text40290;"""I was always annoyed by my hesitation in deciding whether I wanted to continue sleeping or get up.""" text40291;"""I woke up too early, especially after the previous night, but immediately felt my brain switch into waking mode.""" text40292;"""If only people could consciously switch themselves off to rest… Dreams, dreams.""" text40293;"""But, after lying in bed for at least an hour, unable to decide whether to get up or not, I eventually fell asleep.""" text40294;"""And in my dream, I got into a real epic novel with a complicated storyline, a detailed world and backstory, a plethora of characters, each with a unique and complicated personality.""" text40295;"""Yet this entertaining spectacle was still rudely interrupted by Kagome's call:""" text40296;"""Niko-san, it's time to get up!""" text40297;"""And of course, my memory retained only pathetic shreds of the story, apart from the fact that the dream had existed at all.""" text40298;"""Niko-san?""" text40299;"""It's surprising how the same action can cause a very different reactions depending on the situation.""" text40300;"""I often grumbled at Himitsu for waking me up, but deep inside I was glad about it.""" text40301;"""Meanwhile, Kagome's wake-ups irritated me more and more with each day.""" text40302;"""Why the fuck you are you even talking about school after what happened yesterday?!""" text40303;"""In truth I was mostly annoyed that I'd been deprived of a continuation to that wonderful story.""" text40304;"""If only I could remember what it was about…""" text40305;"""So you aren't going?""" text40306;"""When she put it that way, it was hard to argue with her.""" text40307;"""Give me a minute to get dressed.""" text40308;"""Maybe just a minute.""" text40309;"""Kagome smiled and walked out of the room.""" text40310;"""…""" text40311;"""There was no time for breakfast, but my body wasn't awake enough to eat anyway.""" text40312;"""We walked down the familiar path to our school, while I tried to process what had happened last night.""" text40313;"""People are a mix of good and bad qualities, but under difficult circumstances, most wouldn't choose to be heroes.""" text40314;"""In line with that, I'd taken what seemed to be the coward's choice — agreeing with Kagome's mediocre arguments.""" text40315;"""At this point any excuses I could come up with wouldn't be any better than a drunk driver's after hitting a pedestrian.""" text40316;"""So what do we do next?""" text40317;"""I finally asked, feeling like I was falling asleep on my feet.""" text40318;"""With what, Niko-san?""" text40319;"""You know what I mean.""" text40320;"""With Kobayashi?""" text40321;"""Yes, with Kobayashi.""" text40322;"""She responded without slowing down:""" text40323;"""We'll leave a note with our demands. Like it says in the first.""" text40324;"""They didn't expect the first note, but this time they're definitely going to be on high alert.""" text40325;"""Yes, which is why you'll have to be the one to leave it.""" text40326;"""Kagome looked at me and smiled.""" text40327;"""Oh yeah, of course…""" text40328;"""I wasn't even surprised.""" text40329;"""Do you actually think I won't get caught?""" text40330;"""You'll come up with something — I believe in you.""" text40331;"""She shot me a sly look and stopped.""" text40332;"""We're already close to school. Aren't you afraid we'll be seen together today?""" text40333;"""I had completely forgot about that.""" text40334;"""I think we have more important problems to think about.""" text40335;"""Well then…""" text40336;"""Kagome stepped over and wrapped her arm around mine.""" text40337;"""Do you mind if we walk like this?""" text40338;"""Now this is too much!""" text40339;"""I tried to release my arm but the girl wouldn't let go.""" text40340;"""What's come over you?""" text40341;"""I guessed this was Kagome's attempt to distract my attention from the fact that she'd bestowed upon me the honor of delivering her ransom demands.""" text40342;"""To distract me, walk with me to school, hand in hand, and leave me alone with that thought, as if confirming its legitimacy.""" text40343;"""A common cause brings people together.""" text40344;"""A common crime.""" text40345;"""I said, almost whispering.""" text40346;"""Have you decided what exactly you're going to demand? What documents? We've already tried to go through one stack of papers…""" text40347;"""And they could just give us any pseudoscientific garbage — how would you know whether the tables and graphs inside have any real value?""" text40348;"""Do you think they know that Kobayashi was kidnapped by high school students?""" text40349;"""I didn't want to press her — but my questions seemed reasonable.""" text40350;"""Besides, I doubt Kobayashi Jun would risk his granddaughter's life.""" text40351;"""She smirked disparagingly.""" text40352;"""I think you're the one at the greatest risk.""" text40353;"""Kidnappers theoretically should be prepared to make good on their threats. Are you ready to kill Ellie if her grandfather won't release your father?""" text40354;"""Oh, we're here already!""" text40355;"""She exclaimed, released my arm, and ran a couple meters ahead.""" text40356;"""Well, Niko-san, I've got stuff to do before classes. See you later!""" text40357;"""Having said that, she hurried to school, leaving me in the yard with the other students, who didn't care at all whether we came together or not.""" text40358;"""…""" text40359;"""I walked up to our classroom and sat behind my desk.""" text40360;"""The other kids seemed to be very agitated — it's not like a person get kidnapped every day. Ellie-same, no less!""" text40361;"""Except that they thought it was Kawashima's and Asakura's fault, none of them knew who the mastermind really was.""" text40362;"""I did though, and now I was her accomplice.""" text40363;"""Of course, I could reason that I was just a victim of the circumstances.""" text40364;"""But ask those who are without sin to throw the first stone at you, and you'll definitely receive with more than one rock to the forehead.""" text40365;"""Everybody exaggerates the flaws of others and stubbornly ignores their own.""" text40366;"""If we exclude outright villains, the most controversial heroes of literature are criticized most by those who unconsciously notice similarities to themselves, but desperately don't want to admit it.""" text40367;"""But, if we were caught and taken to court — whether it was swift revenge from Kobayashi Corporation or protracted investigation within the Japanese judicial system — none of these arguments would help me.""" text40368;"""The best I could do at the moment was to hand myself over to the police.""" text40369;"""I would spend several years in prison and walk away a free man with a clear conscience.""" text40370;"""That was best from society's point of view, to be more precise.""" text40371;"""I'd always believed that the needs of the majority eventually prevail over the struggle of a minority.""" text40372;"""In addition, over a considerable period of time, great personalities light up and fade out like flashes of light, while simple individuals merge into a homogeneous Higgs field that serves only as a substrate for the history we see.""" text40373;"""But at this moment I was one of the bosons that form the field, one of the many, but still unique to myself.""" text40374;"""I could acknowledge the superiority of moral norms and laws all I wanted, while not facing them personally, not presented with a difficult choice — but right now I had zero desire to act like Homo Socialis and confirm other people's theories with my actions.""" text40375;"""My conscience was still nagging at me, but it was foolish to think about what I would feel when everything would be over — I'd never been in a situation like this before.""" text40376;"""I could only rely on the experience of characters from books, but those was often created through nothing but their authors' imaginations, who, most likely, had never lived through the extreme situations they were writing about.""" text40377;"""Besides, we hadn't murdered anyone!""" text40378;"""We were just going to hold Ellie hostage until her grandfather released Kagome's father…""" text40379;"""We!""" text40380;"""I kept trying to find excuses for what I was about to do.""" text40381;"""Classes went by casually, although I couldn't care less about the teachers and their monotonous lectures.""" text40382;"""Six hours weren't enough to come up with anything resembling a sensible plan, so I waited for Kagome at the school gate with a feeling of dread.""" text40383;"""We could be under surveillance — that was the only thing that had come to my mind the whole day.""" text40384;"""Finally, Kagome walked out of the school, and I immediately darted off, not waiting for her.""" text40385;"""Niko-san, wait!""" text40386;"""She caught up with and walked alongside me.""" text40387;"""Well, have you come up with a way to leave the note?""" text40388;"""Haven't you thought that I… we might be watched?""" text40389;"""It's one thing to sneak of the house through the yard at night, but showing up at Kobayashi Corporation's headquarters in broad daylight is something else entirely!""" text40390;"""Then maybe we should drop it in the post box at Kobayashi estate?""" text40391;"""She gave it a thought.""" text40392;"""Even better! There's at least other people in the city at that time of day, but we'd be completely alone there!""" text40393;"""Not we, you.""" text40394;"""Kagome corrected me calmly.""" text40395;"""Yes, and I still can't get why you've bestowed me with that honor.""" text40396;"""It's not like I have any special skills to handle it. Anyone can bring on a note!""" text40397;"""Niko-san…""" text40398;"""She said slowly, as if I had said something utterly idiotic.""" text40399;"""And then it dawned on me.""" text40400;"""Yes, anyone…""" text40401;"""Kagome gave me a questioning look.""" text40402;"""It doesn't have to be you or me.""" text40403;"""An expensive car passed by, honking at someone.""" text40404;"""Who, then?""" text40405;"""We can find a homeless guy, give him some money…""" text40406;"""And if he gets caught?""" text40407;"""If he gets caught, the most he can say is some young people paid him to pass on a note!""" text40408;"""There's a lot of young people in Tokyo!""" text40409;"""Not many like you.""" text40410;"""Kagome smiled meaningfully.""" text40411;"""Even then…""" text40412;"""I fell silent, thinking about her words.""" text40413;"""That's yet another reason not to involve me.""" text40414;"""Why?""" text40415;"""Because there are indeed fewer tall Europeans in Tokyo than…""" text40416;"""I looked at Kagome from head to toe and didn't finish.""" text40417;"""Fewer? Fewer than who, Niko-san?""" text40418;"""You know what I mean.""" text40419;"""Fewer than there are short Japanese girls? Is that what you wanted to say, Niko-san?""" text40420;"""No.""" text40421;"""Calm down, I'm just joking.""" text40422;"""She smirked.""" text40423;"""You came up with a good plan, so I agree.""" text40424;"""I immediately felt relief — as if the school project I'd spent much time on was finally accepted and got a passing grade.""" text40425;"""We need to change our clothes.""" text40426;"""…""" text40427;"""Our school uniform with its distinct color and style would significantly narrow down the number of suspects.""" text40428;"""On the contrary, Kagome's casual clothes were so unremarkable that even if our hobo memorized it, virtually every other girl would fit the description.""" text40429;"""You know, this idea doesn't seem to be so ingenious to me anymore.""" text40430;"""What now?""" text40431;"""We were standing in the square in front of Kobayashi Corporation's headquarters, and for a while I even forgot about the sense of guilt I had for Ellie.""" text40432;"""The anticipation of your own plan working is always a little intoxicating.""" text40433;"""It seems that in just several moments you'll get your well-deserved reward.""" text40434;"""But the dopamine kick often doesn't correlate with the effort you put in.""" text40435;"""Finding a homeless guy was only half of the work, and this plan only somewhat decreased our risk.""" text40436;"""But, I no longer cared — just ahead of me, I could see the success of the operation and Ellie's prompt release.""" text40437;"""After all, the sooner we'd let her go — the forgivable our crime…""" text40438;"""It's too late to back out!""" text40439;"""Kagome pursed her lips and lowered her head as if she were guilty of something.""" text40440;"""Hurry up before I change my mind!""" text40441;"""It wasn't that easy to find a homeless person in the centre of the Japanese capital at the end of the 20th century.""" text40442;"""But, the lack of choice in a way made my task easier.""" text40443;"""I took the envelope out of Kagome's hands and said:""" text40444;"""Wait here.""" text40445;"""What is a Japanese hobo even supposed to look like?""" text40446;"""I tried to remember when I last saw someone like that, but nothing came to mind.""" text40447;"""It's uncommon to beg for money or build a house out of cardboard in Japan.""" text40448;"""The image of a stinky, unshaved old man in torn clothes didn't quite match Tokyo's central business district — someone like that would simply be detained by the police.""" text40449;"""And then I realized that my plan had begun to fail, along with the hope that Ellie would be released soon.""" text40450;"""My legs suddenly felt heavy — each step taking a bigger effort than the previous one.""" text40451;"""I turned around and looked for Kagome, who was patiently observing me.""" text40452;"""A failure witnessed by another person is a failure doubled!""" text40453;"""And then, several children, around twelve years old by the looks of them, ran by me, shouting happily.""" text40454;"""I reacted before the thought was fully formed and could be put into words, and grabbed the girl last in line by the arm, freezing in place.""" text40455;"""Onii-san, what are you doing?""" text40456;"""She asked in a frightened, but defiant tone.""" text40457;"""Wanna make some cash?""" text40458;"""I barely managed to force out.""" text40459;"""What do I gotta do?""" text40460;"""I saw the spark of interest in her eyes.""" text40461;"""Nothing difficult. See this letter?""" text40462;"""I waved an envelope in front of her nose.""" text40463;"""You need to bring this to that tall building, pass it to the woman at the reception desk, and ask that it's given personally to Kobayashi Jun.""" text40464;"""If it's so simple, why don't you do it yourself?""" text40465;"""I let go of her hand, but the girl kept standing where she was.""" text40466;"""Because…""" text40467;"""I had to come up with a reason that sounded genuine, but nothing was coming to mind.""" text40468;"""Because I kidnapped a person, and letter has my demands for their release.""" text40469;"""Seriously?""" text40470;"""She exclaimed.""" text40471;"""Absolutely.""" text40472;"""Damn, this is so cool! I'm in!""" text40473;"""Here, take this. That's for your work.""" text40474;"""I handed her several folded banknotes.""" text40475;"""Alrighty!""" text40476;"""The girl took them and ran off to her friends standing nearby, who had been cautiously waiting for the outcome of our conversation.""" text40477;"""Having said something to them, she ran to the Corporation's office, while I hurried back to Kagome.""" text40478;"""I see you changed your plans on the fly.""" text40479;"""She was, as always, unhappy about something.""" text40480;"""I improvised.""" text40481;"""After a couple of minutes, the girl walked out of the huge doors of the office building — and that was the sign that our presence in this square was no longer required.""" text40482;"""I grabbed Kagome by the arm and dragged her along.""" text40483;"""Time to go.""" text40484;"""After we walked a couple of blocks away from the Kobayashi Corporation building, I finally stopped to catch my breath.""" text40485;"""Are you sure she did everything correctly?""" text40486;"""No. But I don't want to check.""" text40487;"""You don't need much time to open a letter, read it, and call security.""" text40488;"""Yeah, I guess.""" text40489;"""Kagome looked very satisfied with herself, and that seemed completely inappropriate to me for the situation.""" text40490;"""I didn't feel as happy that my plan worked out as I had expected — instead, I was overwhelmed by exhaustion that smelled like an old duvet, like old dust and damp.""" text40491;"""The only thing I wanted was to go to bed and forget myself in a heavy, cloudy, stuffy dream, and wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty, exhausted, and powerless.""" text40492;"""Niko-san?""" text40493;"""Kagome looked up at me in surprise.""" text40494;"""Work's done, have your fun.""" text40495;"""And I quickly walked off in the direction of my home.""" text40496;"""Stars don't spend loads of effort on an ineffective processing of matter into energy, but convert the elements in their cores directly.""" text40497;"""People, on the other hand, have to wait for hundreds of millions of years for dinosaur fossils to turn into oil and gas, then extract them, put them in containers to sell to other people, so that their stoves would work properly, just so a wayward girl can cook dinner.""" text40498;"""I was sitting behind the kitchen table, desperate for my food to come.""" text40499;"""Hunger, as always, had pushed all other thoughts to the background.""" text40500;"""I didn't know what would happen to my life next.""" text40501;"""Would I have to meet Ellie, who believed I had had a hand in her kidnapping, every day at school?""" text40502;"""Meet her, greet her, give her a cute smile, and strike up some small talk?""" text40503;"""It was hard to imagine that such a thing was possible.""" text40504;"""But, that wasn't even the main issue…""" text40505;"""Niko-san, please call grandfather over for dinner.""" text40506;"""Alright.""" text40507;"""I begrudgingly stood up and went to Moriyuki-san, who was sitting motionlessly on the porch, apparently preoccupied with his thoughts.""" text40508;"""…""" text40509;"""Kagome-chan, you seem happier — did anything good happen?""" text40510;"""No, nothing much.""" text40511;"""Kagome answered without any hesitation, flashing a wide smile.""" text40512;"""Her reply annoyed me, and I had a hard time hiding it.""" text40513;"""Does this all seem funny to you?""" text40514;"""What does, Niko-san?""" text40515;"""Of course, we couldn't discuss Ellie's kidnapping and the ransom in front of her grandfather.""" text40516;"""All this. You know what I mean.""" text40517;"""I don't, Niko-san.""" text40518;"""She spoke calmly, but her eyes were burning with persistence so adamant that I had to give it up.""" text40519;"""Sometimes, you meet a person that emanates almost tangible willpower that crackles in the air, like before a storm.""" text40520;"""And then you realize it's pointless to argue, because he (or she) will inevitably do whatever they want.""" text40521;"""Moreover, you feel you can't help but respect someone like that, no matter what their motives and objectives are.""" text40522;"""Naturally, it was weird that a normal Japanese girl was making me think that…""" text40523;"""Kagome-chan, I've totally forgotten, but have we called auntie Noriko?""" text40524;"""We have, grandfather.""" text40525;"""So what did she say?""" text40526;"""…""" text40527;"""Kagome looked at me as if I were eavesdropping but still replied to her grandfather:""" text40528;"""She said they are still renovating the house.""" text40529;"""…""" text40530;"""I knew that the conversation indirectly involved me as well, as renovating the house might mean they had nowhere to go at the moment.""" text40531;"""But it would be impolite, to say the least, to start arguing in front of Moriyuki-san.""" text40532;"""Ah, is that so…""" text40533;"""The old man replied and focused on the food, as if having forgotten that we were also here.""" text40534;"""I was always surprised and even scared by this ability of elderly people to disconnect themselves from reality in an instant.""" text40535;"""But, it really wasn't a good time to go over Kagome's housing prospects.""" text40536;"""It was probably even dangerous to send Iwamura and her grandfather to live somewhere else before we resolved the matter with Ellie.""" text40537;"""Niko-san?""" text40538;"""What?""" text40539;"""It appears to me that you wanted to say something.""" text40540;"""When things start to appear to you, cross yourself. That's a saying we have in Russia.""" text40541;"""I snapped at her and stared at my plate as well.""" text40542;"""…""" text40543;"""We finished dinner, but the vague feeling of an oncoming catastrophe was only growing stronger as night approached.""" text40544;"""Kagome was doing her homework, sitting behind the kotatsu, while I walked back and forth, looking for something that could distract me from my disturbing thoughts.""" text40545;"""Niko-san, stop running around the place!""" text40546;"""She said without a hint of anger.""" text40547;"""Sorry I don't have your cold blood.""" text40548;"""You'll have plenty of walking to do tonight.""" text40549;"""Tonight?""" text40550;"""The vague premonitions began to take form.""" text40551;"""Unless, of course, you think Kobayashi could use a diet.""" text40552;"""She smirked, clearly satisfied with herself.""" text40553;"""Ellie did indeed have to be fed.""" text40554;"""At least once a day.""" text40555;"""But the memories of yesterday made my head spin.""" text40556;"""The dark warehouse was a torture chamber in my mind, to which nobody would return. on their own free will.""" text40557;"""Don't think I'm forcing you…""" text40558;"""Kagome smiled cunningly, and it became unbearably hard to stay in the same room as her.""" text40559;"""She wasn't just reminding me of my own sin, but making sure I knew it wasn't over yet.""" text40560;"""You were handling it just fine on your own before.""" text40561;"""Niko-san, are you that ashamed to be around Kobayashi?""" text40562;"""Well, you don't seem to be ashamed in the slightest!""" text40563;"""As if I would be!""" text40564;"""She exclaimed with indignation.""" text40565;"""What you're doing… It's not only about Ellie — it's unacceptable to do to any human being!""" text40566;"""We are doing, Niko-san.""" text40567;"""Does it make you feel better? That you've found an accomplice?""" text40568;"""We've already talked about that, Niko-san.""" text40569;"""Yes, but I still don't understand what you want from me.""" text40570;"""I want help. You promised me to help, don't you remember?""" text40571;"""You always turn my words against me.""" text40572;"""What, don't you pay attention to what you say?""" text40573;"""I…""" text40574;"""It was getting more and more difficult for me to argue with her.""" text40575;"""I felt guilty about Ellie, scared for my life, but, at the same time, I couldn't drop everything and put myself at Kobayashi Jun's mercy.""" text40576;"""And it wasn't just that I didn't believe he didn't have any.""" text40577;"""Maybe I want to help. But you make me do such things… And most importantly, you leave me no choice!""" text40578;"""Why, you have a choice — I can just as easily go alone.""" text40579;"""Then why even ask?""" text40580;"""No reason, just by the way.""" text40581;"""So you aren't coming with me today?""" text40582;"""What have you got for her?""" text40583;"""I also wanted to ask where Kagome got the money, but decided not to.""" text40584;"""Sure I worked at a restaurant, but I'm not going to make anything gourmet for Kobayashi! She should be happy she isn't starving!""" text40585;"""Kagome yet again showed extreme hostility toward Ellie.""" text40586;"""Maybe, I'd better go with her and just to make sure everything went fine?""" text40587;"""(If anything could be considered \""fine\"" in this situation.)""" text40588;"""I wish you were stuck in that warehouse for a day! The air there must be stuffy and hot at day and cold at night!""" text40589;"""Well, bring her a blanket…""" text40590;"""Kagome said, clearly without thinking.""" text40591;"""Hey, that's a great idea!""" text40592;"""I immediately ran to the drawers, looking for a blanket.""" text40593;"""Niko-san…""" text40594;"""Kagome realized what she'd done, but it was too late.""" text40595;"""It's not that cold there!""" text40596;"""Didn't it not bother you whether I went with you or not just a minute ago?""" text40597;"""Fine… Don't forget a pillow too!""" text40598;"""Kagome scoffed, stood up, and went to put her grandfather to bed.""" text40599;"""Today the trip to the abandoned warehouse came easier to me.""" text40600;"""Kagome was quiet all the way there, even avoiding looking at me.""" text40601;"""Not that I was eager to continue our pointless conversation either.""" text40602;"""Kagome wouldn't change her mind unless something very serious happened.""" text40603;"""Humans generally try as hard as possible not to change what they believe, even if it goes against common sense.""" text40604;"""When we approached the warehouse, I felt as if an invisible force stopped me, preventing me from going further.""" text40605;"""Niko-san?""" text40606;"""Kagome addressed me for the first time in the last hour.""" text40607;"""…""" text40608;"""You look like you've just seen a ghost.""" text40609;"""Well, if Ellie died there because of you, then…""" text40610;"""Here you go again.""" text40611;"""She sighed, straightened up, and frowned.""" text40612;"""I had to go all this way to realize I didn't want to be here at all.""" text40613;"""Sometimes, the right choice takes too much emotional effort — it seems easier to bear with condemnation for your cowardice.""" text40614;"""Niko-san, do you understand you have to be consistent? You could have released Kobayashi right away, gone to the police, handed me over to the Corporation.""" text40615;"""But you didn't do any of that, yet you still keep self-flagellating over you conscience…""" text40616;"""Well, it's your decision. Just please, for the love of Gods, find someone else to vent all your negativity at.""" text40617;"""Then why did you drag me here?""" text40618;"""You came yourself!""" text40619;"""She exclaimed much louder than necessary — almost disturbing the peace of the giant sleeping warehouses.""" text40620;"""I guess Kagome was right.""" text40621;"""I was probably trying to transfer my guilt to someone else.""" text40622;"""And since there was nobody but her around…""" text40623;"""I wasn't so much judging Kagome for kidnapping Ellie, as I just desperately wanted to avoid being involved in it.""" text40624;"""You know, fine! You're right! Go. I'll wait here.""" text40625;"""Really?""" text40626;"""She was genuinely surprised.""" text40627;"""Yes.""" text40628;"""I tried to make my voice sound as confident as possible — and, apparently, it worked.""" text40629;"""Well, as you wish.""" text40630;"""Kagome said and entered the warehouse, and it appeared to me like an expression of happiness flashed on her face for just a moment.""" text40631;"""…""" text40632;"""Being here alone, among these industrial ruins, wouldn't have been the most pleasant experience even under different circumstances…""" text40633;"""But just nearby, Ellie was suffering, tied up, and I couldn't help her — which made the entire situation simply unbearable.""" text40634;"""I couldn't… Why, actually?""" text40635;"""Who or what was stopping me?""" text40636;"""Kagome's argument that we were in the same boat, and I was just as guilty as her?""" text40637;"""There was probably some truth to it, but wouldn't it be easier to do nothing then?""" text40638;"""The first choice of most living creatures in danger is to pretend to be dead.""" text40639;"""I guess Kagome was right — I really wasn't consistent.""" text40640;"""But I didn't know why and what to do about that!""" text40641;"""The night was cold, and every time I exhaled, a cloud of steam came out of my mouth.""" text40642;"""The stars seemed to have hid somewhere, and it suddenly appeared to me that the entire world had been squeezed in a giant box with a little bit of light finding its way from the outside, and I was just looking at its dark blue lid, on which little white dots were drawn.""" text40643;"""Kagome returned faster than I had expected.""" text40644;"""Is everything alright?""" text40645;"""You can go and check for yourself.""" text40646;"""I can. But I'm asking you!""" text40647;"""Everything is in order — as much as it can be.""" text40648;"""For a while I kept watching her face, trying to find signs of deception, but in the end I turned around and started walking toward the station.""" text40649;"""Are you coming?""" text40650;"""…""" text40651;"""The entire way back I desperately wanted to know whether Ellie had asked about me.""" text40652;"""But I anticipated Kagome's reaction, so I didn't say a word.""" text40653;"""When we reached the station, she said:""" text40654;"""I'll call a taxi, wait here.""" text40655;"""…""" text40656;"""I was shifting from one foot to another, trying to warm up.""" text40657;"""Every step I had taken in the past several days seemed to bring me further and further away from common sense.""" text40658;"""It felt as if someone was controlling my life, like I was the character in a computer game.""" text40659;"""And that that someone had no intention to get me a happy end.""" text40660;"""Kagome returned from the telephone box and shrugged.""" text40661;"""The taxi will only be here in half an hour. They said it's late, all the cars are busy—""" text40662;"""I see.""" text40663;"""I interrupted her.""" text40664;"""Niko-san, don't you feel cold?""" text40665;"""Why, you want to offer me your jumper?""" text40666;"""Her jumper did indeed looked pretty warm, but I'd hardly be able to fit into it.""" text40667;"""But, Kagome seemed to not have noticed my sarcasm.""" text40668;"""My restaurant was very close to this place…""" text40669;"""Just recently I thought I'd never get used to it, but now I already miss it.""" text40670;"""…""" text40671;"""I wonder how my grandfather must feel.""" text40672;"""To be frank, Moriyuki-san didn't exactly seem devastated by woe.""" text40673;"""Maybe that was because he no longer always adequately perceived reality.""" text40674;"""We have to let Ellie go as soon as possible.""" text40675;"""I said suddenly, even to myself.""" text40676;"""What…?""" text40677;"""This is wrong… This shouldn't be!""" text40678;"""We will — as soon as they release my father.""" text40679;"""What if…""" text40680;"""I worked up the courage and continued:""" text40681;"""What if they don't? Or they do but Ellie doesn't make it that far?""" text40682;"""Do you understand that there isn't always a right and wrong solution? Sometimes, every option is wrong, and we just have to accept the consequences.""" text40683;"""What do you mean by that?""" text40684;"""She asked coldly.""" text40685;"""I mean… we have to let Ellie go. As soon as possible.""" text40686;"""Are you going to do it now?""" text40687;"""Kagome tried to speak calmly, but I could hear a bit of anxiety in her voice.""" text40688;"""No… I…""" text40689;"""I probably had at least 24 hours or so.""" text40690;"""But all the time in the world wouldn't make this decision any easier.""" text40691;"""To do the right thing — and put both me and Kagome in danger.""" text40692;"""We have to prepare.""" text40693;"""You can't be prepared for death!""" text40694;"""I had no energy to continue this argument.""" text40695;"""…""" text40696;"""The taxi arrived after an hour, and by then it had grown significantly colder outside.""" text40697;"""It was warmer in the car, but all the way home I felt like a side of beef in a refrigerator.""" text40698;"""When we finally reached home, Kagome immediately ran to the bathroom, but stopped in the doorway.""" text40699;"""If you want to go first, Niko-san…""" text40700;"""Could it be that you're cold too, Iwamura-san?""" text40701;"""I asked her sarcastically and slammed the door of my room much louder than I wanted to.""" text40702;"""My dream of treating myself to a warm bath wasn't fated to become reality.""" text40703;"""…""" text40704;"""My darling bed and the duvet my parents had bought from Soviet sailors a couple of years ago enveloped me in the warmth I so badly desired, but I still couldn't manage to fall asleep.""" text40705;"""It seemed that in the process of introspection I had reached an important point, maybe even the point of no return, but I still didn't know what had to be done next.""" text40706;"""And if Kagome indeed was planning to drive both of us to the grave, I had to act on my own to avoid that!""" text40707;"""Except that I didn't have even the outlines of a plan…"""