text43397;"""Lately I was too often haunted by the feeling of helplessness."""
text43398;"""I didn't know what to do next — literally!"""
text43399;"""It's not that I was unable to choose from a few different options, or that I doubted which one was best."""
text43400;"""Even after kidnapping Ellie, Kagome hadn't managed to get her father released, and the fact that Kobayashi Jun was her grandfather didn't change much."""
text43401;"""Perhaps she really was in less danger compared to me, but that only made me feel more powerless."""
text43402;"""My love for Kagome felt nothing like the feelings I'd had for Catherine."""
text43403;"""I would wake up and smell the scent of hair, see a spark of joy in her eyes when she was joking, and be genuinely upset when she was angry."""
text43404;"""Not that we had been living together for that long, but it was already hard for me to imagine that it could one day end."""
text43405;"""Especially so soon…"""
text43406;"""When I woke up, Kagome wasn't there."""
text43407;"""There was no point in panicking right away — who knew why she might have stepped out."""
text43408;"""The sun had only begun to rise above the horizon, I tossed and turned in bed, yawned a few times and then got up."""
text43409;"""In my half-asleep state, the hotel room seemed strange, and I thought I didn't want to stay here for long."""
text43410;"""I was about to go clean up and brush my teeth when Kagome returned."""
text43411;"""Good morning."""
text43412;"""However, her grim expression made me refrain from a kiss."""
text43413;"""Did something happen?"""
text43414;"""No, why would you think that?"""
text43415;"""Where have you been?"""
text43416;"""Just wanted to unwind."""
text43417;"""Unwind…"""
text43418;"""I repeated, trying to figure out what she was thinking."""
text43419;"""But Kagome was unreadable."""
text43420;"""Niko-san, I'm sorry, I forgot it was time for breakfast."""
text43421;"""It's alright, no worries."""
text43422;"""Good then. I'll go get us something."""
text43423;"""She responded without much interest."""
text43424;"""It's just… the money?"""
text43425;"""Oh, right, sure."""
text43426;"""I took a few bills out of the wallet without looking and handed them to her."""
text43427;"""Clearly much more than was needed for a normal breakfast."""
text43428;"""…"""
text43429;"""Something seemed to have changed in Kagome overnight, and while she was out buying food, I was spiraling into my own thoughts, trying to understand what exactly."""
text43430;"""To no avail, though."""
text43431;"""Eventually she came back with a bag of snacks and a couple sodas."""
text43432;"""Not that I'd expected a feast, but usually Kagome cooked herself instead of buying stuff from vending machines."""
text43433;"""Is anything wrong, Niko-san?"""
text43434;"""She noticed my confused expression."""
text43435;"""Well, no… Everything's fine."""
text43436;"""…"""
text43437;"""We ate in silence, I avoided looking at Kagome while trying to figure out what I'd done wrong this time."""
text43438;"""What are your plans for the day, Niko-san?"""
text43439;"""My plans?"""
text43440;"""I asked her, puzzled, and even smirked slightly in surprise."""
text43441;"""What are yours? I, for some reason, thought we had a few problems to deal with."""
text43442;"""Yes, of course…"""
text43443;"""She said again in a tone that sounded like it had nothing to do with her at all."""
text43444;"""It's a pity you've given up."""
text43445;"""I tried to get a reaction."""
text43446;"""I haven't given up, Niko-san."""
text43447;"""But to no effect."""
text43448;"""I knew coming back to Tokyo was a bad idea."""
text43449;"""I grumbled, and Kagome finally showed signs of life:"""
text43450;"""What? So, rescuing my father is a bad idea, you think?"""
text43451;"""Well, what are you doing to rescue him? I'm one hundred percent with you on that, but so far…"""
text43452;"""I grabbed a pack of chips, fidgeted with it, then threw it back."""
text43453;"""We're sitting in this crummy hotel, eating this, and you're acting like it should be this way!"""
text43454;"""Did we really have come back to Tokyo for this?"""
text43455;"""Calm down, Niko-san."""
text43456;"""Kagome replied coldly."""
text43457;"""In truth, I was more worried about her indifference than anything else."""
text43458;"""It seemed that after the last night something changed, and I was the one to blame for it."""
text43459;"""As if Kagome no longer saw a future for our relationship."""
text43460;"""But I just didn't know how to express it clearly, without shouting and swearing."""
text43461;"""You know, I'd never felt like I was second fiddle before. I mean…"""
text43462;"""I sighed deeply to summon my courage."""
text43463;"""You kidnapped Ellie and I was presented with a fait accompli. You returned to Tokyo and, again, made it a fait accompli."""
text43464;"""I'm not used to being led around like this!"""
text43465;"""…"""
text43466;"""Kagome wasn't saying anything, just kept carefully straightening a wrapper."""
text43467;"""Fine, that's not even the main problem! If there's something you're thinking, share it with me!"""
text43468;"""Otherwise it's fatalism, apathy — whatever you want to call it!"""
text43469;"""And I don't believe you really don't give a damn!"""
text43470;"""You're just hiding it from me for some reason!"""
text43471;"""Niko-san…"""
text43472;"""Kagome finally raised her eyes to me, and I saw weariness in them that seemed to have come from nowhere."""
text43473;"""Then we heard muted shouts from behind a wall, a male and female voice."""
text43474;"""They were quarreling, the soundproofing between rooms leaving much to be desired."""
text43475;"""Do you want us to end up like that?"""
text43476;"""I smiled and looked at Kagome, expecting a reaction."""
text43477;"""She remained still for quite a long time, but finally her face betrayed a poorly contained smile."""
text43478;"""Haha, Niko-san, I can't even get angry at you properly!"""
text43479;"""Get angry at me?! For what?!"""
text43480;"""I laughed with her and felt my anxiety gradually start to retreat."""
text43481;"""Sorry for shouting at you."""
text43482;"""No, sorry for behaving like that. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."""
text43483;"""I was tempted to keep asking her questions but restrained myself."""
text43484;"""Peace, then?"""
text43485;"""I reached out to Kagome."""
text43486;"""Peace."""
text43487;"""She shook my hand."""
text43488;"""…"""
text43489;"""We walked outside, because it was unbearable to stay in that tiny hotel room for an entire day."""
text43490;"""And fresh air better stimulates the brain."""
text43491;"""Although, discussing our plans had already almost brought us to blows, so I tried not to think out loud."""
text43492;"""Niko-san, where did you go on dates with that American girl?"""
text43493;"""Kagome suddenly asked me in a totally innocent tone."""
text43494;"""On dates…? I don't even know…"""
text43495;"""I was a bit dumbfounded as the question seemed totally out of the blue."""
text43496;"""What, you don't want to go there with me?"""
text43497;"""No, it's not about that, it's just…"""
text43498;"""It's just not the most appropriate moment for that, Kagome!"""
text43499;"""She mocked me."""
text43500;"""Well… yeah, that's obvious."""
text43501;"""If we can't come up with anything, then what's the point in hiding in one place and waiting for them to find us?"""
text43502;"""\""But that doesn't mean we had to jump into their hands ourselves.\"""""
text43503;"""Was what I wanted to respond with, but didn't."""
text43504;"""What if we don't get another chance?"""
text43505;"""I stopped and looked at Kagome."""
text43506;"""She looked up into my eyes, and it felt so intense that I couldn't resist any longer."""
text43507;"""Alright, fine, let's go."""
text43508;"""The amusement park was probably the last place they'd be looking for us."""
text43509;"""Why did you bring me here exactly?"""
text43510;"""Kagome asked with surprise."""
text43511;"""That's what you wanted!"""
text43512;"""Hmm, alright…"""
text43513;"""There weren't as many people here as I'd expected — and that made me feel a little tense, since it's always easier to go unnoticed in a crowd."""
text43514;"""Relax already, Niko-san!"""
text43515;"""Kagome noticed my condition."""
text43516;"""I stopped and looked around."""
text43517;"""Do you want some candy floss?"""
text43518;"""I don't like candy floss."""
text43519;"""Why?"""
text43520;"""Because it's like… well, it's like… It feels like insulation! Ugh, disgusting!"""
text43521;"""Right."""
text43522;"""I giggled and immediately felt myself calming down."""
text43523;"""What would you usually do here?"""
text43524;"""Have you never been to an amusement park?"""
text43525;"""No."""
text43526;"""Kagome replied even too innocently and sincerely."""
text43527;"""Well, for example, there's the ferris wheel."""
text43528;"""I waved in the direction of the wheel."""
text43529;"""Come on, that looks like something for kids."""
text43530;"""Are you afraid of heights?"""
text43531;"""I teased her."""
text43532;"""Not at all!"""
text43533;"""Alright, alright!"""
text43534;"""I decided not to torture her any longer."""
text43535;"""There's a ghost house."""
text43536;"""Going there with Himitsu wouldn't be a good idea."""
text43537;"""That's boring."""
text43538;"""Do you want to shoot at targets, from a rifle?"""
text43539;"""I don't know how."""
text43540;"""Well, finally, something you can't do!"""
text43541;"""I flung my arms up in the air and dropped down onto a bench nearby."""
text43542;"""People go on dates to have fun!"""
text43543;"""Aren't we having fun?"""
text43544;"""Kagome was doing everything wrong, and I began to doubt whether she really knew how to spend time with someone she loved apart from fighting for each other's lives."""
text43545;"""If you don't like it here…"""
text43546;"""No, no, I do!"""
text43547;"""She sat down next to me and took me by the hand."""
text43548;"""It's very peaceful here."""
text43549;"""A clown walked by us and blew his horn right into my face."""
text43550;"""Clowns… I could never understand why they show them to children."""
text43551;"""Kagome laughed and help my hand tighter."""
text43552;"""Maybe we've just come here too early. When everything's over…"""
text43553;"""Yes, when everything's over…"""
text43554;"""I pulled Kagome to me and kissed her gently."""
text43555;"""Suddenly, it as if like we were the only people alive in a world of the dead."""
text43556;"""As if we were in a zombie movie and had barricaded ourselves in a basement against the hordes of undead."""
text43557;"""Or were standing on the edge of a cliff and waiting in resignation for the monsters to throw us into the abyss."""
text43558;"""This feeling of hopelessness was fueling my desire to achieve mental unity with Kagome."""
text43559;"""I wanted us to be close not only physically, but also spiritually."""
text43560;"""That seemed to be the only way I could find some sort of integrity and feel safe."""
text43561;"""Kagome responded to the kiss, but she was sluggish and reluctant, as if she were completely exhausted and had no strength left for intimacy."""
text43562;"""Maybe we should go away?"""
text43563;"""Away, Niko-san?"""
text43564;"""I mean, from Tokyo… Let's return to that village. They wouldn't look for us there again."""
text43565;"""And let them hold my father hostage?"""
text43566;"""I sighed heavily and lowered my head. A light breeze was sending a chewing gum wrapper somewhere on its wings."""
text43567;"""I really want to help your father! But we should think about ourselves, too — about our life and our future."""
text43568;"""I won't be able to live with the guilt of just leaving him behind."""
text43569;"""But…"""
text43570;"""I involuntarily grimaced and turned away, pretending to look at something in the distance."""
text43571;"""Kagome's feelings were understandable, and it'd only hurt our relationship if I tried to argue her down."""
text43572;"""But I couldn't just sit and wait for God knows what!"""
text43573;"""So, I stood up and paced around in front of the bench."""
text43574;"""Niko-san, you don't have to go through all this with me."""
text43575;"""She said quietly."""
text43576;"""No way! You can't jump from a ship into the sea… Is that how it goes?"""
text43577;"""I tried to recall a Japanese proverb."""
text43578;"""Niko-san, I'm already grateful you're trying."""
text43579;"""That's something I could never understand! What's the point in participating if the other team wins?"""
text43580;"""You know, we have a saying, you can't put \""thank you\"" on bread like it's butter!"""
text43581;"""I can't keep myself warm at night with the thought that I tried."""
text43582;"""But I can keep you warm at night."""
text43583;"""Kagome smiled cutely, without any hint of vulgarity."""
text43584;"""Unfortunately, that won't be enough to save your father."""
text43585;"""…"""
text43586;"""I was tempted to chastise Kagome for talking a lot but doing nothing."""
text43587;"""Personally, it didn't seem like something shameful to me to retreat (at least, temporarily) given an untenable situation."""
text43588;"""Plus, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't experience the tragedy of the situation like she did— it wasn't my father we were talking about."""
text43589;"""But if we take a step back to take two forward…"""
text43590;"""Kagome jumped off the bench and clung onto me."""
text43591;"""Niko-san, tomorrow we'll go to the Corporation's building and tell him that I know everything!"""
text43592;"""He can't just brush aside his own blood…"""
text43593;"""You know it won't work."""
text43594;"""My arms hung powerlessly along my body, and I turned my head to the side as far as I could to avoid looking at her."""
text43595;"""Then we can go to the police and… and…"""
text43596;"""Or we can tell the journalists that he had an affair…"""
text43597;"""Kagome, enough."""
text43598;"""I carefully, but insistently pushed her away."""
text43599;"""Us suffering won't help your father."""
text43600;"""On the contrary, if we don't upset Kobayashi Jun, over time he might come to his senses and release him."""
text43601;"""After all, he's his son in law…"""
text43602;"""Of course, I didn't believe any of that myself."""
text43603;"""Obviously, family relations weren't the almighty CEO of Kobayashi Corporation's first priority."""
text43604;"""I suddenly thought that he could've well found Ellie earlier than she had been."""
text43605;"""And if it was the case…"""
text43606;"""Have you ever read any books by Lem?"""
text43607;"""Who? What does that have to do with anything, Niko-san?!"""
text43608;"""Kagome started to get angry."""
text43609;"""Lem is the best when it comes to describing an extraterrestrial mind."""
text43610;"""In most sci-fi by other authors, aliens behave very human-like, guided by our logic and morals."""
text43611;"""But that can't be the case, think about it! It would be absurd for evolution to follow the same path on different planets!"""
text43612;"""Niko-san!"""
text43613;"""Kagome came at me menacingly."""
text43614;"""Wait, I'm almost done talking!"""
text43615;"""So, I'm trying to say that Kobayashi Jun is like an alien to us — and we're trying to predict his actions based on our primitive thinking."""
text43616;"""Basically, at any second he might do something no one could never expect!"""
text43617;"""I was quite proud of myself for coming up with a theory like that on the spot."""
text43618;"""It was fundamentally unverifiable and thus couldn't be entirely wrong."""
text43619;"""Niko-san, do you really think he'll simply let my father go?"""
text43620;"""I just want to say that we can't exclude the possibility."""
text43621;"""Kagome was looking at me, frowning more and more, and finally exploded, stomped her foot, turned around, and quickly walked towards the exit of the park."""
text43622;"""Some date…"""
text43623;"""I mumbled under my breath and ran after her."""
text43624;"""Kagome was quickly walking in the direction of our hotel."""
text43625;"""What's wrong now?"""
text43626;"""I caught up and started walking alongside her."""
text43627;"""Niko-san, you aren't helping at all, you keep just talking nonsense."""
text43628;"""Kagome was spitting out these words without even looking at me."""
text43629;"""I don't know what to do, are you happy now? I just wanted to support you — if that's a crime…"""
text43630;"""It's not a crime."""
text43631;"""What's wrong, then?"""
text43632;"""I want to be alone for now."""
text43633;"""I understand you have it hard and I respect your right to personal space, but this really isn't the time for it."""
text43634;"""We have to stay together! And you know that yourself!"""
text43635;"""Kagome sad nothing and just quickened her pace."""
text43636;"""…"""
text43637;"""We reached the hotel without saying a word."""
text43638;"""She clearly didn't want to talk, and I simply didn't know what else I could say."""
text43639;"""It seemed that just yesterday Kagome had been full of hope, and now she was drowning in black melancholy."""
text43640;"""No matter how I tried, I couldn't find how I was to blame for any of this."""
text43641;"""October would be over in a day and a half."""
text43642;"""We were walking through a Tokyo drowning in autumn, and I was looking at the setting sun, feeling it become more and more like winter."""
text43643;"""And it wasn't even about the fact that it was getting colder in the city."""
text43644;"""The sun was lighting the Earth at a different angle — the shadows were getting longer and life was becoming slower and more idle."""
text43645;"""I suddenly wanted to hibernate for half a year or so to wake up in spring and joyfully discover that Kobayashi Corporation no longer cared about us, Kagome's father had been released, and nothing stood between me and Kagome."""
text43646;"""However, some doubts crawled in with those thoughts — were we even a good match for each other?"""
text43647;"""You can say all you want that opposites attract, but north remains north and south remains south."""
text43648;"""One second we felt good together, and the next I couldn't understand Kagome at all — it was as if she'd been replaced by her evil twin sister."""
text43649;"""We were walking next to each other, but, at the same time, were a world apart."""
text43650;"""…"""
text43651;"""Kagome didn't make dinner."""
text43652;"""She didn't do anything at all and spent the entire evening just staring out the window."""
text43653;"""It was the sort of thing that would've made me howl with boredom in ten minutes flat, but Kagome seemed to be okay with it…"""
text43654;"""Well, shall we talk, maybe?"""
text43655;"""…"""
text43656;"""Fine, I won't spin up the old tape again, let's sit around and do nothing. But at least talk to me."""
text43657;"""…"""
text43658;"""Kagome, if I don't know what I've done wrong, I can't fix it."""
text43659;"""Maybe calling her by name played its role — Kagome finally turned to me."""
text43660;"""Nobody is at fault here, Niko-san."""
text43661;"""Then why does it seem to me that you don't really think that?"""
text43662;"""She sighed and turned back to the window."""
text43663;"""You've been living in Japan for a while, Niko-san, and must understand that the people of the East are more accepting of the inevitability of fate."""
text43664;"""Fate!"""
text43665;"""I smirked, stood up, and walked around the room like a tiger yet to accept his cage."""
text43666;"""I've never believed in fate!"""
text43667;"""You have a right not to."""
text43668;"""And more importantly, what do you mean by that? What is our fate?"""
text43669;"""Nobody can know that beforehand."""
text43670;"""I don't like hearing that from you — I'd expect it from anyone but you."""
text43671;"""Why is that?"""
text43672;"""Kagome finally seemed to have taken interest in our conversation."""
text43673;"""Because you've always fought against your circumstances, and now you sound as if you've resigned yourself to them."""
text43674;"""Well, maybe I have?"""
text43675;"""I had nothing to say to that and just paced faster."""
text43676;"""A few minutes passed like that."""
text43677;"""Fine, but then why don't you want to leave? Since you've resigned yourself…"""
text43678;"""Does it really matter where you await your destiny?"""
text43679;"""Then it makes even less sense! If you really don't care, you could've met me halfway!"""
text43680;"""In fact, I, of course, didn't believe that Kagome had suddenly stopped caring about everything, ready to accept the fact that nothing depended on her."""
text43681;"""Fate is full of surprises."""
text43682;"""She suddenly made a little smile."""
text43683;"""Even if it is — does it matter where you wait for those surprises?"""
text43684;"""Take Kobayashi Jun…"""
text43685;"""A sudden thought came to my mind."""
text43686;"""There's no way he believed in fate when he was young and getting ahead by effort alone!"""
text43687;"""What do you mean effort?"""
text43688;"""Kagome asked with surprise for some reason."""
text43689;"""Well… he founded Kobayashi Corporation and—"""
text43690;"""He didn't found anything."""
text43691;"""She interrupted me with clear disdain."""
text43692;"""He just married well and joined a wealthy family. It happens in Japan, you know."""
text43693;"""Her words shocked me."""
text43694;"""And it wasn't even about the fact that I'd been revealed an inconvenient truth about the almighty head of the Corporation, but rather that I could be so mistaken about this man."""
text43695;"""It'd really seemed to me at first glance that he was the kind of person that had achieved everything with his own strength."""
text43696;"""That's why… your mother…?"""
text43697;"""Yes."""
text43698;"""She replied briefly and looked away."""
text43699;"""He couldn't acknowledge his affair with a maid, not to mention an illegitimate child."""
text43700;"""He would've lost everything."""
text43701;"""Isn't this fate, Niko-san?"""
text43702;"""Kagome smiled sadly."""
text43703;"""Something rumbled outside in the distance."""
text43704;"""Thunderstorm at the end of October? Don't you think that's strange?"""
text43705;"""She asked idly."""
text43706;"""Are you making fun of me?"""
text43707;"""Not at all. It really is strange."""
text43708;"""What's strange is the way you're acting. I don't know how to deal with this!"""
text43709;"""I'm a sensitive person — have pity on me!"""
text43710;"""I exclaimed, although I tried to show that it was irony rather than righteous anger."""
text43711;"""I'm not the one you should to be asking for mercy."""
text43712;"""God, enough already!"""
text43713;"""I stopped and kicked the bed angrily, which made the bouncy mattress jump into the air, while the blanket and pillows fell on the floor."""
text43714;"""If you wanted to find the limit of my patience, then congrats — here it is!"""
text43715;"""Are you happy now?!"""
text43716;"""But Kagome kept looking out the window phlegmatically, deliberately paying no attention to me."""
text43717;"""Then…"""
text43718;"""I was about to say I'd leave Tokyo alone, but realized that I wouldn't be able to do it."""
text43719;"""After everything we'd gone through, ditching Kagome after one fight would be cowardice!"""
text43720;"""Even if I didn't know why she was acting like this…"""
text43721;"""If you don't want to talk, I'm going to bed!"""
text43722;"""Naturally, I didn't manage to fall asleep easily."""
text43723;"""Kagome soon grabbed a towel and walked out of the room."""
text43724;"""I tossed and turned for a while — I didn't know for how long — but she wasn't returning."""
text43725;"""Christ, did she decide to make it into an onsen trip in there?!"""
text43726;"""The toilet and a bathroom in the hotel were quite modest, albeit clean — and it was hard for me to imagine what Kagome could be doing there for so long."""
text43727;"""Finally, I stood up, ran into the hallway and bumped right into Kagome."""
text43728;"""What is it, Niko-san?"""
text43729;"""Where've you been for so long?"""
text43730;"""After our fight, I didn't want to show that I was worried, but everything was obvious anyway."""
text43731;"""Washing myself."""
text43732;"""Go to sleep, it's late."""
text43733;"""Kagome didn't argue, nested on the side of the bed, and turned towards the window."""
text43734;"""Naturally, sex was out of the question…"""