text26239;"""What does a paperback's ink smell like?""" text26240;"""It smells like the freshly painted walls of a hospital, an administrative building, of something utilitarian. It smells like the hectic rhythm of a big city.""" text26241;"""You can't fit Joyce, Steinbeck, Dostoevsky, or Kobo Abe into the tiny pages of a paperback, which turn yellow after just a couple months.""" text26242;"""Their thoughts, expressed in sweeping prose, would be stunted and suffocated by the uneven, ugly lines.""" text26243;"""I much preferred solid, massive books with hard covers — just holding them in your hands, feeling their weight, is enough to guess at the endless wisdom hidden inside.""" text26244;"""But Japanese people like everything fast and simple and have eagerly exported their convenience to the other countries of the free world.""" text26245;"""What would Leo Tolstoy have said if he saw War and Peace retold in manga form?""" text26246;"""Of course, this arrogant attitude didn't fit my current situation at all.""" text26247;"""It's easy to engage in intellectual snobbery when the most danger you face in life is an argument over Jack Kerouac.""" text26248;"""But I was being threatened by very real — and, more importantly, very much alive — people!""" text26249;"""First Kobayashi Corporation and now the KGB too!""" text26250;"""I guess somewhere deep inside I wanted to restore my connection to the Motherland, but I couldn't imagine even in the worst of my nightmares that the Motherland not only remembered me but had also been monitoring my life for the last ten years.""" text26251;"""But the image of a sword-wielding woman grew hazy and soon faded away entirely together with the dream, when I was snapped awake by the doorbell.""" text26252;"""I immediately jumped off the bed and aimlessly looked around my room, as if it was the first time I'd seen it.""" text26253;"""Everything was in order, but everything also seemed alien and somewhat artificial, like a copy, or like Crime and Punishment squeezed into the tiny body of a paperback.""" text26254;"""After a minute, once I'd already decided it had been part of my dream too, the bell rang again.""" text26255;"""Think… think!""" text26256;"""I tried to rev up my still sleeping brain.""" text26257;"""Chekists don't use doorbells.""" text26258;"""This thought slightly calmed me down, and I walked to the door on stiff legs.""" text26259;"""Who's there?""" text26260;"""My voice was trembling, bad enough that it wouldn't go unnoticed.""" text26261;"""Who's there?""" text26262;"""I repeated when I didn't get an answer.""" text26263;"""Niko-kun…""" text26264;"""Jesus, you scared me!""" text26265;"""I opened the door and found Himitsu behind it, seemingly no less scared than I.""" text26266;"""Why'd you ring?""" text26267;"""Well, you locked yourself…""" text26268;"""Locked myself?""" text26269;"""At first, I couldn't understand what she was talking about.""" text26270;"""After all, Himitsu had the key.""" text26271;"""Then I looked at the bolt that I had locked firmly yesterday.""" text26272;"""What time is it?""" text26273;"""It's time to go to school.""" text26274;"""Niko-kun, is everything alright with you?""" text26275;"""Yes…""" text26276;"""I tried to smile but did a shitty job of it.""" text26277;"""Just not very used to being woken by my doorbell.""" text26278;"""Himitsu carefully walked after me to the kitchen, and looked around like she'd broken into the house.""" text26279;"""What?!""" text26280;"""I exploded.""" text26281;"""Do you think I'm hiding someone here?""" text26282;"""No, just…""" text26283;"""I'm actually a bootlegger, and I make moonshine in the basement!""" text26284;"""Niko-kun, you don't have a basement.""" text26285;"""Oh, right.""" text26286;"""…""" text26287;"""Himitsu was making breakfast, while I sat behind the table feeling my armpits drip with sweat.""" text26288;"""So, Irina had told me to behave normally…""" text26289;"""In any other context, nothing would be easier!""" text26290;"""For almost a year and a half now I'd been surviving in a semi-vegetative state, not least because of Himitsu.""" text26291;"""But now, having met Ellie and Kagome, and having been granted an audience by Kobayashi Jun himself — was there anything normal left in my life?""" text26292;"""It was stupid to think that everything would just get back to normal, as if following the wave of a magic wand.""" text26293;"""And then there was Catherine…""" text26294;"""Niko-kun!""" text26295;"""Himitsu called out to me, indignant.""" text26296;"""What?""" text26297;"""I'm asking: do you want toast with jam or butter?""" text26298;"""What, we have jam?""" text26299;"""You don't!""" text26300;"""She pouted.""" text26301;"""But I brought some.""" text26302;"""I hadn't even noticed whether she had a bag or a purse in her hands…""" text26303;"""Well, jam then.""" text26304;"""…""" text26305;"""I found it hard to force myself to eat, but I also didn't want to provoke further questions from Himitsu.""" text26306;"""It's delicious!""" text26307;"""Thanks.""" text26308;"""By the way, you do remember the school festival is coming up, right?""" text26309;"""No, the festival was the last thing on my mind — I felt like a lone wolf, avoiding other people.""" text26310;"""Of course, wolves are weaker than tigers or lions, but they don't perform at festivals!""" text26311;"""So what're you guys preparing?""" text26312;"""Well, we were thinking we'd organize a café…""" text26313;"""She responded, embarrassed.""" text26314;"""A café? Yeah, that's a good idea. A maid uniform would look great on you.""" text26315;"""Why'd you assume I'll be a waitress?!""" text26316;"""Himitsu asked with indignation, even placing her chopsticks down on her plate.""" text26317;"""Won't you?""" text26318;"""Maybe… If you want. I was actually going to cook.""" text26319;"""Oh, okay then.""" text26320;"""Naturally, I wasn't interested in this conversation in the least, but Himitsu seemed to find my opinion important.""" text26321;"""So, do you want me to… I mean… do you want me to wear that costume?""" text26322;"""If that's what you want.""" text26323;"""Niko-kun!""" text26324;"""What? What's the right answer?""" text26325;"""Don't you dare even come to our class!""" text26326;"""And who'll stop me?""" text26327;"""Then I won't step out of the kitchen!""" text26328;"""Alright, guess I'll check out the other girls. Your class has some good ones.""" text26329;"""Niko-kun!""" text26330;"""…""" text26331;"""I'd managed to distract myself for a while, but once we were out on the street I was seized by an incomprehensible fear.""" text26332;"""It felt like every lamp post hid a KGB agent or one of the Corporation's people.""" text26333;"""Or maybe they'd already formed a queue to plant a bullet in my forehead…""" text26334;"""We didn't get to school too late or too early and were just in time to meet Himitsu's classmates.""" text26335;"""She had stuff to do, and my only task for the time being was to behave normally.""" text26336;"""Which more or less meant doing nothing, just existing.""" text26337;"""Of course it could seem like I was lazing about, but on the cellular level I was extremely busy!""" text26338;"""As always, Kyosuke greeted me merrily once I got to class.""" text26339;"""Well, Nick, how was your weekend?""" text26340;"""To be honest, I wish I'd spent it differently.""" text26341;"""Did something happen? Tell me!""" text26342;"""Imagine you go to an onsen with your family only to find it's been taken over by terrorists.""" text26343;"""I have no clue what you're talking about but I already want to hear every detail.""" text26344;"""At that moment, Kagome entered the classroom and, with her head cast down, slipped over to her desk.""" text26345;"""I wanted to talk to her, of course, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to hide yesterday's conversation with Irina.""" text26346;"""With how impulsive she was, knowing about it wouldn't do her any good.""" text26347;"""But besides the impulsiveness, Kagome also had an inquisitive acumen, and the very thought of her drilling glare made me feel uncomfortable.""" text26348;"""Come on Nick, the bell's about to ring!""" text26349;"""Ask my secretary.""" text26350;"""And after these words, the lesson finally started.""" text26351;"""But I still hadn't managed to come up with a way to talk to Kagome.""" text26352;"""Our last meeting hadn't exactly gone very well, even though I'd taken her side in the argument with Ellie.""" text26353;"""And I couldn't get Ellie's upset face out of my mind.""" text26354;"""I was both blaming myself and taking on a part of Kagome's guilt.""" text26355;"""After all, it happened in my house and, as the host, it was my responsibility.""" text26356;"""As for Kagome, I didn't think she'd leave me alone any time soon, so we'd have plenty of opportunities to talk.""" text26357;"""Thanks to Kyosuke, I knew which class Ellie was in, but that didn't make my task any easier.""" text26358;"""Looking from the outside, nobody would call me unsociable. Rude? Maybe, or even insensitive.""" text26359;"""But I was good at avoiding unfamiliar situations and new people — which made me appear confident.""" text26360;"""And of course, someone who does nothing makes no mistakes.""" text26361;"""In any case, the thought of walking into another classroom and possibly talking to Ellie in front of everyone made me feel uneasy.""" text26362;"""It'd be one thing if she was a normal girl like Himitsu or Kagome!""" text26363;"""Luckily, I didn't find Ellie there, and nobody even glanced at me.""" text26364;"""Everyone had their own problems to worry about, of course…""" text26365;"""I was about to go back, when I remembered that she had a part of the school all to herself.""" text26366;"""Of course!""" text26367;"""I heard the chords of one of Z FEEL-Z's songs from the old classroom.""" text26368;"""Got you!""" text26369;"""I stormed into the room, and Ellie, caught off guard, almost dropped her guitar.""" text26370;"""Are you out of your mind?!""" text26371;"""Okay, sorry…""" text26372;"""I really didn't know what had gotten into me.""" text26373;"""The impulse had spurred me to action before my prefrontal cortex had realized what was happening.""" text26374;"""By the way, we still haven't been introduced properly—""" text26375;"""Ellie immediately interrupted me:""" text26376;"""I heard that girl — what's her name? Iwamura? — calling you Nick. That's enough for me.""" text26377;"""Yeah, of course, what was I expecting…""" text26378;"""What are you mumbling there?""" text26379;"""I said my name is Nikolai. But yeah, you can call me Nick.""" text26380;"""So, Nick, to what do I owe the honor? Are you going to interrogate me again?""" text26381;"""She put the guitar on the piano, opened the curtains, and looked out the window as if expecting to see someone outside.""" text26382;"""I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. So you don't think I have something against you…""" text26383;"""I don't.""" text26384;"""Suddenly, Ellie turned to me and smiled cutely — and very unexpectedly.""" text26385;"""Well, then… It's just, you know… Kagome… Iwamura… She really is in a difficult situation…""" text26386;"""I suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable being alone with this girl.""" text26387;"""I tried to loosen the knot of my tie, but it was almost undone anyway.""" text26388;"""I feel sorry for her, but as I've already said, I can't help you two.""" text26389;"""Not two, it's not us…""" text26390;"""You've been protecting her with such passion, I thought…""" text26391;"""She gave me a sly look.""" text26392;"""Oh, do forgive me if I was mistaken.""" text26393;"""There's nothing between us, if that's what you mean! We didn't even know each other until a week ago.""" text26394;"""Aren't you in the same class? How is that possible?""" text26395;"""It just is…""" text26396;"""I grumbled.""" text26397;"""Talk to me a little longer, and you'll see a lot of things you never thought possible!""" text26398;"""Okay, Nick. To be honest, I also overreacted yesterday.""" text26399;"""No, you didn't…""" text26400;"""Ellie raised her hand sternly, ordering me not to interrupt her.""" text26401;"""If a girl wants to apologize, you better to hear her out — it doesn't happen every day.""" text26402;"""As you say, ojou-sama.""" text26403;"""So, I understand that your friend's issues are somehow related to my grandfather's business.""" text26404;"""But you should also understand that I'm not your personal customer support! If everyone who had a problem with my grandfather tried to go through me…""" text26405;"""I hope you understand?""" text26406;"""I do. And I did tell Iwamura that she shouldn't have done that.""" text26407;"""But…""" text26408;"""The situation still didn't feel right, and it was bugging me.""" text26409;"""After all, this was about a human life, not a broken TV!""" text26410;"""But what?""" text26411;"""Nothing, forget it.""" text26412;"""Oh no, finish what you started!""" text26413;"""Sometimes she's so hard to talk to!""" text26414;"""I just wanted to say that there are different situations. And in some, you should try putting yourself in the other person's shoes.""" text26415;"""If I always have to worry about other people, when am I supposed to live for myself?""" text26416;"""We'll ain't she an Ayn Rand!""" text26417;"""So you don't care that a person is missing? Killed, maybe?""" text26418;"""I finally lost my temper and raised my voice.""" text26419;"""There are people dying every minute…""" text26420;"""I was looking at her beautiful, fair face and couldn't understand whether this was cynicism or something else.""" text26421;"""But it's in your power to help some of them!""" text26422;"""Even if I could…""" text26423;"""She suddenly perked up.""" text26424;"""How do you know she's telling the truth?""" text26425;"""I talked to your grandfather in person!""" text26426;"""And how do I know that you aren't lying?""" text26427;"""Why would I?""" text26428;"""Why…""" text26429;"""She said it like she was weighing the word on her tongue.""" text26430;"""What if you need something from me?""" text26431;"""Like what?""" text26432;"""Money, status, power! The same things everyone needs! What if you're thinking about…""" text26433;"""Ellie got completely flustered and blushed.""" text26434;"""Do I look like the kind of person to think that far ahead?""" text26435;"""She carefully examined me from head to toe and smirked:""" text26436;"""Yeah, you don't.""" text26437;"""I was glad that the tension seemed to have subsided somewhat.""" text26438;"""You come here often, huh?""" text26439;"""I'd like to keep that between us.""" text26440;"""Sure, sure!""" text26441;"""I get enough of an audience at my concerts.""" text26442;"""Suddenly, Ellie appeared like a very lonely, simple, and understandable girl to me.""" text26443;"""I guess it's hard to be the center of attention?""" text26444;"""I guess.""" text26445;"""I found it hard to even step into your classroom today. I don't know why I'm saying that…""" text26446;"""She didn't respond, but the blush on her cheeks looked to me like it expressed gratitude.""" text26447;"""Alright, I better go. I hope your friend finds her father.""" text26448;"""I hope so too…""" text26449;"""I didn't want to tell her that Kagome clearly wasn't done with her, and this most likely wasn't our last conversation.""" text26450;"""…""" text26451;"""I returned to the classroom right before the bell rang and took my seat.""" text26452;"""My eyes naturally shifted to Catherine, who was sitting close and looking out the window with a bored expression on her face.""" text26453;"""I couldn't postpone the conversation with Kagome any longer. Especially after what had happened yesterday.""" text26454;"""I had taken Ellie's side and in doing so made Iwamura anything but happy.""" text26455;"""And Kobayashi Jun had clearly explained to me that I had to watch her. And that it was in my best interest.""" text26456;"""The lesson was over, and I let Kagome walk calmly out of the classroom, waving away Kyosuke and his annoying chatter.""" text26457;"""It wasn't hard to imagine where she was going.""" text26458;"""And, a couple minutes later, I found her on the roof, indifferently staring out at another day in Tokyo.""" text26459;"""I could've sworn that in a different situation and under different circumstances she would've looked very adult and mature, but now I could only see a sad, lonely girl, watching other people live their carefree lives.""" text26460;"""I knew I'd find you here.""" text26461;"""You…""" text26462;"""She turned around but didn't finish, just sighed hopelessly.""" text26463;"""I have a name, you know! Nikolai Anokhin. You can call me Nick.""" text26464;"""Kagome gave it a moment's thought.""" text26465;"""Unlike… I'm used to being polite, Anokhin-san.""" text26466;"""Coming from you, that sounds like nails on glass!""" text26467;"""She gave it some more thought.""" text26468;"""Fine, Niko-san then.""" text26469;"""That'll do.""" text26470;"""If only you could change someone just by changing the way you address them…""" text26471;"""Can you not start this again?""" text26472;"""Why are you here, Niko-san? I thought we made everything clear yesterday.""" text26473;"""I think we haven't even started to! You just dug your heels in and ran away as soon as something didn't go your way.""" text26474;"""And you would, of course, prefer that I sit there and silently listen to that spoiled brat reprimand me!""" text26475;"""She wasn't reprimanding you! If you remember, you were the one—""" text26476;"""Case in point!""" text26477;"""She interrupted me abruptly and turned away.""" text26478;"""Kagome, look, if you want to get something from someone, firing off accusations at them isn't the best tactic.""" text26479;"""Although, look who's talking!""" text26480;"""When had I ever thought about the feelings of other people before dumping everything I thought was right on them?""" text26481;"""Himitsu would definitely have something to say on the matter, as would Catherine.""" text26482;"""I was just stating a fact.""" text26483;"""It's a fact that people like Kobayashi Jun define what others think is true.""" text26484;"""Who needs your philosophical truth when it has nothing to do with real life? It won't bring your father back, that's for sure!""" text26485;"""So what, you think I should drop to my knees and beg that princess?""" text26486;"""If it were any other girl in her place, I would've thought Kagome was about to break into tears.""" text26487;"""I don't think dragging Ellie into this was a good idea in the first place!""" text26488;"""I've already told you: what can she possibly know about her grandfather's affairs? How much do you know about your father's work? See?!""" text26489;"""You're as useful as a snorkel on a fish!""" text26490;"""I… I'm trying to help!""" text26491;"""Her attitude would've long made anyone else turn around and leave.""" text26492;"""Anyone else…""" text26493;"""So why was I, definitely not the most patient guy around, still here?""" text26494;"""You know, you could've at least said thank you!""" text26495;"""Thank you…""" text26496;"""She said suddenly, embarrassed.""" text26497;"""No, I don't mean…""" text26498;"""I said, abashed, having expected anything but this reaction.""" text26499;"""But exchanging niceties isn't likely to solve my problem.""" text26500;"""I understand that and I'm trying to help. But we need to act carefully. At the very least, we shouldn't further complicate an already complicated situation!""" text26501;"""All of a sudden, Kagome tilted her head to the side strangely and squinted.""" text26502;"""If I didn't know you, I'd say you were protecting Kobayashi. Like there's something between you.""" text26503;"""Don't worry. Even if I wanted it, she and I are from entirely different worlds.""" text26504;"""Do you want it? Like in that fairy tale about Cinderella…""" text26505;"""What is this about?""" text26506;"""Just thinking out loud.""" text26507;"""Thinking out loud? So you think about me a lot then?""" text26508;"""I don't…""" text26509;"""She blushed immediately.""" text26510;"""Only as someone who can help me! Can, but doesn't want to!""" text26511;"""Wants to, but can't do much.""" text26512;"""So, what next, Niko-san?""" text26513;"""What next?""" text26514;"""I asked her, confused.""" text26515;"""You said you want to help — so what are we doing next?""" text26516;"""Well…""" text26517;"""I immediately heard Irina's threatening voice in my head, demanding I don't attract attention.""" text26518;"""On the one hand, there were the calls and the notes, Kagome's father's disappearance and the mystery of my parents' death. On the other — grim-looking men in civilian clothing under the command of an extremely weird KGB Major.""" text26519;"""And even if my desire to help Kagome was sincere, I couldn't just ignore danger I was personally in.""" text26520;"""Besider, each time it was getting harder to remember who could and couldn't be told what, what I had said before and what I hadn't.""" text26521;"""About Irina, for example…""" text26522;"""You've lied to me once already.""" text26523;"""I apologized!""" text26524;"""And what does that change?""" text26525;"""In any case, you can't just solve a problem like that in one swoop — we need to be smart about it!""" text26526;"""You're speaking in generalities!""" text26527;"""She raised her tone and was about to leave.""" text26528;"""Running away again?""" text26529;"""The bell's about to ring.""" text26530;"""Ah, right…""" text26531;"""I instinctively stepped aside, letting her pass.""" text26532;"""…""" text26533;"""Clouds idly floated through the sky as a plane weaved its way between them, leaving behind a narrow white trail…""" text26534;"""I wondered: if I were to, right now, win a ticket to the other end of the world in a lottery, would I be able to jump aboard and leave all my worries behind?""" text26535;"""To just ascend thousands of metres above the ground and watch little humans run around from my bird's eye view?""" text26536;"""What was stopping me anyway?""" text26537;"""I had enough money to buy a ticket and even survive in another country for a bit.""" text26538;"""I spoke Russian and Japanese, knew English well enough, and although my academic record wasn't that impressive, I considered myself a pretty smart guy…""" text26539;"""But the bell brought me literally back down to earth, reminding me that those born to crawl may never fly.""" text26540;"""I stepped into the classroom right after my teacher, but he pretended that's the way it was supposed to be.""" text26541;"""Catherine was sitting behind her desk, absentmindedly looking out the window.""" text26542;"""Why had she been seated behind me in the first place?!""" text26543;"""That constant, intense, judgemental look peering into my back would set anyone on edge!""" text26544;"""And I'd be feeling it even if she wasn't actually looking at me at all…""" text26545;"""Maybe I'd recently gained problems more important than unrequited love, but we never sorted our relationship out.""" text26546;"""Moreover, somehow the acute need to deal with it at any cost had disappeared as well.""" text26547;"""These thoughts made me uncomfortable, and I felt a light shiver run down my back.""" text26548;"""On one hand, I was berating myself for being so faint-hearted — a small earthly issue could not possibly eclipse the great feeling!""" text26549;"""On the other, somewhere deep inside I was glad that all these spy games had at least somewhat lessened the intensity of my angst.""" text26550;"""I'd been reveling in my unrequited love for Catherine for so long that as soon as I had to deal with something urgent, I simply didn't know what to do.""" text26551;"""Moreover, I had no clear strategy for how to react to a situation like this — for when I'd have to move on.""" text26552;"""For the last year and a half I had been living as if in anabiosis, with my thoughts stuck in that day when we saw each other last, and the day I learned that Katya had left forever.""" text26553;"""To some extent I found existing like this comfortable, and Himitsu did her best to keep it that way.""" text26554;"""Naturally, Catherine's return had been a shock.""" text26555;"""And not only because it broke the monotonous flow of black and white days.""" text26556;"""I found myself in a situation in which I had to face the source of my pain again, except that this Catherine was completely different from the one I used to know.""" text26557;"""No, I couldn't say she had changed to the point of becoming unrecognizable in such a short time, but in everything — her actions, words, gestures — I was constantly catching glimpses of something unknown and unfamiliar.""" text26558;"""I desperately wanted a candid conversation with her, dreaming to explain or even prove something, but, at the same time, I was terrified of a cold look and a sarcastic smirk as a response.""" text26559;"""Of course, a very different one from before. An adult, experienced one that had lost its old shine and exchanged youthful enthusiasm for mature prudence.""" text26560;"""I was afraid to see Catherine like that, because in contrast with her I looked even more infantile and neurotic than before.""" text26561;"""The unknown scares us the most.""" text26562;"""The majority of people would prefer to keep stewing in the cauldron of their daily, understandable, stable hardships, rather than take a small chance to improve their lives.""" text26563;"""The same way I had gotten used to the status quo where we were separated by thousands of miles.""" text26564;"""It was comfortable enough to wear the badge of a man suffering for his love undeservingly, to pity myself and occasionally cry into my pillow at night.""" text26565;"""As a man with a wounded heart I would always have support — if only from Himitsu.""" text26566;"""Why cure a disease that isn't life threatening if it means the government gives you a nice pension?""" text26567;"""But I couldn't just ignore Katya's return to my life.""" text26568;"""I'd clearly been shown things couldn't continue like this.""" text26569;"""I had to either deal with the real Catherine, or stop this pathetic carnival of self pity.""" text26570;"""We'd still have to sort out our relationship, even if that's where it would end.""" text26571;"""I patiently waited until the end of the day — I didn't want to bother her during a break — after all, such a conversation required more time.""" text26572;"""…""" text26573;"""I was standing at the school gate, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.""" text26574;"""I had run out of class with the last bell, so this time there was no way I'd miss Katya.""" text26575;"""I never found the appropriate words to start the conversation.""" text26576;"""Not that it really mattered — after all, the topic remained the same.""" text26577;"""Students were passing by, paying no attention to me.""" text26578;"""Alone, in couples, even in groups.""" text26579;"""Frowning, laughing, and chatting with each other, staring at their feet and noticing no one, angry and seemingly upset with someone, and with welcoming smiles on their beautiful faces.""" text26580;"""Why is it that if you're rich, you're necessarily also handsome to boot?""" text26581;"""Except for Kyosuke and me, that seemed to be the case for the majority of students in our school.""" text26582;"""As if there was an invisible slot machine only equipping the chosen few, dealing out advantage after advantage.""" text26583;"""And when it was then the turn of simpler people, you'd be lucky to at least get away with good health.""" text26584;"""Well, I had. At least, physically…""" text26585;"""Niko-kun.""" text26586;"""There was Himitsu…""" text26587;"""I should've realized that her classes were over too.""" text26588;"""Niko-kun, are you waiting for someone?""" text26589;"""Yeah… No… Well, I…""" text26590;"""My determination seemed to have vanished at once.""" text26591;"""In front of Himitsu I felt like some idiot telling his mother he wasn't going to go into university because his dream was to flip penguins at the South Pole.""" text26592;"""His mind was made, but mom was sure to be upset!""" text26593;"""No worries. If I'm interrupting something, then…""" text26594;"""You're not interrupting anything!""" text26595;"""Here you are!""" text26596;"""As if Himitsu wasn't enough, Kagome was approaching me determinedly.""" text26597;"""We need to talk.""" text26598;"""We've already talked…""" text26599;"""I said just for the sake of decency — it obviously wasn't going to stop her.""" text26600;"""Iwamura-senpai…""" text26601;"""Oh, seems like I've interrupted something…""" text26602;"""I won't keep him busy for long.""" text26603;"""She told Himitsu.""" text26604;"""Himitsu, in turn, gave me a questioning look.""" text26605;"""A minute ago I was about to start sorting out my relationship with Catherine.""" text26606;"""Thirty seconds ago I was trying to figure out how not to upset Himitsu while doing that.""" text26607;"""Now I was taken aback by Kagome's assault.""" text26608;"""You know, not everything in the world revolves around you and your problems. Not everyone just waits for you to pay attention to them, ready to drop everything and run after you as soon as you call them!""" text26609;"""But my voice didn't sound very confident.""" text26610;"""So what are you so busy with that's more important… more important… than this?""" text26611;"""But then she also grew embarrassed, casting a quick glance at Himitsu.""" text26612;"""Of course, Kagome was right in her own way.""" text26613;"""And I was just afraid to hurt someone, trying to have my foot in two worlds at the same time.""" text26614;"""Or maybe even three or four!""" text26615;"""I had to make a choice.""" text26616;"""Obviously, not everything in my life revolved around Himitsu, and not all my thoughts were about Catherine.""" text26617;"""However, before moving forward, one has to understand what they'll have to leave behind.""" text26618;"""I didn't know what Kagome had come up with this time, and I wasn't in the mood to try and guess.""" text26619;"""Nevertheless, her unshakeable confidence in herself and her own righteousness were somewhat spellbinding.""" text26620;"""Sorry…""" text26621;"""I timidly said to Himitsu.""" text26622;"""I'll wait for you at home.""" text26623;"""She replied after a moment and walked away, leaving us alone.""" text26624;"""Are you happy now?""" text26625;"""I asked Kagome, irritated.""" text26626;"""I didn't force you.""" text26627;"""She huffed in response.""" text26628;"""So what do you want to talk about?""" text26629;"""Not here.""" text26630;"""Where, then?""" text26631;"""…""" text26632;"""I was impotently walking after Kagome, not a thought in my head, like a sheep following a shepherd's dog.""" text26633;"""After some time, we found ourselves in the park. That very park so many memories of mine were tied to…""" text26634;"""Catherine and I used to come here often, she always told me she enjoyed the silence and the opportunity to be alone.""" text26635;"""Meanwhile, it seemed to me sometimes that she was just embarrassed to be in public together.""" text26636;"""Anyway, I hadn't talked to Catherine today, and it was Iwamura's fault!""" text26637;"""I finally raised my eyes and looked at her back.""" text26638;"""Isn't this enough?""" text26639;"""What's enough?""" text26640;"""She slowed her pace and turned around.""" text26641;"""We're far enough from the school. I doubt there's a spy with a camera hiding behind every bush.""" text26642;"""Don't you just love your sarcasm.""" text26643;"""We stopped on a little curved bridge built over a small spring that met a lake.""" text26644;"""Kagome leaned on the railing and stared at the water.""" text26645;"""I didn't know there was a park here.""" text26646;"""So you were just walking… randomly?""" text26647;"""Yes.""" text26648;"""She gave me a cute and somewhat childish smile.""" text26649;"""The first yellow leaves were reluctantly falling off the trees. One of them, however, deftly glided down onto Kagome's head and got stuck in her hair, but she didn't notice.""" text26650;"""You look like a sensible person sometimes, but that's only a front, isn't it?""" text26651;"""What do you mean?""" text26652;"""Never mind… What did you want to talk about?""" text26653;"""I think we have no other choice but to pressure Kobayashi's granddaughter.""" text26654;"""She really emphasized that \""we\"".""" text26655;"""But…""" text26656;"""Wait, let me finish!""" text26657;"""Kagome raised her hand sternly.""" text26658;"""I know what you want to say! That she knows nothing, and I'm only making the situation worse.""" text26659;"""But look at this from a different angle — even if her grandfather finds out that we've set our sights on her, what's wrong with that?""" text26660;"""There's so much wrong with that I don't even know where to begin.""" text26661;"""We have to shatter their delusions of omnipotence — that's the only way we'll achieve anything!""" text26662;"""I couldn't figure out if she was serious or not.""" text26663;"""Of course, there was no reason to suspect Kagome of being delusionally maniacal, but then what was this? Youthful exuberance?""" text26664;"""Shatter? Delusions of omnipotence? Are you listening to yourself? All I can imagine is that guy from Kobayashi Jun's office shattering my face!""" text26665;"""You're just scared!""" text26666;"""Yes, I am! Aren't you?""" text26667;"""I…""" text26668;"""She suddenly frowned, as if I'd said something very offensive.""" text26669;"""I don't let fear control my life!""" text26670;"""Then you're just being reckless, albeit consciously.""" text26671;"""So, are you going to help me or not?""" text26672;"""What am I even supposed to do?""" text26673;"""First — talk to that…""" text26674;"""Kagome clearly had problems with calling people by their names.""" text26675;"""Ellie.""" text26676;"""I prompted.""" text26677;"""Yes, to that Ellie. It's clear that she won't listen to me, but you're quite her type.""" text26678;"""She smirked sarcastically.""" text26679;"""What are you implying?""" text26680;"""Just feminine intuition.""" text26681;"""Somehow, I didn't want to pry into what that intuition was telling her.""" text26682;"""Why do you think things will go differently this time? As I see it, Ellie clearly let us know that she can't help.""" text26683;"""But she hasn't even tried! At least, ask her… I don't know… to do something! To talk to her grandfather or anyone else who has real power.""" text26684;"""And why would she listen to me?""" text26685;"""Convince her.""" text26686;"""How?""" text26687;"""I don't know how! Come up with something!""" text26688;"""She got angry and stomped her foot.""" text26689;"""The school of fish swimming by us immediately dashed away.""" text26690;"""For whatever reason, you overestimate my persuasiveness.""" text26691;"""Or you underestimate the impression you've made on her.""" text26692;"""When have I ever…""" text26693;"""On the other hand, Kagome was a girl too, despite how she acted.""" text26694;"""So maybe she had a better feel for this stuff.""" text26695;"""And if she was saying that…""" text26696;"""I suddenly felt blood surging to my face and turned away.""" text26697;"""You don't understand what you're asking.""" text26698;"""Why? If things go well enough, you might end up the son-in-law of the richest man in Japan!""" text26699;"""I'm going through a rough patch right now. And I haven't been planning on starting a new relationship, even if just for purely selfish reasons.""" text26700;"""I don't understand guys… Don't you like her?""" text26701;"""I do, but… I mean, being attracted to someone's appearance isn't all there is to it.""" text26702;"""Look at this tender soul.""" text26703;"""Imagine that.""" text26704;"""I started to feel uncomfortable in the presence of this persistent girl.""" text26705;"""What if Kobayashi Jun had a grandson, huh? Then what?!""" text26706;"""As far as I know, homosexuality isn't a crime in Japan.""" text26707;"""Stop joking around! Would you go down on that hypothetical grandson if you needed to?""" text26708;"""Kagome tried to hold my angry look, but buckled and lowered her head.""" text26709;"""I don't see the point in talking about things that don't exist.""" text26710;"""How convenient!""" text26711;"""Is that a no?""" text26712;"""I'll talk to her. But I'm not promising anything else!""" text26713;"""That seemed like the only way to stop this idiotic conversation.""" text26714;"""And from now on, please, stop with these dumb ideas.""" text26715;"""Cheers!""" text26716;"""I basically ran away from Kagome, feeling, on the one hand, extremely offended, and on the other, inexplicably ashamed, as if my parents had caught me masturbating.""" text26717;"""Maybe in another situation I'd even feel good about the idea that I might end up in a relationship with Kobayashi Ellie.""" text26718;"""But not now, when I was in real danger and Catherine had returned to Japan.""" text26719;"""…""" text26720;"""I was slowly walking home, purposefully choosing the longest route.""" text26721;"""Home — with Himitsu ready to interrogate me; home — with the old life that Ellie and Kagome were so desperately trying to turn on its head.""" text26722;"""I didn't know if that was what Kagome was trying to achieve, but the very thought that things could be different, that not everything had to be tied to Himitsu or Catherine, was stuck firmly in my mind.""" text26723;"""Naturally, the lights were on — what else could I expect?""" text26724;"""I tried to open the door as quietly as possible, take off my shoes, and sneak into the kitchen.""" text26725;"""I always wondered what Himitsu did alone.""" text26726;"""It seemed like without me she was in some kind of superposition. We had seen each other that afternoon at the school gate when Kagome took me away, and now it was evening and I was home.""" text26727;"""Did anything exist between those two points in space and time? Did Himitsu?""" text26728;"""Niko-kun, why are you creeping around?""" text26729;"""Well then, today was not the day I would find out.""" text26730;"""I wanted to surprise you.""" text26731;"""Thanks, you already did this afternoon.""" text26732;"""Himitsu replied in a tone that made it clear she was upset.""" text26733;"""Do you want to talk about it?""" text26734;"""I sat down next to her and, with surprise, noticed that the table was empty, the stove was cold, and all the pots and pans were in their places.""" text26735;"""I don't know, should we?""" text26736;"""If you think we should…""" text26737;"""Niko-kun, I can see something's happened!""" text26738;"""That senpai came over to your place on Saturday, and today you two just went out somewhere in the middle of the day…""" text26739;"""In the middle of the day…""" text26740;"""I grumbled.""" text26741;"""You're saying that like we're in some sort of conspiracy!""" text26742;"""I don't know, Niko-kun… What were you talking about with Iwamura-senpai today? It looked like she had something important to discuss with you.""" text26743;"""Something important? Kagome…?""" text26744;"""I smirked, but immediately caught myself.""" text26745;"""Sure, Himitsu knew that I wasn't a big fan of Japanese formalities, but some degree of overfamiliarity, forgivable under different circumstances, towards a girl could really backfire on me.""" text26746;"""However, she didn't seem to notice. Or, at least, pretended to.""" text26747;"""I mean, that's…""" text26748;"""Just something about school? Himitsu would never believe that.""" text26749;"""You're hiding something from me. Something happened in the past few days, but you don't want to tell me.""" text26750;"""What could possibly have happened in my life?""" text26751;"""Although, that wasn't true. Even from her point of view.""" text26752;"""Catherine's return alone was enough.""" text26753;"""That's what I want you to tell me!""" text26754;"""She suddenly raised her voice.""" text26755;"""Sure, I didn't want to drag Himitsu into my problems, I was afraid she'd end up in danger too.""" text26756;"""But it was getting more and more difficult to lie and come up with excuses under her intense glare.""" text26757;"""There's nothing between us, if that's what you mean.""" text26758;"""That's not what I mean. I understand that Katty-chan is the only thing you can think about right now.""" text26759;"""Catherine… No… I mean, yes…. I mean, of course I think about her, how can't I! Who wouldn't in my place?!""" text26760;"""Maybe it really would be easier this way?""" text26761;"""And you asked Iwamura-senpai for help.""" text26762;"""And you asked Iwamura-senpai for help. The same way you helped her that time.""" text26763;"""Even if that was the case, I wouldn't compare the two situations.""" text26764;"""I had no idea how Kagome would've been able to help me with Catherine, but since Himitsu came to this conclusion herself it would be a bad tactic to convince her of anything else.""" text26765;"""Guilty as charged, sorry.""" text26766;"""See, Niko-kun! You can't hide anything from me!""" text26767;"""Himitsu exclaimed gleefully. That seemed like a very inappropriate reaction, to me.""" text26768;"""If you really wanted someone else to talk to Katty-chan, you could've asked me!""" text26769;"""But I had witnessed them talking to each other just a few days ago — and I couldn't say it sounded anything like a conversation between friends who hadn't seen each other in a while.""" text26770;"""Don't you think it would a bit… inappropriate? To ask you to talk with Catherine.""" text26771;"""And, well… Talk about what?""" text26772;"""Well, what did you ask Iwamura-senpai to talk with her about?""" text26773;"""What did I ask Iwamura-senpai to talk with her about…""" text26774;"""I slowly repeated, drawing out each word, as if hoping to find the time to come up with a decent answer.""" text26775;"""Niko-kun?""" text26776;"""Himitsu frowned and came closer.""" text26777;"""I instinctively moved back and looked aside.""" text26778;"""Well… you know… Catherine doesn't want to talk to me… And Kagome isn't someone she knows, or at least not someone she's had a fight with yet.""" text26779;"""Yet — I was positive it would take only a couple of minutes if they ever got to know each other.""" text26780;"""That's not an answer. What did you want them to talk about?""" text26781;"""Is this an interrogation or something?!""" text26782;"""You'll have something later. For now, answer the question, please.""" text26783;"""She tried to soften her tone, but somehow that made me even angrier.""" text26784;"""I'm not obligated to report to you what I talk about and with who!""" text26785;"""Even if I was trying to protect her, that sounded cruel.""" text26786;"""I felt like I was the captain of an old ship caught in a storm: I was doing my best spinning the wheel, but my small craft just couldn't hold out against the wrath of the raging waves.""" text26787;"""Sunshine, I don't want to upset you, but there are things… Serious things… Dangerous things. This isn't the time to talk about them.""" text26788;"""Dangerous things, Niko-kun? What have you gotten yourself into?""" text26789;"""I haven't gotten myself into anything! Can you just believe me that everything is going to be alright, but I can't tell you the details right now? It just has to be like this!""" text26790;"""Niko-kun…""" text26791;"""Himitsu was fidgeting in her chair, clearly nervous.""" text26792;"""I suddenly felt hot, so I jumped off the chair, walked to the garden door, and opened it.""" text26793;"""So, you and Iwamura-senpai weren't talking about Katty-chan?""" text26794;"""I didn't know what to say.""" text26795;"""Just a minute ago, it had seemed like a nice idea, but now the entire lie had come apart ahead of its time.""" text26796;"""Niko-kun?""" text26797;"""What?!""" text26798;"""I turned around and looked at Himitsu.""" text26799;"""She was about to break into tears.""" text26800;"""I can't tell you more. You shouldn't know more. As soon as I can…""" text26801;"""Are you in danger?""" text26802;"""No, of course not!""" text26803;"""Then why? Why all these mysteries? I want to help!""" text26804;"""There's nothing you can do to help me.""" text26805;"""Then I better go.""" text26806;"""She stood up and slowly walked out.""" text26807;"""I kept looking out at the moonlight-filled garden.""" text26808;"""…""" text26809;"""I didn't know if I had done the right thing by hiding the truth from Himitsu.""" text26810;"""One thing was for sure: she wouldn't be able to help me in any way, but things would've gotten much more tense.""" text26811;"""There would be crying, whining, interrogations…""" text26812;"""Although things could also go completely differently.""" text26813;"""For now, I was alone with my problems and only had Kagome to talk to (and I was hiding a lot from her as well).""" text26814;"""And all these conversations weren't making me any calmer!""" text26815;"""Besides, Himitsu didn't make dinner…""" text26816;"""At times I noticed with some annoyance that hunger came at the least appropriate moments.""" text26817;"""When you need to sit and think things through calmly, to concentrate on the problem, your stomach starts demanding attention that is desperately needed elsewhere.""" text26818;"""Feeling like Diogenes rudely thrown out of his barrel, I opened the fridge in search of something to make dinner with.""" text26819;"""When a person is hungry, they often want to eat not a salad or an apple, but a very specific set of products: fatty, sweet, salty ones, and their derivatives.""" text26820;"""That's just how we have evolved.""" text26821;"""But if you just stuff yourself with enough bread, you will also eventually get full.""" text26822;"""I've always been annoyed by the unfairness of it, the difference between how you feel before (an acute desire to experience all the wonders of the culinary world) and after (indifference to food, and sometimes even pain from overeating).""" text26823;"""I was not a talented cook, I wasn't even at the level of your average housewife.""" text26824;"""My fridge and shelves, like fighters on the home front, were unprepared for a сulinary battle with an unknown enemy.""" text26825;"""In the end, I had to find satisfaction in instant noodles…""" text26826;"""I was idly poking the cold noodles around with my chopsticks when, for who knows what reason, the ring of a doorbell broke the silence of my house.""" text26827;"""The hand of my clock was about to hit twelve — too late for any guests.""" text26828;"""But the thought that the KGB or the Corporation's goons don't give any warning before their visits somewhat calmed me down.""" text26829;"""And indeed, the person standing at the doorstep was Catherine.""" text26830;"""What a… pleasant surprise.""" text26831;"""I said and looked at the street past her shoulder. There was no one out there.""" text26832;"""You don't look particularly excited.""" text26833;"""Katya was shifting from one foot to another — it was clear she hadn't come for a cup of bedtime tea and an exchange of school gossip.""" text26834;"""I just wasn't expecting you… I wasn't expecting anyone so late.""" text26835;"""Shall I leave?""" text26836;"""She asked impatiently, not hiding her irritation.""" text26837;"""No! I'm sorry! Please come in.""" text26838;"""Having entered the kitchen, Catherine carefully looked around, as if it was a museum.""" text26839;"""It's like nothing's changed here.""" text26840;"""What were you expecting?""" text26841;"""Me? Nothing.""" text26842;"""She turned around, glanced at me, and smiled.""" text26843;"""I take it you wanted to talk at school?""" text26844;"""…""" text26845;"""I didn't know how to respond.""" text26846;"""Sometimes, it was surprising how sharp she was. Sometimes it was scary.""" text26847;"""But then you found something more important to do.""" text26848;"""With our class representative.""" text26849;"""She added, saying the last words with particular disgust.""" text26850;"""Are you spying on me?""" text26851;"""Yeah, can't I?""" text26852;"""Katya replied without a sign of embarrassment.""" text26853;"""I'm flattered.""" text26854;"""It was starting to seem like the conversation was going the wrong way, as if I'd been ripped out of reality and wasn't subject to the laws of nature anymore.""" text26855;"""At the moment I had more urgent, more important, even essential, matters to deal with.""" text26856;"""And Catherine was flirting with me like the year and a half we had spent apart never happened.""" text26857;"""I still don't understand what you're trying to get at.""" text26858;"""Do I need a reason to come here?""" text26859;"""Maybe you do…""" text26860;"""I said quietly.""" text26861;"""Himitsu doesn't.""" text26862;"""I was looking at Katya and couldn't figure out what was on her mind.""" text26863;"""On the one hand, of course I was happy she came (and of her own accord, too), but on the other — she was clearly here for a reason.""" text26864;"""Himitsu didn't disappear from my life for years.""" text26865;"""Is that resentment I hear?""" text26866;"""Yes, that's exactly it.""" text26867;"""The words rolled off my tongue by themselves, paying no attention to my brain.""" text26868;"""A part of me desperately wanted to just jump at Catherine, kiss her, take her to the floor, next to the kotatsu…""" text26869;"""But another voice was quietly yet persistently whispering that she was a very different person from the one I used to know and love.""" text26870;"""Outwardly, Katya had barely changed after all this time, but for some reason, I had the unshakeable feeling that I had let a stranger in.""" text26871;"""Well, apparently I'm not welcome here…""" text26872;"""She turned around and was about to leave, but I grabbed her by the hand.""" text26873;"""Wait! I didn't want to offend you. But you must to know how this looks from my perspective!""" text26874;"""You leave without even saying goodbye. Then you come back and don't want to talk. And now you're here, acting as if nothing's happened!""" text26875;"""How do you think I'm supposed to react?""" text26876;"""Catherine gave it a moment's thought, then sat on a chair and fixed her hair with an elegant gesture.""" text26877;"""I guess you're right. I just didn't know how to start a conversation or how to act.""" text26878;"""Although, to be honest, she didn't look particularly perplexed.""" text26879;"""A conversation about what?""" text26880;"""A week ago… You found a note on your porch.""" text26881;"""A note…?""" text26882;"""I said slowly.""" text26883;"""So you were the one who wrote it?! What about the handwriting?""" text26884;"""What handwriting?""" text26885;"""Catherine was finally surprised.""" text26886;"""In your notebook! I flipped through your notebook during break when no one could see.""" text26887;"""Are you sure that was my notebook?""" text26888;"""What…?""" text26889;"""I borrowed one from a classmate to copy the material.""" text26890;"""Oh, so…""" text26891;"""I exhaled and powerlessly sank onto the chair opposite from her.""" text26892;"""Katya, but why?""" text26893;"""I wanted to warn you. But, apparently, you don't need my warnings — and you know well enough how and who you should talk with.""" text26894;"""But why?! Why not just tell me directly?!""" text26895;"""Well, I am telling you now — and how is it helping?""" text26896;"""I shouldn't have come here in the first place!""" text26897;"""No, you've started, be so kind as to finish! Who's after me?! What do you know about my father's work?!""" text26898;"""Ah, so now you're interested!""" text26899;"""She flashed her eyes and leaned towards me.""" text26900;"""Katya, what is this childish resentment? If you know something, please tell me…""" text26901;"""I suddenly felt terribly uncomfortable about how close we were — her face was only half a meter away from mine.""" text26902;"""Sure.""" text26903;"""She moved away abruptly, crossed her arms over her chest, and crossed her legs.""" text26904;"""The very first day we returned to Japan, I overheard my mom's conversation on the phone. She was talking about you and your parents.""" text26905;"""And the conversation wasn't a calm one. It's obvious you're in danger.""" text26906;"""And that's it?""" text26907;"""I smirked impotently.""" text26908;"""What else do you want to hear?""" text26909;"""That's all you can tell me? You didn't even bother to ask your mother what's going on?""" text26910;"""I talked to her. She asked me to stay out of it and told me it had nothing to do with me…""" text26911;"""Nothing to do with you!""" text26912;"""I exhaled.""" text26913;"""You know what, I agree with her on that — it really doesn't concern you!""" text26914;"""And you've demonstrated your attitude by planting a note! A fucking note with a bunch of mistakes, Katya!""" text26915;"""Don't shout at me!""" text26916;"""What were you expecting after that?!""" text26917;"""I suddenly caught myself.""" text26918;"""Wasn't this why Catherine couldn't bring herself to come to my place and talk to me openly?""" text26919;"""Because she was expecting this kind of reaction.""" text26920;"""Sorry, I didn't want to shout at you.""" text26921;"""That's the problem.""" text26922;"""What?""" text26923;"""You act first and think later.""" text26924;"""A second ago, I'd intended to be more reserved, but Catherine managed to kill that intention with a single sentence.""" text26925;"""And you, do you think much before you act?""" text26926;"""I wonder how many hours it took for you to decide to ditch me without even saying goodbye.""" text26927;"""I…""" text26928;"""Her face finally trembled, and Katya looked like she was about to cry.""" text26929;"""I sent a letter. That's enough — what else could I do?! It has everything…""" text26930;"""Ah, the letter!""" text26931;"""I jumped up and marched to my room.""" text26932;"""Here, take it and sign here!""" text26933;"""I returned with the unopened letter and threw it at Catherine.""" text26934;"""The recipient turned out to be unavailable!""" text26935;"""So you haven't even read it?""" text26936;"""As you can see…""" text26937;"""Is that so.""" text26938;"""Suddenly, her face broke into a little smile.""" text26939;"""Her reaction appeared pretty strange to me, but I was too angry to pay closer attention to it.""" text26940;"""Yes, it is.""" text26941;"""Okay then.""" text26942;"""She stood up and straightened out her skirt with a careful motion.""" text26943;"""Nothing else you want to say?""" text26944;"""I've said enough. Everything I know. If I learn anything else, I'll tell you.""" text26945;"""You can find the front door yourself.""" text26946;"""Good night.""" text26947;"""She bid me farewell in an inappropriately polite tone.""" text26948;"""When the door closed behind Katya, I dropped to the chair like a sack of potatoes.""" text26949;"""It was too much for one day.""" text26950;"""Exhausted, I barely reached the bed and fell onto it without taking my clothes off."""