text25522;"""Mornings are particularly unpleasant when they're only unpleasant for you, and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves.""" text25523;"""The sun was shining right at my face and the room was surprisingly warm even after a September night.""" text25524;"""I turned to the side and immediately realized I wouldn't fall asleep again.""" text25525;"""Memories of the previous night came bit by bit — like pieces of a puzzle.""" text25526;"""Eventually I managed to put together a more or less complete picture and thanked my former self for stopping when he did.""" text25527;"""It was still early for a Saturday morning, though just the right time for restaurants to open!""" text25528;"""I managed to sit up, shook my head, then got up and staggered to the bathroom.""" text25529;"""The cold shower gave me a sufficient boost of energy to act.""" text25530;"""It was hard to say whether a day was enough for Asakura and Kawashima to come to their senses, but I couldn't waste any time!""" text25531;"""I had no exact plan, I didn't even know what I was going to say to Kagome.""" text25532;"""One thing was clear — if I had been the one to drag her into all this, I had to face the consequences.""" text25533;"""The only thing I could hear in the receiver was a series of meaningless dialtones, one after another.""" text25534;"""I kept calling but nobody picked up.""" text25535;"""Very strange!""" text25536;"""I would've understood it if I'd called Himitsu or Catherine — but Kagome lived in a restaurant…""" text25537;"""Very strange!""" text25538;"""Maybe they hadn't paid their bill and the phone had been disconnected?""" text25539;"""I didn't get enough time to get worked up over trying to figure out why I wasn't getting through, as my thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.""" text25540;"""What if it was Kagome?""" text25541;"""I rushed to open the door.""" text25542;"""However, the person standing behind it was…""" text25543;"""Kagemaru.""" text25544;"""Kobayashi-dono wishes to speak with you.""" text25545;"""He said briefly.""" text25546;"""Everything indicated that on this wonderful Saturday morning Kagemaru would prefer to be anywhere other than my doorstep.""" text25547;"""My potential replies were fighting in my head, the ones wanting to refuse soon losing.""" text25548;"""Can I at least get dressed?""" text25549;"""Go ahead. Just don't take long!""" text25550;"""…""" text25551;"""Rushing through the empty streets of Tokyo, the expensive European car quickly brought us to the offices of Kobayashi Corporation.""" text25552;"""I didn't dare start a conversation with Kagemaru, confident I wasn't going to get any sort of answer.""" text25553;"""Was this all about Ellie asking me to play the bass in their band?""" text25554;"""Or were they going to kill me for not being able to play the guitar properly…?""" text25555;"""Both options seemed unrealistic even in the context of everything that'd happened lately.""" text25556;"""One way or another I didn't have to worry about an attempt on my life — this would be a complicated way for someone so powerful to kill me!""" text25557;"""Which meant they wanted something else.""" text25558;"""…""" text25559;"""An endless minute of waiting in the elevator…""" text25560;"""And there I was again, on the God-knows-which floor, in the giant office of Kobayashi Jun, head of Kobayashi Corporation.""" text25561;"""Just a week ago, in this very place, he had made me feel no less reverence, though much less fear.""" text25562;"""That was probably because the two of us had come to him of on our own initiative, with a goal in mind, and had scraped together a little confidence.""" text25563;"""And now, it was his turn to make demands…""" text25564;"""Nikolai? I'm delighted you found the time to stop by. Please, take a seat.""" text25565;"""I walked to his desk on jelly legs and dropped into an armchair I found far too soft.""" text25566;"""How are things? How's school?""" text25567;"""Everything's fine, thank you.""" text25568;"""I'm glad to hear that. The young man who's become of such a deep interest to my granddaughter must have an excellent academic record!""" text25569;"""So, it was about Ellie after all. What else could it possibly be about?!""" text25570;"""I wouldn't say that…""" text25571;"""As you must have guessed, I didn't summon you here to discuss your grades.""" text25572;"""His eyes flashed, and that was truly frightening!""" text25573;"""You should realize that I have certain expectations in regards to Elizabeth. The same, of course, holds true concerning her social circle.""" text25574;"""If you're talking about them asking me to play in their band…""" text25575;"""I mumbled idiotically, but Kobayashi Jun didn't let me finish.""" text25576;"""Of course, that is also a delicate matter.""" text25577;"""He sighed with disappointment.""" text25578;"""I don't approve of Elizabeth taking up a hobby like that, but I can't forbid her everything.""" text25579;"""While her parents were still alive, they, as I've always said, allowed themselves too much liberty. Now that they're no longer with us…""" text25580;"""He stood up, locked his arms behind his back and walked to the window.""" text25581;"""There was something so human, casual, and powerless in that motion that for a moment I forgot the person standing before could crash markets the world over with a snap of his fingers.""" text25582;"""Elizabeth has no one left except for me. And I don't want her to think me some sort of tyrant!""" text25583;"""He turned to me and continued in that same tone of a lecturing professor:""" text25584;"""But only so long as this hobby of hers remains within the bounds of reason.""" text25585;"""Believe me, I agree with you completely!""" text25586;"""I'm glad to hear that. However, yesterday, you were in that basement she rehearses in, weren't you?""" text25587;"""Ellie… Ellie-san just invited me to listen.""" text25588;"""Then you would probably like to know that she doesn't bring guests there often.""" text25589;"""…""" text25590;"""I still couldn't understand what he was getting at.""" text25591;"""What exactly changed just because I'd visited their studio yesterday?""" text25592;"""Nikolai, I've always appreciated your parents' contribution to the success of Kobayashi Corporation.""" text25593;"""He suddenly smiled.""" text25594;"""You've already mentioned that.""" text25595;"""My understandable fear was joined by anger, but I restrained myself.""" text25596;"""Have I? Forgive an old man — my memory isn't as good as it was.""" text25597;"""Kobayashi Jun fell silent and just stared me straight in the eye.""" text25598;"""It was impossible to hold out against that look for long.""" text25599;"""Kobayashi-sama, I don't understand what I'm doing here…""" text25600;"""What do you think?""" text25601;"""I don't know…""" text25602;"""What sort of relationship do you have with my granddaughter?""" text25603;"""What relationship…""" text25604;"""I repeated.""" text25605;"""What was this? A grandfather's concern? Overprotection?""" text25606;"""But then why the hell did he mention my parents?!""" text25607;"""Deep inside, I felt a fury starting to burn.""" text25608;"""When even the weakest of animals is driven to a corner, its only choice is to fight!""" text25609;"""Did my answer really matter?""" text25610;"""If I'd been brought here just for a conversation, they would let me go sooner or later.""" text25611;"""And if it was a game of cat and mouse, the opinion of the latter barely mattered.""" text25612;"""Hint at serious intentions regarding Ellie""" text25613;"""Deny everything""" text25614;"""Yes, there may be something between us, so what?""" text25615;"""Watch yourself, Nikolai.""" text25616;"""His tone turned dry.""" text25617;"""I should've probably exercised caution, but I had already gotten too worked up by the thought that this old man might be to blame for my parents' death.""" text25618;"""By my own powerlessness and impotence.""" text25619;"""By the feeling that I was just an uninvolved observer of my own life.""" text25620;"""But was that really the only reason for my response…?""" text25621;"""Kobayashi-sama, we just go to the same school, nothing else!""" text25622;"""That was the truth, I didn't even have to lie.""" text25623;"""Well, enough now! I didn't mean to pressure you.""" text25624;"""He suddenly relaxed.""" text25625;"""I just don't want her passions to, let us say, cross a certain line.""" text25626;"""Apparently, that meant that I was supposed to refuse Ellie's offer.""" text25627;"""Do we understand each other, Nikolai?""" text25628;"""We do.""" text25629;"""Then Kagemaru will see you to the exit.""" text25630;"""…""" text25631;"""Walking out of Kobayashi Corporation's office, I consecutively felt hunger, anger, and confusion.""" text25632;"""What had that show been for?""" text25633;"""Kagemaru would've been enough to let me know that I'm not supposed to talk to Ellie!""" text25634;"""Or did her grandfather also think I knew something, was hiding some documents, or something like that…?""" text25635;"""Ah, dammit!""" text25636;"""I swore powerlessly and quickly walked away from that bloody Barad-dur.""" text25637;"""My stomach was starting to collapse in on itself and turn into a black hole.""" text25638;"""Luckily it wasn't too difficult to find ramen in the capital of Japan in the year 1987.""" text25639;"""…""" text25640;"""Full and somewhat calmed down, I walked down half-empty streets, heading home.""" text25641;"""Of course I should've tried to call Kagome again, but after everything that had happened, her problems seemed to have taken a back seat.""" text25642;"""Maybe Ellie's friends were taking the day off too.""" text25643;"""People seemed to be causing me a lot of problems lately, so I decided to go where I'd come across as few as possible — the park.""" text25644;"""…""" text25645;"""How did things even end up like this?""" text25646;"""In the play that was my life, I got the role of Romeo, except without clan Montague behind me.""" text25647;"""And Kobayashi Jun, a real Capulet, was threatening to bring my time on Earth to its end were I even to look at his Juliet!""" text25648;"""Our relationship seemed to be of interest to third parties too: the KGB, represented by Irina, and Kagome in search of her father.""" text25649;"""If we were in another one of Shakespeare's stories, it would probably have been interesting to me too.""" text25650;"""Though could well have found myself in Hamlet rather than Romeo and Juliet!""" text25651;"""Obviously, my desire to get back at Kobayashi Corporation was like threatening the sky with a fist.""" text25652;"""Besides, I couldn't be sure that he was to blame""" text25653;"""There was always the possibility that the car accident really was just an accident.""" text25654;"""Plus, deep inside the old man didn't make me feel that oppressive disgust that murderers evoke.""" text25655;"""But he probably wouldn't have the position he does without knowing how to make the right impression.""" text25656;"""All these pointless attempts at finding who to blame were making my head swell.""" text25657;"""It was long past time to return home and try calling Kagome again.""" text25658;"""I headed toward the park's exit but, as I turned down a quiet path, found myself witness to an unexpected sight.""" text25659;"""Sitting on a bench were Michael and…""" text25660;"""Catherine!""" text25661;"""Trying not to make any noise, I sneaked closer and hid in the bushes.""" text25662;"""They were so sure they were alone they were speaking fairly loudly and I had no trouble hearing every word.""" text25663;"""I realize it might seem sudden to you, but I have thought it through.""" text25664;"""Michael said in his normal voice, but I'd known him long enough to figure out he was nervous.""" text25665;"""We've only known each other for a couple weeks…""" text25666;"""Meanwhile, Catherine clearly felt uncomfortable, even if she was trying not to show it.""" text25667;"""My feelings aren't going to change.""" text25668;"""So that's what it was!""" text25669;"""I'd become an unwilling witness to a love confession!""" text25670;"""If it'd been any other girl but Katya, I would've found this funny.""" text25671;"""But this situation was anything but.""" text25672;"""Moreover, just a couple days earlier I would've probably jumped out of the bushes and punched Michael in the face!""" text25673;"""But either that meeting with Kobayashi Jun had somehow cooled me down, or there was another reason, I decided to see how the conversation would go before rushing into action.""" text25674;"""I'm flattered, really, but…""" text25675;"""If it's about Nick…""" text25676;"""What does Nick have to do with this?""" text25677;"""What doesn't he?""" text25678;"""Things are long over between us.""" text25679;"""Her words hurt me way more than I'd expected.""" text25680;"""Of course, the statement of fact that our relationship had ended a long time ago and by now we were strangers to each other didn't change a thing.""" text25681;"""But I felt like a cripple rudely reminded of his handicap.""" text25682;"""Then what's the problem?""" text25683;"""Michael, do you really think this is how it works?""" text25684;"""I don't know, I've never been in a relationship.""" text25685;"""Catherine just scoffed vaguely in response.""" text25686;"""Does that mean I can assume you don't feel the same?""" text25687;"""You can assume whatever you want, but I'm not ready to promise you anything.""" text25688;"""It seemed she was just bullying Michael in her usual manner.""" text25689;"""For a second, I even pitied the poor guy.""" text25690;"""Of course, few people would be happy to find out that their ex-girlfriend had started dating their friend.""" text25691;"""But at the moment, I was surprised more than enraged.""" text25692;"""I'll talk to Nick.""" text25693;"""Jesus Christ, why?""" text25694;"""Even I, sitting in the bushes, felt secondhand embarrassment.""" text25695;"""Is he my father, brother, and husband all at once? Why would he make decisions for me?""" text25696;"""If you can't give me an answer…""" text25697;"""I already have.""" text25698;"""So it's a no?""" text25699;"""Catherine turned her head to the side just to avoid looking him in the eye, and her gaze suddenly stopped at exactly the spot where I was hiding.""" text25700;"""I was sure there was no way Katya could see me through the thick layer of vegetation, but suddenly something seemed to have changed about her.""" text25701;"""Do you pressure every girl like this, demanding an answer?""" text25702;"""I've already told you, I don't have much experience in these things.""" text25703;"""Then I'll tell you what… You need to work on your approach.""" text25704;"""What do you mean?""" text25705;"""At least try to imagine what the girl is feeling.""" text25706;"""And pay less attention to how others see you.""" text25707;"""She smirked, suddenly lowering her voice.""" text25708;"""If you say so…""" text25709;"""Michael looked pretty confused, like he'd been called up by a teacher to analyze mistakes he had made on an exam.""" text25710;"""Michael… In every other regard, he had always come off as a calm, reasonable, confident young man.""" text25711;"""But right now, sitting next to the girl he liked, he was acting like a shy first grader at the start of the school year.""" text25712;"""God, even Kyosuke would've done better!""" text25713;"""No, my cautious American friend, love can't be learned from textbooks!""" text25714;"""I'm glad we understood each other.""" text25715;"""Then I have a chance?""" text25716;"""The Lord works in mysterious ways.""" text25717;"""Catherine said just as mysteriously, stood up, smiled, and slowly passed by the bushes I was hiding in, though she didn't even look at them.""" text25718;"""The theatrics at the end were probably too much, but it looked like Katya had managed to impress Michael somehow. For a good while after she left he just sat there alone, thinking about something.""" text25719;"""I felt a bit uncomfortable that I could see him, but not the other way around.""" text25720;"""It's one thing is to eavesdrop on a conversation between two people, their behavior doesn't change much whether they're observed or not.""" text25721;"""But alone with themselves, people can often allow themselves more than they do in public.""" text25722;"""But not Michael.""" text25723;"""He kept sitting still, like Rodin's Thinker, and then just stood up and confidently headed for the exit.""" text25724;"""Actually, I shouldn't have had anything to do with this!""" text25725;"""Now instead of resolving more pressing issues, I was going to spend the entire rest of the day thinking about Catherine!""" text25726;"""Catherine, Catherine, Catherine!""" text25727;"""I jumped out of my hiding spot, ran to where she had been sitting with Michael just recently, and kicked the innocent bench as hard as I could.""" text25728;"""Aaaaah!""" text25729;"""Of course, it didn't go well — I almost broke my toe.""" text25730;"""I closed the door behind me and took off my shoes with some effort.""" text25731;"""It seemed like I hadn't been home for an entire day, but the clock said it was only two in the afternoon.""" text25732;"""I still felt slightly dizzy from yesterday's whiskey, so I just wanted to fall into bed and sleep until evening.""" text25733;"""But first, I needed to resolve the issue with Kagome and figure out why nobody was picking up at the restaurant.""" text25734;"""But as soon as I walked to the phone, it rang.""" text25735;"""Great, it had to be her!""" text25736;"""Hello!""" text25737;"""I said enthusiastically.""" text25738;"""Hi, Nick.""" text25739;"""Oh… hi…""" text25740;"""It turned out to just be Ellie.""" text25741;"""Just Ellie…. If Kyosuke could only hear me right now!""" text25742;"""Why so gloomy?""" text25743;"""No, everything's fine.""" text25744;"""You suuuure? I'd never guess by your voice!""" text25745;"""Obviously, some things in my life weren't fine, partially because of her.""" text25746;"""One hundred percent sure!""" text25747;"""I tried to make myself sound friendlier.""" text25748;"""Well, alright then. I'm calling because… Have you thought about our offer?""" text25749;"""She seemed pretty worried.""" text25750;"""What offer?""" text25751;"""Come on! About playing bass for Z FEEL-Z!""" text25752;"""Errrr…""" text25753;"""I drawled.""" text25754;"""I completely forgot about that.""" text25755;"""First thing in the morning there was Kagemaru, then her own grandfather and, finally, Catherine, all trying to distract me from this important question.""" text25756;"""Still, Ellie was waiting for my response.""" text25757;"""Well, I told you I'd think about it. And… I'm thinking.""" text25758;"""How much long do you think you'll be thinking?""" text25759;"""Her honestly inappropriate persistence began to irritate me.""" text25760;"""You were the ones who gave me time until Monday!""" text25761;"""Yeah, sure… But I thought maybe you've already decided.""" text25762;"""You know, Elizabeth, I've been a little busy with slightly more important things the whole day! Like talking with your grandfather!""" text25763;"""Not that I'd been meaning to hide anything about that conversation, but it might've been a better idea not to bring it up at this exact moment.""" text25764;"""Oh God, what is it this time?""" text25765;"""In her voice, I heard notes of irritation rather than surprise.""" text25766;"""Well, he knows I was at your studio yesterday.""" text25767;"""Ellie took her time replying.""" text25768;"""Sorry. I knew his people kept an eye on us, but nobody has ever had a problem because of that. Sorry if you…""" text25769;"""No, it's not a problem. He's just worried about his granddaughter, I get that.""" text25770;"""Worry and control are not the same thing.""" text25771;"""I guess…""" text25772;"""Did he say anything else?""" text25773;"""Would it be a better idea to recount the entire conversation or just stop there?""" text25774;"""You know, not really…""" text25775;"""Not that she was listening to me anymore:""" text25776;"""What right does he have to constantly meddle with my life?! I'm a grade A student, I'm taking extra classes, preparing to get into university — everything the way he wants!""" text25777;"""And he's trying to take away my only escape!""" text25778;"""I don't think it's about…""" text25779;"""If he hadn't interfered in her musical career before, what had changed now?""" text25780;"""Do you realize how scummy that is?""" text25781;"""Of course I do.""" text25782;"""I agreed — anything to calm her down.""" text25783;"""Sorry again! I'll definitely talk to him — and Kobayashi Corporation will never bother you again!""" text25784;"""As much as I wished that to be true, it was hard to believe.""" text25785;"""Don't! I've already forgotten about it, honest.""" text25786;"""Nick, if it's going to affect your decision at all…""" text25787;"""She said in a concerned tone after a moment's pause.""" text25788;"""I promise you — it won't!""" text25789;"""I was already regretting telling her about the visit to her grandfather.""" text25790;"""Then I'll call you… tomorrow?""" text25791;"""No need, I'll call you myself.""" text25792;"""I gave a brief answer.""" text25793;"""Alright.""" text25794;"""I agreed.""" text25795;"""You don't have my number, right?""" text25796;"""She spelled it out and I wrote it down.""" text25797;"""Just don't take too long!""" text25798;"""And, without letting me say a word, she bid farewell:""" text25799;"""Talk to you later!""" text25800;"""A-type behavior, huh?""" text25801;"""Despite all the obvious contradictions, I'd always considered myself an active person, but Ellie's unrelenting energy would tire out anyone!""" text25802;"""Were there no other bass players in Tokyo?""" text25803;"""Anyone who'd played for more than a week would fit the role better than me!""" text25804;"""Or maybe it was about something else?""" text25805;"""I walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge, stared inside for a while, then closed it and grabbed a pack of nuts from the shelf.""" text25806;"""That would do.""" text25807;"""…""" text25808;"""Saturday TV couldn't kill my boredom.""" text25809;"""Historical documentaries, numerous weird shows and anime — all of it seemed disgustingly vulgar and pointless.""" text25810;"""Maybe I was trying to drown myself in audiovisual slop to get away from unpleasant thoughts.""" text25811;"""So, Ellie, her grandfather, and his question about whether we were in a relationship.""" text25812;"""It seemed like just yesterday there had been only one girl in the entire world I wanted to be in a relationship with, but now even today's park bench incident left me almost indifferent.""" text25813;"""Maybe I had needed some sort of shake up and new friends to start changing for the better?""" text25814;"""If, of course, I had the right to think of letting Catherine go as a change for the better…""" text25815;"""But there was also something else.""" text25816;"""Damn, right! Kagome!""" text25817;"""I jumped up and rushed to the hall.""" text25818;"""But before I even grabbed the receiver, the doorbell stopped me.""" text25819;"""That must've been her!""" text25820;"""I was about to find out what happened to the phone at Gifts of the Sea!""" text25821;"""However, it turned out to just be Michael.""" text25822;"""Oh, it's you again.""" text25823;"""I grumbled, disappointed.""" text25824;"""Good to see you, too. Why again?""" text25825;"""Nevermind. Do you have anything you want to talk about or are you just dropping by?""" text25826;"""I do, actually.""" text25827;"""Let's make it quick, I'm a bit busy now.""" text25828;"""He looked over my shoulder at the empty house with some doubt.""" text25829;"""It's about Catherine.""" text25830;"""Catherine, Catherine, Catherine! I thought she clearly told him not to talk to me about our relationship!""" text25831;"""What about her?""" text25832;"""May I come in?""" text25833;"""Of course you can…""" text25834;"""I grumbled again, not even trying to hide my irritation.""" text25835;"""…""" text25836;"""Tea, coffee?""" text25837;"""No, thank you.""" text25838;"""He patiently pretended not to notice my sarcasm.""" text25839;"""Then I'm listening very carefully.""" text25840;"""I talked to Catherine today.""" text25841;"""Glad to hear she talks to someone, at least.""" text25842;"""Nick, I like her. That's why I'm here. I understand you two used to be in a relationship…""" text25843;"""But not anymore.""" text25844;"""Finally, Michael expressed at least some emotion and frowned.""" text25845;"""You don't seem to be surprised at all?""" text25846;"""I could guess it all from your face!""" text25847;"""My voice sounded unsure, but I couldn't just tell him I'd eavesdropped on their conversation!""" text25848;"""I'd never noticed you were so perceptive.""" text25849;"""You got a problem with that?""" text25850;"""No, it's just an observation.""" text25851;"""Intentionally or not, Michael was beginning to aggravate me.""" text25852;"""…""" text25853;"""Let me continue. If you don't mind, I'd like to try.""" text25854;"""Do you need my permission?""" text25855;"""I need to know that nothing would change between us afterwards.""" text25856;"""At first, I couldn't understand what the hell he was doing this for.""" text25857;"""Michael seemed to be stuck with some idea of chivalry that had been outdated for a good five hundred years now.""" text25858;"""But then I realized the situation was far more banal: he was just trying to account for every possible scenario!""" text25859;"""If Catherine were to agree, someone could think he'd shamelessly taken advantage of a temporary break up.""" text25860;"""After all, we were in Japan.""" text25861;"""With this, he would be off the hook — permission granted, no objections left…""" text25862;"""So you need my blessing, not my permission.""" text25863;"""I smirked and, for some reason, put a kettle on the stove.""" text25864;"""I don't think the choice of words changes the point.""" text25865;"""Yeah, except not being a priest I can't give you any absolution!""" text25866;"""If you see it that way…""" text25867;"""I just don't get the point of this conversation.""" text25868;"""Then you're against it?""" text25869;"""Jesus, what difference does it make if I'm for or against it?! If I say I mind, are you going to leave her alone?!""" text25870;"""I need to know in advance.""" text25871;"""You didn't answer the question.""" text25872;"""In the end, it'll be up to Catherine to make the decision.""" text25873;"""Then what the hell are we discussing here?!""" text25874;"""I almost shouted.""" text25875;"""Most likely, it wasn't so much about Michael himself as about the fact that his stupid interrogation had reopened an old wound.""" text25876;"""Lately, thoughts about Ellie and Kagome had helped me avoid the unresolved situation with Katya, and, most importantly, I was okay with that!""" text25877;"""Maybe I wouldn't even mind for things to stay this way forever.""" text25878;"""Catherine would continue to exist in a sort of superposition: everything would be seemingly long over between us, but, at the same time, there she'd be — within arm's reach, I could just approach her and start a silly conversation about the weather…""" text25879;"""Nick, I've come to you as a friend.""" text25880;"""Have you? Then what would you say if you were in my shoes?""" text25881;"""Depends on what I felt at that moment.""" text25882;"""What he felt…""" text25883;"""I grumbled and took the kettle filled with boiling water off the burner.""" text25884;"""But Michael also had a point.""" text25885;"""My answer would hardly matter — most likely, I just didn't have the courage to admit to myself that I was afraid to move on…""" text25886;"""You know, I'm very glad she came back. I really am!""" text25887;"""Oh?""" text25888;"""He raised his eyebrows.""" text25889;"""Otherwise, I would've suffered God knows how much longer because of a person that no longer exists.""" text25890;"""No longer exists?""" text25891;"""You think you know her.""" text25892;"""No, but I'd like to.""" text25893;"""Try not to be disappointed!""" text25894;"""That's resentment talking.""" text25895;"""Yes, Misha, exactly that!""" text25896;"""I got annoyed.""" text25897;"""What am I supposed to be feeling here? I'm a human being, not an android like you!""" text25898;"""Michael didn't react to my insult — apparently, he'd come prepared with an infinite amount of patience.""" text25899;"""So, sort it out between Catherine and yourself without dragging me into it!""" text25900;"""Does that mean that you don't mind our relationship?""" text25901;"""Do whatever you want! I don't give a damn!""" text25902;"""I waved my hand.""" text25903;"""Then I wouldn't dare to take any more of your time. I'll find the exit.""" text25904;"""His hypocritical \""good manners\"" made me flinch, and it took a significant conscious effort to restrain myself from throwing something heavy after him.""" text25905;"""…""" text25906;"""So, what had just happened?""" text25907;"""Had I abandoned any hope of getting together with Catherine ever again?""" text25908;"""Even though that was the most obvious explanation, something about it seemed fundamentally wrong.""" text25909;"""If Catherine started dating someone else… Or if she had been dating before, in the US…""" text25910;"""Could that fact itself change my feelings? I doubted it.""" text25911;"""It'd be more like additional fuel in my stove of self-flagellation, but no more than that.""" text25912;"""But right now I felt no sadness or sorrow, only resentment — as if something important had been taken from me.""" text25913;"""Was it Catherine? She'd successfully done it herself a year and a half ago!""" text25914;"""No, it was more correct to say I was stripping myself of feelings that had been hurting me for so long.""" text25915;"""The most frightening revelation was that deep inside I liked it — it felt like I was throwing a hundred pound bag with old junk off my shoulders.""" text25916;"""The endless angsty introspection brought a feeling of pulsating pressure to my head — as if someone had put a flat ball inside my skull started pumping it up.""" text25917;"""Luckily, I didn't suffer from solipsism and I knew the world around me continued to exist despite my internal turmoil!""" text25918;"""…""" text25919;"""Kagome still wasn't picking up.""" text25920;"""I was getting seriously worried and decided that Gifts of Sea couldn't do without a personal visit from me.""" text25921;"""But what if everything was alright, and there was just some problem with the line?""" text25922;"""As I imagined Kagome's annoyed face, her indignant voice sounded in my head…""" text25923;"""No, it's too early to panic.""" text25924;"""…""" text25925;"""A centipede was asked once by its enemy how it chose the sequence its legs move in as it walks.""" text25926;"""The centipede thought about it, and then couldn't take a step ever again.""" text25927;"""In the end, it died of hunger. Or over-introspection, maybe.""" text25928;"""Seriously afraid of following the same path, I realized that it was just dangerous to stay home!""" text25929;"""Besides, it'd be good to eat something, and I had neither the energy nor desire to cook.""" text25930;"""…""" text25931;"""I'd seen the Bartender only yesterday, so I decided to drop by another restaurant I visited occasionally.""" text25932;"""It was more expensive, but, at the same time, it was a real restaurant, not just a café with ramen.""" text25933;"""Sure, the prices there were high, but it was because the food was good!""" text25934;"""Having eaten my fill, I was walking slowly down the streets without any direction in mind.""" text25935;"""I stopped by a music shop and I pointlessly stared into the windows for some time.""" text25936;"""If I were to accept Ellie's offer, I'd probably become a regular customer there…""" text25937;"""But could I even think of it after that conversation with Kobayashi Jun?!""" text25938;"""Doesn't hurt to ask!""" text25939;"""I decided to enter the shop, but ran into a young fellow in the doorway, clearly not Japanese.""" text25940;"""Sorry.""" text25941;"""He said in English.""" text25942;"""No problem.""" text25943;"""We tried to go our ways, but the doorway was too narrow for both of us.""" text25944;"""I let him pass, but the guy suddenly stopped and squinted.""" text25945;"""Do we know each other?""" text25946;"""I don't think so.""" text25947;"""He looked very average, and under different circumstances I would've easily forgotten him. Except that we met in Tokyo, not in, say, Berlin.""" text25948;"""Right! You were at our concert a few days ago!""" text25949;"""No, you must be mistaking me for someone — I haven't been to any concerts lately.""" text25950;"""Really?""" text25951;"""He came closer and looked at my face, which made me feel uncomfortable.""" text25952;"""I guess you're right. Sorry then!""" text25953;"""The guy smiled wide and prepared to leave.""" text25954;"""Wait, who was playing there?""" text25955;"""He named the bands.""" text25956;"""Wow! Pity I didn't know, I would've definitely dropped by!""" text25957;"""You like music? What am I talking about, we met at a music store!""" text25958;"""Well, I mostly listen…""" text25959;"""By the way, my name is Ed!""" text25960;"""He gave me his hand.""" text25961;"""Nick.""" text25962;"""So, Nick, you don't play? They mostly sell instruments here, not records.""" text25963;"""His words somehow embarrassed me, and I laughed nervously.""" text25964;"""Well, you know, I play the bass sometimes… Nothing serious, just a hobby!""" text25965;"""But recently I was asked to play in a band…""" text25966;"""Why was I telling him this?""" text25967;"""Maybe just because he was a perfect stranger who I'd never see again in my entire life?""" text25968;"""And you agreed?""" text25969;"""I'm still thinking…""" text25970;"""What's the issue then?!""" text25971;"""Ed flashed a big smile, and I suddenly got the feeling that we'd known each other for many years.""" text25972;"""There're reasons… of a non-musical nature.""" text25973;"""I understand. I'm on tour with a band I know, so I've already seen a lot. The human factor is sometimes even more important than the creative aspect.""" text25974;"""I guess. I don't have much experience with this stuff.""" text25975;"""So, you got someone you know playing in that band?""" text25976;"""Yeah, something like that.""" text25977;"""Someone close?""" text25978;"""We met just recently.""" text25979;"""But you like her?""" text25980;"""What does it have to do with… And how did you figure out it was a girl?!""" text25981;"""It's written on your face.""" text25982;"""He hemmed thoughtfully.""" text25983;"""It's not about liking someone! It's more about…""" text25984;"""Of course, I couldn't tell him what the problem was really about.""" text25985;"""Their producer thinks I've got no place in the band.""" text25986;"""And what do you think?""" text25987;"""Who cares…""" text25988;"""Don't you?""" text25989;"""I let out a perplexed sigh.""" text25990;"""No, he didn't know the situation, so he could only give me cliché advice.""" text25991;"""If they had another producer, would you agree?""" text25992;"""Another producer? That's impossible!""" text25993;"""I laughed but couldn't help but think about it.""" text25994;"""Yeah! If Ellie wasn't the heir to Kobayashi Corporation…""" text25995;"""What if I imagined Z FEEL-Z as a normal teenage band with rehearsals not watched by unsmiling men in black suits?!""" text25996;"""If there was also no Catherine, Kagome, the KGB… Would I turn the offer down?!""" text25997;"""If everything were so simple…""" text25998;"""What's stopping you?""" text25999;"""Wait!""" text26000;"""He raised his hand, not letting me interrupt him.""" text26001;"""Imagine yourself in 50 years — you're looking back at your life. What would you like to see?""" text26002;"""A man who spent all his time in doubt?""" text26003;"""Well, for starters, I really would like to see a man alive…""" text26004;"""But Ed didn't need to know how complicated things were.""" text26005;"""In the end, it's only about what you want!""" text26006;"""What I want…""" text26007;"""Alright, I gotta go! Just think about what I've said!""" text26008;"""He gave me another firm handshake and vanished into the crowd.""" text26009;"""For a while longer, I kept standing in the doorway, unable to bring myself to go in.""" text26010;"""Honorable customer, you're in the way.""" text26011;"""Finally, a shop assistant politely brought me back from my rumination.""" text26012;"""Sorry.""" text26013;"""I replied and finally walked through the doorway.""" text26014;"""…""" text26015;"""I was walking home feeling like I'd just discovered something huge.""" text26016;"""I didn't know what had really happened to the former bass player of Z FEEL-Z — whether he left with his parents for Kyoto or something else…""" text26017;"""I had strong doubts that Kagemaru had just buried him in a forest. Why not the entire band then?""" text26018;"""Even if Kobayashi Jun wanted Ellie to stop playing rock music, killing a member of her band wasn't the way to do it!""" text26019;"""Of course, it in no way meant I could just ignore his warning.""" text26020;"""But it was my life we were talking about!""" text26021;"""And life specifically, not just my existence!""" text26022;"""I could exercise prudence and reject Ellie's offer, hide from danger.""" text26023;"""And then double down — lock myself up at home and stay there until I'd run out of food.""" text26024;"""I was sure that the KGB and Kobayashi Corporation both would soon realize a shut-in posed no threat to them.""" text26025;"""And then what?""" text26026;"""I'd have a greater chance of avoiding trouble, but would there be anything left in my life worth living for?""" text26027;"""Especially after I basically let Catherine go and handed her over to Michael…""" text26028;"""The telephone was in the same place as always, watching me with cold indifference.""" text26029;"""I couldn't find the courage to grab the receiver.""" text26030;"""Screw it!""" text26031;"""I received a very polite and somehow businesslike greeting. It must've been their butler.""" text26032;"""Could I please talk to Ellie-san?""" text26033;"""It took a few minutes, and I imagined how he walked down the endless corridors of an old castle, going up spiral staircases, holding a candlestick with a barely burning candle…""" text26034;"""Hello.""" text26035;"""Ellie's voice came over the phone, and the illusion dissolved like a marshmallow accidentally dropped into a cup of tea.""" text26036;"""Hi. It's me… I mean, Nick…""" text26037;"""Oh, hi Nick! Did you make up your mind?""" text26038;"""About that…""" text26039;"""I was anxious, not only because I was calling the estate of Kobayashi Jun, the man who'd been threatening me this very morning.""" text26040;"""Not only because I was calling Ellie.""" text26041;"""But mostly because of what I was about to say.""" text26042;"""You know, I gave it a lot of thought…""" text26043;"""I barely had, in fact!""" text26044;"""My decision was mostly spontaneous — there was a moment when I felt it'd be the right thing to do, that there was nothing else I could possibly do but this.""" text26045;"""Well, I accept your offer!""" text26046;"""Great! Then come to the rehearsal tomorrow, it's at twelve o'clock.""" text26047;"""She wasn't surprised at all — as if that was just how things were supposed to be!""" text26048;"""Oh, alright, yeah… See you tomorrow.""" text26049;"""See you.""" text26050;"""I hung up and exhaled.""" text26051;"""Well, what now?""" text26052;"""Maybe it'd be better to call tomorrow and refuse?""" text26053;"""Say some urgent business came up… That I had to get my house fumigated because of bedbugs. That I'd given up on critical thinking and was about to become a Buddhist!""" text26054;"""I would probably have spent the entire evening coming up with excuses, but my phone rang again.""" text26055;"""Hello…""" text26056;"""I replied cautiously — what if Ellie was calling to tell me she changed her mind!""" text26057;"""Was it you calling us all day?""" text26058;"""Moments ago I would've been glad to hear this perpetually annoyed voice, but now it sounded somewhat surreal to me, completely inappropriate for the situation.""" text26059;"""Was it so hard to pick up?""" text26060;"""I've had stuff to do apart from talking to you.""" text26061;"""I don't doubt it. But you aren't the only person in the restaurant!""" text26062;"""We were cleaning today…""" text26063;"""She responded after a pause, and her voice sounded less confident.""" text26064;"""Although it could well be true.""" text26065;"""In any case, we need to talk.""" text26066;"""Tomorrow.""" text26067;"""Fine, let's do it tomorrow. Where and when?""" text26068;"""I'll find you myself.""" text26069;"""I've got plans tomorrow, actually!""" text26070;"""Until night?""" text26071;"""Do you want to meet at night?""" text26072;"""See you tomorrow.""" text26073;"""She replied briefly and hung up.""" text26074;"""How do you talk to someone like her?!""" text26075;"""But the conversation had completely thrown thoughts about skipping rehearsal out of my mind.""" text26076;"""I'd go there, see what's what, and then make a decision!""" text26077;"""I doubted Ellie's grandfather would have me whacked for a single visit!""" text26078;"""…""" text26079;"""I was torturing the bass until late at night, remembering the parts I'd been rehearsing with Z FEEL-Z yesterday.""" text26080;"""In the end, the low frequencies started affecting me like hypnosis.""" text26081;"""I put the bass away, went to bed with my clothes on, covered myself with a blanket and immediately fell asleep.""" text26082;"""Looks like it's high time to panic…""" text26083;"""I was aimlessly walking from one room to another and, at some point, my eyes stopped on the bass guitar that was patiently waiting for its moment.""" text26084;"""Could I even think about it after the conversation I'd had with Kobayashi Jun today?!""" text26085;"""But was that the only reason for my hesitation?""" text26086;"""If not for Kobayashi Corporation and the KGB — would I have agreed without a second thought?""" text26087;"""What about Catherine?""" text26088;"""Alright, let's say that after the conversation with Michael, her issue was resolved.""" text26089;"""Resolved?! That easily?""" text26090;"""I smirked and picked up the bass.""" text26091;"""What about Kagome?""" text26092;"""Of course, if I were to take Kobayashi Corporation out of the equation, the factor that had fostered our acquaintance would be gone, too.""" text26093;"""For some reason, this thought made me uncomfortable.""" text26094;"""But I was even more exasperated by the thought that I wasn't in control of my own life!""" text26095;"""If Ellie had asked me to become a bass player just a month ago, would I have refused?!""" text26096;"""What a poor choice of the moment! A feast in time of plague…""" text26097;"""Not to mention that Ellie knew that I was going through a rough period in life!""" text26098;"""But do people always come across these opportunities only when they're ready for them?""" text26099;"""I completely lost track of time, frenziedly playing the same part until evening — the song I'd been rehearsing yesterday with Z FEEL-Z.""" text26100;"""Soon enough I rubbed my fingertips raw, but I didn't care — it felt as if I was running away from something, trying to suppress my thoughts with the low frequencies of the bass guitar.""" text26101;"""The thought that no matter how dearly I wanted to stand on the same stage as Ellie, that dream would never come true.""" text26102;"""When it was completely dark outside, somebody rang the doorbell.""" text26103;"""I was so tired of looking for enemies everywhere that I just walked to open it, forgetting to think about all the possible dangers that could be waiting on my doorstep.""" text26104;"""And it turned out this was when I should have been most cautious!""" text26105;"""The night guest was Kagome. Not alone, either, but accompanied by her grandfather.""" text26106;"""There were bags and packs in their hands, they both looked tired and worn out.""" text26107;"""…""" text26108;"""…""" text26109;"""To what do I owe the honor?""" text26110;"""Our restaurant burned down…""" text26111;"""Kagome finally forced out without raising her head.""" text26112;"""Your restaurant burned down…?""" text26113;"""I slowly repeated, trying to understand the meaning of the words.""" text26114;"""Why?""" text26115;"""Because it was made of wood.""" text26116;"""Oh, right…""" text26117;"""I just didn't know how to react to something like that and kept standing there, dumbfounded.""" text26118;"""The old man, apparently, didn't really understand what was happening and what he was doing there.""" text26119;"""I'm very sorry. Was it an accident?""" text26120;"""Will you let us in?""" text26121;"""Why?""" text26122;"""We've got nowhere else to go…""" text26123;"""In their hands, Kagome and her grandfather held the meagre possessions they'd managed to save from the fire… I was starting to see what had happened.""" text26124;"""But if I couldn't even figure out my own life, could I really afford to let victims of a fire stay at my place?!""" text26125;"""Well?""" text26126;"""Of course, come in…""" text26127;"""I couldn't chase them away in a situation like this either!""" text26128;"""They could at least spend the night, and we'd think of something in the morning.""" text26129;"""…""" text26130;"""The old man sat at the kotatsu and immediately fell asleep, while Kagome sat at the kitchen table, tensely unpacking their belongings.""" text26131;"""I was walking back and forth, not knowing what to do.""" text26132;"""What happened? Are you going to tell me?""" text26133;"""Kawashima and Asakura came to me yesterday night.""" text26134;"""So I was wrong, after all — they hadn't decided to wait!""" text26135;"""And? They just came in, poured petrol all over your door…""" text26136;"""Of course not!""" text26137;"""She said angrily and put the bag aside.""" text26138;"""They came to confront me, but I kicked them out. And they promised to take revenge.""" text26139;"""Then this morning we woke up smelling smoke…""" text26140;"""Are you sure… that they're the ones who did it?""" text26141;"""Breaking windows and painting obscene characters is one thing, but setting houses on fire is another entirely!""" text26142;"""Are you asking if I have evidence?""" text26143;"""Kagome replied in a surprisingly calm voice.""" text26144;"""No. I don't. And I'm sure that the police won't find anything either. Even if they do, they'll just bury the case.""" text26145;"""I see.""" text26146;"""You see? You see what? Is that all you can say?""" text26147;"""What else could I possibly say?""" text26148;"""Naturally, I didn't enjoy the fact that her and her grandfather had come to my house without warning, were planning to stay here for an indefinite period of time, and she still managed to find something to complain about…""" text26149;"""In the end, I decided to be tactful and not react to her words. At least today.""" text26150;"""Acted like a real knight in shining armor, did you? Protected me from bullying? Are you happy now?""" text26151;"""On the other hand…""" text26152;"""If you don't like it here…""" text26153;"""Take responsibility!""" text26154;"""She got mad and even woke her grandfather up for a moment, although he just raised his head, looked around with sleepy eyes, and immediately fell asleep again.""" text26155;"""You and your problems are the last thing I need right now!""" text26156;"""It's your fault.""" text26157;"""Sure it is, who else would you have to blame… Except for yourself for not being able to keep your mouth shut!""" text26158;"""Yeaaah? Weren't you oh-so-convincingly telling me yesterday that I should be able to stand up for myself?! And where did that get me?""" text26159;"""You shouldn't have gone that far…""" text26160;"""Who could've known they were capable of something like that?""" text26161;"""She was right — nobody did; Moreover, I wasn't even sure the arson was their doing.""" text26162;"""What would you have done in my place?""" text26163;"""Well, first, I wouldn't have gone so far.""" text26164;"""Of course! It's my own fault for not managing to take a bunch of rich assholes down a peg!""" text26165;"""Nobody's blaming you…""" text26166;"""I responded, but my voice lacked confidence.""" text26167;"""Would I really be able to stand up for myself in her place?""" text26168;"""After all, Asakura and Kawashima had plenty of friends and could count on the silent approval of the entire school.""" text26169;"""Perhaps my only difference from Kagome was that I wasn't as well-suited to the role of the victim.""" text26170;"""But if they had chosen me, as a result of some twisted thought process…""" text26171;"""And then I got that tugging feeling of guilt again — the feeling that I had involuntarily brought an already unpleasant situation to its boiling point!""" text26172;"""Arguing in front of the entire school! Public humiliation of Asakura by Kagome!""" text26173;"""Could she forgive that?""" text26174;"""I guess not!""" text26175;"""Good thing everyone at least stayed alive…""" text26176;"""Fine, I agree, you're right, I shouldn't have approached things so… hastily.""" text26177;"""Good.""" text26178;"""She scoffed, stood up, walked to the fridge, opened it, and winced.""" text26179;"""Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to make dinner.""" text26180;"""…""" text26181;"""I was quite satisfied with Himitsu's cooking (although she wasn't cooking much these days), and I sure hadn't planned on getting a new chef!""" text26182;"""But I tried to find at least something positive about the situation.""" text26183;"""It's delicious.""" text26184;"""Even the old man woke up for dinner.""" text26185;"""You name is Niko-kun, I think?""" text26186;"""Yes.""" text26187;"""Thank you for letting us stay, Niko-kun. We don't have any relatives in Tokyo, and all our money burned in the fire — so we couldn't even stay at a hotel.""" text26188;"""Somehow, Kagome hadn't even mentioned the money!""" text26189;"""Was I supposed to pay for them too?!""" text26190;"""I'm really sorry…""" text26191;"""My conscience prevented me from taking out my indignation on this nice, harmless old man.""" text26192;"""He of all people was blameless!""" text26193;"""I have a sister, she lives in Hokkaido. As soon as I contact her, we'll leave right away and won't bother you any longer.""" text26194;"""No, it's fine… I live alone anyway.""" text26195;"""What about your parents?""" text26196;"""They died in a car accident a year and a half ago.""" text26197;"""Oh, I'm very sorry! So young, and already all alone!""" text26198;"""Although I was even younger when—""" text26199;"""Granddad, nobody wants to hear that!""" text26200;"""Kagome interrupted him rudely, having not even touched the food.""" text26201;"""He just sighed in response — apparently, he was used to such treatment.""" text26202;"""Strangers don't care about hundred-year-old stories.""" text26203;"""But Kagome-chan, someone who helped you in a difficult situation is no longer a stranger.""" text26204;"""She just scoffed and turned away.""" text26205;"""You must forgive her, Niko-kun. Kagome had been living with her mother almost her entire life. We haven't talked much. Only when her mother died…""" text26206;"""Granddad!!!""" text26207;"""Kagome growled, and the old man had to stop. Even though I would've gladly listened to what he had to say.""" text26208;"""As he said, we aren't planning to stay any longer than necessary.""" text26209;"""…""" text26210;"""When we finished eating, Kagome washed the dishes without saying a word, while I took a couple old futons out of a closet and put them in the empty room where my parents used to sleep.""" text26211;"""The old man immediately went to bed, while Kagome and I returned to the kitchen.""" text26212;"""Are you really going to give up everything and move to Hokkaido? What about your father?""" text26213;"""Of course not. But grandfather is already having it hard enough! The restaurant was his life's work…""" text26214;"""Left alone with me, Kagome started to act much calmer.""" text26215;"""Meaning…?""" text26216;"""What?""" text26217;"""That you're going to stay here for an indefinite period of time?""" text26218;"""Maybe. Does that bother you?""" text26219;"""How should I put it…""" text26220;"""I'd already somewhat recovered from the shock and come to terms with the fact that I'd probably need to spend at least some time living under the same roof as Kagome.""" text26221;"""Do you hate my company that much?""" text26222;"""What does it have to do… What if showed up at your restaurant yesterday and said that my house burned down and I was going to live there?!""" text26223;"""But we don't… didn't have any free rooms! And you've got a mansion!""" text26224;"""If that's all you're looking for, you could've gone to Ellie's place.""" text26225;"""I grumbled out.""" text26226;"""She must have a palace!""" text26227;"""How's she doing, by the way?""" text26228;"""Kagome asked without a hint of resentment.""" text26229;"""How am I supposed to know?""" text26230;"""Really?""" text26231;"""She smiled for the first time.""" text26232;"""Listen, I've had more than enough experiences for today! I'm going to sleep. Good night!""" text26233;"""Good night.""" text26234;"""What, that's it? You aren't going to argue or talk back to me?""" text26235;"""No, I'm going to sleep too.""" text26236;"""…""" text26237;"""I tossed and turned in bed for a while, trying to somehow sort out all the events of the day in my head.""" text26238;"""Well, one thing was clear — Ellie would have to find another bass player."""