text42220;"""Everyone's heart builds up scar tissue as years go by."""
text42221;"""In the end it's all about finding someone who won't recoil when you bare your soul to them."""
text42222;"""Of course, I was still very young, and so was Kagome, but it still seemed to me that she'd experienced much more than I had in eighteen years."""
text42223;"""Maybe, her main fear was what I could think if I looked inside her?"""
text42224;"""It's not that easy to open up to another person."""
text42225;"""I'd probably never been afraid of it because I thought I had nothing to hide and, conceptually, wasn't that much different from most other people."""
text42226;"""I had no dark secrets or skeletons in my closet, perverted fantasies or fetishes, I didn't have a mortal grudge against anyone and wasn't planning any sort of revenge."""
text42227;"""I wasn't interested in politics or economics — philosophical questions bothered me more than real social problems"""
text42228;"""In a sense, I was one of the people were quiet when they came for the communists."""
text42229;"""The only thing such a person might fear when opening up to someone else, is that they'd be considered worthless and unremarkable."""
text42230;"""I woke up pretty early, tried to move and immediately realized that my left arm and shoulder were completely numb."""
text42231;"""Kagome was sleeping pressed to me, hold me in a vice grip."""
text42232;"""I carefully freed myself from her embrace, got up, and stretched my arms."""
text42233;"""What did last night mean to us…?"""
text42234;"""I absolutely needed to go outside and get some fresh air."""
text42235;"""The freezing cold morning greeted me with fog and a pleasant chill."""
text42236;"""I didn't know how winter was here in the mountains, but I bet it'd be colder than in Tokyo."""
text42237;"""A yukata wouldn't exactly be considered warm clothing — something we would definitely need!"""
text42238;"""I walked down an almost deserted street, wondering where I could find the money."""
text42239;"""Almost deserted…"""
text42240;"""Himitsu was walking towards me, wearing a beautiful yukata."""
text42241;"""Of course, somewhere in depths of my memory I knew Himitsu's grandmother lived not too far from this village, but I was still surprised to see her here."""
text42242;"""On the other hand, it was probably why this place had come to mind as somewhere to escape to."""
text42243;"""Anyway, what options did I have right now? Turn around and leave? Hide?"""
text42244;"""Obviously, after everything that had happened, there was zero reason Himitsu had to know where I was!"""
text42245;"""I didn't know what kind of rumors were circulating about us at school."""
text42246;"""I would've liked to trust Himitsu, but at this point it would be both foolish and dangerous…"""
text42247;"""But I just froze, unable to take even a single step."""
text42248;"""The first option for most mammals in a dangerous situation, in the face of a serious threat, is to freeze and hide."""
text42249;"""While I tried to force myself to run, Himitsu noticed me."""
text42250;"""Niko-kun…?"""
text42251;"""And then I finally managed to turn around and start walking away."""
text42252;"""Niko-kun, it's you, right…?"""
text42253;"""It was too late."""
text42254;"""I stopped and waited for her to come closer."""
text42255;"""Niko-kun, what are you doing here?"""
text42256;"""Himitsu looked surprised but not particularly shocked."""
text42257;"""And you?"""
text42258;"""I asked a stupid question, just to say something."""
text42259;"""I'm buying food for breakfast."""
text42260;"""Perhaps I should've been more careful and paid more attention to my surroundings, but I hadn't thought Himitsu would be visiting her grandmother at the end of October."""
text42261;"""Ah, I see… How are you?"""
text42262;"""Niko-kun."""
text42263;"""She frowned."""
text42264;"""I've been so worried, and now you're just joking around!"""
text42265;"""They told us at school that you and Iwamura-senpai kidnapped Kobayashi-senpai, and then you just disappeared!"""
text42266;"""What was I supposed to think? That you ran away or were arrested?"""
text42267;"""I've spent so many nights crying, not knowing whether you were dead or alive! And here you are, fine, healthy, and smiling — like nothing happened!"""
text42268;"""The thing is, so many things have happened I don't even know where to start."""
text42269;"""What about Iwamura-senpai? Is it true? Did you two kidnap Kobayashi-senpai together?"""
text42270;"""Wait a minute, don't just start throwing accusations at me!"""
text42271;"""The situation really was so complicated I didn't even want to start explaining it."""
text42272;"""Oh, I see!"""
text42273;"""She was about to frown, but then pursed her lips as if she were going to cry."""
text42274;"""Niko-kun, if you really did it, my dad can help you…"""
text42275;"""No need!"""
text42276;"""I quickly waved my hands."""
text42277;"""Definitely no need for that! Don't say a word to your father about this, got it?!"""
text42278;"""But why?"""
text42279;"""Because it's my business. Once everything settles down, I'll return to Tokyo."""
text42280;"""I lied."""
text42281;"""I doubted the Corporation would ever leave us alone."""
text42282;"""Suspicious people came to your house several times, trying to see something in your windows."""
text42283;"""Do you know how worried I was?!"""
text42284;"""Sorry…"""
text42285;"""Why should I care about your apologies? My nerves aren't going to regrow themselves, you know!"""
text42286;"""I'm not having it easy either, you know. I understand that you're been worried, but I was the one who had to leave everything behind and run away, not you!"""
text42287;"""Her worry, as was often the case, felt inappropriate, pointless, and excessive."""
text42288;"""Your father won't be able to help. He'd only make the situation worse."""
text42289;"""Who would believe us… me, if I say I'm not guilty?"""
text42290;"""Besides, it wasn't true."""
text42291;"""I'd became an accomplice of Kagome's just by silently watching her hold Ellie hostage."""
text42292;"""And I couldn't just abandoned the girl, even if formally I was less guilty than her."""
text42293;"""So, Iwamura-senpai is… with you?"""
text42294;"""She wrung her hands pitifully."""
text42295;"""No, no, not at all! Last time I saw her was in Tokyo."""
text42296;"""Niko-kun, I can tell you're lying."""
text42297;"""Why would I lie about that?"""
text42298;"""If you and Iwamura-senpai… So there is something between you two?"""
text42299;"""God, this is what she was really worried about!"""
text42300;"""Himitsu, there's a lot you don't understand, and I can't explain it all. Both because I actually just can't and because things are very complicated!"""
text42301;"""So, just don't jump to conclusions!"""
text42302;"""Everything is going to be alright with me — I've settled down just fine and I'm not planning on dying yet."""
text42303;"""Niko-kun…"""
text42304;"""She drawled pleadingly and shifted her grip on her grocery bag."""
text42305;"""And you… Are you going to be here long?"""
text42306;"""Today's the festival."""
text42307;"""The festival?"""
text42308;"""I asked a bit too loudly."""
text42309;"""I didn't even know! Are you going? Is that why you came?"""
text42310;"""I knew perfectly well that my surprise looked extremely unnatural but could do nothing about it."""
text42311;"""Niko-kun, I'd really like you to tell me the whole truth."""
text42312;"""…"""
text42313;"""I couldn't think of a persuasive enough lie, so I ended up just keeping my mouth shut."""
text42314;"""Himitsu looked me right in the eyes, then finally sighed, and the tension on her face eased somewhat."""
text42315;"""My grandmother is ill. So I'm not going to the festival today."""
text42316;"""Really?"""
text42317;"""I sighed with relief."""
text42318;"""Nothing serious, I hope?"""
text42319;"""I hope so too."""
text42320;"""You aren't planning on leaving here any time soon, are you?"""
text42321;"""Nnoo…"""
text42322;"""I drawled."""
text42323;"""Then I'll see you again before I go. I hope you'll find the courage to tell me what happened by then."""
text42324;"""Goodbye."""
text42325;"""I stood at attention, watching her go until Himitsu turned a corner."""
text42326;"""Kagome was already awake and had made breakfast."""
text42327;"""Where did you go so early in the morning?"""
text42328;"""Just wanted some fresh air."""
text42329;"""I reached over to give her a kiss, but Kagome pulled away lightly."""
text42330;"""You weren't this shy last night."""
text42331;"""I sniffed, but she didn't seem to be in the flirting mood."""
text42332;"""Alright, sorry…"""
text42333;"""Niko-kun, stop apologizing!"""
text42334;"""Kagome shoved my side hard enough to make me fall to the floor."""
text42335;"""I didn't want to tell her I'd bumped into Himitsu, but we had a good chance of meeting her at the festival, even though Himitsu had said she wouldn't be going."""
text42336;"""And when would she be returning to Tokyo?"""
text42337;"""If her grandmother got worse, Himitsu would probably stay in the village longer."""
text42338;"""I had no reason to suspect Himitsu would tell her father or anyone else about me, at least on purpose."""
text42339;"""But it would also be naive to hope she wouldn't let it slip."""
text42340;"""Niko-san, is there something upsetting you?"""
text42341;"""I was sitting, holding my chopsticks over the rice bowl, like an executioner making a terrible pause with his axe above the criminal's neck."""
text42342;"""No, just thinking."""
text42343;"""About what?"""
text42344;"""About what?"""
text42345;"""I couldn't get Himitsu out of my head, so I blurted out the first thing that came to it:"""
text42346;"""We're like a married couple now."""
text42347;"""A ma…married?!"""
text42348;"""Kagome exclaimed and turned red."""
text42349;"""If you think I'll let you get to me whenever you want…"""
text42350;"""I was about to say that I wasn't thinking anything like that, but stopped at the very last moment."""
text42351;"""After all, why would I say that if I, in fact, did think exactly that?"""
text42352;"""I was a healthy 18 year old — of course I did! Maybe even more than once a day…"""
text42353;"""Well, then if you try and get to me, I'll do the same!"""
text42354;"""We have a deal!"""
text42355;"""Great!"""
text42356;"""An awkward silence descended upon our room, only broken by the sounds of the village waking up outside."""
text42357;"""So, it's a festival day?"""
text42358;"""I finally asked."""
text42359;"""Yes…"""
text42360;"""Kagome replied thoughtfully, but then flinched as if she suddenly realized something."""
text42361;"""And don't you dare spend money there! One yukata is enough for us to have to save on money until the end of the month!"""
text42362;"""Christ! Want me to give you all the money and just keep some for pocket change?"""
text42363;"""That's a good idea."""
text42364;"""Except… why would you need pocket change?"""
text42365;"""Well, for example, to buy yukatas occasionally."""
text42366;"""I sighed and finally pierced the rice with my chopsticks."""
text42367;"""Niko-san, I'm not joking! Nothing has changed because of what happened yesterday."""
text42368;"""Nothing has changed, huh?"""
text42369;"""Well, I didn't mean…"""
text42370;"""She grew embarrassed first, then angry."""
text42371;"""I was talking about money! We aren't any richer just because we spent a night together!"""
text42372;"""Obviously…"""
text42373;"""I drawled."""
text42374;"""If this stuff earned you money, I'd have been a millionaire by the end of my relationship with Catherine."""
text42375;"""So you have to take things seriously!"""
text42376;"""Although if Himitsu spilled the beans we might never need money again."""
text42377;"""Would we have to escape again?"""
text42378;"""Maybe life in the village wasn't perfect, but would we be better off anywhere else?"""
text42379;"""And to a degree, I was used to it by now, even to the manual labor at the mine."""
text42380;"""I'm more than serious about this."""
text42381;"""Yeah? I can't tell!"""
text42382;"""Kagome kept scolding me, but I couldn't get rid of the anxiety from my meeting with Himitsu."""
text42383;"""With the yukata bought, we couldn't just not to go to the damn festival!"""
text42384;"""How would I explain all that to Kagome?"""
text42385;"""I woke up in a different world today, so I'm still trying to figure out how to live in it."""
text42386;"""I really want to… and have always wanted… to take care of you, and provide a decent life for both of us."""
text42387;"""But that's impossible now — we aren't living, we're surviving."""
text42388;"""My fear, caused by something completely different, was making me say things I didn't really believe."""
text42389;"""Yes, our life wasn't that easy, but I wouldn't say we were just surviving — there were many good things, too."""
text42390;"""So that's what you think?"""
text42391;"""Kagome turned her head away and stared at the wall, as if searching it for any imperfections."""
text42392;"""I'm not saying I dislike living with you!"""
text42393;"""It's just, you've also said that our finances leave a lot to be desired."""
text42394;"""No matter what I said, it sounded shitty."""
text42395;"""You see—"""
text42396;"""Stop!"""
text42397;"""Kagome suddenly interrupted me with resolve."""
text42398;"""Why do you never call me by my name?"""
text42399;"""Well…"""
text42400;"""I did have certain problems with that."""
text42401;"""I usually called Himitsu sunshine and Catherine was Katya to me."""
text42402;"""But I just couldn't force myself to call some people by their names."""
text42403;"""It seemed and almost physically felt unnatural."""
text42404;"""As if I were calling my mother by her first name."""
text42405;"""Kagome… san?"""
text42406;"""I forced the words out, but Kagome only frowned harder."""
text42407;"""Kagome… chan?"""
text42408;"""Pfff!"""
text42409;"""She tried to contain it, but started giggling."""
text42410;"""Alright, fine, just Kagome!"""
text42411;"""I said, trying to sound as confident as possible."""
text42412;"""I was starting to think you slept with me just because you had nothing better to do."""
text42413;"""What?!"""
text42414;"""I exclaimed and even stood up, shocked by her words."""
text42415;"""For your information, I can be a fox sometimes, but I'm not a con artist! I've loved you for quite some time, I just only just realized it recently."""
text42416;"""Loved me?"""
text42417;"""She asked quietly, staring at the wall."""
text42418;"""Haven't you realized yet?"""
text42419;"""Yes, but love…"""
text42420;"""It's a big word."""
text42421;"""What else am I supposed to say? What does it matter what words I use? My feelings — that's what's important!"""
text42422;"""Feelings…"""
text42423;"""Kagome was slouching over, as if trying to occupy as little space as possible."""
text42424;"""Yes, and I don't feel ashamed to tell the world about it!"""
text42425;"""I walked out on the balcony, opened the window, and shouted:"""
text42426;"""NIKOLAI! ANOKHIN! LOVES! KAGOME! IWAMURA!"""
text42427;"""Niko-san!"""
text42428;"""She ran over to me, grabbed me by the hand and tried to pull me away from the window, but I didn't let her."""
text42429;"""Do you believe me now?"""
text42430;"""I will when you close the window and calm down!"""
text42431;"""I lingered for about ten more seconds and finally closed the window."""
text42432;"""What am I supposed to do with you…"""
text42433;"""Kagome sighed when I walked back to the table."""
text42434;"""You can love me just like I love you."""
text42435;"""Yes, I can do that."""
text42436;"""She suddenly said in a languorous voice and slowly, with cat-like grace, crawled up to me."""
text42437;"""I told you I won't let you to seduce me next time!"""
text42438;"""You did."""
text42439;"""…"""
text42440;"""When we were done, it was dark outside and we had to go to the festival."""
text42441;"""Sex does, of course, distract from everything else — so I had totally forgotten about Himitsu."""
text42442;"""We walked down the street hand in hand, many of the people we knew or just strangers looking at us in surprise, even giggling sometimes."""
text42443;"""Kagome only smiled shyly and turned her gaze away."""
text42444;"""You're braver than usual."""
text42445;"""Do you think I should be ashamed of something?"""
text42446;"""No, it's just you're usually not so…"""
text42447;"""I paused to find an appropriate word."""
text42448;"""What?"""
text42449;"""Not so daring!"""
text42450;"""I said and smirked."""
text42451;"""I thought you liked daring girls! Take Kobayashi."""
text42452;"""Come on, what does she have to do with this?"""
text42453;"""Move already!"""
text42454;"""Kagome softly jabbed my side with an elbow."""
text42455;"""…"""
text42456;"""All traditional Japanese festivals look alike."""
text42457;"""Whether they're dedicated to the deceased, a local minor deity, or the fertility of soil — there are always plenty of stalls with food and entertainment."""
text42458;"""You can catch goldfish, shoot targets with a pneumatic rifle, and, of course, eat candy apples."""
text42459;"""I immediately bought one for Kagome."""
text42460;"""We aren't here to eat!"""
text42461;"""Really? I naively thought that was the main point of these festivals!"""
text42462;"""Maybe for other people, but our family budget still hasn't recovered from your yukata."""
text42463;"""The yukata's on you, so it's at the very least not mine…"""
text42464;"""And stop already! You said yourself that everything's fine!"""
text42465;"""We're going to see how fine it is by the end of the month when we have nothing to eat."""
text42466;"""I couldn't tell whether she was being serious or trying to make fun of me."""
text42467;"""Alright, you know what? I'll get a second job! Maybe I can unload trains at night!"""
text42468;"""But Niko-san, there are no cargo trains stopping here."""
text42469;"""Kagome said like a teacher correcting the mistake of an inattentive student."""
text42470;"""Well, then… I don't know! If there's a will, there's a way!"""
text42471;"""Maybe you should stop drinking with your colleagues on Fridays?"""
text42472;"""Like it's for me to decide."""
text42473;"""Drinking after work was part of a good work ethic in Japan."""
text42474;"""You could turn down the invitation once or twice, but if you ignored it all the time, you'd be considered strange, at best."""
text42475;"""Although in my defense, I could say that I didn't drink too hard on those evenings, usually being the first to leave."""
text42476;"""Besides, we can't just save money our entire lives, right? It's better to earn more than to spend less."""
text42477;"""Kagome said nothing, focusing on her apple."""
text42478;"""Local kids ran by us, shouting happily."""
text42479;"""At first, they looked at me with bulging eyes — tall, non-Asian men were an oddity there."""
text42480;"""But with time people got used to me, and my appearance stopped being a surprise to anyone."""
text42481;"""I suddenly thought that Kagome and I could eventually have children too."""
text42482;"""What are you dreaming about, Niko-san?"""
text42483;"""Do you like children?"""
text42484;"""Not much."""
text42485;"""Why?"""
text42486;"""Because they're small, hyperactive, know nothing and obey no one, and they run around and scream all the time."""
text42487;"""Ohhh…"""
text42488;"""I drawled, not knowing what to say."""
text42489;"""Why are you asking?"""
text42490;"""She smiled slyly and continued:"""
text42491;"""It's a bit early for us to have children."""
text42492;"""That's not what I meant! Just, you see, they ran by, so I the question came to my mind!"""
text42493;"""Besides, what children would we be having if you don't like them?"""
text42494;"""I was talking about children in general. Everyone loves their own."""
text42495;"""Well, yeah, makes sense."""
text42496;"""By the way, there, want to shoot some targets?"""
text42497;"""I ran to the booth with the pneumatic rifles to end that awkward conversation."""
text42498;"""…"""
text42499;"""I didn't manage to hit any of the targets, so we got no prizes."""
text42500;"""Kagome refused to shoot, but at the same time didn't make fun of my marksmanship."""
text42501;"""I thought it'd be worse."""
text42502;"""Worse how? Did you think I'd blind someone with a bullet?"""
text42503;"""No, that's not what I meant! I thought the festival would be worse. More boring."""
text42504;"""Have you never been to a festival like this before?"""
text42505;"""Have you?"""
text42506;"""Well yes, as a child…"""
text42507;"""With your red-headed friend?"""
text42508;"""Kagome reminded me of Himitsu, and I involuntarily looked around, searching for two red braids in the crowd."""
text42509;"""Yeah, I didn't know anyone else in Japan when I was little, and our homes were next to each other…"""
text42510;"""Niko-san, you don't have to make excuses!"""
text42511;"""She didn't seem to notice that the mention of Himitsu had made me alerted."""
text42512;"""You haven't answered the question."""
text42513;"""Kagome grew noticeably sad and replied quietly."""
text42514;"""I have, when I was a kid. With my mother."""
text42515;"""Are those bad memories?"""
text42516;"""No, it was fun."""
text42517;"""It's been three years already, but I still can't get used to not having her around."""
text42518;"""I suddenly felt terrible that I'd come to terms with my parents' death in so much less time."""
text42519;"""It's hard, I get it."""
text42520;"""And my grandfather…"""
text42521;"""She made a little smile."""
text42522;"""What would he do without me?"""
text42523;"""Niko-san, recently it feels as if sometimes I'm happy our restaurant burned down."""
text42524;"""But that's wrong!"""
text42525;"""…"""
text42526;"""I didn't know how to respond to that."""
text42527;"""Of course, it was hard for her to carry the entire restaurant on her shoulders, with her grandfather being of little help."""
text42528;"""And with a life like that she was more likely to skip university to spend the rest of her life serving ramen."""
text42529;"""In a way, our current life was somewhat easier for Kagome."""
text42530;"""At least she was in charge of her life."""
text42531;"""I'm worried about grandad, but if he's well…"""
text42532;"""Kagome exhaled loudly, looked at me, and smiled."""
text42533;"""What do you think, Niko-san?"""
text42534;"""About what…?"""
text42535;"""I pretended not to understand."""
text42536;"""Do you like our current life?"""
text42537;"""Like it? That's not exactly the word I'd use to describe our situation…"""
text42538;"""Niko-san!"""
text42539;"""Kagome stopped and stomped her foot."""
text42540;"""Of course, she was wearing her usual shoes instead of geta."""
text42541;"""I'm just trying to collect my thoughts and figure out what's going on and how to live from now on."""
text42542;"""You know, not everything comes easily to me! And if I get together with a girl… Well, I mean…"""
text42543;"""I didn't want to tell her directly that she wasn't my first."""
text42544;"""If I like a girl, I usually don't expect her to reciprocate, and if we get together, it usually surprises me."""
text42545;"""You're underestimating yourself!"""
text42546;"""Her patronising tone sounded inappropriate, and her words hurt me a little."""
text42547;"""We approached a booth with a schedule for the festival."""
text42548;"""Look, there are fireworks on soon! Let's find somewhere high up!"""
text42549;"""I grabbed Kagome by the hand and ran to the torii, beyond which stone steps went up."""
text42550;"""To get into a Japanese temple, you usually have to go up a set of stone stairs."""
text42551;"""The number, altitude and the angle of the stairway differs greatly and depends a lot on whether it's a Shinto or Buddhist temple."""
text42552;"""And there was more to it."""
text42553;"""Some say that the more steps there are, the more powerful of a deity lives in the temple."""
text42554;"""Judging by the length of this stairway, the local village wasn't guarded by the strongest of spirits."""
text42555;"""We walked away from the noise of the festival — it got not only quieter, but colder."""
text42556;"""I looked around, like I expected to see a fox or a were-raccoon."""
text42557;"""Niko-san…"""
text42558;"""Kagome stopped behind me and for some reason looked extremely embarrassed."""
text42559;"""It's a bit… empty here."""
text42560;"""I couldn't come up with a better line."""
text42561;"""Kagome didn't say a word, just studying at the ground under her feet."""
text42562;"""If you don't like it here…"""
text42563;"""No, that's not it!"""
text42564;"""She started up."""
text42565;"""It's just, I only realized now how quickly everything has been developing."""
text42566;"""Developing?"""
text42567;"""I mean our relationship."""
text42568;"""She grew embarrassed again."""
text42569;"""Well… yeah…"""
text42570;"""It really was going quickly!"""
text42571;"""Just a day ago I'd realized I loved her, and now we'd already started making plans for our life together."""
text42572;"""If our relationship had developed in Tokyo, like between two normal teenagers, we would have probably only had our first date."""
text42573;"""Sorry, if I'm rushing…"""
text42574;"""No-no, it's not your fault! I've been thinking the same the entire time."""
text42575;"""Thinking… About what?"""
text42576;"""I've always liked you, Niko-san!"""
text42577;"""Kagome suddenly blurted out and blushed — as if she was trying to resolve this awkward situation with the exclamation."""
text42578;"""But I was surprised."""
text42579;"""The mere fact that she had reciprocated already seemed unbelievable, so I couldn't even imagine Kagome had always liked me."""
text42580;"""Tingles ran down my spine, and my eyes began to tear up against my will."""
text42581;"""I approached her, gave her a kiss, and at that moment, fireworks shot up into the sky."""
text42582;"""In the distance, I could hear the happy sounds of the villagers gathered for the festival, but to me there were only two of us in the entire universe."""
text42583;"""I could feel my love for Kagome with every muscle, nerve, and synapse in my brain."""
text42584;"""A pleasant warmth ran all through my body, and I forgot about the cold of the night."""
text42585;"""I was sure Kagome felt the same."""
text42586;"""Finally, we pulled away from each other."""
text42587;"""You should thank me! Do you know how hard it is for a girl to confess something like this?!"""
text42588;"""Thank you."""
text42589;"""Not that it was any easier for me."""
text42590;"""But, Niko-san, what are we supposed to do next?"""
text42591;"""Her mood soured again, and suddenly, she desperately reminded me of Himitsu."""
text42592;"""In that she seemed ready to agree with any decision I made and rely on me for everything"""
text42593;"""But I had a pretty bad idea for what we were supposed to do next."""
text42594;"""But in a moment like that I absolutely couldn't show weakness or indecisiveness!"""
text42595;"""We can run away! Somewhere close to the sea, for example. Somewhere far, where no one would know us and where we'd never be found."""
text42596;"""What about my grandfather?"""
text42597;"""And dad…"""
text42598;"""That seemed to be the first time she'd mentioned her father in weeks."""
text42599;"""…"""
text42600;"""I didn't have answers to all her questions, I could barely handle our simple life in this village."""
text42601;"""You'll be able to visit your grandfather in Tokyo sometimes."""
text42602;"""Right!"""
text42603;"""Kagome nodded happily, but I knew she was pretending, too."""
text42604;"""After all, there are people living everywhere, so we can adapt too."""
text42605;"""Maybe we can open a restaurant…"""
text42606;"""No way!"""
text42607;"""You don't want to? Then, a liquor store! We don't need education or connections for that."""
text42608;"""But you do need money…"""
text42609;"""We'll earn it! You're good at saving, and I'll listen to whatever you say!"""
text42610;"""That's hard to believe."""
text42611;"""I swear on my heart!"""
text42612;"""I actually crossed it, and Kagome laughed."""
text42613;"""Silence came unexpectedly, like a sea breeze."""
text42614;"""Of course, Kagome was just playing along with me, she didn't really believe we'd be safe anywhere in Japan."""
text42615;"""But I was grateful to her for that."""
text42616;"""And every crime has its statute of limitations."""
text42617;"""Was that really true?"""
text42618;"""Have we committed a crime?"""
text42619;"""Well, how do I put it…"""
text42620;"""Ellie's kidnapping already seemed so distant — like a memory from another life."""
text42621;"""But Ellie hadn't forgotten it— and neither had Kobayashi Jun."""
text42622;"""Kagome frowned for a moment but then smiled again."""
text42623;"""May God be my judge!"""
text42624;"""She also crossed herself, but other way around."""
text42625;"""I didn't know you had such a good sense of humor."""
text42626;"""What, you thought I was only capable of irony?"""
text42627;"""You know the first rule of sarcasm club?"""
text42628;"""Be more sarcastic?"""
text42629;"""Oohh, we've got an Einstein here!"""
text42630;"""Kagome smiled, but more out of politeness."""
text42631;"""So then, we're going to live like husband and wife?"""
text42632;"""Seems so…"""
text42633;"""It was my turn to be embarrassed."""
text42634;"""Funnily enough, before Kagome said that, I hadn't thought any of this could embarrass me."""
text42635;"""We were living together — but what choice did we have?!"""
text42636;"""…"""
text42637;"""She turned away from me, as if she wanted to observe the people having fun at the festival."""
text42638;"""If you want me to…"""
text42639;"""There will be time for that."""
text42640;"""Alright then."""
text42641;"""Alright."""
text42642;"""Shall we go?"""
text42643;"""Let's go."""
text42644;"""We joined hands and walked down the stone steps to join the festivities."""
text42645;"""…"""
text42646;"""Of course, celebrations in Tokyo were on a much greater scale."""
text42647;"""Ten minutes were enough for us to see the whole place, and now we were just walking in circles, passing the same stalls over and over."""
text42648;"""It was difficult to imagine that after that conversation I'd be able to behave as if nothing happened around Kagome."""
text42649;"""Both of us fell into wishful thinking, in the heat of the moment saying things we didn't believe."""
text42650;"""It couldn't be called a blatant lie — sometimes, to cheer up a loved one, there's nothing wrong with presenting an unlikely possibility as something that is destined to happen."""
text42651;"""Maybe the Corporation would get off our backs one day — after all, Ellie was safe and sound."""
text42652;"""But it seemed to me that the only way that would happen was after Kobayashi Jun's death, and that old man could outlive us all!"""
text42653;"""Niko-san, are you tired?"""
text42654;"""Not really."""
text42655;"""I was mostly just bored by walking in a circle, but, at the same time, being around other people this festive evening made our newborn relationship gradually feel legitimate."""
text42656;"""I am, though."""
text42657;"""Shall we go home?"""
text42658;"""Home…?"""
text42659;"""Kagome drawled sadly — and there was something about that sigh that threatened to shatter that whole idyll of the moment."""
text42660;"""Home isn't walls and things…"""
text42661;"""You know, when my parents died, my old house in Tokyo started to seem alien to me."""
text42662;"""But now my home is wherever you are!"""
text42663;"""Niko-san…"""
text42664;"""Kagome gripped my hand tighter."""
text42665;"""I need to leave you for a minute."""
text42666;"""Alright, I'll wait for you here."""
text42667;"""As soon as Kagome left me, I was called by a familiar voice:"""
text42668;"""Niko-kun!"""
text42669;"""There were many ways the evening could have ended, but this was the one I desired the least."""
text42670;"""Himitsu stood right in front of me."""
text42671;"""…"""
text42672;"""Once, when we were still in middle school, we were walking home after classes and chatting about daily stuff."""
text42673;"""Niko-kun, we'll be studying in the same school soon."""
text42674;"""Himitsu said happily."""
text42675;"""If you manage to get in."""
text42676;"""Of course I will, do you really doubt that?"""
text42677;"""Not really…"""
text42678;"""I indeed didn't."""
text42679;"""There isn't much time left…"""
text42680;"""She suddenly said with notes of sadness."""
text42681;"""What do you mean?"""
text42682;"""All this. Going to school together and returning home. Living across from each other."""
text42683;"""Why would it suddenly end?"""
text42684;"""Because we'll grow up."""
text42685;"""To be frank, at that moment our careless life seemed endless to me."""
text42686;"""It was difficult to imagine what would be awaiting us, as the graduation appeared to be endlessly far in the future."""
text42687;"""Well, when I grow up, I'll definitely get myself a beautiful wife."""
text42688;"""Niko-kun!"""
text42689;"""She pouted — just like a hamster!"""
text42690;"""Don't worry, I'll invite you to the wedding."""
text42691;"""Only if I'm the bride!"""
text42692;"""…"""
text42693;"""All those years Himitsu had lived by the thought that we'd always be together."""
text42694;"""She didn't need anything physical — as long as I was around."""
text42695;"""But I wasn't there anymore…"""
text42696;"""To be honest, I didn't feel guilty for the fact that fate had guided us down different paths."""
text42697;"""Of course, I felt sorry for Himitsu, but such is life — feelings aren't always mutual."""
text42698;"""Right now I was much more worried about how she'd react if she saw me with Kagome."""
text42699;"""What she'd do and who she'd talk to…"""
text42700;"""Niko-kun, what are you doing here?"""
text42701;"""I stood there with my back to Himitsu and could feel her piercing gaze on me."""
text42702;"""Of course, she wouldn't do anything that would hurt me, at least in her opinion."""
text42703;"""The problem was we we had very different ideas of what my well-being meant."""
text42704;"""It really wasn't a good idea to go to this festival!"""
text42705;"""If not run away as soon as possible, we should have at least laid low a few days until Himitsu would go back to Tokyo."""
text42706;"""Let's find a place to talk!"""
text42707;"""I roughly grabbed her by the hand and pulled her aside."""
text42708;"""Ouch, Niko-kun, that hurts!"""
text42709;"""Himitsu couldn't meet Kagome under any circumstances."""
text42710;"""Sorry."""
text42711;"""I said tersely, in a tone that hardly sounded apologetic."""
text42712;"""What are you doing here? You said you wouldn't come!"""
text42713;"""Grandma is feeling better, so I…"""
text42714;"""She stopped and frowned."""
text42715;"""And you, Niko-kun, what are you doing here?"""
text42716;"""Errr, me? I just heard about the festival from you and decided to come take a look."""
text42717;"""Remember how we would go to the festival at the river when we were kids? You know, where the old temple is…"""
text42718;"""I was spitting out the words like a machine gun, as if that could delay the inevitable."""
text42719;"""So yeah, remember the candy apples from there? They also have them here, can you imagine?! Let's go and try them! They're delicious."""
text42720;"""I tried to grab Himitsu by the hand again, more carefully this time, but she pulled away and didn't move an inch."""
text42721;"""I couldn't just force her and pull this resisting fragile girl away from the crowd while people were looking!"""
text42722;"""Sunshine…"""
text42723;"""I said out of habit but immediately stopped."""
text42724;"""Himitsu, we really need to go somewhere else."""
text42725;"""Why, Niko-kun? Are you hiding something from me?"""
text42726;"""Or someone…"""
text42727;"""Of course, I could just run away, but that would not only make Himitsu more suspicious, it would also increase the chance she'd see Kagome."""
text42728;"""But the clock was ticking, and with every second grew the understanding that the inevitable would happen nonetheless."""
text42729;"""Just don't worry!"""
text42730;"""Why should I worry?"""
text42731;"""You shouldn't, that's what I'm saying."""
text42732;"""Why shouldn't I worry, Niko-kun?"""
text42733;"""Himitsu was looking at me attentively, and there was disbelief in her eyes, growing with each word I said."""
text42734;"""It's just, you see… I don't know what you heard about me and Iwamura… What you think about all that… But…"""
text42735;"""Obviously, I couldn't tell her that we hadn't kidnapped Ellie — at the very minimum because that was a lie."""
text42736;"""Even if something did happen, there are perfectly good reasons for it all…"""
text42737;"""Niko-kun!"""
text42738;"""Suddenly, Himitsu almost shouted."""
text42739;"""What are you trying to achieve here?"""
text42740;"""If you aren't going to tell me the truth, don't say anything at all!"""
text42741;"""I'm tired of all your omissions and lies!"""
text42742;"""But I'm not lying…"""
text42743;"""I tried to say timidly, but it clearly made the situation worse."""
text42744;"""If you're really innocent, why did you run away and why are you hiding now?"""
text42745;"""And if you aren't…"""
text42746;"""I want to believe that you had your reasons to do what you did. But when you behave like this, I believe in it less and less."""
text42747;"""Niko-kun, it's Iwamura-senpai who made you do it, right?"""
text42748;"""Tell me that's what happened!"""
text42749;"""Of course, it would be stupid to deny that Kagome had taken the lead in what happened, but saying that she forced me to do anything was an overstatement."""
text42750;"""Especially now that I'd confessed my love to her and she responded with the same."""
text42751;"""Moreover, Himitsu's words evoked a desire to protect Kagome in me — even against common sense."""
text42752;"""Of course, Ellie didn't do anything wrong, but you can't say the same for her grandfather!"""
text42753;"""Niko-kun, I don't know what you've gotten yourself into, but this is kidnapping you're talking about! You're talking about it so casually, like you don't understand how serious this all is!"""
text42754;"""Oh no, I understand it perfectly well how serious it is! That's why I want to keep you out of it!"""
text42755;"""Sorry, Niko-kun, but I don't believe you."""
text42756;"""Kagome appeared in the crowd, clearly looking for me."""
text42757;"""Let's not do this here…"""
text42758;"""I made one last attempt."""
text42759;"""Why are you constantly trying to get me away from here?"""
text42760;"""Himitsu was getting more and more angry and no longer looked like herself."""
text42761;"""Because… because you'll take it the wrong way!"""
text42762;"""Niko-san!"""
text42763;"""Kagome finally noticed me and waved."""
text42764;"""But, fine, it's too late now…"""
text42765;"""Too late for what?"""
text42766;"""Niko-san!"""
text42767;"""Then Himitsu heard her too."""
text42768;"""Kagome ran up to us, the happy smile on her face immediately giving way to surprise and then disappointment."""
text42769;"""It's you…"""
text42770;"""Iwamura-senpai?"""
text42771;"""Himitsu was surprised too, but then immediately attacked me:"""
text42772;"""I knew it, Niko-kun!"""
text42773;"""Trying to convince her that she misunderstood something was not only pointless but dangerous."""
text42774;"""What are you doing here?"""
text42775;"""Not that Kagome had any intention of staying quiet either."""
text42776;"""That's what I'm supposed to be asking you, Iwamura-senpai! I have a right to be here."""
text42777;"""What right?"""
text42778;"""Niko-kun, did you really not tell her that my grandma lives nearby?"""
text42779;"""Himitsu asked maliciously, totally unlike herself."""
text42780;"""Well, I mean…"""
text42781;"""Niko-san?"""
text42782;"""Kagome cast a wrathful look at me at me, but immediately shifted her gaze to Himitsu."""
text42783;"""And we're here…"""
text42784;"""She started as if trying to explain herself, but immediately turned angry:"""
text42785;"""How's that any of your business?"""
text42786;"""And you have the audacity to say that after everything you've done?! After what you dragged Niko-kun into?!"""
text42787;"""I haven't dragged him into anything!"""
text42788;"""So, you aren't denying you kidnapped Kobayashi-senpai?"""
text42789;"""What are you, a policewoman? Why are you interrogating me?"""
text42790;"""Girls…"""
text42791;"""I tried to interfere timidly, even though I knew it was useless."""
text42792;"""If not for you, Niko-kun would be doing fine!"""
text42793;"""They seemed to be about to start pulling each other's hair, when Kagome suddenly softened."""
text42794;"""If Niko-kun wanted to, he would've long chosen you, and we wouldn't be talking now."""
text42795;"""But he chose me, so you really have no right to question him with or without reason!"""
text42796;"""Niko-kun, is that true?"""
text42797;"""What's true…?"""
text42798;"""I awkwardly tried to play stupid."""
text42799;"""Yes. Tell her, Niko-san. Tell her that we're together now!"""
text42800;"""Uhh…"""
text42801;"""I didn't know what to do and looked like an idiot, but Kagome didn't seem to be concerned at all about that."""
text42802;"""I don't care how you lured him in… in your bed or with something else… but I've known Niko-kun my entire life and I know that he's very capable of doing stupid things when he doesn't having someone to look after him."""
text42803;"""What is he, your pet or toy? Grow up already!"""
text42804;"""Kagome grinned."""
text42805;"""I just want him to be happy, and I have no idea what you want!"""
text42806;"""I believe Niko-san can decide what makes him happy himself."""
text42807;"""So, to help him decide himself, you made Niko-kun an accomplice to a kidnapping, then forced him to run away and hide here?"""
text42808;"""You've really done a lot for him! What if Niko-kun goes to jail — will you say that's for his own good too?"""
text42809;"""Himitsu, don't exaggerate…"""
text42810;"""I almost called her sunshine…"""
text42811;"""Me? Exaggerating?"""
text42812;"""She flung her arms up in the air."""
text42813;"""If anything, I'm understating! Not even Katty-chan was so destructive to you!"""
text42814;"""Niko-kun, do you really think you love her?"""
text42815;"""Where will that bring you?"""
text42816;"""Just come back to Tokyo with me, dad can help you…"""
text42817;"""No way!"""
text42818;"""Shut up, you!"""
text42819;"""Himitsu suddenly shouted."""
text42820;"""She was so aggressive — I could barely recognize my childhood friend."""
text42821;"""Himitsu, come on, calm down!"""
text42822;"""I wanted to come closer to her, but she waved her hand, stopping me."""
text42823;"""If you don't understand that yourself, Niko-kun, I need to help you."""
text42824;"""Nobody wants your help! We'll handle it ourselves!"""
text42825;"""Kagome switched to shouting, too."""
text42826;"""Girls, calm down already!"""
text42827;"""I begged."""
text42828;"""We were standing a bit away from the main celebration, but people had still started throwing glances in our direction."""
text42829;"""Here, in the countryside, loud outbursts were even more inappropriate by Japanese standards than in Tokyo."""
text42830;"""Iwamura-senpai, you're a criminal — there's nothing else to call you! It's dangerous for Niko-kun to be in your company!"""
text42831;"""He seems to be fine in my company. Right, Niko-san?"""
text42832;"""I can't just leave things like this!"""
text42833;"""So what are you going to do?"""
text42834;"""I'll tell my father. He'll figure out what to do."""
text42835;"""Do you really believe that Niko-san would be better off for it?"""
text42836;"""If you only knew why we had to do what we did…"""
text42837;"""She said \""we\"" again — but this time Kagome's choice of words didn't upset me like it used to."""
text42838;"""If you only knew — you wouldn't be saying this!"""
text42839;"""I don't know and I don't want to — a crime is a crime!"""
text42840;"""Niko-kun…"""
text42841;"""Himitsu turned to me and pleaded:"""
text42842;"""Let's go to my grandma's place. I'll call dad from there — and he'll come pick us up."""
text42843;"""If you really love him, you should be more concerned with what Niko-san wants rather than what your inflamed conscience is telling you."""
text42844;"""I seemed to have been totally relegated to the role of an inanimate object in their argument, a symbol that both warring states strive to acquire yet has no intrinsic value."""
text42845;"""Can I say something?!"""
text42846;"""I raised my voice."""
text42847;"""Himitsu, I can't go back to Tokyo… We can't go back."""
text42848;"""At least, not now — when the circumstances are against us."""
text42849;"""I'd really like to explain everything to you but it might put you in danger—"""
text42850;"""Put her in danger?"""
text42851;"""Kagome interrupted, chuckling loudly."""
text42852;"""Niko-san, between two stools you fall to the ground!"""
text42853;"""I had to admit that she was right, no matter how much I wanted to believe otherwise."""
text42854;"""I had to worry about myself, about Kagome — but clearly not about Himitsu."""
text42855;"""She wasn't in any danger, the Corporation wasn't after her."""
text42856;"""I'd been saying all that out of habit."""
text42857;"""Niko-kun, are you going to sacrifice ten years of our friendship for… for…"""
text42858;"""She was huffing, apparently trying to find an appropriate description for Kagome."""
text42859;"""What have you found in her?"""
text42860;"""Maybe you're that good at spreading your legs, Iwamura-san?"""
text42861;"""Himitsu finally exploded."""
text42862;"""Christ, it's not about that at all!"""
text42863;"""Then what is it about, Niko-kun?! What?!"""
text42864;"""I just want to help you, I don't understand why you're acting like this!"""
text42865;"""Do I really not matter to you anymore?!"""
text42866;"""It's not about you at all…"""
text42867;"""But I can't leave it like this! When we met in the morning, I still hoped that…"""
text42868;"""And now…"""
text42869;"""She was weeping, even slightly squealing at times."""
text42870;"""Things were getting dangerous — we could well end up having to talk to the police."""
text42871;"""Sunshine, enough. Listen…"""
text42872;"""Niko-kun, if you can't help yourself, I will!"""
text42873;"""Himitsu yelled and ran away."""
text42874;"""In another situation I would've tried to stop her — but not at this moment, when we had become the main attraction of the festival."""
text42875;"""So, you met her in the morning?"""
text42876;"""Kagome's cold, calm voice cut into my back like an icicle."""
text42877;"""…"""
text42878;"""Niko-san, you really do lie always and to everyone."""
text42879;"""When I had finally believed that you were going to be honest with me, you quickly changed sides as soon as you saw your red fox."""
text42880;"""How can I ever trust you, Niko-san?"""
text42881;"""There was more regret in her words than anger."""
text42882;"""I… I just knew you'd react like this, so I didn't tell you!"""
text42883;"""Besides, Himitsu told me she wouldn't go to the festival."""
text42884;"""She came here because her grandmother got sick and was supposed to go back to Tokyo soon."""
text42885;"""What difference would it make?!"""
text42886;"""You're pathetic."""
text42887;"""Kagome smirked sadly, turned around, and slowly walked away from the paper lanterns, snack stalls, and the cheering crowd."""
text42888;"""I was left alone, endlessly removed from all the smiles, laughter, and happiness around me."""
text42889;"""God damn it, what did I even do wrong here?"""
text42890;"""Had I been the one to bring Himitsu to this village? To lead her there?"""
text42891;"""On the other hand, if I had told Kagome about her, we could have decided to just not go to the festival — and everything wouldn't have ended as it had."""
text42892;"""Maybe I just didn't want the yukata I'd spent so much money on to go to waste?"""
text42893;"""But it was hard to acknowledge that for such a petty reason I'd put not only our safety at risk, but also my new, barely day-old relationship with Kagome."""
text42894;"""The crowd quickly forgot about me and continued to talk and laugh."""
text42895;"""As much as they'd been interested in our quarrel a moment ago, they couldn't care less once it was over."""
text42896;"""After all, in their lives, other people were just a flash of a lamppost outside of the window a car driving down the highway of existence."""
text42897;"""Himitsu wasn't just a flash to me, but it felt like I'd left her light behind me. And I didn't want mine and Kagome's life paths to diverge as well."""
text42898;"""After all that, I only wanted one thing — to intake a monstrous amount of sake as soon as possible and fall into oblivion."""
text42899;"""The whole time we'd lived there, I'd only drunk out of necessity with the other miners — and even then very carefully."""
text42900;"""When I came back to the hotel from the bar, I'd usually do a few laps around the village to get some air, and then returned to our room sober."""
text42901;"""Kagome didn't show much reaction to it anyway, knowing that such was the Japanese tradition to drink with your coworkers."""
text42902;"""But now I wanted to drink myself into complete oblivion and disconnect from reality for a day."""
text42903;"""Sometimes your legs, following an impulse beyond understanding, bring you to a bottle on their own accord, like they'd kicked your brain out of the driver's seat."""
text42904;"""In just a moment I stopped thinking about Himitsu, Kagome, and what I had to do next."""
text42905;"""Having stopped at the stall with alcoholic drinks and had already asked for a full glass… and froze."""
text42906;"""This really wasn't the time! It wouldn't just not solve the problem, it would make it worse!"""
text42907;"""The alcohol vendor at the stall looked at me, confused, and I looked at him."""
text42908;"""Sorry."""
text42909;"""I bowed and basically ran away — into the cold night, toward the village and the old hotel, to the lonely, sad girl who I loved."""
text42910;"""…"""
text42911;"""Almost all the windows were dark. There usually weren't many people on the streets even during the day, and now the village looked even more like a ghost town."""
text42912;"""All the villagers were having fun at the festival, but the only thing I wanted was to clear things up with Kagome as soon as possible."""
text42913;"""She was sitting at the window in her usual pose looking out at the empty street as had become a custom to her."""
text42914;"""When I entered the room, she phlegmatically uttered, without even turning to me:"""
text42915;"""I thought to take my stuff and leave — except I have nowhere to go."""
text42916;"""A certain Russian poet once wrote that love's boat has smashed against the daily grind. Do you want it to be like that for us too?"""
text42917;"""Niko-san, is the problem you leaving your dirty socks everywhere?"""
text42918;"""Well, no, of course not…"""
text42919;"""I sighed and carefully sat behind the table, with dirty dishes covering it."""
text42920;"""I just want you to understand why I did what I did."""
text42921;"""Why you deceived me and possibly exposed us to danger?"""
text42922;"""Well, let's not exaggerate! Himitsu isn't that kind of person!"""
text42923;"""Well go to her then, why did you drag yourself here?"""
text42924;"""Kagome sobbed."""
text42925;"""Alright, I'm sorry!"""
text42926;"""I wanted to come closer and hug her, but something stopped me."""
text42927;"""After all, I hadn't told her about meeting Himitsu for a reason, that being I expected exactly this kind of reaction."""
text42928;"""Sometimes what we call truth is a totally abstract concept."""
text42929;"""In the end, we all (or, at least, most of us) can see colors and tell red from green and blue."""
text42930;"""But in objective reality they only differ by the length of each light wave."""
text42931;"""Everything else is just the perception of color created by our brains."""
text42932;"""If we were to talk about a more complicated matter, such as human relationships — was there any such thing as a completely wrong or a completely right side?"""
text42933;"""However, Kagome clearly believed there was."""
text42934;"""Was I supposed to refrain from useless philosophizing and apologize, admit I was wrong?"""
text42935;"""Or would I be better off sticking to my guns and trying to convince her that I hadn't hidden the truth out of any kind of malice?"""
text42936;"""Apologize"""
text42937;"""I am sorry."""
text42938;"""I understand I did the wrong thing. I realize I should've told you about meeting Himitsu right away."""
text42939;"""I also realize that I put us in danger, to a degree."""
text42940;"""To a degree!"""
text42941;"""Stand your ground."""
text42942;"""I understand what it looks like. But I really didn't think we'd run into Himitsu at the festival."""
text42943;"""And before you say anything else, just know that I wanted the best for us."""
text42944;"""The best for us, Niko-san?"""
text42945;"""Kagome smirked and finally turned to me."""
text42946;"""So you really think your excuses change anything?"""
text42947;"""Well shoot me if you want!"""
text42948;"""I folded my hands in a praying gesture and stood on my knees."""
text42949;"""Maybe I should."""
text42950;"""She slowly stood up, walked to the wardrobe, opened it, and started taking her things out."""
text42951;"""What are you doing?"""
text42952;"""I definitely hadn't expected this turn of events."""
text42953;"""But Kagome didn't answer, doing everything slowly, methodically, even provocatively carefully."""
text42954;"""Where are you even going this late at night?"""
text42955;"""I asked, not even trying to hide my irritation."""
text42956;"""After that nice chat with your red-haired friend, I'm sure I can't stay here any longer."""
text42957;"""And where would we go? It's too late now — there are no trains."""
text42958;"""You can go to your friend, Niko-san. She lives nearby, right? I'm sure she'll be happy."""
text42959;"""Stop it already!"""
text42960;"""I grabbed Kagome's hand, but she didn't react at all, pretending I wasn't even there."""
text42961;"""An awkward silence descended upon us, because I didn't know what to do next, and she didn't seem to care at all."""
text42962;"""Meanwhile, I heard joyful cheering outside, likely drunken villagers returning from the festival."""
text42963;"""Niko-san, I understand I can't go anywhere right now, but I'll take the first train tomorrow."""
text42964;"""I let her go."""
text42965;"""You can come with me."""
text42966;"""God, but where?!"""
text42967;"""I haven't decided yet."""
text42968;"""I wasn't quite able to carry on this conversation, so I just left the room and went to wander the street."""
text42969;"""Occasionally I passed by happy people returning to their homes."""
text42970;"""They smiled at at me, and I would force out a smile in return."""
text42971;"""When I returned, Kagome had already gone to sleep."""
text42972;"""I decided to take council with my pillow and went to bed as well, having pulled my futon to the corner of the room."""
text42973;"""…"""
text42974;"""This evening had seemingly exhausted me completely, but I couldn't fall asleep for all the good in the world."""
text42975;"""Kagome lay quietly. I listened to the silence but couldn't even hear her breathing."""
text42976;"""So, the sudden encounter with Himitsu had ruined all my plans for a peaceful life that had seemed to start to take shape."""
text42977;"""I couldn't really blame Kagome or believe she'd overreacted."""
text42978;"""If it was any other person in Himitsu's place, a friend or stranger that could theoretically pose a threat to us, I would've been the first to rush and pack our suitcases."""
text42979;"""So, were my attempts to justify Himitsu irrational, even harmful?"""
text42980;"""Of course, it didn't necessarily mean she'd immediately run off and tell her father everything."""
text42981;"""Or report to the Corporation."""
text42982;"""And, of course, it didn't mean that we'd immediately be found, captured, tortured, or killed."""
text42983;"""But the number of assumptions was impermissibly high!"""
text42984;"""Was I prepared to put Kagome at risk just to protect not even Himitsu — no — my belief in Himitsu's loyalty and common sense?"""
text42985;"""So what if I would end up right when the risk of failure was so high?"""
text42986;"""If Kagome wanted to leave — we had to leave in the morning."""
text42987;"""…"""
text42988;"""I tossed and turned for at least another hour and was about to fall asleep, when I suddenly heard unfamiliar voices downstairs."""
text42989;"""Someone seemed to be loudly arguing with the landlady in the lobby."""
text42990;"""I pushed myself up and listened in."""
text42991;"""It was hard to make out the details, but it seemed that the late guests spelled out my surname several times, very clearly — Anokhin."""
text42992;"""I froze as if that would save me from what was coming."""
text42993;"""But how could they have gotten here so quickly?"""
text42994;"""Even if Himitsu had run straight home, called her father, who immediately informed the Corporation…"""
text42995;"""No, there was no time to think!"""
text42996;"""I shook Kagome a few times, but she wasn't in a hurry to wake up."""
text42997;"""Then I jerked her up from the futon."""
text42998;"""We've got to run! Now!"""
text42999;"""What's happening, Niko-san…?"""
text43000;"""She looked somewhere past me with sleepy eyes."""
text43001;"""They've come for us! They're downstairs!"""
text43002;"""Thank God we had all the essentials, documents, and money in a small bag in order to ensure a swift escape if we needed."""
text43003;"""I had hoped there would be no need for it, but life once again had other plans."""
text43004;"""Niko-san…"""
text43005;"""Apparently, Kagome finally started to understand what was happening."""
text43006;"""We're leaving. Quietly."""
text43007;"""We snuck to the second staircase and took the back exit."""
text43008;"""It was our luck the old hotel had one!"""
text43009;"""I only noticed that Kagome was still wearing her yukata once we got outside."""
text43010;"""She noticed my glance and frowned."""
text43011;"""What was so urgent that I couldn't even change my clothes?"""
text43012;"""I'll tell you on the way."""
text43013;"""We were walking quickly, but not running, while trying to remain in the shadows — even at the night the street was lit pretty brightly, though you wouldn't expect it…"""
text43014;"""Niko-san!"""
text43015;"""Kagome stopped and pulled her hand away out of mine."""
text43016;"""One moment you don't want to leave, the next you wake me up in the middle of the night and drag me who-knows-where! Explain yourself!"""
text43017;"""I quickly looked around but noticed no one in pursuit."""
text43018;"""You were right… About Himitsu — you were right. I heard someone ask the landlady about me on the ground floor."""
text43019;"""About you?"""
text43020;"""Kagome's face dropped — she finally understood how serious the situation was."""
text43021;"""I heard them say my surname a few times. I doubt it was just a courtesy visit."""
text43022;"""…"""
text43023;"""Whatever it was, I don't intend to stick around to find out what they need from me!"""
text43024;"""It was painful for me to acknowledge that Himitsu really had turned us in — but I was even more surprised by how quickly the Corporation reacted."""
text43025;"""Did they have agents in every Japanese backwater or what?"""
text43026;"""So, they've found us after all."""
text43027;"""She sighed in resignation."""
text43028;"""You can scold me later! Right now we need to get to the station and find out at when the earliest train will be there!"""
text43029;"""Maybe we'll go to the sea or…"""
text43030;"""No, Niko-san…"""
text43031;"""Kagome said quietly, lowering her head."""
text43032;"""What do you mean no?"""
text43033;"""We aren't going to run and hide anymore."""
text43034;"""Then what are we going to do?"""
text43035;"""I asked, confused."""
text43036;"""If they found us here, they'll find us anywhere."""
text43037;"""But it was Himitsu… You were right…"""
text43038;"""It's not just about her."""
text43039;"""Do you really want to hide your entire life, constantly looking over your shoulder, jumping at every rustling branch?"""
text43040;"""Today you heard them in time, but tomorrow they'll capture us in our sleep."""
text43041;"""I can't live like this, and I don't want to!"""
text43042;"""Then what should we do…? What are you suggesting?"""
text43043;"""We have to return to Tokyo."""
text43044;"""To Tokyo?"""
text43045;"""I laughed and walked around Kagome a few times, like if she was an exotic sculpture."""
text43046;"""Should we go straight to Kobayashi Corporation's building? Make their job easier? Huh? What do you think?"""
text43047;"""Niko-san, I'm serious!"""
text43048;"""I can see that — that's what scares me the most!"""
text43049;"""We have to go back."""
text43050;"""If you don't have some secret plan, it's suicide!"""
text43051;"""…"""
text43052;"""She remained quiet, with her lips sealed and her gaze fixed on me."""
text43053;"""You don't, right?"""
text43054;"""…"""
text43055;"""Kagome, are you hiding something from me?"""
text43056;"""…"""
text43057;"""Are we going to have this conversation again? We agreed not to lie to each other anymore!"""
text43058;"""I haven't lied to you, Niko-san."""
text43059;"""Well, you haven't been telling me something — what's the difference?!"""
text43060;"""I was mad beyond measure."""
text43061;"""Then tell me now, I'm listening!"""
text43062;"""But Kagome clearly wasn't going to say a thing."""
text43063;"""Let's just resolve the problem at hand and get on a train, then we can talk."""
text43064;"""You…"""
text43065;"""I was still angry but didn't know how to object to that."""
text43066;"""One way or another, getting out of here was currently our main task."""
text43067;"""And it didn't matter where we'd be going — to the seaside or towards Tokyo."""
text43068;"""Fine, let's go!"""
text43069;"""…"""
text43070;"""The earliest train was arriving at the station at 4 o'clock in the morning."""
text43071;"""We were silently standing on the platform, keeping a considerable distance from each other."""
text43072;"""Soon enough, the station master noticed us, came closer, asked where we'd be going to at such an early hour, and treated us with some hot tea."""
text43073;"""I was occasionally casting glances at the street, afraid that the people who had come for us at the hotel would also be smart enough to to check the station."""
text43074;"""But the time was going by, and the villagers were sleeping tightly and quietly, as usual, and no strangers were disturbing its peace."""
text43075;"""I couldn't imagine what exactly Kagome was hiding from me — but it had to be something important enough to become a reason for our return to Tokyo."""
text43076;"""Why was she only talking about it now? Why not before?"""
text43077;"""I was trying to guess what it could be about, but nothing would come to mind — I only wanted to get somewhere warm and sleep."""
text43078;"""The train finally arrived, and I virtually stormed into the carriage, dragging Kagome along."""
text43079;"""Its few passengers were sleeping in different but equally uncomfortable poses."""
text43080;"""The thought that someone could be spending several hours to commute to Tokyo and the same time back every day frightened me."""
text43081;"""No matter how heavy the work at the mine was, it was at least close to the hotel where we lived."""
text43082;"""Kagome was sitting next to me and seemed to be completely detached from reality."""
text43083;"""I, in turn, was so tired that I couldn't concentrate on anything."""
text43084;"""Then I remembered! Why were we going back to Tokyo?"""
text43085;"""So, we're going back, just like you wanted. Will you tell me why now?"""
text43086;"""Why what, Niko-san?"""
text43087;"""Her words sounded much like a request to not continue this conversation."""
text43088;"""What have you been hiding from me, omitting, call it whatever you want? Why are we going into the lair of our enemy, so to say, instead of running away?"""
text43089;"""…"""
text43090;"""She remained silent, and I had no energy left to be angry."""
text43091;"""Kagome, do you not respect me at all?"""
text43092;"""What makes you say that, Niko-san?"""
text43093;"""She finally showed some interest."""
text43094;"""You're hiding something. Do you not trust or are you afraid that I wouldn't handle the truth? Or what?"""
text43095;"""I'm always honest with you, after all!"""
text43096;"""Not that I had much to hide even if I wanted to."""
text43097;"""And this is the treatment I get in response! The worst part of it is that I still don't know what's going on!"""
text43098;"""What's so important that you're risking our relationship for it?"""
text43099;"""Niko-san, there's no need to be so dramatic."""
text43100;"""Dramatic?!"""
text43101;"""I laughed genuinely."""
text43102;"""And here I thought we should be treating Kobayashi Corporation more than seriously!"""
text43103;"""…"""
text43104;"""Kagome sighed and lowered her head."""
text43105;"""Everyone person has… some things… personal things."""
text43106;"""She was barely managing to pick the words, and it was clear the conversation wasn't easy for her."""
text43107;"""Personal space, you know. I'm not trying to invade yours."""
text43108;"""God, what personal space can there be here?!"""
text43109;"""I exclaimed and flung my arms up in the air."""
text43110;"""You know, in prison your personal space is at best a cot meter and a half by one."""
text43111;"""They sleep in futons in Japanese prisons."""
text43112;"""Kagome corrected me for some reason."""
text43113;"""It doesn't matter! It's even worse, then! And it's not what I'm talking about!"""
text43114;"""Don't you feel sorry for me at all? I'm coming with you, but I have absolutely no idea what to be prepared for."""
text43115;"""Come on! Put yourself in my shoes!"""
text43116;"""You didn't like it when I didn't tell you about Himitsu!"""
text43117;"""Fine, Niko-san."""
text43118;"""She suddenly turned away as if she noticed something important outside the window."""
text43119;"""This was about to peak over the horizon, the sky on the east lighting up with all the shades of pink, red, and yellow."""
text43120;"""Meeting the dawn after a sleepless night is completely different from waking up early."""
text43121;"""In the first case, you feel as if you're stuck in the past."""
text43122;"""The entire world prepares for the new day, awakens from its sleep and faces the sun, rested and refreshed."""
text43123;"""Meanwhile, you yawn and desperately try to keep your eyes open, surprised by the fact that the night had passed by so quickly."""
text43124;"""If you intend to share your secret with me before I fall asleep, you better hurry!"""
text43125;"""Niko-san, I've never told you about my mother."""
text43126;"""She began in a tone that would make you think she was giving a boring lecture."""
text43127;"""She died from cancer, but before that we'd been living in Shirokan. Living a pretty decent, comfortable life."""
text43128;"""…"""
text43129;"""I kept quiet and listened to her carefully."""
text43130;"""It's often considered polite among Japanese to react with some short cues during the conversation, thus indicating they are interested in what that other side is saying."""
text43131;"""But I kept quiet and listened to her carefully."""
text43132;"""And I'd like to say that mom had achieved everything on her own, but…"""
text43133;"""Kagome sighed deeply and summoned her courage."""
text43134;"""She was Kobayashi Jun's daughter."""
text43135;"""What…?"""
text43136;"""I understood the meaning of each separate word, but I couldn't quite link them together in my head, make them form a unit of information."""
text43137;"""When he was young, he had an affair with a maid, and, of course, an illegitimate child would've jeopardized his career."""
text43138;"""I wasn't supposed know about it, but when my mother was dying she decided to tell me the truth."""
text43139;"""How was I supposed to react to this?"""
text43140;"""Perhaps, if I'd been in Kagome's place, I wouldn't have spoken about this either."""
text43141;"""So what are you going to do?"""
text43142;"""I'm tired of running away and hiding! If he cares so much about one of his granddaughters, he ought to show some respect to the other!"""
text43143;"""Indeed, many things that I previously couldn't quite understand, were starting to make sense."""
text43144;"""But suddenly, a very logical question came to my mind:"""
text43145;"""And he… I mean, Kobayashi Jun… does he know?"""
text43146;"""Mom told me he did."""
text43147;"""We hadn't been captured while waiting at the mailbox."""
text43148;"""Had been allowed to freely leave Tokyo."""
text43149;"""I suddenly recalled a plethora of other situations when we'd just gotten lucky."""
text43150;"""So, it seemed that the old Kobayashi was protecting his second granddaughter after all, in his own way."""
text43151;"""This is too unexpected. I'll need time to digest something like this!"""
text43152;"""Well, you do that, and I'll go to sleep."""
text43153;"""Kagome put her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes."""
text43154;"""…"""
text43155;"""A person's greatest fear is the unknown and their greatest desire is control."""
text43156;"""We want to control the world around us, to clearly indicate our place in it."""
text43157;"""We seek control over our relationships with other people and even those people themselves."""
text43158;"""We want to know our future but we're frightened to take even the simplest actions to alter it."""
text43159;"""Humans didn't evolve to live in the world of absolute reality — we came up with the ideas of paradise, hell, reincarnation, to create the illusion of higher meaning."""
text43160;"""Every complex system strives to reach an equilibrium point, and so does a person."""
text43161;"""Meanwhile, the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics, that is a part of the very foundation of the world, and, as a consequence, a random, chaotic nature of our existence, doesn't let us accomplish that."""
text43162;"""By entering new, albeit uncertain variables into the system, we simplify the process of understanding it with our limited human mind."""
text43163;"""They say that the stupider a person is, the more they believe in conspiracy theories."""
text43164;"""Indeed, it's much easier to shift the responsibility for the future of the world in general and one's own destiny in particular to the secret global government of masons and lizard people."""
text43165;"""Then all the mistakes and problems that inevitably accompany each of us on the path of life can be explained by the actions of a certain agent — whoever it might be, just not the person themselves."""
text43166;"""It's scary to know that everything doesn't happen according to some clear (even if sinister) plan, but only thanks to the actions of people like you."""
text43167;"""Nobody in their right mind would take control over a nuclear reactor without having the required knowledge and experience."""
text43168;"""Humans evolved to trust their kinsmen: trust is the basis of social interaction, and that, in turn, is the basis of survival."""
text43169;"""That's why we tend to attribute all the bad things not to the chance, but to the machinations of evil imperialists/communists/foreigners and so on."""
text43170;"""Who could've guessed that a simple affair Kobayashi Jun had so many years ago would lead to such an outcome…?"""