text28467;"""\""Are you okay?\"" has always seemed a weird and unnatural question to me."""
text28468;"""Especially in American movies, when a character might get his arm ripped off and his partner, with an expression of genuine concern on his face, would wonder whether that character was doing okay."""
text28469;"""Couldn't be better, God damn it!"""
text28470;"""But thinking about it, what does \""okay\"" mean in our lives anyway?"""
text28471;"""You can only define it relatively."""
text28472;"""For instance, if I had my arm ripped off it at least wouldn't be my head — so, compared to the worst possible situation, I'd be relatively okay."""
text28473;"""Yesterday I lost Himitsu, but at least I was still alive."""
text28474;"""So in comparison with the worst situation, I was doing okay."""
text28475;"""Although who needs an \""okay\"" like this?"""
text28476;"""I had fallen asleep pretty late, around 4 in the morning, but was woken up by the usual sounds of cooking in the kitchen."""
text28477;"""Was Himitsu cooking breakfast after everything that happened the day before?!"""
text28478;"""I quickly got dressed and ran out of my room."""
text28479;"""But the person standing at the stove was…"""
text28480;"""Good morning. I was about to wake you up."""
text28481;"""How did you get in here?"""
text28482;"""I asked gloomily and leaned heavily against the doorframe."""
text28483;"""Come on now. Is that how you're going to start such a wonderful day?"""
text28484;"""It certainly wasn't wonderful for me, and Catherine's presence didn't change that in the slightest."""
text28485;"""How did you get in?"""
text28486;"""I've been to your place more than once, remember? Nothing has changed since then."""
text28487;"""Indeed, sneaking into the garden from the street wasn't difficult, and neither was opening the door to the kitchen, if one knew how to. Katya did."""
text28488;"""Maybe I should've been worried about burglars, but I had nothing valuable in the house, and it didn't look very interesting from outside."""
text28489;"""What if I call the police?"""
text28490;"""Go ahead. Would be a good idea after yesterday's slaughter."""
text28491;"""She smirked, stirring something in the pan."""
text28492;"""What slaughter?"""
text28493;"""I asked, genuinely surprised."""
text28494;"""Don't worry, I've already cleaned away the shards."""
text28495;"""It's just, what are we supposed to eat off of now?"""
text28496;"""Err…"""
text28497;"""Welp, there was no getting out of this!"""
text28498;"""I don't want to talk about it!"""
text28499;"""Of course you don't."""
text28500;"""She smirked slyly."""
text28501;"""By the way, I didn't know you could cook."""
text28502;"""I tried to change the subject."""
text28503;"""Just because I never cooked before?"""
text28504;"""Well, naturally."""
text28505;"""Well, I couldn't, but I learned how to over the past year. When you're on your own for a while, even pizza gets dull."""
text28506;"""Perhaps I would've learned how to cook as well if Himitsu weren't around all the time."""
text28507;"""So you came… broke into my house, even, at an ungodly hour solely to show off your cooking skills?"""
text28508;"""Well, we've known each other for a while. I know you're having a hard time."""
text28509;"""As if you care!"""
text28510;"""Of course I do. We're friends, aren't we?"""
text28511;"""Katya seemed sincere, but I still couldn't believe her words, so I decided to change the subject a bit."""
text28512;"""What if Himitsu came now?"""
text28513;"""Will she?"""
text28514;"""Catherine smiled opaquely."""
text28515;"""After yesterday's…"""
text28516;"""What is it about ye…"""
text28517;"""Whatever!"""
text28518;"""I didn't want to talk about this, especially with her, so I just sat silently and waited."""
text28519;"""The meal I eventually received — something resmbling a stew — tasted pretty good, and felt much more Western than what I was used used to eating."""
text28520;"""But you couldn't make this sort of thing in half an hour — when exactly had Catherine arrived…?"""
text28521;"""It's good."""
text28522;"""I said, trying to make it sound as if I were merely being polite."""
text28523;"""Not any worse than Himitsu's?"""
text28524;"""Why are you starting this all over again?"""
text28525;"""What's wrong with what I said?"""
text28526;"""Nothing."""
text28527;"""You don't want to talk about her?"""
text28528;"""I don't."""
text28529;"""I snarled."""
text28530;"""What, trouble in paradise? You two had a fight?"""
text28531;"""Honestly, it's none of your business."""
text28532;"""I looked at Katya and felt nothing."""
text28533;"""Yes, I was happy for the tasty breakfast and the fact that she had come over, but, on the other hand, I would've felt just as comfortable alone."""
text28534;"""Well, as you wish, you don't need to tell me. But I will find out anyway."""
text28535;"""From your mom and her spy network?"""
text28536;"""Catherine pulled a long face and stared at her plate."""
text28537;"""Doesn't feel nice when somebody hits your sore spot, does it?"""
text28538;"""Why do you think it's a sore spot for me? I think we've already discussed it and figured everything out."""
text28539;"""After the revealed truth about Himitsu's father and the KGB's ultimatum, the whole situation with her mom seemed if not a stupid misunderstanding, then merely a trifle."""
text28540;"""Then I understand why you're here even less. And don't tell me that you're just worried about me, for God's sake!"""
text28541;"""Fine, I won't. But what if that's true?"""
text28542;"""I gave Katya a look from under my brows."""
text28543;"""She looked and behaved absolutely normal, maybe a little bit more polite, which in her case mostly meant less sarcastic."""
text28544;"""If that's true, thank you."""
text28545;"""You don't sound sincere."""
text28546;"""Don't know what to tell you."""
text28547;"""I wondered what would happen if Himitsu actually came…"""
text28548;"""Look, thank you for the breakfast and—"""
text28549;"""You're kicking me out?"""
text28550;"""She interrupted me, flatly."""
text28551;"""I just need to get ready for school."""
text28552;"""I can help."""
text28553;"""I'll handle it."""
text28554;"""Okay, I'll do the dishes."""
text28555;"""No need, leave them."""
text28556;"""Don't you think it's at the very least rude to kick me out after I've been stuck at the stove for two goddamn hours?"""
text28557;"""Catherine frowned and finally looked like herself."""
text28558;"""Do what you want."""
text28559;"""I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face."""
text28560;"""Then I changed into my school uniform and returned to the kitchen."""
text28561;"""Catherine was sitting in her old seat, looking out into the garden with a bored expression on her face."""
text28562;"""The dirty dishes were where I had left them."""
text28563;"""Didn't you want to do the dishes?"""
text28564;"""And you said I didn't need to."""
text28565;"""I see…"""
text28566;"""Shall we go?"""
text28567;"""She rose gracefully from her chair and walked to the hallway."""
text28568;"""I was definitely afraid that Himitsu would see us together."""
text28569;"""But I couldn't just push her out of the house!"""
text28570;"""She obviously wasn't going to leave alone."""
text28571;"""Looking for something?"""
text28572;"""Catherine asked snidely, seeing me cautiously look around."""
text28573;"""The meaning of life… Let's go already!"""
text28574;"""I couldn't even remember the last time we walked to school like this."""
text28575;"""She had stayed at my place overnight before when my parents weren't home, but it only happened once or twice."""
text28576;"""Bring back memories?"""
text28577;"""What does?"""
text28578;"""All this!"""
text28579;"""Katya made a pirouette, her skirt dancing along flirtatiously."""
text28580;"""Althought you must've fallen out of habit."""
text28581;"""Apparently so."""
text28582;"""I replied briefly in order to avoid continuing this conversation and sinking deeper into the past."""
text28583;"""Not much has changed here over the years."""
text28584;"""Catherine was constantly looking around."""
text28585;"""Was it supposed to? It's only been… A year and a half."""
text28586;"""I finished with a bit of strain."""
text28587;"""In our times everything changes at the speed of thought, you know!"""
text28588;"""Why are you doing this?"""
text28589;"""I just thought it'd sound nice."""
text28590;"""No, I mean, why did you come in the morning and cook breakfast? I can't believe it's just because you care about me!"""
text28591;"""I think you need something from me."""
text28592;"""What could I possibly need from you?"""
text28593;"""Catherine stopped and looked me in the eyes with a cute smile on her face."""
text28594;"""I don't know, and don't want to play these games."""
text28595;"""Well, don't then. Myself, I find them very funny."""
text28596;"""She immediately turned around and walked a couple steps ahead of me."""
text28597;"""So, you're not even going to try and deny it, are you?"""
text28598;"""As nasty as it felt to acknowledge it, this punitive honesty was appealing to me, even a bit arousing."""
text28599;"""Deny what?"""
text28600;"""Catherine said, without turning around."""
text28601;"""We approached the school, and I noticed Michael in the distance."""
text28602;"""So did Katya."""
text28603;"""Did you know that Michael likes me?"""
text28604;"""She asked, seemingly casually."""
text28605;"""What…?"""
text28606;"""I think he and I would find at least a couple things to talk about."""
text28607;"""How do you know? Did he…"""
text28608;"""No, we haven't even talked yet. It's just easy to see. I noticed it right away."""
text28609;"""Feminine intuition."""
text28610;"""Katya added flirtatiously."""
text28611;"""I see."""
text28612;"""My voice sounded way too unhappy, and deep inside I scolded myself for that."""
text28613;"""So, I'm thinking about what to do with that. What do you think?"""
text28614;"""I don't know."""
text28615;"""What, you aren't interested at all? Perhaps you could give me a piece of friendly advice?"""
text28616;"""It's none of my business."""
text28617;"""Isn't it?"""
text28618;"""She gave me a sly smile and approached a group of girls I didn't know."""
text28619;"""So she did have friends, or at least acquaintances."""
text28620;"""I didn't know whether Michael noticed us or not, but I had no desire to talk to him, so I slowed down, waiting until he entered the school building."""
text28621;"""Catherine showed up in the classroom right before the bell and sat down behind her desk, paying no attention to me."""
text28622;"""What did she want from me in the end? What was with that performance?"""
text28623;"""Maybe it was some strange sort of revenge?"""
text28624;"""It was hard for me to think about that at the moment, especially with my fight with Himitsu and the whole spy business as the backdrop."""
text28625;"""Catherine definitely had no intention of leaving me alone, which was beginning to irritate me."""
text28626;"""God, how quickly can a man's feelings change!"""
text28627;"""Only a couple weeks ago I could only dream about spending this much time with her."""
text28628;"""And now? Now I would rather she left me alone, although I was afraid to admit that even to myself, coming up with stupid excuses like, \""I have more important things to deal with now\""."""
text28629;"""During the break, Michael approached me, his look implying we were going to have a serious conversation."""
text28630;"""Hi, have you got a minute?"""
text28631;"""For you — always!"""
text28632;"""I tried to preemptively shield myself with sarcasm."""
text28633;"""I really don't want to start it over again, but you leave me no choice. Today, you and Catherine came to school together…"""
text28634;"""So he noticed us back then!"""
text28635;"""Yeah, so what?"""
text28636;"""Did you just happen to meet on the way or…"""
text28637;"""Or what? Tell me!"""
text28638;"""You know what I mean."""
text28639;"""He averted his eyes for a moment, but then looked at me again with the same confidence."""
text28640;"""You just need to tell me the truth — and I won't come between you two or ruin your relationship."""
text28641;"""Our relationship?"""
text28642;"""I smirked."""
text28643;"""Why don't you ask her first whether we're in any kind of a relationship?"""
text28644;"""It looks different from the outside."""
text28645;"""How did he always manage to remain so composed and say all this in that calm, even tone?!"""
text28646;"""I don't care how it looks to anyone!"""
text28647;"""We're not going to get anywhere like this…"""
text28648;"""I'm not going anywhere! I feel pretty alright here!"""
text28649;"""I said a bit louder than I was should have and attracted the attention of the students sitting next to us."""
text28650;"""What do you need from me, in the end?!"""
text28651;"""To tell the truth — are you together or not?"""
text28652;"""He clearly didn't understand or want to understand the hints that there was nothing between us."""
text28653;"""I was so fed up with all this!"""
text28654;"""So why couldn't I say it out loud?"""
text28655;"""It often happens: you don't do what you need to; because of that, you start hating yourself and get depressed; in turn, depression obstructs you from doing what you need to do."""
text28656;"""A vicious cycle!"""
text28657;"""Anyway, this explanation sounded much better than the thought that I still wasn't able to reject Catherine completely."""
text28658;"""What if we are?! Are you going to turn away and leave, pretending nothing happened?!"""
text28659;"""If you like a girl, why the hell do you need my opinion?!"""
text28660;"""Afraid to hurt my feelings? Come on!"""
text28661;"""You're just being hypocritical — you want to make yourself look good! So that nobody will think badly of you, no matter the outcome!"""
text28662;"""And I still can't understand — what do you want to hear from me?!"""
text28663;"""Am I interested in her? Only sexually, I assure you! Wanna be hole brothers? Be my guest!"""
text28664;"""I stopped for a moment to catch my breath and only then realized that the class was gravely silent and everyone was looking at me."""
text28665;"""Catherine quickly stood up, packed up her bag, and left."""
text28666;"""I… I…"""
text28667;"""Accumulated stress will always find a way out. One way or another."""
text28668;"""There was nothing surprising about that, but I'd picked the least appropriate moment possible!"""
text28669;"""Michael, I'm sorry…"""
text28670;"""I don't think I'm the person you should apologize to."""
text28671;"""He said coldly and returned to his desk."""
text28672;"""I ran out of the classroom and rushed down the stairs."""
text28673;"""But Catherine was neither at the lockers nor in the yard…"""
text28674;"""She could be hiding somewhere at school or have left already — anyway, now I couldn't find her."""
text28675;"""An awful thought flashed through my mind, that she deserved it because of her behavior today."""
text28676;"""But what did she do wrong exactly? Make a tasty stew? Or merely return to my life?"""
text28677;"""The bell for class reached me at the school gate."""
text28678;"""I was just standing there, trying to figure out how it had come to this."""
text28679;"""How could my life instantly turn into a play by an amateur Broadway scriptwriter?"""
text28680;"""Why was this happening to me alone, while other people were living their lives normally? Kyosuke, Saya-chan, even Michael!"""
text28681;"""I was ashamed to return to the classroom, but the idea of being alone with myself enticed me even less."""
text28682;"""Besides, mean looks and whispers behind my back would be a wonderful punishment for me!"""
text28683;"""Lowering my head and mumbling something that sounded like an excuse, I entered the classroom and sat behind my desk."""
text28684;"""I couldn't say how my classmates reacted to me showing up, as I instantly stared into my notebook and tried to concentrate on the teacher's words."""
text28685;"""It's a great piece of advice — when you feel down, you should concentrate on work. Get distracted, so to say…"""
text28686;"""Yeah, right!"""
text28687;"""I don't know a single person who that actually worked for!"""
text28688;"""How could someone simply silence every thought about the things that constitute the very essence of their existence? Himitsu, Catherine, the truth about my parents' death…"""
text28689;"""That was my entire life!"""
text28690;"""If I were to forget, delete it, scrub it away with rubber like a typo in a dictation — what would be left?"""
text28691;"""Yeah, I had no job, and the closest to it was school…"""
text28692;"""But could abstract logarithms, integrals, or biographies of long-dead public figures become more important to me than real problems and real people?"""
text28693;"""…"""
text28694;"""Classes had ended a long time ago, and I was just sitting alone in the empty classroom, not thinking about anything particular."""
text28695;"""I was too tired of everything, just couldn't concentrate on anything, and I had no desire to go somewhere and do something."""
text28696;"""Without students, the school became quiet and still, and in this silence, the sound of steps coming from the corridor sounded sinister, as if a mortician or a plague doctor were coming for me."""
text28697;"""The sound was getting louder but remained monotonous, and every step was accompanied by dull creaking — someone massive was approaching."""
text28698;"""The door opened slowly, and I was ready for anything to come in, holding my breath…"""
text28699;"""But it was just Kyosuke."""
text28700;"""Still here?"""
text28701;"""He asked in an unusually serious voice."""
text28702;"""Don't scare me like that!"""
text28703;"""I exclaimed."""
text28704;"""What did I do?"""
text28705;"""You're walking… like death itself!"""
text28706;"""Nick, you're off your rocker!"""
text28707;"""He came closer and sat behind the desk next to mine."""
text28708;"""I didn't want to come back at first, but then I thought…"""
text28709;"""You could use someone to talk to."""
text28710;"""About what?"""
text28711;"""Do you think I'm a complete idiot and haven't noticed anything? Even if that were the case, you told the entire class about your problems today."""
text28712;"""I don't have any, he just… Michael doesn't know when to stop!"""
text28713;"""I don't think it's about him… or not only about him!"""
text28714;"""Maybe, but what do you want from me?"""
text28715;"""I'm just fed up with this situation, all these misunderstandings and omissions."""
text28716;"""Catherine and I are just friends!"""
text28717;"""Catching Kyosuke's admonishing look, I specified:"""
text28718;"""At the very least we're not lovers!"""
text28719;"""Of course, that wasn't true. Even literally…"""
text28720;"""Then I really don't understand why you're being so stubborn. You'll always have Himitsu-chan…"""
text28721;"""Always?"""
text28722;"""I smirked sadly and gave him a look of contempt."""
text28723;"""It's not a game, you know! Not some A or B choice!"""
text28724;"""You sure? Maybe it is actually that easy, and you just need to choose?"""
text28725;"""What if he was right and I was wrong?"""
text28726;"""Well, making a choice naturally wasn't easy, but it was definitely the right thing to do."""
text28727;"""And by avoiding giving Michael a straight answer, I was postponing my choice as hard as I could."""
text28728;"""What do you know…"""
text28729;"""But I definitely couldn't confess that to Kyosuke!"""
text28730;"""Sometimes, you should just look at the situation objectively and impartially."""
text28731;"""Hello, who are you and where is Kyosuke?!"""
text28732;"""I shook him by the shoulders."""
text28733;"""Seriously? Objectively and impartially? How do even you imagine that?"""
text28734;"""I'm just giving you a bit of advice — that's the easiest thing to do!"""
text28735;"""He finally smiled."""
text28736;"""Ain't that right."""
text28737;"""Anyway, you could use a distraction. Wanna go to an arcade?"""
text28738;"""Yeah, let's go."""
text28739;"""…"""
text28740;"""Even if Kyosuke was right, it's not like I didn't know as much myself."""
text28741;"""But knowing what's right and proper doesn't then make your decision any easier."""
text28742;"""We left the arcade when it was already dark."""
text28743;"""Alright, so what's your advice?"""
text28744;"""In Galaxian? First, try to shoot the ones on the sides and make free zones…"""
text28745;"""No, damn it!"""
text28746;"""Well, about that… You're probably asking the wrong person…"""
text28747;"""He scratched the back of his head and smiled sadly."""
text28748;"""I'm not asking you for love advice — just tell me what you would do if you were me! I really need an objective opinion, so to say, you said it yourself."""
text28749;"""Well, I would choose Himitsu-chan!"""
text28750;"""Kyosuke replied without any hesitation."""
text28751;"""Somehow, I thought that he would try to deny it and hesitate for a while."""
text28752;"""Really…? You're unusually decisive today! I guess arcades do some good after all."""
text28753;"""What does it have to do with arcades? I've always been on her side."""
text28754;"""Really? I don't remember you ever telling me that."""
text28755;"""Have you ever asked?"""
text28756;"""True enough…"""
text28757;"""Kyosuke with his voracious passion for 2D always seemed like the last person to talk to about real girls."""
text28758;"""Nevermind. So, why do you think that?"""
text28759;"""I don't know Catherine-san that well — as you're aware — but I am quite familiar with Himitsu-chan. And I know about the things she's done and keeps doing for you."""
text28760;"""Is this your way of trying to shame me?"""
text28761;"""No, I'm just stating facts. Am I wrong?"""
text28762;"""Wrong in what sense? Are we going to measure the things she has done for me in kilograms or kilometres?"""
text28763;"""No God damn it, in feet! Nick, why can't you just agree with something when it's true?"""
text28764;"""I'm not saying you're wrong, just…"""
text28765;"""Then why do you always need these clarifications and clauses?"""
text28766;"""Maybe, because this way I feel less guilty…?"""
text28767;"""You know life isn't all black and white like in your manga…?"""
text28768;"""You think I don't understand that? At least you have someone to choose from…"""
text28769;"""It was hard for me to continue this conversation, and I really didn't want to upset Kyosuke."""
text28770;"""To him, all my problems seemed to just be romantic ones, since he didn't know even a fraction of the truth."""
text28771;"""I wondered how I would've acted if he was right."""
text28772;"""If my parents hadn't been killed but really died in a car accident, if Himitsu's father hadn't been spying on me and Catherine's mother was just a diplomat?"""
text28773;"""In his view, that's what my life was!"""
text28774;"""And one and a half years ago that was exactly the case — and I chose Catherine without hesitation back then…"""
text28775;"""Well, I guess that's enough for today. See you."""
text28776;"""I stretched my hand out to him."""
text28777;"""Will you come to school tomorrow?"""
text28778;"""I will."""
text28779;"""We said a warm goodbye, and I headed home."""
text28780;"""The lights were on in my house."""
text28781;"""I froze, thinking that Himitsu could be there, and tried to hold back the warm feeling in my chest."""
text28782;"""I slowly entered the yard and opened the front door with my key."""
text28783;"""However, I didn't find her shoes in the hall."""
text28784;"""I didn't even know why I paid attention to that, but my heart skipped a beat — she couldn't have come to me wearing slippers, could she…?"""
text28785;"""Trying not to make any noise, I sneaked into the kitchen…"""
text28786;"""You again!"""
text28787;"""Catherine looked at me idly and re-crossed her legs."""
text28788;"""I see you were expecting someone else."""
text28789;"""It's more like I wasn't expecting to see you!"""
text28790;"""Sorry, I decided not to cook dinner since you didn't seem to enjoy breakfast."""
text28791;"""She smirked and fidgeted with the fork in the box of instant noodles before her."""
text28792;"""Still not a fan of chopsticks?"""
text28793;"""I was wondering if you'd come alone or not…"""
text28794;"""What does that have to do with anything?"""
text28795;"""I was about to get angry, but immediately remembered my behavior at school and felt dejected."""
text28796;"""Look, I'm sorry for everything I said today… That's not what I really think."""
text28797;"""Oh, of course it isn't! I understand that you're having a rough time and getting a little jumpy."""
text28798;"""She didn't say anything that wasn't normal for her, but this time it really got to me."""
text28799;"""So, why have you come then? Especially after what I've done."""
text28800;"""Did you think I would hide in the deepest hole I could find, cry, pity myself, and curse you?"""
text28801;"""Maybe it would even be appropriate considering the situation, but why would I do that?"""
text28802;"""So, instead, you decided to come here! That's definitely the more logical move."""
text28803;"""I approached the fridge, opened it, but found nothing and just poured some tap water into a glass."""
text28804;"""It's not about me at all."""
text28805;"""What is it about then?"""
text28806;"""Himitsu."""
text28807;"""What about her?"""
text28808;"""I grew cautious instantly."""
text28809;"""I heard my mom talking on the phone…"""
text28810;"""Katya smiled but was clearly fidgeting in the chair."""
text28811;"""Himitsu's father works for Japanese intelligence and spies on you."""
text28812;"""I wanted to tell you in the morning but couldn't find the courage."""
text28813;"""…"""
text28814;"""Are you going to say anything?"""
text28815;"""I kept looking at her expectantly but a bit vacantly at the same time."""
text28816;"""I'm wondering where your sarcasm goes when you start talking about serious things."""
text28817;"""Do you know that chameleons can't change hue in their sleep, and always remain the same color?"""
text28818;"""Nick, I'm serious!"""
text28819;"""Then maybe you'll tell me something I don't already know?"""
text28820;"""So you…"""
text28821;"""She stood up and came closer."""
text28822;"""How can you talk with her after that?!"""
text28823;"""Don't worry — we no longer talk. For now, at least."""
text28824;"""How long have you known?"""
text28825;"""For some time."""
text28826;"""I replied evasively."""
text28827;"""So, it turned out that Catherine came and told me everything herself, unlike Himitsu who confessed only when I forced her to."""
text28828;"""And this made the burden on my heart even heavier."""
text28829;"""That's just like you."""
text28830;"""What exactly? That I trust the only person close to me who's never betrayed me before?"""
text28831;"""That's what you think…"""
text28832;"""She whispered, but I paid no attention and kept attacking her."""
text28833;"""It's so weird that I'm looking for support from anyone at all when I'm beseiged on all sides, isn't it?"""
text28834;"""By Himitsu, and you, and others…"""
text28835;"""I wasn't shouting, but Catherine looked frightened."""
text28836;"""That's so strange for normal people — is that what you think?!"""
text28837;"""Any normal person would have long offed himself in my place!"""
text28838;"""Or tell me what I gotta do, and I'll do it!"""
text28839;"""And what are you accusing Himitsu of? Do you think she works for Japanese intelligence?!"""
text28840;"""It just so happened, the stars aligned like this! Everything in my life is fucked by default, so what's so surprising about that?!"""
text28841;"""Katya was quiet, but, after these words, straightened up and seemed to become as tall as me."""
text28842;"""You fucked it all up again, Nick! First you lost me, and now, apparently, her. And what do you blame? The stars!"""
text28843;"""What…"""
text28844;"""Her words surprised me so much, I staggered back and hit the sink behind me"""
text28845;"""What did I do wrong?"""
text28846;"""You always blame everyone else — me, Himitsu,others… What others? There's only two of us here, and Himitsu is in the house across the street."""
text28847;"""You know full well you two aren't my only problem."""
text28848;"""I turned away to avoid looking her in the eye."""
text28849;"""And you will never find a solution if you keep waving everyone away."""
text28850;"""I am such an idiot to have come here! To think that you could still be helped…"""
text28851;"""And now even when someone spits in your eye, you just say it's rain!"""
text28852;"""But I must say, you two deserve each other!"""
text28853;"""I felt a strong need to say something, come up with an objection, but I had no strength."""
text28854;"""It felt as if her words had drained the last bits of my will to live."""
text28855;"""I just don't know what to do…"""
text28856;"""I noticed as much."""
text28857;"""I'm so tired of this game, playing emotional ping-pong! You become sarcastic — I retaliate, I snap at you — and you get pissed…"""
text28858;"""Catherine didn't respond but clearly grew embarrassed."""
text28859;"""Well, I guess it's my turn to say: \""That's life\""!"""
text28860;"""But everything could be different…"""
text28861;"""And just this very morning I was absolutely sure that I had no feelings for her!"""
text28862;"""And now? I didn't know."""
text28863;"""Of course. But it's not. And looking for someone to blame won't do any good."""
text28864;"""I'm not looking for anyone to blame… But thanks for telling me. Did your mom tell you anything else?"""
text28865;"""No, nothing else."""
text28866;"""She replied after a short pause."""
text28867;"""But I'd say this is already more than enough!"""
text28868;"""In any case, I told you what I wanted to, and I have nothing else to say, which means that I have nothing to do here. So long."""
text28869;"""I saw her to the door."""
text28870;"""If something happens, you know where to find me."""
text28871;"""She said as a farewell."""
text28872;"""Why did she need to say that? To leave me with a foolish hope or to keep me on a short leash?"""
text28873;"""I looked out onto the street and spent a long time staring at the light in Himitsu's room."""
text28874;"""Catherine didn't tell me anything new, but brought unbelievable pain with her stupid, unnecessary, inappropriate honesty."""
text28875;"""And why was she so willing to tell me everything except for what really mattered?"""
text28876;"""I watched TV until late in the night, trying to get rid of thoughts of ditching everything and joining a monastery."""