""
text44264;"""But the Bartender kept polishing his beer mugs, and there was no one else in the bar except me and Ellie."""
text44265;"""My plan was falling apart like a house of cards."""
text44266;"""Well, to be frank, I didn't have a plan to begin with!<w> Ellie was right about that…"""
text44267;"""Even if so…"""
text44268;"""I don't see how <i>you</i> can help me. It all depends on my grandfather, and I'm not going to cross him anymore!"""
text44269;"""Even if he legitimizes Iwamura?"""
text44270;"""Well it's like you said — she's his granddaughter, isn't he?"""
text44271;"""Ellie said coldly, stood up, and slowly walked toward the exit."""
text44272;"""I had no reason to stop her — there was nothing else I could say."""
text44273;"""Ellie looked at the Bartender and ordered him in an imperative tone:"""
text44274;"""Let me out of here!"""
text44275;"""The Bartender first looked at me cautiously, but immediately realized that he had no right to keep her there, and dashed to unlock the front door."""
text44276;"""…"""
text44277;"""After Ellie had left, I ordered some beer after all."""
text44278;"""The Bartender, obviously, prudently decided not to initiate a conversation, and I was grateful for that."""
text44279;"""Do you think…"""
text44280;"""I haven't heard anything, didn't eavesdrop at all!"""
text44281;"""He immediately shouted and waved his hands."""
text44282;"""In reality, we would have had to be whispering in eachother's ears to not be heard in such a tiny bar."""
text44283;"""So, in that regard I had no problems with him."""
text44284;"""Do you think I can show up at Kobayashi Corporation in the middle of the day and demand a meeting with Kobayashi Jun?"""
text44285;"""He thought it through carefully and then replied very seriously:"""
text44286;"""I wouldn't."""
text44287;"""Yeah, I guess it's a stupid idea…"""
text44288;"""Thanks for the beer."""
text44289;"""I reached into my pocket for money, but the Bartender stopped me immediately:"""
text44290;"""It's on the house! What are you going to do now, Kolya?"""
text44291;"""What would you do if you were me?"""
text44292;"""If nothing is keeping you here…"""
text44293;"""He started, but then his expression changed, and he smiled:"""
text44294;"""Well, it's up to you!"""
text44295;"""I immediately recalled Irina's words, her sacreligious offer to give her Kagome to secure my own safety."""
text44296;"""Of course, I couldn't do that — but I also saw no safe future for myself in Tokyo."""
text44297;"""I hope we'll see each other again!"""
text44298;"""I said briefly, stood up, and left the bar that had become one my favorite places in this city."""
text44299;"""…"""
text44300;"""I walked home in almost a kind of stupor."""
text44301;"""In the hall was the bag with belongings that I'd dropped there when ran to meet Ellie."""
text44302;"""The telephone was still silent but looked somewhat neater — free of dust, it turned out to be useful to me more than once over the last twenty four hours."""
text44303;"""However, in the end, all those conversations had have gotten me nowhere."""
text44304;"""I carefully ran my hand over the receiver, as if petting a cat."""
text44305;"""The phone was silent, and that silence seemed to be very logical at this moment — there was nowhere to expect help from and nothing to hope for anymore…"""
text44306;"""I grabbed the bag resolutely and walked out the door without looking back."""
text44307;"""My wallet was bulging comfortably — taking that envelope from Moriyuki-san had been the right decision after all."""
text44308;"""Kagome at least wouldn't have any money trouble now…"""
text44309;"""When I reached the station, it was already dark."""
text44310;"""Where had half the day gone?"""
text44311;"""There wasn't a single person on the square in front of the station, I wouldn't have been surprised to see a tumbleweed."""
text44312;"""So, that's how Tokyo was saying farewell to me?"""
text44313;"""Of course, I was just one of millions of people in the capital, and I wasn't demanding any special treatment, but…"""
text44314;"""You always believe an old friend will understand and support you in any situation."""
text44315;"""But in the end, Tokyo was more like a fickle girlfriend, forgetting all about her old lover the moment his life became troubled."""
text44316;"""Well, be it that way…"""
text44317;"""…"""
text44318;"""I went to that same village where Kagome and I had lived for the last month."""
text44319;"""It wouldn't be that difficult to explain skipping a couple of days of work, and most likely I still had my position there."""
text44320;"""Yes, the decision to go back could seem stupid, but, for some reason, I had a gut feeling that Kobayashi Corporation wouldn't be looking for me there."""
text44321;"""And if they ever decided to tackle me seriously, no place in Japan would be safe."""
text44322;"""Although they probably had no interest in me anymore…"""
text44323;"""How long would I have to run and hide?<w> Did I have any a plan at all?"""
text44324;"""I had no answers to these questions.<w> And, what was worse, I didn't care."""
text44325;"""When you lose something important, everything else starts to seem insignificant, loses its meaning and even begins to irritate you."""
text44326;"""Why did I have to toil away just to come home to the cheapest ramen for dinner?<w> Maybe it would be easier to become a beggar?"""
text44327;"""Although, it's not common in Japan to beg…"""
text44328;"""I never wanted to just <i>live</i>, I couldn't understand how that was any different from surviving."""
text44329;"""Going to a job you hate just to have a bowl of rice on your table."""
text44330;"""Having no dreams or purpose in life, let alone aspirations."""
text44331;"""It seemed like I'd had all that only yesterday, but not now, not anymore…"""
text44332;"""I'd dreamt of spending my life with Kagome, but she'd decided otherwise."""
text44333;"""…"""
text44334;"""And yet, I was quickly absorbed by daily routine."""
text44335;"""Maslow's hierarchy of needs was still in force, and hunger was its foundation, without which all higher level needs couldn't stand."""
text44336;"""I had to move on."""
text44337;"""The guys at work immediately noticed that I'd changed."""
text44338;"""Soon I had to tell them that Kagome had ditched me."""
text44339;"""Of course, I got a few sympathetic looks and words, but those formal gestures weren't any more sincere than a Christmas card."""
text44340;"""Only the landlady at the hotel looked at me in a way that made me believe for a moment that she really cared."""
text44341;"""But she wasn't going to lower the price for the room."""
text44342;"""I had enough money from Moriyuki-san, but if I was going to stay in this village for long, I had to handle the matter of my job — my salary wasn't enough for both food and rent."""
text44343;"""At the mine, many of my colleagues earned more solely because of their seniority, even though they did much less than the younger workers."""
text44344;"""What I absolutely didn't want to do for sure was to spend a dozen years more under the surface to get a twenty percent raise!"""
text44345;"""And then again and again I came back to the question of what I was going to do next and how I was going to live from now on."""
text44346;"""After a few months, a single look at a pickaxe, helmet, hammer, and trolly was making me sick."""
text44347;"""I tried to find another job in the village but to no avail."""
text44348;"""In all that time the Corporation didn't reveal itself in any way, and of course didn't have any news from Kagome."""
text44349;"""Lying on an old futon, before falling asleep, I my only wished that she'd have it well and had put her life back together, as much as it was possible."""
text44350;"""I would jump back and forth from accusing Kagome of all mortal sins to self-flagellation and picturing her as an angel made flesh, and back."""
text44351;"""I guess I just needed someone to blame, in many cases that was myself."""
text44352;"""But that trial would never be concluded, and my punishment was to go through it over and over again."""
text44353;"""I couldn't perceive reality for what it was — indifferent to human beings and their suffering."""
text44354;"""Absolute reality is a cruel construct, where love is just a set of hormones and neurotransmitters and humans are no more than biological machines."""
text44355;"""It's easy to forget that when you have someone you love with you."""
text44356;"""But when you're left face to face with loneliness, struggling to exist, the unpleasant reality of <i>life</i> overshadows all the brilliant moments and hopes of the past."""
text44357;"""Even if Kagome hadn't left, would would've probably be destined to lead a wretched, meager existence in this six-tatami room."""
text44358;"""How long would she be able to tolerate that?"""
text44359;"""How long would <i>I</i>?"""
text44360;"""Soon enough I got the feeling that everything had happened the way it should have."""
text44361;"""I was simply born to suffer."""
text44362;"""But even the most colorless picture of the world can be made vivid with a bottle of sake, like someone had splashed a bucket full of different colors of paint over it."""
text44363;"""Yes, it was a mess — but a colorful one, at least."""
text44364;"""That was how I started drinking."""
text44365;"""First a little bit, at night after work, just to lose myself."""
text44366;"""Then ever more."""
text44367;"""Then I started drinking in the mornings to handle the hangover."""
text44368;"""I also started to skip work, making up stupid excuses, and so I was soon fired."""
text44369;"""Nobody had particularly liked me in this village even before, they just hadn't paid any attention to me, but now was firmly written into the list of threats to the public morals."""
text44370;"""Japan has it strict."""
text44371;"""The landlady began to hint that I'd better find another place to live, first gently and then more persistently."""
text44372;"""With perfect understanding that it was the only hotel in town, and nobody would let a drunkard stay at their home."""
text44373;"""In a way I was even happy to say goodbye to this boring mining settlement."""
text44374;"""But now I was left with only one option — to return to Tokyo."""
text44375;"""I was running out of money and would rather die of hunger than be a laborer, and I at least had a house there."""
text44376;"""By that point, I had completely stopped caring about Kobayashi Corporation — let them do what they want, it couldn't be much worse than the life I was living."""
text44377;"""Of course, I hadn't forgotten Kagome, but long stopped hoping that we'd ever be together again."""
text44378;"""She became something akin to an old picture in my mind — a photo of a long lost person, at which you still look with warmth."""
text44379;"""…"""
text44380;"""The labor market in Tokyo was incomparably larger than in the countryside."""
text44381;"""I desperately didn't want to do unqualified work, but I still needed to get the money to buy food (and alcohol) somehow."""
text44382;"""Soon enough I found an interesting option — an acquaintance of an acquaintance was running little scams and took notice of the European guy who could speak excellent Japanese."""
text44383;"""The job was easy, the risks were minimal, the pay wasn't great — but better than, for example, a cashier's in a supermarket."""
text44384;"""You could say that my life started to return to get better…"""
text44385;"""I kept somewhat in touch with Kyosuke and learned that Catherine had returned to the US."""
text44386;"""Himitsu had left for Osaka to study."""
text44387;"""And there was still no news from Kagome."""
text44388;"""In the morning, afternoon, and early evening it often seemed to me that I could cope with what had happened."""
text44389;"""But when the night descended upon the city, the ghosts of the past would come back to haunt me over and over."""
text44390;"""I was lucky if I was at <i>work</i> when it happened."""
text44391;"""Twilight was the best time for that kind of activity, the time when downtown Tokyo was lit with neon lights, and expensive restaurants were filled with presentable guests with fat wallets begging us to relieve them."""
text44392;"""It was an easy job, in a sense I even liked it — why, I was working with people…!"""
text44393;"""But of course, I knew that the only reason I was doing it was the fact that I had no other choice."""
text44394;"""(And my lack no desire to break my back for a miserable, <i>fair</i>, wage.)"""
text44395;"""Though there was a certain risk to it, too."""
text44396;"""Of course, I was assured by my <i>colleagues</i> that everything would be A-OK, but the more I was in it, the more I realized that a prison bunk (a prison futon, in Japan) was a very realistic prospect."""
text44397;"""Yet I was trying to look at it philosophically, or maybe I just didn't care anymore."""
text44398;"""My <i>job</i> was directly connected to drinking alcohol, so usually I'd get back home in the morning already quite drunk, wake up past noon, quickly get back on my feet with a couple beers, somehow freshen up (which was required), and go to the city center again."""
text44399;"""I guess I used to think people took the wrong path in hopes of an easy life."""
text44400;"""Of course, physically I wasn't getting as tired as in the mine, but I realized soon enough that this job wasn't any easier and, in many ways, was even more exhausting."""
text44401;"""Admittance costs a penny, but to leave…"""
text44402;"""More than once I thought I wanted to quit, realizing that my virtual CV was accruing less than stellar entries."""
text44403;"""And sooner or later I'd end up of interest to the police."""
text44404;"""Which is exactly what happened in the end, and earlier rather than later."""
text44405;"""…"""
text44406;"""I was accused of fraud, went to a quick trial, and was sentenced to three years prison."""
text44407;"""I had no money to hire a lawyer, and they wouldn't have been of much help anyway."""
text44408;"""Everything was plain as day."""
text44409;"""I couldn't exclude the possibility that Kobayashi Corporation might've had their hand in this, or even Kobayashi Jun personally."""
text44410;"""I didn't know if they served revenge cold in Japan, but he had sure learned the Western principles of doing <i>business</i> well."""
text44411;"""Life in prison is no paradise, although I had had no idea what could await me there."""
text44412;"""Was Japanese prison any different from a Soviet or American one?"""
text44413;"""At least, there weren't any gulags in Japan, right…?"""
text44414;"""The truth turned out in many ways simpler than I'd imagined, in others — more complicated."""
text44415;"""At first I thought they'd only feed us once a day and everyone would go to the toilet in some hole right in the cell"""
text44416;"""But there's life even behind barbed wire."""
text44417;"""Although whether you could call it life or just survival was a whole other matter…"""
text44418;"""There were six of us in a cell eight tatami big."""
text44419;"""We woke up at 5:50, had ten minutes to make our beds and freshen up."""
text44420;"""Then there was a roll call, fifteen minutes for breakfast, and then to the workshop for tailoring."""
text44421;"""Our prison made warm clothes for public servicemen."""
text44422;"""Lunch was from 12:00 to 12:30, then work again until 16:30, then some free time, and at 22:00 we had to be in our beds."""
text44423;"""We were mostly mostly fed rice mixed with wheat — at first, falling asleep with hungry spasms in my stomach, I longingly remembered Kagome's cooking."""
text44424;"""The regime was somewhat militaristic: waking up to a siren, going to bed to a siren, eating on command of the guards."""
text44425;"""It'd be an exaggeration to call the prisoner slaves, but the difference between Eastern and Western mentalities and culture was even more obvious here."""
text44426;"""Besides, I wasn't Japanese — and that fact immediately worsened my position."""
text44427;"""No, I wasn't beaten every night, but my cellmates tried to make it very clear I wasn't welcome."""
text44428;"""Sometimes Kyosuke would visit me with gifts that would end up in my cellmates pockets and stomachs immediately."""
text44429;"""Well, it was better than having no visitors at all."""
text44430;"""Prison changes people, it puts them where they deserve."""
text44431;"""If you end up in prison, it's probably because you made enough mistakes in life to earn it."""
text44432;"""Of course, there were innocent people here too, but if you were to ask the prisoners, the majority of them were innocent."""
text44433;"""Soon I started to think I was losing my personality, turning into some sort of robot, its only purpose to live, clean its cell, make clothes, and unquestionably follow the orders of the guards."""
text44434;"""The others seemed to be handling the struggles of prison life far better than me."""
text44435;"""But while those three years left never-healing scars on my mind and heart, they passed fairly quickly."""
text44436;"""Time flows differently in prison, and I couldn't compare them with three years spent on the outside."""
text44437;"""My house had been seized to cover my debts."""
text44438;"""(I wondered who I was indebted to.) But by now a simple, honest, monotonous, mindless, low-paying job didn't seem like the end of the world to me."""
text44439;"""I worked to live, drifting on by on inertia, following my prison habits."""
text44440;"""I would wake up at six in the morning in my ramshackle rented room, go to work, then return home with a bottle of the cheapest alcohol."""
text44441;"""Sometimes, I'd remember Kagome — but as something distant that had once happened to me."""
text44442;"""I guess, after so many years I could track her down and, at least, talk."""
text44443;"""Who could an ex-prisoner with a shady past possibly be a danger to?"""
text44444;"""…"""
text44445;"""But everything turned out to be much simple: on a day that could be called beautiful, she found me herself."""
text44446;"""In fact, there was nothing special about that day: I'd gotten up early, gone to work, and bought a few bottles of cheap sake from a store nearby."""
text44447;"""I was about to return to that shack I had to call my home, when I suddenly saw a European sports car across the street, a suspiciously familiar girl behind its wheel."""
text44448;"""The girl was just sitting and staring into space, as if thinking deeply about something."""
text44449;"""But that was…"""
text44450;"""I crossed the road and stopped at the driver's door."""
text44451;"""Is that really you?"""
text44452;"""Niko-san…?"""
text44453;"""Kagome seemed happy for a moment, but her expression immediately grew dark."""
text44454;"""What an unexpected encounter."""
text44455;"""Unexpected, huh?"""
text44456;"""I laughed but immediately started coughing, automatically reached for the pack of cigarettes in my pocket but managed to restrain myself."""
text44457;"""Tokyo is a big place…"""
text44458;"""She made a vague gesture with her hand and changed her grip on the wheel as if preparing for a sharp turn."""
text44459;"""All the more reason…"""
text44460;"""Why are you here?"""
text44461;"""…"""
text44462;"""We haven't seen each other for years, and you're just going to just stay quiet?"""
text44463;"""How are you doing, Niko-san?"""
text44464;"""Her voice sounded monotonous and uninterested."""
text44465;"""How could I be doing?"""
text44466;"""I stepped back and ran the backs of my hands down my crumpled, dirty clothes from my neck to my waist, and then flung my hands to the sides as if getting rid of negative energy."""
text44467;"""Still alive, as you can see."""
text44468;"""Well, I see."""
text44469;"""You see?"""
text44470;"""I finally managed to make a proper smirk."""
text44471;"""What about you?"""
text44472;"""Everything's fine."""
text44473;"""You've got a nice car."""
text44474;"""…"""
text44475;"""She said nothing and just kept studying the dashboard."""
text44476;"""Is your grandfather okay?"""
text44477;"""He… died a few years ago."""
text44478;"""I'm very sorry about Moriyuki-san."""
text44479;"""I immediately responded."""
text44480;"""But I meant your other grandfather."""
text44481;"""…"""
text44482;"""Don't tell me you earned that car yourself!"""
text44483;"""I carefully tapped the door with my knuckles — the sound was unusual, rich, more fitting for the halls of a majestic Bavarian castle."""
text44484;"""What does that have to do with anything, Niko-san?"""
text44485;"""Kagome finally showed some emotion — irritation, to be more precise."""
text44486;"""You abandoned me, and now you appear after so many years…"""
text44487;"""I suddenly noticed, involuntarily, that she didn't have a wedding ring on her finger."""
text44488;"""And for devil knows what reason that made an irritating warmth appear deep inside me — like I'd caught an accidental ray the sun on a grey autumn day!"""
text44489;"""…just to see how low I've fallen?"""
text44490;"""Well, I can invite you in for a cup of sake."""
text44491;"""I shook the bag, and the bottles clattered happily."""
text44492;"""My place is no five-star hotel, sure, and even my old house was better…"""
text44493;"""But it was taken to pay my <i>debts</i>!"""
text44494;"""Would you ask your grandfather, who did I owe and for what?!"""
text44495;"""Niko-san."""
text44496;"""Kagome raised her head, looked at me coldly, and all my righteous anger disappeared at once."""
text44497;"""You might think what I did was cruel, but I had no choice. Grandfather Kobayashi…"""
text44498;"""She suddenly went quiet and bit her lip as if she'd said something inappropriate."""
text44499;"""Kobayashi-sama would've never let you be otherwise."""
text44500;"""Oh, just don't go claiming it was all for my sake!"""
text44501;"""Although deep inside I knew that in many senses she was right."""
text44502;"""After all, I'm not a stranger to him. He couldn't just… he couldn't…"""
text44503;"""Kagome was desperately seeking the right words, and it seemed she was about to either explode or burst into tears."""
text44504;"""Back then, I didn't understand all the difficulties he had to face in life—"""
text44505;"""And now you do?"""
text44506;"""I interrupted her rudely."""
text44507;"""You sold your soul to the devil, then?! And for what?!"""
text44508;"""Did you ever love me in the first place?!"""
text44509;"""Niko-san…"""
text44510;"""She kept repeating like a robot."""
text44511;"""Why did you show up in my life again after all these years?!"""
text44512;"""I broke into a shout, and Kagome flinched."""
text44513;"""But did I have the right to blame her for what had happened?"""
text44514;"""Even if Kagome had done it all for her own sake — in the end, that's what everyone does!"""
text44515;"""Himitsu and Catherine had disappeared from my life without bothering to ask for my opinion."""
text44516;"""My parents' death, meeting Kagome, prison — of course, nothing happened the way I'd wanted it to, but it happened with the same inexorability as the forces of nature or even the laws of physics."""
text44517;"""Although, never mind…"""
text44518;"""I sighed powerlessly."""
text44519;"""I guess it's my fault I believed that our relationship could work out."""
text44520;"""It it's not only about Kobayashi Corporation…"""
text44521;"""You and Kobayashi Jun are cut from the same cloth!"""
text44522;"""Niko-san…"""
text44523;"""Now she was definitely was about to fall into tears."""
text44524;"""What?! Did you really think that your visit would cheer me up?"""
text44525;"""Or did you want to offer <i>help</i>? Maybe money? I wouldn't say no to that, you know!"""
text44526;"""She looked at me uncomprehendingly, then apparently reached for her wallet, but I immediately groaned:"""
text44527;"""Enough!"""
text44528;"""No, for a second I really thought I'd be able to take her money. <w>Why not?"""
text44529;"""We'd probably never see eachother again, and prison had taught me that you have to take what's given."""
text44530;"""But it would still be a bribe, a ransom, a pile of dirty bills that would be the price Kagome was ready to pay for my feelings."""
text44531;"""Maybe, what happened really is nobody's fault. Maybe everything happened the way it had to…"""
text44532;"""But know that I don't regret meeting you! And that we were together, even if not for long…"""
text44533;"""And let your conscience torture you… Or not — I don't even know what I want anymore."""
text44534;"""Niko-san…"""
text44535;"""Obviously, Kagome hadn't imagined what she'd be say if she did actually get to talk to me."""
text44536;"""Maybe she just wanted to see what I'd turned into, from a distance."""
text44537;"""You know, you shouldn't have…"""
text44538;"""I could've pretend I hadn't noticed her."""
text44539;"""Girls driving expensive cars is just a picture from a TV that I didn't even have anymore."""
text44540;"""Even if I had once known this particular girl — that belonged to the past, on the pages of a novel I'd read when I was a child."""
text44541;"""And if you have nothing else to say to me…"""
text44542;"""I turned around and walked away from Kagome, her loudly expensive sports car, and her business suit completely inappropriate in this poor district."""
text44543;"""From her cold eyes and endless \""Niko-san\""s."""
text44544;"""From my memories and the feelings covered in ugly scars."""
text44545;"""To the future where no one waited for me and that had nothing that I had once strived for."""
text44546;"""Perhaps it was the future I had created for myself…"""
text44547;"""Humans estimate distances based on their memories of maps and globes, so it's hard for us to visualize them on a cosmic scale."""
text44548;"""A flight from the Earth to the moon would seem just as long to you as a voyage across the ocean if you'd never left your own neck of the woods."""
text44549;"""And meanwhile, the moon is four hundred times closer to us than the sun!"""
text44550;"""At some point, truly cosmic distances cannot be properly understood by our primitive brains — a million kilometres becomes the same as a thousand."""
text44551;"""What's the difference both of them are infinitely far away?"""
text44552;"""I didn't remember the flight from the USSR to Japan with my parents that well."""
text44553;"""I was too young, and the memory was more like a series of bright, colorful splashes, like the brush strokes of avant-garde paintings, than real, actual values of time and distance."""
text44554;"""For me, the flight could have been ten hours, ten minutes, or even ten days."""
text44555;"""It was usually easier for a Soviet child to spend 24 hours in a second-class sleeping car in the summer heat trying to get to the Black Sea coast from a town somewhere in the Urals than for a Soviet adult to do the same."""
text44556;"""But now I was an adult myself, more or less — and I was going on the longest trip I'd been on in the last ten years."""
text44557;"""I was going even further than that village, where Kagome and I had been hiding."""
text44558;"""What made the destination particularly remote was simply the fact that I had no end to it, no goal."""
text44559;"""I just didn't know where to run…"""
text44560;"""Whether I'd ever be able to hide from Kobayashi Corporation."""
text44561;"""And, more importantly, whether I'd be able to leave Kagome behind, give up on her, to stop fighting no matter how pointless it was…"""
text44562;"""But each time the universe made it more and more clear that our relationship had never had a future."""
text44563;"""It had been complicated enough when Kagome was still only Akira Shinji's daughter."""
text44564;"""But when she turned out to be Kobayashi Jun's granddaughter on top of that, our relationship started to resemble Romeo and Juliet, just with a more prosaic and cruel finale ahead of me."""
text44565;"""I didn't want to think that Kagome had traded me for an enticing chance at joining the Kobayashi family."""
text44566;"""I didn't want to think that Kagome had done something so cowardly just to save her own skin."""
text44567;"""I didn't want to look for any explanation for her actions at all, because deep inside there was the hope that it was all some foolish mistake…"""
text44568;"""And then I'd open the door and see Kagome on the porch, smiling apologetically…"""
text44569;"""But my home met me with the same silence — there was no Kagome, Moriyuki-san, or even Irina."""
text44570;"""I cast a sad look at the bag with my stuff that I'd dropped in the hall."""
text44571;"""I couldn't even really say what the saddest part was — the fact that I would have to leave this home behind forever or that my bag turned out to be so light…"""
text44572;"""But I could no longer live in the dark!"""
text44573;"""It was better to retreat now, collect my thoughts, regroup in a safe place, to fight for what's dear to me with renewed strength."""
text44574;"""I guess I didn't entirely believe that myself, but I had always the strange ability to pull myself together at critical moments."""
text44575;"""An important clarification: at critical moments that weren't hopeless."""
text44576;"""In the same way, I was desperately clinging to the belief that <i>not all was lost</i>."""
text44577;"""…"""
text44578;"""It was dark already when I reached the metro station, and there wasn't a soul around — the whole scene resembled a set from Escape from Tokyo."""
text44579;"""Of course, it was Sunday, but it seemed to me that the city itself had turned its back on me with contempt, not even giving me a parting glance."""
text44580;"""I was going to Shinjuku to choose a destination somewhere far from the capital — I hadn't decided where exactly I'd be going."""
text44581;"""When you flee from something, it's not necessary to pick an exact destination, what matters is running fast enough!"""
text44582;"""I sighed and I was about to get to the station, when a piece of paper lying on the ground caught my attention."""
text44583;"""It was a flyer for the Z FEEL-Z concert from a month ago."""
text44584;"""I picked it up, played with it in my hands and smirked."""
text44585;"""Under different circumstances — a couple words from me would've been enough — I could be playing in that band with Ellie."""
text44586;"""It's surprising how quickly relationships change — at first, I'd been her acquaintance, maybe a friend, and then I became her kidnapper, possibly even an enemy."""
text44587;"""And what difference did it make now that it's hardly my fault?"""
text44588;"""Ellie didn't want to help me with my search for Kagome — and that wasn't her fault either."""
text44589;"""I also couldn't blame Kagome — because I loved her…"""
text44590;"""That's how we ended up without anyone to blame and everyone a victim: no winners, but plenty of losers."""
text44591;"""And I had every right to consider myself the main loser."""
text44592;"""I didn't even know what was keeping me from throwing myself under a train."""
text44593;"""Maybe, the unreliability of this method or some innate part of my personality."""
text44594;"""Maybe, the understanding that we live only once, and it'd be no proper way out."""
text44595;"""Or maybe a glimmer of hope that one day everything would be back to normal and we'd be together again."""
text44596;"""I didn't know what awaited me on the other side, but I knew for sure that Kagome was on this one."""
text44597;"""And even though the distance between us could well be measured in light years, it still seemed to be comprehensible and traversable."""
text44598;"""But definitely not at this exact moment…"""
text44599;"""I examined the square in front of the station once again — it was just as deserted as before — and headed for the station."""
text44600;"""Let this not be the last time.<w> Let me return here one day!"""
text44601;"""Niko-kun…"""
text44602;"""But I didn't even reach the turnstiles."""
text44603;"""A voice I'd never expected to hear again pierced through me and brought me to a stop."""
text44604;"""Niko-kun, what are you doing here?"""
text44605;"""I turned around with difficulty and looked at Himitsu."""
text44606;"""She looked her usual self, only the sad expression on her face seemed unnatural, as if she were wearing a mask."""
text44607;"""Apart from that, Himitsu didn't seem to have changed at all — and that was scary."""
text44608;"""Of course, I didn't expect her to lash out and try to hit me, but her calmness, even indifference, seemed unnatural."""
text44609;"""Wasn't she worried at all about what had happened at that festival?"""
text44610;"""I, on the other hand, was much too worried."""
text44611;"""Uhhh, hi there… What's brought you here?"""
text44612;"""Of course, we could've also run into one another at my house yesterday or even earlier."""
text44613;"""I haven't been following you, don't worry."""
text44614;"""I'm not worried at all…"""
text44615;"""My voice sounded like I was offended that surprised even myself."""
text44616;"""So, you told your father?"""
text44617;"""…"""
text44618;"""She pursed her lips and lowered her eyes, trying to show she was offended."""
text44619;"""I'm not going to accuse you of anything!"""
text44620;"""You see, I had to come back to Tokyo because right after our conversation some people came to the hotel where I'd been living."""
text44621;"""…"""
text44622;"""People looking for me, Himitsu!"""
text44623;"""Well, maybe not just you, Niko-kun, but Iwamura-senpai too!"""
text44624;"""Finally, she looked up to me angrily."""
text44625;"""Most likely. But what difference does it make?"""
text44626;"""If you hadn't gotten involved with her…"""
text44627;"""Come on, sunshine!"""
text44628;"""I flung my arms up in the air and turned around — there still wasn't a soul in front of the station."""
text44629;"""It's not even about Kagome at all! I was involved in kidnapping Ellie, even if indirectly. That fact alone is more than enough for her grandfather."""
text44630;"""You've made life difficult for me, not Iwamura!"""
text44631;"""As long as you stand by her—"""
text44632;"""Do you see her anywhere?"""
text44633;"""I interrupted Himitsu, spreading my arms wide."""
text44634;"""She… Kagome has decided that I'm in danger as long as I stay with her."""
text44635;"""That's a wise decision."""
text44636;"""Himitsu scoffed maliciously — it wasn't like her at all."""
text44637;"""I don't think so."""
text44638;"""That sort of reaction from her offended me but I had nothing to object with."""
text44639;"""Do you really love her, Niko-kun?"""
text44640;"""What does that have to do…"""
text44641;"""Although, at this moment the question was actually appropriate."""
text44642;"""I was holding a bag with my things and was about to leave Tokyo forever."""
text44643;"""So, I was running away from love?"""
text44644;"""Yes, I do…"""
text44645;"""I replied quietly."""
text44646;"""Then what are you doing here?"""
text44647;"""Himitsu cast a glance at the bag."""
text44648;"""I was trying to meet Kagome. She…"""
text44649;"""Wait."""
text44650;"""Did I have a right to tell Himitsu about Kagome's relation to the Kobayashi family?"""
text44651;"""She… New circumstances have emerged recently."""
text44652;"""What circumstances?"""
text44653;"""What circumstances…?"""
text44654;"""I could feel more and more clearly that I was backing myself into a corner."""
text44655;"""Let's put it this way, Kagome probably isn't in any danger, unlike me."""
text44656;"""And that's why you've decided to leave?"""
text44657;"""You could say that."""
text44658;"""I was ready to acknowledge my complete defeat."""
text44659;"""Niko-kun, you just had to accept my help."""
text44660;"""You mean your father's help?"""
text44661;"""Isn't that the same thing?"""
text44662;"""No. And the fact that you don't understand that makes it even worse."""
text44663;"""Even worse than what?"""
text44664;"""I don't know what! Than everything! If we hadn't met back then, in the village…"""
text44665;"""And then I realized that nothing would've changed!"""
text44666;"""That life couldn't last for long — Kagome wouldn't have handled it."""
text44667;"""I could say with confidence how strongly she was burdened by the lack of money and the necessity to hide along with the absolute absence of any prospects."""
text44668;"""But even before that, in Tokyo, it'd been clear that she felt out of place."""
text44669;"""Like a person acutely aware of the lack of respect they believed they were due."""
text44670;"""Would you have kept pretending to be a family with Iwamura-senpai?"""
text44671;"""We weren't pretending!"""
text44672;"""I felt offended again."""
text44673;"""It was real to us!"""
text44674;"""Apparently she doesn't agree, since she's gone."""
text44675;"""…"""
text44676;"""Himitsu took the initiative."""
text44677;"""And don't tell me that she did it for you! If you love someone, you would never leave that person."""
text44678;"""Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."""
text44679;"""At this moment, I felt no empathy for Himitsu — her one-sided love only irritated me."""
text44680;"""And moreover, the methods she was trying to employ to get me to return her feelings caused disgust!"""
text44681;"""Those are empty words."""
text44682;"""Just like your relationship with Iwamura."""
text44683;"""She omitted the \""senpai\"" suffix, which rubbed me the wrong way."""
text44684;"""Well what do you say I do then?!"""
text44685;"""I exclaimed and looked around cautiously — there was still no one around."""
text44686;"""If you're going to leave Tokyo…"""
text44687;"""All confidence quickly vanished from her face."""
text44688;"""I could go with you…"""
text44689;"""What for?!"""
text44690;"""If you really are in danger, it'll be easier together."""
text44691;"""And how, pray tell, would it be different from my life with Kagome in that village?"""
text44692;"""I really love you, and I'll never leave you!"""
text44693;"""Himitsu stepped forward me, coming up right next to me."""
text44694;"""I instinctively staggered back."""
text44695;"""Niko-kun…?"""
text44696;"""I… I can't! Sorry!"""
text44697;"""I broke into a run.<w> Without looking back, having forgotten that I'd been about to go to Shinjuku."""
text44698;"""I was running as if someone was chasing me."""
text44699;"""Or maybe, I was running away from myself, afraid, somewhere deep inside, to accept Himitsu's offer."""
text44700;"""A shameful and immoral offer by its very nature, defeatist and even criminal!"""
text44701;"""I couldn't reciprocate and I couldn't just change who I loved like they were gloves."""
text44702;"""If Kagome had left, that didn't mean I had the right to throw myself into the arms of the first girl I saw.<w> Even if it was Himitsu."""
text44703;"""But that was the voice of my mind — and its opponent was instinct."""
text44704;"""It wasn't shouting or objecting, it just hid in the depths of the brain and nervous system, laughing quietly."""
text44705;"""As if saying: no matter how much you struggle, I'll still take what's mine, that's just evolution!"""
text44706;"""And if one partner becomes unavailable, an animal goes searching for a another."""
text44707;"""It was even more painful to feel like an animal blindly following its instincts."""
text44708;"""But in the end instincts are what is responsible for our survival, the survival of the species as a whole."""
text44709;"""…"""
text44710;"""I stopped only when I reached my house."""
text44711;"""It was just how I'd left it — dark and lonely."""
text44712;"""Across from it was Himitsu's house, also with its lights off, but much more cozy and alive."""
text44713;"""I can always leave tomorrow morning, too…"""
text44714;"""If, of course, nobody would come to visit me tonight."""
text44715;"""Of course, I couldn't know what Himitsu would do next."""
text44716;"""Would she tell her father she met me at the station?"""
text44717;"""But, somehow I really wanted to believe she'd do the right thing this time."""
text44718;"""I searched the cupboards but found nothing to eat."""
text44719;"""The fridge had stood empty for a while."""
text44720;"""I was hungry, but not hungry enough to go to a 24/7 convenience store."""
text44721;"""But on the upper shelf, behind some empty tin cans, which used to hold either grain or sugar, I found an opened bottle of vodka."""
text44722;"""A Russian vodka with Russian text on the label."""
text44723;"""Apparently, it had been there for a few years — but it was alcohol, it's not like time would do it any harm!"""
text44724;"""I held the bottle in my hands, carefully wiped the thick layer of dust off it, took out a glass, and poured some vodka into it."""
text44725;"""The burning wave ran from my throat down, to my stomach."""
text44726;"""It warmed me up and I immediately felt better."""
text44727;"""Of course, as always, alcohol couldn't solve my problems, but to a degree it did allow me to see life with fresh eyes, to notice not only the sharp edges and spikes, but the positives too."""
text44728;"""I desperately lacked support, a kind word, and simple human touch."""
text44729;"""Perhaps Himitsu could have provided all that, but at that moment, agreeing to her offer had seemed the worst kind of escapism possible."""
text44730;"""I didn't know how to bring Kagome back, I hadn't managed to leave Tokyo, and was just sitting in my kitchen, drinking vodka, and waiting for God knows what."""
text44731;"""There is probably a solution to every problem — or, rather, eventually there's no one left who the problem matters to, and so it resolves itself."""
text44732;"""If Kagome could get her life in order without me, she'd barely remember the pathetic loser she'd had to live with for a month in a tiny mining village."""
text44733;"""As for me…<w> Who cared how I felt?"""
text44734;"""At this instant, I desperately wanted to find a higher meaning to life, to grasp the motives of Providence and the will of God."""
text44735;"""But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the pointlessness of existence."""
text44736;"""In life, everything happens the way it does due to the combination of an infinite number of variables."""
text44737;"""And it was extremely difficult to accept that pointlessness, impartiality of all that is."""
text44738;"""I couldn't blame my parents for dying."""
text44739;"""Couldn't blame Catherine for leaving me a year and a half ago."""
text44740;"""Couldn't blame Kobayashi Jun for putting his granddaughter's and his business' well-being above people's lives."""
text44741;"""And I couldn't blame Kagome for how she treated me in the end…"""
text44742;"""Damn it, I couldn't even really blame myself, because I simply didn't know what I could have done differently!"""
text44743;"""How do you make everyone happy on their own, without inflicting suffering on other people?"""
text44744;"""I'd never been a hypocrite and wasn't trying to set my door in both worlds, unlike many of Kyosuke's manga protagonists."""
text44745;"""I knew that my relationship with Kagome would make Himitsu unhappy."""
text44746;"""I also knew that she'd been unhappy about my relationship with Catherine."""
text44747;"""But, in the end, she had a father and a grandmother, and she wasn't hunted by Kobayashi Corporation and the KGB!"""
text44748;"""I felt sorry for Catherine, too, but that pity was constantly mixed with the bitterness of resentment."""
text44749;"""By now I'd realized clearly that we couldn't be together."""
text44750;"""For numerous reasons."""
text44751;"""But that understanding and the loss of hope it brought cut painfully into my heart, constantly reopening that same old, not yet completely healed wound."""
text44752;"""As for Kagome…"""
text44753;"""I poured myself another glass and immediately noticed how beautifully the dim light from the lamp reflected on the surface of the liquid, clear like a little angel's tear."""
text44754;"""After all, we've always been great at making two things!<w> Vodka and tanks!"""
text44755;"""I laughed loudly and immediately looked around cautiously, as if someone was watching me."""
text44756;"""Why not, though?"""
text44757;"""Maybe, somewhere deep inside I was even expecting yet another visit from Irina."""
text44758;"""Expecting her to help, offer a solution…"""
text44759;"""Or that Kagome would come back, apologize and say that everything was going to be alright."""
text44760;"""And with every gulp of vodka, those foolish dreams seemed more and more realistic, as if my colossus with feet of clay was being reinforced with support beams."""
text44761;"""Each sip brought me closer to a bright future."""
text44762;"""I was looking at the emptying bottle with terror, having convinced myself that my only salvation was in it."""
text44763;"""And if the vodka would run out, the bright world my drunk mind had created would collapse immediately."""
text44764;"""And the most scary part was that I was completely unprepared to face reality, in which I'd be alone and of no use to anyone."""
text44765;"""But naturally, I eventually ran out of vodka, and with it ended my dreams of happiness."""
text44766;"""I suddenly felt that my house had become truly cold, but I had neither the energy nor desire to turn on the heating."""
text44767;"""The cold and alcohol quickly made me sleepy, and it took a great effort to reach my bed…"""
text44768;"""…"""