text30442;"""Morning in the countryside and morning in stuffy Tokyo are totally different.""" text30443;"""It had been so long since I was last out in nature, waking with the sunrise, the cool wind, and the singing of birds.""" text30444;"""It had been so long since the morning sun caressed my face with its welcoming rays — it didn't feel like my musty bedroom at all.""" text30445;"""It felt like I was ready to move mountains, but the whole idyll was disturbed by someone's voice insistently demanding my attention.""" text30446;"""And it wasn't Himitsu's…""" text30447;"""I wanted to keep my eyes closed, to retain that pleasant feeling of morning half-sleep.""" text30448;"""Then my world started shaking. More and more.""" text30449;"""And the voice kept calling me more and more inisistently.""" text30450;"""Nikolai.""" text30451;"""Ryunosuke-san was standing over me, shaking me by the shoulders.""" text30452;"""He wasn't even trying to conceal the irritation on his normally emotionless face.""" text30453;"""Awake? Finally!""" text30454;"""What… What do you want…?""" text30455;"""My conciousness had no desire to return from the land of dreams.""" text30456;"""Himitsu's father took a step back.""" text30457;"""Nikolai, for some reason, you don't take in what you're told at all. Are you seriously this bent on self destruction?""" text30458;"""I got up all in one motion, my vision blacking out for a moment.""" text30459;"""I thought I clearly told you that you and my daughter are done.""" text30460;"""But no… First I had to take her away from Tokyo, so now you're hunting her down here, is that it?""" text30461;"""I guess it is.""" text30462;"""I have a short reply.""" text30463;"""So what should I do with you?""" text30464;"""He threw his arms up in the air so casually it seemed we were talking about a naughty puppy, not my life.""" text30465;"""His profession clearly required some acting skills, but in my opinion Ryunosuke-san tended to go a bit overboard.""" text30466;"""Keeping quiet now? You should've thought of that before!""" text30467;"""Ryunosuke-san, what's this all for? I'm here, and so are you. And so is Himitsu…""" text30468;"""Have you ever asked her what she wants? Have you ever wondered what her wishes and feelings are?""" text30469;"""You pretend that you're protecting her… No! You believe it! You really believe you're doing it all for her own good!""" text30470;"""But ask Himitsu, does she agree with your decisions? Is she happy with her future?""" text30471;"""It's not only about me, after all!""" text30472;"""When she's got so little left of school… She just had to drop everything — her friends, her old house where she had been living her entire life…""" text30473;"""Is that really what's best for her? She's not a little child anymore!""" text30474;"""Are you done?""" text30475;"""Ryunosuke-san asked coldly.""" text30476;"""Not a single muscle twitched on his face.""" text30477;"""Nikolai, you don't know what life is. I have already told you that I feel sorry about your situation, but there's nothing to be done about it now.""" text30478;"""All your words and actions are just a display of youthful idealism.""" text30479;"""How do you imagine the future of the son of Soviet spies, and the daughter of a Japanese intelligence agent? Of a gaijin and a Japanese…""" text30480;"""But Himitsu is only half-Japanese.""" text30481;"""Annoyance flashed across his face, but only for a moment.""" text30482;"""Ryunosuke-san clearly didn't like to discuss his ex-wife.""" text30483;"""I wondered how the fact that she was Russian was connected to his work spying on Russian immigrants.""" text30484;"""What was the cause and what was the effect…?""" text30485;"""You leave me no choice.""" text30486;"""So what, you're going to just shoot me?""" text30487;"""That thought, and most importantly the thought that my life might end here and now, took my breath away.""" text30488;"""Well, then you should know that Himitsu saw me last night!""" text30489;"""And that…""" text30490;"""She'll never forgive you for it!""" text30491;"""Ryunosuke-san closed his eyes and sighed heavily.""" text30492;"""Don't make things even more complicated, Nikolai. You knew how it would end when you decided to come here.""" text30493;"""I didn't know anything like that!""" text30494;"""And I really hadn't been thinking about anything of the sort!""" text30495;"""Children shouldn't be responsible for their father's sins! Neither me nor Himitsu!""" text30496;"""Nothing but empty words. Life isn't a TV show, and you aren't its protagonist.""" text30497;"""You still think I suspect you of something…""" text30498;"""He smirked and walked back and forth through the hotel room, as if studying it and wondering about staying.""" text30499;"""He approached the window and looked outside, paused there for a few seconds and nodded to someone downstairs.""" text30500;"""That cold, calculated approach is how he was with everything, starting with the choice of furniture in a room and ending with human lives.""" text30501;"""Had that been the case, at the very minimum I wouldn't be talking to you here and now.""" text30502;"""People get into bad situations on accident, unfortunate things happen in their lives — also on accident.""" text30503;"""And it's nobody's fault. You can't fix it. You just need to live on, move on.""" text30504;"""But you don't want to — you just stand pat and create problems for others.""" text30505;"""And that's unacceptable! Those are accidents, understand? A sequence of events that happened by themselves, and that nobody is responsible for.""" text30506;"""Meanwhile, you're trying to blame me, Kobayashi Corporation, Japan — everyone around you. And by doing so, you're causing problems for everybody, including yourself.""" text30507;"""We can't allow this to continue…""" text30508;"""You think I came here, to the middle of nowhere, to investigate my parents' murder?!""" text30509;"""True hatred for this person started to boil up inside me.""" text30510;"""Here you go again — \""murder\""…""" text30511;"""I only came here for Himitsu!""" text30512;"""I interrupted him.""" text30513;"""Even if for the last time… I want to hear it from her!""" text30514;"""I will not allow you to see Himitsu.""" text30515;"""He said firmly.""" text30516;"""I started to think of my options.""" text30517;"""Of course, Ryunosuke-san was over fifty, but he was still a trained agent, and who was I?""" text30518;"""Besides, he most likely had a gun.""" text30519;"""Therefore, trying to run wasn't an option, at least not now.""" text30520;"""You've already caused us enough problems, Nikolai… Let's go.""" text30521;"""He pointed to the door.""" text30522;"""Go where?""" text30523;"""For God's sake, would you stop?!""" text30524;"""There was steel in his voice, and I lost any desire to argue.""" text30525;"""While we were going down the stairs, I couldn't stop thinking about Himitsu's anguished expression when she was looking out the window of her grandma's house.""" text30526;"""No, it wasn't a sign of despair — she looked more like a princess who wanted to be rescued!""" text30527;"""We walked out to the street.""" text30528;"""A black Toyota was waiting in front of the hotel.""" text30529;"""The brute in the driver's seat stared at me unblinkingly.""" text30530;"""Meanwhile, the town had already awoken.""" text30531;"""People went to bed early here but woke up just as early.""" text30532;"""Smiling old women were walking the streets, smiling old men were opening their shops, and sleepy tourists were crawling out of their hotels.""" text30533;"""Perhaps I wouldn't win in a fight with Ryunosuke-san — but there was no way he'd start shooting here and now!""" text30534;"""And I was quite confident in my sprinting ability.""" text30535;"""I'm sorry, Ryunosuke-san…""" text30536;"""He looked at me, confused.""" text30537;"""Let's finish this conversation another time!""" text30538;"""I broke into a run.""" text30539;"""The wind was whipping against my face, my lungs burned from the freezing morning air, the unfamiliar voice demanding I stop was becoming quieter and quieter.""" text30540;"""I didn't dare look back, couldn't even think about it.""" text30541;"""The sound of the car engine was getting closer — I made a turn into a narrow alley between houses.""" text30542;"""They wouldn't shoot me in the back in broad daylight, after all.""" text30543;"""A resort town isn't the best place to chase your target by car. It seemed that Ryunosuke-san and his henchmen had realized that too — the sound of the car engine and the screeching of tires disappeared completely.""" text30544;"""I ran out onto the main street and quickly looked around — everything seemed to be fine.""" text30545;"""I caught my breath and quickly thought over what I would do now.""" text30546;"""Since they couldn't catch me, they would first try to block all my escape routes.""" text30547;"""Which at minimum were the railway station and the hotel I could've returned to.""" text30548;"""But I wouldn't give Ryunosuke-san the satisfaction!""" text30549;"""The target was clear, and so was the route. I had to talk to Himitsu no matter what!""" text30550;"""Even if it was the last thing I did in my life!""" text30551;"""What could a normal person say about running? Most likely that aerobic exercise is good for the cardiovascular system.""" text30552;"""But, if you think about it, that's a very shallow and incomplete conclusion.""" text30553;"""I was never particularly sporty, but at the same time I had no extra fat on me, didn't smoke, and occasionally played football.""" text30554;"""Running a few kilometres to Himitsu's grandma's house? Easy!""" text30555;"""Of course, it was foolish to try and outrun a car — if Ryunosuke-san went there immediately, I had no chance.""" text30556;"""After a few minutes, I slowed down a bit — it was impossible to cover the entire distance at this pace.""" text30557;"""After catching my breath, I fell into a rhythm and was running effortlessly: a push of my leg — and it felt as if I was soaring up a few metres and then down to earth, bouncing softly, just to go up again.""" text30558;"""It's hard to run and think at the same time.""" text30559;"""I wasn't even trying — everything was clear anyway.""" text30560;"""My way lay across the little hill, and down below I could see green fields separated by a thin scar of railway.""" text30561;"""A train was slowly going the direction of Tokyo, working its way around the mountain that loomed over the landscape like a silent guardian.""" text30562;"""I was running forward, while the train was heading in the opposite direction.""" text30563;"""I wondered if that ill-mannered girl was inside, returning home.""" text30564;"""The road led to the forest, though I barely could call that a road — it was more like a narrow path snaking among the trees.""" text30565;"""What if this was that suicide forest…?""" text30566;"""I looked around as I ran, but noticed nothing unusual — there were no dead bodies, ghosts, or even wild animals.""" text30567;"""Then I quickened my pace and soon ran across a wooden bridge.""" text30568;"""The planks under my feet strained and squeaked like an old man scolding children.""" text30569;"""A bird's cry came from behind me, like a scream of despair.""" text30570;"""I tripped over a tree root and fell to the ground, seriously bruising my palms.""" text30571;"""But that only stopped me for a couple of seconds — and there I was again, running onward through the strange forest.""" text30572;"""As if I were making my way through all the obstacles of life, leaving behind so many things that had been holding me back.""" text30573;"""The sun's rays were penetrating the dense canopy of trees, I was sweating, and my sweat was rolling into my eyes — salty, nasty, burning.""" text30574;"""I had to wipe them constantly and was blinking so often that it felt like I was in a film by brothers Lumiere, going sixteen frames per second.""" text30575;"""After some time my heart started making itself known — its beats becoming clearer and more frequent.""" text30576;"""Every beat echoed in my head, blood pulsating in my temples, ears popping, and I had to swallow nervously, which wasn't easy as my mouth was absolutely dry.""" text30577;"""Finally, I saw a gap between the trees and dashed toward the small, at least a-couple-centuries-old house.""" text30578;"""I was near!""" text30579;"""The plots of land were situated next to each other without any system or plan – bigger, smaller, triangular, square, rectangular.""" text30580;"""Some lacked any buildings at all, while others just had shacks built on them, and others more had decent houses.""" text30581;"""But, in general, there were no wealthy peasants in this village.""" text30582;"""\""No kulaks to dispossess, at least!\"" — I sniffed, immediately starting to lose my breath.""" text30583;"""I felt more respect for Ryunosuke Ito for making his way up in the world from here.""" text30584;"""Usually great figures come from the lowest social classes — genius never makes it to the second generation.""" text30585;"""Having experienced their share of loss and suffering, they often project their distorted sense of justice onto their people.""" text30586;"""There are many such examples in history, and not just Russia's history.""" text30587;"""I was running on the compacted clay that served in place of asphalt here, paper shacks passing before my eyes.""" text30588;"""A seemingly hundred-year-old woman brandished a broom at me and shouted something.""" text30589;"""Who even runs in the middle of the day!""" text30590;"""I was too tired to react in any way — there were about a hundred metres left to Himitsu's house.""" text30591;"""A last dash — and I saw the familiar roof around the corner.""" text30592;"""It happens often: you only remember separate details out of the whole picture, and those details look like different colored pieces in a puzzle with a thousand pieces.""" text30593;"""All the roofs in this village were more or less the same, all the houses were more or less the same height, but I instantly recognized the one I was looking for.""" text30594;"""After running into the yard, I doubled over with my hands on my knees.""" text30595;"""The air was hissing out of my open mouth.""" text30596;"""Here I was!""" text30597;"""Ryunosuke-san's car was nowhere to be seen.""" text30598;"""I tried to take a step forward but couldn't even raise my leg — it seemed to be made of stone, rooted to the ground.""" text30599;"""I hit my knees a few times and slowly wobbled to the door.""" text30600;"""Please be home! Just be home!""" text30601;"""I was whispering.""" text30602;"""I need just a minute… No, even half a minute! Five seconds! Five seconds would be enough to tell you everything!""" text30603;"""Please, just be home…""" text30604;"""I thought I heard the sound of a car somewhere in the distance, but the next second everything was again filled with the normal sounds of a village: the cries of cattle and poultry, the cracking of firewood, the grating of a saw, and the knocking of hammers.""" text30605;"""It felt like I didn't belong here — first in this typical Japanese countryside and then in Japan altogether.""" text30606;"""I couldn't imagine how I could live like this… even with Himitsu.""" text30607;"""It absolutely wasn't my thing!""" text30608;"""I immediately wanted to return to Tokyo with its crazy speed of life and pulse of two hundred beats a minute.""" text30609;"""That's where my heart was supposed to beat so quickly! Not here — at the front door of the house where multiple generations of Ito's family had been raised.""" text30610;"""I knocked.""" text30611;"""I had to wait for too long, or, maybe, the time was passing too slowly.""" text30612;"""Finally, I heard those same steps behind the door — as if someone was dragging something heavy along the floor.""" text30613;"""The door moved aside, and Himitsu's grandmother appeared from behind it.""" text30614;"""Niko-kun…?""" text30615;"""She was clearly not happy to see me and wasn't even trying to hide it.""" text30616;"""I need to talk to Himitsu!""" text30617;"""I said firmly.""" text30618;"""It was a good thing I had managed to catch my breath.""" text30619;"""Ryunosuke told me not to…""" text30620;"""She replied after a pause.""" text30621;"""Sympathy and seemingly understanding reflected on her wrinkled face — apparently, she decided that it made no sense to pretend any further.""" text30622;"""It's very important! Both for her and me!""" text30623;"""Fine.""" text30624;"""Grandma finally agreed and stepped aside.""" text30625;"""I ran inside and shouted:""" text30626;"""Himitsu!""" text30627;"""How many years had passed since I last came here?""" text30628;"""But the house looked exactly like in my childhood memories.""" text30629;"""Himitsu peeked out of the next room.""" text30630;"""Niko-kun?""" text30631;"""I… I…""" text30632;"""And, as luck would have it, I couldn't find the right words at the most important moment — moreover, I couldn't say anything articulate at all.""" text30633;"""Niko-kun, why are you here?""" text30634;"""She took a few steps towards me but stopped, as if hesitating.""" text30635;"""Yesterday… I thought you understood.""" text30636;"""We have nothing to talk about.""" text30637;"""Then just listen to me.""" text30638;"""I pulled myself together.""" text30639;"""I love you! I realized it way too late, but I want you to know it!""" text30640;"""I know that there's no forgiveness for what I've done… I understand that you've tolerated a lot from me for a long time, and I'm grateful for that!""" text30641;"""I'll accept any answer — your happiness is what matters the most to me.""" text30642;"""Himitsu was standing and staring, unblinkingly, as if through me.""" text30643;"""You'd said before that you loved me…""" text30644;"""And then you went back to your Katya!""" text30645;"""No, I didn't go back to anyone! It was a misunderstanding!""" text30646;"""Maybe I was telling the truth, but I knew that she had heard so many lies that sounded just like this that it was unlikely she'd believe it.""" text30647;"""Catherine has nothing to do with all this! I understand what it looks like, but I'm not lying!""" text30648;"""Of course… I should've dealt with her as soon as she returned.""" text30649;"""And I'm sorry about that, too!""" text30650;"""I just had to talk to you before…""" text30651;"""But mentioning Ryunosuke-san and his threats would be unfair — then Himitsu simply wouldn't have a choice.""" text30652;"""Before I leave.""" text30653;"""Forgive me if you can.""" text30654;"""Niko-kun…""" text30655;"""She lowered her head.""" text30656;"""It's nobody's fault but mine. I ruined everything myself. I realized too late what really matters to me in life!""" text30657;"""Niko-kun…""" text30658;"""I didn't appreciate what was most important to me. I took it for granted, thinking it wouldn't go anywhere.""" text30659;"""And most importantly… It was something I needed as much as air to breathe.""" text30660;"""I have nothing without you! And I need nothing without you!""" text30661;"""Niko-kun…""" text30662;"""Himitsu was crying.""" text30663;"""On instinct, I came closer to сomfort her, but froze in place — I had no right to do that now.""" text30664;"""The sound of a car engine came from the yard, then I heard voices.""" text30665;"""Maybe we'll never see each other again… Don't forget me! Remember that we had a lot of good moments, not just bad ones.""" text30666;"""And you need to know that I wasn't doing it to hurt you! I'm just… like this.""" text30667;"""And forgive me for everything…""" text30668;"""Niko-kun…""" text30669;"""I heard loud steps in the hall, and the next moment Ryunosuke-san burst into the room.""" text30670;"""I didn't really understand what I was doing, acting almost subconsciously.""" text30671;"""I grabbed Himitsu and kissed her.""" text30672;"""She jumpeded in surprise but didn't try to resist.""" text30673;"""Nikolai!""" text30674;"""I heard her father's voice from somewhere at the edge of my mind.""" text30675;"""I wasn't paying attention to him – only looking into her green, wide-open eyes — there were no more tears in them.""" text30676;"""The eyes that were always the first thing I saw waking up in the morning.""" text30677;"""In an instant, all our happy moments flew before my mind's eye: from making a snowman when we were little to that ridiculous pink elephant.""" text30678;"""Yes, I had loved Himitsu my entire life, I just never understood that there also existed this kind of love — so different from the infatuation I had developed for Catherine.""" text30679;"""Finally, our lips came apart.""" text30680;"""Himitsu never responded to the kiss and lowered her head again.""" text30681;"""Well, had your tender moment? Now get out of here!""" text30682;"""Ryunosuke-san shouted.""" text30683;"""No, dad…""" text30684;"""Himitsu said in almost a whisper, still looking at the floor.""" text30685;"""What?""" text30686;"""No, dad, enough!""" text30687;"""She repeated louder.""" text30688;"""You've decided enough for me! I'm not a child anymore!""" text30689;"""Suddenly she turned to him, clenched her little fists, flashing her eyes.""" text30690;"""I love Niko-kun! And neither you nor anyone else can change that!""" text30691;"""You might think it's wrong, and that I'll be unhappy, but it's my choice!""" text30692;"""Even if you think Niko-kun isn't perfect… Even if it's true… I'm the one who's going to live with him, not you!""" text30693;"""I froze, forgetting to breathe.""" text30694;"""Even if you think he's done something wrong — I know for sure that Niko-kun hasn't done anything bad!""" text30695;"""He's lived through so much… You just have no right to treat him like this! You can't treat us like this!""" text30696;"""Maybe we won't be happy the way you see happiness, but we're okay with living like that.""" text30697;"""And the fact that we're together doesn't stand in the way of your job, no matter what it is you really do!""" text30698;"""We…""" text30699;"""Himitsu turned to me and looked at me pleadingly.""" text30700;"""We love each other!""" text30701;"""I couldn't resist looking at Ryunosuke-san triumphantly — take that!""" text30702;"""Of course, I shouldn't have, but that's how I was — that's what Himitsu was talking about.""" text30703;"""This is beyond all reason…""" text30704;"""He sighed and leaned against the wall.""" text30705;"""Sorry dad, but you'll have to accept my choice.""" text30706;"""She came up right next to me and took me by the hand.""" text30707;"""Or he leaves, but he'll leave with me!""" text30708;"""Ryunosuke-san turned pale, deep wrinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes.""" text30709;"""Do you… do you even realize what you're doing?""" text30710;"""I do!""" text30711;"""And you…""" text30712;"""He looked at me, but with no anger, more like asking me for help.""" text30713;"""Fine. After all, I really can't live your life for you…""" text30714;"""But if you two think that everything will be just as easy going forward…""" text30715;"""Even if it won't — we'll stay together!""" text30716;"""Dreams of youth!""" text30717;"""Ryunosuke-san smirked.""" text30718;"""Have it your way… But we need to talk. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to him.""" text30719;"""He anticipated Himitsu's possible indignation.""" text30720;"""In private.""" text30721;"""It's just for a bit, everything's going to be alright.""" text30722;"""I squeezed Himitsu's hand tighter, then released it and walked to the yard with her father.""" text30723;"""You should understand what you're getting into, Nikolai.""" text30724;"""He started immediately.""" text30725;"""To be honest, I don't care about you — I'm only worried about my daughter! You may put her at risk.""" text30726;"""The problem is that I still understand nothing about what's going on!""" text30727;"""Ryunosuke-san looked a bit upset, and I even caught what seemed to be pity in his expression.""" text30728;"""What's your relationship with the KGB?""" text30729;"""I then remembered that I had given Irina a fat load of bullshit about the documents I was supposed to have found at Ito's place and about me knowing more than I really did.""" text30730;"""And, what was more important, I had agreed to contact them next week.""" text30731;"""Well, errr… I don't have a relationship with them. It's not that simple.""" text30732;"""Is \""simple\"" your favorite word or something? How could things possibly be any more complicated?!""" text30733;"""He grinned suddenly, took out a cigarette case, raised his eyes to me and smiled apologetically.""" text30734;"""Can't quit smoking… \""Kosmos\"", Soviet ones.""" text30735;"""A Japanese person with a cigarette case was something new to me. Especially a case of Soviet cigarettes.""" text30736;"""He took a long pull and continued:""" text30737;"""So, what can you tell me?""" text30738;"""And you? Otherwise, it's a little unfair.""" text30739;"""No, it's quite fair. And right. The less you know, the less risk you pose for Himitsu if anything happens.""" text30740;"""Ryunosuke-san, she's not one of your agents to even be at risk!""" text30741;"""That doesn't change anything.""" text30742;"""I sighed heavily and thought about it.""" text30743;"""Telling him everything here and now meant acknowledging him as an ally.""" text30744;"""Trusting a person that I had considered an enemy just a minute ago.""" text30745;"""Yeah, it didn't seem like he had much choice now — no matter what, he had to reconcile with the fact that Himitsu had chosen me.""" text30746;"""However, he had shown more than once that he was ready to do anything to achieve his goals.""" text30747;"""And what will I get in return? Will you protect me? From the Russians, the Corporation?""" text30748;"""The Corporation is no threat to you, and I don't know the Russians' intentions.""" text30749;"""Yeah, right!""" text30750;"""He managed to lie twice in a short sentence without batting an eye.""" text30751;"""I want to be clear about one thing right away: Ryunosuke-san, are we on the same side now?""" text30752;"""He took his time to answer my question.""" text30753;"""I am on Himitsu's side. So, as long as she is on yours…""" text30754;"""It's hard to believe you when you talk like that.""" text30755;"""You don't have to believe me. The more soberly you view this situation, the better. So, what do you know?""" text30756;"""My whole body tensed up — something inside me, maybe my sixth sense, wouldn't let me tell him the entire truth.""" text30757;"""The Russians have contacted me several times and demanded… asked for some papers, documents, information about my father's work.""" text30758;"""But I know nothing about it! I've already told you this — and I told them!""" text30759;"""Sorry, but I'm not ready to believe that the KGB are complete idiots — if they contacted you, they must've had their reasons.""" text30760;"""Reasons!""" text30761;"""I rolled my eyes.""" text30762;"""Looks like all of you, no matter the country, think that me being Russian is enough of a reason!""" text30763;"""That does, certainly, play a certain role…""" text30764;"""Whatever my father was doing, I know nothing about it!""" text30765;"""I was listening to my own voice as if from outside myself — it was fervent and confident, even though I was lying.""" text30766;"""Perhaps Ryunosuke-san knew about these ballistic missiles, but so far it was the only piece of information I could latch on to.""" text30767;"""Perhaps the only one that could save my life in the future.""" text30768;"""There was still the question of Irina, who would be waiting for my call.""" text30769;"""I was jumping into these spy games head on again, forgetting about Himitsu.""" text30770;"""So, what will happen… to us?""" text30771;"""After finishing his cigarette, Ryunosuke-san wanted to drop the roach on the ground, then remembered something and fearfully, like a child, cast a glance at the house and put it out with his fingers.""" text30772;"""And there was something so simple and understandable about the way he did it…""" text30773;"""I didn't just fear Himitsu's father, I also respected him.""" text30774;"""But he wasn't omnipotent — there were some questions he too had no answers for.""" text30775;"""There were situations that could confuse him and things that could scare him.""" text30776;"""So could he protect us?""" text30777;"""After all, the most important thing for me now was to be with Himitsu…""" text30778;"""No matter where — in Tokyo, surrounded by KGB spies and the Corporation's agents, or here, drowning in the boredom and monotony of a Japanese village.""" text30779;"""I imagine Himitsu would prefer to go home.""" text30780;"""Yes, but…""" text30781;"""Or do you not want to return to Tokyo for some reason?""" text30782;"""His face became emotionless again — the professional expression of an experienced intelligence officer.""" text30783;"""May I talk to Himitsu about it first?""" text30784;"""I decided to avoid giving a straight answer.""" text30785;"""Of course.""" text30786;"""Ryunosuke-san responded coldly and returned to the house.""" text30787;"""Before I came up with the proper words, Himitsu appeared on the doorstep.""" text30788;"""Niko-kun, what's the matter?""" text30789;"""Let's talk somewhere else.""" text30790;"""We walked some thirty meters away from the house.""" text30791;"""Niko-kun?""" text30792;"""She was blinking at me in surprise.""" text30793;"""Your father is offering to return us to Tokyo.""" text30794;"""That's great, isn't it?""" text30795;"""Yeah, great… On the one hand.""" text30796;"""But people might be waiting for me there who I don't want to meet. And now these people might be waiting for you too.""" text30797;"""Himitsu gave it a minute of thought, but then said confidently:""" text30798;"""Dad will protect us!""" text30799;"""I don't want to say anything bad about your father…""" text30800;"""Maybe I should've though — just a couple hours ago he was more or less threatening to kill me.""" text30801;"""But he also has his limits.""" text30802;"""Then what are we supposed to do?""" text30803;"""That's a good question… What were you going to do here alone?""" text30804;"""Well… I hadn't really thought about that…""" text30805;"""Himitsu lowered her eyes and blushed.""" text30806;"""What do you mean \""you hadn't thought about it\""?""" text30807;"""I thought that sooner or later things would sort themselves out.""" text30808;"""Are you serious?!""" text30809;"""I exclaimed.""" text30810;"""Naturally, I'd never suspected Himitsu to be an outstanding strategist, but to be so passive and apathetic about her own fate was too much even for her.""" text30811;"""I was just very angry with you!""" text30812;"""She pouted and half-turned from me.""" text30813;"""Blessed innocence!""" text30814;"""I said in Russian; she looked at me, puzzled, but I said abruptly:""" text30815;"""Never mind.""" text30816;"""So then, I couldn't count on Himitsu.""" text30817;"""My only hope was that Ryunosuke-san would do everything he could to protect his daughter.""" text30818;"""And as for me… I could only rely on myself.""" text30819;"""And deal with problems as they came.""" text30820;"""You're such a fool of mine!""" text30821;"""I pulled Himitsu closer, grabbed her by the waist, and kissed her.""" text30822;"""Niko-kun…""" text30823;"""She tried to push me away — weakly, more for the sake of decency.""" text30824;"""Don't worry, nobody's watching.""" text30825;"""Well, Tokyo it is then…""" text30826;"""I sighed.""" text30827;"""Packing up didn't take much time — it was obvious that Himitsu wasn't really planning to stay long, as she had only taken a few personal belongings with her.""" text30828;"""Perhaps I had overreacted, and it would've been better to just wait until she calmed down and forced her father to return home?""" text30829;"""No, screw those thoughts!""" text30830;"""I did everything right! I did exactly what I should've done the only way it could've been done!""" text30831;"""I guess, in all my actions and particularly my thoughts, you could see a clear tendency for a kind of martyrdom.""" text30832;"""Unconsciously I was expecting myself to fail and get nailed to the cross by Ryunosuke-san, suffering in the name of love.""" text30833;"""And again there was that spiritual simulacrum, the \""Higher\"" feeling that was condescendingly laughing at everything mundane, worldly.""" text30834;"""To put it simply, I was positive that Himitsu would've been happier to know that I was alive but without her, rather than dead for her sake.""" text30835;"""Besides, I managed to cadge a couple of nikumans from her grandmother…""" text30836;"""We were going back to Tokyo, the provincial town having disappeared into the distance.""" text30837;"""The roadway went parallel to the railway, and I noted once again how strikingly different were the views from the car's and the train's windows.""" text30838;"""Now, the trees on the roadside appeared as an impenetrable barrier hiding some sort of treasure.""" text30839;"""I couldn't see the mountains behind them, and it felt like we were in some kind of lowland, a swamp.""" text30840;"""Himitsu put her head on my shoulder and fell asleep.""" text30841;"""Occasionally I would catch Ryunosuke-san's angry glances in the rearview mirror and smile apologetically in return.""" text30842;"""His hands nervously fidgeted on the wheel — the experienced intelligence (or \""counterintelligence\"" might be the correct term, I guess?) officer wasn't even trying to hide his opinion on the situation.""" text30843;"""I wondered what was making him more mad: the fact that Himitsu was snuggling up to me so openly, without holding back, or that she was doing so in front of her own father?""" text30844;"""Who was just presented with the facts of the situation and couldn't offer any objection.""" text30845;"""…""" text30846;"""When we reached the house it was already dark.""" text30847;"""Himitsu barely managed to open her eyes and get out of the car.""" text30848;"""She answered Ryunosuke-san's silent question:""" text30849;"""I need to cook something for Niko-kun.""" text30850;"""It felt like the sigh that followed, seemingly to containing all his fatherly disappointment and irritation, could be heard by the entire neighborhood.""" text30851;"""I took out my keys and gave them to her.""" text30852;"""I'll be right there.""" text30853;"""Himitsu decided not to argue and left us alone.""" text30854;"""Ryunosuke-san…""" text30855;"""I suddenly felt a desire to call him otou-san, my face screwing up from barely contained laughter.""" text30856;"""What about school?""" text30857;"""I'll handle it.""" text30858;"""It's surprisingly easy for you to change your daughter's schools multiple times a week.""" text30859;"""That's not what's important now.""" text30860;"""But not for Himitsu.""" text30861;"""He sighed again, this time rather wearily.""" text30862;"""Nikolai, remember: you must tell me everything…""" text30863;"""Ryunosuke-san looked around and quickly strummed his fingers on the dash.""" text30864;"""Everything that happens. About all contact with the KGB and other suspicious individuals.""" text30865;"""Suspicious individuals? Like who, for example?""" text30866;"""For example… You get me, stop pretending to be an idiot!""" text30867;"""Not that I really did get him, but I could guess.""" text30868;"""You know, I look at you and I fail to understand what happened to you this past year…""" text30869;"""Your parents… I understand. Yes, it's a tragedy, especially for a child. Yes, you were left alone. But usually, this makes people close up, hold a grudge against the entire world.""" text30870;"""While you…""" text30871;"""He sighed again, apparently indicating that our conversation was over.""" text30872;"""…""" text30873;"""Himitsu was making dinner and — too cheerfully, I thought — humming some pop tune.""" text30874;"""It was as if nothing had happened at all for her, as if this was a normal evening.""" text30875;"""I was sitting in front of the TV set, not paying much attention to what it was showing, сhewing on a toothpick I'd found somewhere, and occasionally throwing glances at my new girlfriend.""" text30876;"""Ryunosuke-san told me that he'll handle everything about school. I guess Saya-chan will be happy.""" text30877;"""Yes.""" text30878;"""She replied briefly, keeping her eyes on the cutting board.""" text30879;"""Are you happy?""" text30880;"""Of course!""" text30881;"""Good then.""" text30882;"""I didn't want to start a serious discussion with Himitsu right now.""" text30883;"""It would take some time for her emotions to settle down.""" text30884;"""And I needed a breather to think everything through carefully.""" text30885;"""Your grandma's house is nostalgiс… When was I there last? Seven, eight years ago?""" text30886;"""I guess so.""" text30887;"""It feels like nothing's changed.""" text30888;"""Well, nothing really has.""" text30889;"""I guess grandmas are the same everywhere.""" text30890;"""…""" text30891;"""Although I don't remember my grandparents that well — I was too little. Of course, mom's parents were at the funeral.""" text30892;"""Niko-kun…""" text30893;"""She stopped cutting things.""" text30894;"""Don't worry, I'm alright. You remember them, right?""" text30895;"""I smiled.""" text30896;"""Yes.""" text30897;"""So, well…""" text30898;"""The conversation took a wrong turn.""" text30899;"""…""" text30900;"""Of course it's going to be a little weird: first everyone is told that I'm not going to study here anymore and then whoop! — I just come back!""" text30901;"""Mhm…""" text30902;"""Turns out I was extremely hungry.""" text30903;"""But that's for the better — I wouldn't want to miss the school festival.""" text30904;"""To a degree, I agreed with Ryunosuke-san — school wasn't the main issue right now.""" text30905;"""Niko-kun?""" text30906;"""Whash? Yeaaashhh…""" text30907;"""I mumbled with my mouth full.""" text30908;"""You're not listening to me at all…""" text30909;"""You're like a dentist asking the patient questions in the middle of a procedure!""" text30910;"""Himitsu pouted — and everything became normal again, as if the hardships and sorrows of the past days never happened, as if Himitsu hadn't gone anywhere, and I hadn't been running after her through that magical forest, fleeing from her own father.""" text30911;"""I'm just a bit tired… My psyche wasn't prepared for all these shocks.""" text30912;"""Everything is going to be alright.""" text30913;"""She took me by the hand.""" text30914;"""It suddenly moved me so much that I felt I was about to cry.""" text30915;"""I looked aside, so she wouldn't notice.""" text30916;"""And even if everything was way too complicated…""" text30917;"""My only wish, for now, was to make this moment last forever.""" text30918;"""I love you. Have I told you that?""" text30919;"""I don't really remember.""" text30920;"""Himitsu made a serious face, but couldn't hold it for long and laughed.""" text30921;"""I pulled her to me and kissed her.""" text30922;"""And it was our first real kiss.""" text30923;"""…""" text30924;"""I was lying in bed and thinking about the future.""" text30925;"""Today, one page of my life turned over, giving place to something new.""" text30926;"""It seemed there were a lot of words, paragraphs and punctuation marks.""" text30927;"""But all of them combined into a single blurry mirage, as it was merely one of the paths the future could follow.""" text30928;"""And all the black symbols on the white parchment of our lives would take their form and become forever fixed in eternity later — when we write them with our actions.""" text30929;"""But nobody replied.""" text30930;"""I kept knocking again and again, and then ran to the backyard – everything was closed, and it was clear there was no one at home.""" text30931;"""Well played, Ito! Taking Himitsu away at the first sign of danger!""" text30932;"""What if it was her idea…? After all, yesterday she…""" text30933;"""No, no, and no!""" text30934;"""I was afraid to believe it, but there was a possibility that Himitsu had decided to leave herself in order to avoid seeing me.""" text30935;"""I busted in the garden door and walked inside.""" text30936;"""I checked all the rooms, but the house was empty.""" text30937;"""I returned to the living room and checked everything again — a pink elephant was sitting on the table!""" text30938;"""How could I not have notice it?!""" text30939;"""It was sitting motionlessly on its pedestal and staring at me with its cold, black eyes.""" text30940;"""What was that – a message?""" text30941;"""Did Himitsu leave it here on purpose? A toy she really treasured?""" text30942;"""Or was it Ito again?""" text30943;"""I sank powerlessly to the floor and put my head on the table.""" text30944;"""The stuffed animal was emotionless, but I still — seemingly — could see a sad expression on its face.""" text30945;"""What, your mistress left you?""" text30946;"""I addressed it.""" text30947;"""So we're the only two left…""" text30948;"""I yanked the elephant by its trunk. It tilted and fell to the ground, and a little folded piece of paper slipped out from under it.""" text30949;"""It rose a couple centimeters over the table and slowly glided down.""" text30950;"""As if enchanted, I watched its flight and for a long time after couldn't shake a strange numbness from my body.""" text30951;"""\""Niko-kun, sorry, but , it would be better if both of us \"".""" text30952;"""The note had obviously been rewritten several times and was never finished.""" text30953;"""But what did it change?""" text30954;"""What did it matter who had left the elephant and the stupid piece of paper here and why?""" text30955;"""The most important thing was that it was Himitsu's handwriting, the way she chose to bid me farewell.""" text30956;"""Maybe, these were her last words…""" text30957;"""So did it really matter now who was right and who was wrong?""" text30958;"""I wondered if this elephant felt as lonely as I did and if it was as worried as I was.""" text30959;"""I'd always thought that objects like it have their own egregore, and thanks to our thoughts and memories gain their own souls.""" text30960;"""The elephant had absorbed all my love for Himitsu and all her love for me.""" text30961;"""And then it was thrown away like an out-of-fashion sweater!""" text30962;"""Getting rid of things that remind you of a person you love is the point of no return.""" text30963;"""The sound of a car engine reached me from outside.""" text30964;"""I had no strength left to run, so I walked into the yard, tensed up, and prepared for the worst.""" text30965;"""My arms went impotently limp, the last remaining energy leaving me.""" text30966;"""Ito appeared from from around the corner accompanied by a couple goons.""" text30967;"""Got you now, Nikolai.""" text30968;"""Where's Himitsu?""" text30969;"""She doesn't want to see you.""" text30970;"""Did she say so herself?""" text30971;"""Yes. I don't know what you did, but in the end I'm glad that my daughter was able to make the right choice.""" text30972;"""I warned you! More than once!""" text30973;"""She made her choice, and I made mine…""" text30974;"""He could be lying — probably was! — but the expression with which Himitsu had looked at me out of the window, that unfinished note, and the damned pink elephant…""" text30975;"""Didn't she realize what the consequences would be for me?""" text30976;"""And if she did – did she care?""" text30977;"""It took me too long to realize I love her, so here we are.""" text30978;"""I smirked and closed my eyes.""" text30979;"""I assume this is the end?""" text30980;"""I don't like cheap melodrama.""" text30981;"""Ito said coldly and drew his pistol from a pocket at his chest.""" text30982;"""Well, at least, tell her…""" text30983;"""I knew full well that he wouldn't.""" text30984;"""Tell Himitsu that I wish her happiness!""" text30985;"""Ito lowered his pistol for a second as a shadow of doubt crossed his mind.""" text30986;"""Theatrics even in the face of death!""" text30987;"""He grimaced in disgust and cocked the gun.""" text30988;"""But the shot didn't come. I was counting instinctively: one, two, three…""" text30989;"""To dirty my hands…""" text30990;"""He said in a squeamish tone and lowered his weapon.""" text30991;"""This time really is the last one — run away, run and don't look back! Try to get as far as possible from me and my daughter, Tokyo, and even Japan if you can.""" text30992;"""You're still young, you can start over. And in ten years you won't even remember this conversation.""" text30993;"""He sighed.""" text30994;"""Even if Himitsu will never know about this, I don't want her to even imagine I could be such a monster!""" text30995;"""Your love didn't work out — that happens too, it's nobody's fault.""" text30996;"""Where do I go now…?""" text30997;"""Forward! With your head up high! Just fight your way through life like you've been doing so far.""" text30998;"""Don't let one wrong turn become a dead end.""" text30999;"""Now it was Ryunosuke-san's turn to be way too pretentious, and I found it funny.""" text31000;"""I smirked and immediately felt strength returning to me.""" text31001;"""After all, nothing stopped me from dying whenever.""" text31002;"""So you'll just let me go like this?""" text31003;"""I'm sure that's what Himitsu would want.""" text31004;"""Thank you…""" text31005;"""I said, unexpectedly even to myself, passed by them as if in slow motion and walked down the street in the direction of the town.""" text31006;"""I could try to find Himitsu again.""" text31007;"""Or I could return to Tokyo…""" text31008;"""But I clearly realized that this chapter of my life was over.""" text31009;"""I had been running a marathon, but I slipped and fell before the finish line.""" text31010;"""Now I had to make a choice — to keep lying where I was, or, resisting all pain and suffering, stand up and go the rest of the way, receive the honorary certificate and a sack of rubbish for an award.""" text31011;"""After all, the life of every person is a race where the goal's under a tombstone with their name on it.""" text31012;"""All we can choose is whether it's a nameless wooden cross or a fancy stone monument.""" text31013;"""And I'd decided not to end my race early…""" text31014;"""The wind, unusually warm for this season, came down from the mountains and blew against my back, sweeping away the remains of my previous life.""" text31015;"""Suddenly, I felt an unusual lightness, and everything that had happened over the last weeks left only a feeling of slight sadness, plus my love for Himitsu that didn't go anywhere.""" text31016;"""It would live there, deep inside, for the rest of my life, and become a story.""" text31017;"""The story would be forgotten, as there wouldn't be anyone to tell it to, to convey everything I had felt then.""" text31018;"""And now another story was beginning for me.""" text31019;"""A different story…"""