text21751;"""Either way, the dinner with Kagome and the following conversation gave Ellie reason enough to grow jealous."""
text21752;"""Even if I didn't believe I had done anything wrong, as a man, I had to apologize and somehow prove my words with action."""
text21753;"""It was a hard night."""
text21754;"""I seemed to be sleeping, but at the same time I could almost always see my room and the sunrise over Tokyo through the dream, hear the birds singing in the yard."""
text21755;"""In the end, I woke up in the morning with the feeling that someone had poured melted cast iron into my head and let it solidify."""
text21756;"""On the other hand, given my generally dull condition, the idea of a serious conversation with Ellie didn't scare me as much as it could."""
text21757;"""…"""
text21758;"""Once I got to school, I immediately went to her classroom but Ellie was nowhere to be found."""
text21759;"""Her classmates said that she was yet to show up today."""
text21760;"""I sat through my first class, but Ellie still hadn't appeared."""
text21761;"""Then the second one…"""
text21762;"""I checked the old music classroom — to no result."""
text21763;"""When I was walking back in desperation, I met Takehito."""
text21764;"""Anokhin-kun, good afternoon."""
text21765;"""Same to you. Have you, by chance, seen Ellie?"""
text21766;"""Kobayashi-san? Aren't you two together?"""
text21767;"""I couldn't understand whether she was mocking me or not, so I turned around and pointed at the empty corridor behind me."""
text21768;"""Does it look like she's around?"""
text21769;"""I see."""
text21770;"""The local morality police officer smirked."""
text21771;"""You see what?"""
text21772;"""That Kobayashi-san has finally come to her senses."""
text21773;"""If she's not at school today, it's not a reason to draw far-fetched conclusions, you know?!"""
text21774;"""Indeed? Then where is she?"""
text21775;"""Takehito straightened up arrogantly."""
text21776;"""She is… She went to the doctor!"""
text21777;"""And if you knew that all along, why are you looking for her?"""
text21778;"""Oh, screw you!"""
text21779;"""I waved her away and passed by, giving the girl a threatening look."""
text21780;"""But I had nothing to accuse Takehito Touko of — all she did was turn my own words against me, albeit not without some gloating."""
text21781;"""Unfortunately, the simple knowledge that someone is right is rarely enough, and I felt a somewhat irrational antipathy toward her."""
text21782;"""Although to be honest, I currently didn't need much of a reason to snap at anyone I met."""
text21783;"""Kyosuke seemed to have noticed that and decided not to interrogate me."""
text21784;"""I was sitting in the classroom and feverishly thinking through all the possible reasons for why Ellie hadn't come to school that day."""
text21785;"""Of course, health issues looked plausible enough."""
text21786;"""Even a hangover!"""
text21787;"""But my brain was constantly coming up with images of terrible events that would follow her absence."""
text21788;"""There was Kagemaru, stuffing me into a trunk and bringing me to a forest…"""
text21789;"""There were people giving me a shovel and making me dig my own grave…"""
text21790;"""Meanwhile, Kobayashi Jun was giving a dramatic speech of which I couldn't understand a word…"""
text21791;"""Nick, are you alright?"""
text21792;"""Whaaaa?"""
text21793;"""Kyosuke was standing over me, looking concerned."""
text21794;"""Class ended five minutes ago, and you're still sitting here with a blank stare."""
text21795;"""From outside I must've looked stupid, and that suddenly made me feel unbelievably disgusting, as if I'd ended up in the middle of the classroom with my pants off."""
text21796;"""So what?!"""
text21797;"""I shouted at him."""
text21798;"""I can't take my time to think anymore?!"""
text21799;"""You can, Nick, damn, cool down! It's just not like you."""
text21800;"""What's like me then?"""
text21801;"""I wanted to ask if you wanted to go the cafeteria, since Ellie-sama isn't at school today."""
text21802;"""And how do you know she isn't?"""
text21803;"""I immediately got mad."""
text21804;"""Everybody knows…"""
text21805;"""He smiled idiotically."""
text21806;"""Who's <i>everybody</i>?"""
text21807;"""Nick, calm down."""
text21808;"""Michael walked up to us."""
text21809;"""I gave him an askew look but still tried to get myself together."""
text21810;"""Fine, nevermind."""
text21811;"""Did you two have a fight or what?"""
text21812;"""No."""
text21813;"""Could one say that two people had a fight, when one of them just got upset with another and didn't want to talk?"""
text21814;"""My condolences."""
text21815;"""For what? I told you we didn't."""
text21816;"""Well, just in case."""
text21817;"""Kyosuke."""
text21818;"""Michael stopped him."""
text21819;"""Alright, alright, shutting up."""
text21820;"""I don't know for how much longer I could bear with his tediousness if the bell didn't save me."""
text21821;"""…"""
text21822;"""Kagome was paying me no attention, as if the previous day had never happened."""
text21823;"""Finally, I decided to talk to her myself."""
text21824;"""Hi. Do you want to tell me anything?"""
text21825;"""Hello, Niko-san."""
text21826;"""She smiled at me as if I just appeared in the classroom rather than having sat in the same room with her for the past five lessons."""
text21827;"""What do you want me to say?"""
text21828;"""That I didn't know."""
text21829;"""All I could do at the moment was point fingers, although I'd always seen this activity, so dear to every Russian, as completely pointless."""
text21830;"""Why do you always create misunderstandings?"""
text21831;"""Misunderstandings, Niko-san?"""
text21832;"""You were talking about your feminine intuition — put yourself in Ellie's shoes, then! How would you react?"""
text21833;"""She thought about it, then smiled as if she'd found an answer to a question that had been <seq ka_happy>bothering her for a long while."""
text21834;"""If I were her, Niko-san, I wouldn't get jealous over trivial stuff."""
text21835;"""Uh huh, gotcha, alright…"""
text21836;"""I really wanted to ask her whether she'd fallen in love with me."""
text21837;"""But asking it here, in the presence of the entire class, was absolutely not an option."""
text21838;"""Are you so surprised by it, Niko-san?"""
text21839;"""By what exactly?"""
text21840;"""Instead of an answer, she made a face that was simultaneously telling me too much and not giving me anything to latch onto."""
text21841;"""You understand."""
text21842;"""I desperately wanted to finish this conversation — or even go back to the past and never have started it."""
text21843;"""Fine, forget it."""
text21844;"""I returned to my desk and barely managed to stay for the last class."""
text21845;"""…"""
text21846;"""If the mountain won't go to Mohammad…"""
text21847;"""Ellie could skip school but not rehearsal."""
text21848;"""I walked to the studio with very mixed feelings."""
text21849;"""Iwamura was giving me rather unambiguous hints, all but throwing herself at me."""
text21850;"""Perhaps in some other reality I'd enjoy that much attention from a person of the opposite sex, but at the moment Ellie was more than enough for me."""
text21851;"""Moreover, I couldn't even say anything certain about Kagome."""
text21852;"""To some extent, I was sympathising with her for sharing a common misfortune."""
text21853;"""On the other hand, her personality wasn't easy to deal with."""
text21854;"""But did I like her as a girl?"""
text21855;"""When after a full course of three dishes you're offered dessert, it's hard to remain objective."""
text21856;"""I decided to put the Kagome question away until better times and first deal with Ellie."""
text21857;"""Ishida and Tokyo Rider were standing outside the studio."""
text21858;"""Hey guys!"""
text21859;"""As soon as they saw me, their expressions grew grim."""
text21860;"""Nick, you came…"""
text21861;"""Ishida seemed surprised."""
text21862;"""Well yeah, of course, we have rehearsal today."""
text21863;"""Yes, about that…"""
text21864;"""He looked away apologetically."""
text21865;"""El said we're going to get a new bass player."""
text21866;"""Another one."""
text21867;"""Tokyo Rider remarked with a dumb grin."""
text21868;"""What?"""
text21869;"""Nick, we're sorry."""
text21870;"""Is this a joke?"""
text21871;"""I couldn't believe I was really hearing that from him."""
text21872;"""We literally just found out a second ago."""
text21873;"""And you didn't say anything to her?!"""
text21874;"""What could we say?"""
text21875;"""Ishida exclaimed."""
text21876;"""You know that the entire band is built around El, and if not for her…"""
text21877;"""At least let me talk to her."""
text21878;"""She doesn't want to talk with you."""
text21879;"""Why don't you let me and her sort that out."""
text21880;"""I took a step forward but they moved to blocked my way."""
text21881;"""Yeah, that wouldn't be a fair fight."""
text21882;"""What, if I try to pass, we'll fight?"""
text21883;"""I smirked unsurely."""
text21884;"""Nick, don't push it."""
text21885;"""Damn, and I thought we were friends!"""
text21886;"""It's not our decision."""
text21887;"""But you should have an opinion, shouldn't you? Do you really agree with this?"""
text21888;"""We know not what's on the young maiden's mind."""
text21889;"""Nick, I tried to talk to her."""
text21890;"""And?"""
text21891;"""She didn't explain anything."""
text21892;"""And you're fine with that?"""
text21893;"""No but… What else do you expect me to do?"""
text21894;"""I was trying to see any way to could get past them to the doors of the studio but quickly realized it was a bad idea."""
text21895;"""Why are you protecting her like this? You aren't her bodyguards!"""
text21896;"""She asked us not to let you in."""
text21897;"""And what if she asked you to throw a man into Tokyo bay?"""
text21898;"""Tokyo Rider only smirked idiotically again in response."""
text21899;"""Guys, really?!"""
text21900;"""Sorry, Nick."""
text21901;"""Ishida said in a firmer tone, and I realized there was nothing else I could do here."""
text21902;"""And who's the new bass player?"""
text21903;"""An old guy."""
text21904;"""He isn't old. In his early thirties, maybe."""
text21905;"""But he's a virtuoso."""
text21906;"""Right, can't argue with that."""
text21907;"""A virtuoso, huh?"""
text21908;"""You can quickly replace a guitar by buying a new one at a music shop, but I hadn't heard anything about a store that sells bass players in Tokyo."""
text21909;"""We were surprised too, no idea where Ellie found someone like him."""
text21910;"""It was hard for me to understand and accept the reasons behind their actions, but it was foolish to blame the guys."""
text21911;"""Who was I and who was Ellie to them?"""
text21912;"""Besides, I couldn't forget about the Japanese mindset: the decisions of your superiors are indisputable, even if they seem strange."""
text21913;"""I never thought it'd end like <i>this</i>…"""
text21914;"""Don't get so down! Maybe she'll change her mind tomorrow."""
text21915;"""Right, sure…"""
text21916;"""You know that she can act on emotions sometimes."""
text21917;"""Do you believe that yourself?"""
text21918;"""Ishida just averted his gaze, embarrassed."""
text21919;"""What came over her?"""
text21920;"""Well, you should know better. In terms of music, we've had no problems with you."""
text21921;"""<i>In terms of music</i>…"""
text21922;"""I repeated, miffed."""
text21923;"""So if Ellie kicked me out of the band, our relationship was over, too?"""
text21924;"""What about the rest? Maybe you could let me pass after all? I need to talk to her!"""
text21925;"""Sorry, Nick."""
text21926;"""Ishida stuck to his guns."""
text21927;"""You two would be better off talking tomorrow at school."""
text21928;"""Sure, if she shows up."""
text21929;"""Why not drop by her place when she cools down a bit?"""
text21930;"""By her place…"""
text21931;"""The mere thought that I could come face to face with Kobayashi Jun again terrified me."""
text21932;"""We'll see. Well then…"""
text21933;"""I turned around and walked away from the studio that had already begun to become a second home to me."""
text21934;"""…"""
text21935;"""Yes, not all of the Ellie's actions seemed logical to me, and we weren't always on the same page — but this time she'd outdone herself!"""
text21936;"""After all, if you want to break up with me — look me in the eye and say it!"""
text21937;"""I felt irritation, anger, self-pity, and, for some reason, shame."""
text21938;"""As if something irrevocable had happened because of me."""
text21939;"""Catherine had already ditched me once, Himitsu had left as well, but this feeling was completely different."""
text21940;"""It wasn't complete devastation but rather anger at myself for having done something wrong. <w>But what?"""
text21941;"""Was it about me scolding Ellie for taking drugs? <w>Was it about Iwamura? <w>Or not showing my love clearly enough?"""
text21942;"""All those reasons could probably be a cause for break up but they wouldn't be enough for such a reaction."""
text21943;"""Ellie acted like a cruel child ripping off the legs of harmless bugs."""
text21944;"""I was angry at her, at myself, and at the entire world — as I was left completely alone."""
text21945;"""I was angry at Ishida and Tokyo Rider for their cowardice."""
text21946;"""I was angry at Himitsu for choosing such a bad moment to go away and leave me with no shoulder to cry on."""
text21947;"""I was even angry at Kyosuke for his inability to be serious, which gave me no way to talk to him about what'd happened."""
text21948;"""A cold, really winter wind blew and I shivered."""
text21949;"""Heavy clouds were approaching from the east, promising a long rain — I had to hurry home."""
text21950;"""But still, we were going to study together for several more months."""
text21951;"""Even if I wasn't about to visit her at the mansion, we were going to have more than enough chances to talk."""
text21952;"""That thought immediately cheered me up, as if bringing back a seemingly extinguished light of hope."""
text21953;"""So, did I want us to be together or not?"""
text21954;"""A black foreign car was parked next to my house, and I immediately knew what would follow."""
text21955;"""I slowly approached it, the driver's door opened, and Kagemaru stepped out."""
text21956;"""But he paid no attention to me and just froze in place."""
text21957;"""The back door window opened, and I saw Kobayashi Jun in the flesh."""
text21958;"""Nikolai, would you spare me half an hour of your time?"""
text21959;"""If he took the effort to arrive personally, there had be a strong reason."""
text21960;"""I tensely swallowed and replied:"""
text21961;"""Of course."""
text21962;"""…"""
text21963;"""We entered the house. Kagemaru remained outside."""
text21964;"""Please take a seat."""
text21965;"""I pointed at the chair next to the kitchen table."""
text21966;"""Thank you."""
text21967;"""He smiled politely and sat down."""
text21968;"""I took the seat across from him."""
text21969;"""Nikolai, Elizabeth was very upset yesterday, and I had to have a serious conversation with her."""
text21970;"""…"""
text21971;"""I assume you know what this is about?"""
text21972;"""Kobayashi-sama…"""
text21973;"""Wait."""
text21974;"""He raised his hand in warning."""
text21975;"""I don't want to scare you — I just want to talk."""
text21976;"""Elizabeth told me that you got your eye on another girl at school…"""
text21977;"""Kobayashi-sama, that's not the case at all! Ellie misunderstood…"""
text21978;"""I exclaimed but stopped myself, having noticed the stern expression on his face."""
text21979;"""I have absolutely no interest in meddling in your teenage affairs."""
text21980;"""I don't know if you'll believe it, but I too was young once and made mistakes."""
text21981;"""However, there are mistakes, and there are Mistakes."""
text21982;"""I understand."""
text21983;"""I'm glad."""
text21984;"""At some point in time, I thought that you might be a positive influence on Elizabeth, but apparently her interest in you wasn't that serious."""
text21985;"""Kobayashi-sama."""
text21986;"""I exhaled powerlessly, not knowing what to say next."""
text21987;"""It sounded as if I were listening to my own death sentence."""
text21988;"""But it's not your fault. Perhaps you indeed had serious intentions in regards to my granddaughter."""
text21989;"""Of course they were serious!"""
text21990;"""Did you know that when she was ten, Elizabeth really wanted to become a jockey and spent all her time at the stables?"""
text21991;"""N-no, I didn't…"""
text21992;"""Horses, music, tomorrow it will be something else…"""
text21993;"""I mean to say that the most important thing for me is that Elizabeth doesn't stray from the right course."""
text21994;"""But it's fine if she drifts one direction or another along the way."""
text21995;"""And on that way, you have become a brief stop. Do you understand, Nikolai?"""
text21996;"""What could I say?"""
text21997;"""I still couldn't quite let go of the feeling that Kagemaru was about to barge into the kitchen and snap my neck."""
text21998;"""Meanwhile, deep inside I started feeling the bitterness of loss."""
text21999;"""And even though just recently it seemed to me that it had been different with Catherine, the pain was just as strong."""
text22000;"""Maybe before the talk with Kobayashi Jun I'd believed that I could still fix everything, that Ellie would calm down and come to her senses?"""
text22001;"""Kobayashi-sama, I really do love Ellie."""
text22002;"""The old man gave me that condescending smile that was clearly saying: everything passes, and so will this."""
text22003;"""You're still young, Nikolai. You have your entire life ahead of you. New friends and new love. And your own children who will repeat your mistakes."""
text22004;"""How could I counter that?"""
text22005;"""Shout that I love Ellie, that I'm ready to die for her, and throw a glove at him?"""
text22006;"""You're a rational man, Nikolai."""
text22007;"""I'm absolutely flattered to hear that from you, but…"""
text22008;"""Was I really about to argue with the most powerful man in Japan?"""
text22009;"""Don't you think it's a little premature to call it over after only a day?"""
text22010;"""Lovers fight sometimes — it's normal."""
text22011;"""It seems that Elizabeth has already found a replacement for you in the band, hasn't she?"""
text22012;"""He asked with a completely still face, as if he knew in advance everything I was going to say."""
text22013;"""You've got your hand in this, too?"""
text22014;"""Don't forget yourself, Nikolai."""
text22015;"""The old man frowned for the first time during our conversation."""
text22016;"""I'm doing what is best for Elizabeth. When she grows up, she'll thank me."""
text22017;"""You say you used to be young. Then you must understand me."""
text22018;"""It's simple: I've been in your shoes, but you've not been in mine."""
text22019;"""Nobody's arguing…"""
text22020;"""I mumbled and fidgeted in the chair — it was becoming unbearable to keep sitting still, but I didn't dare stand up and walk around the kitchen in his presence."""
text22021;"""But have you thought what would happen if…"""
text22022;"""I looked Kobayashi Jun right in the eye, and for a moment it seemed to me that I saw a sign of worry on his face."""
text22023;"""If Ellie changes her mind and decides to be with me again?"""
text22024;"""He scratched his beard with a sharp gesture."""
text22025;"""People rarely take old toys out of the closet after they've grown bored with them."""
text22026;"""Yes, but we're talking about people, not toys!"""
text22027;"""It's all relative, Nikolai."""
text22028;"""I couldn't help but admit that Ellie had inherited something in her character from this soulless old man, but I didn't want to think that with age she'd become more and more like her grandfather."""
text22029;"""So that's it?"""
text22030;"""I finally gave up."""
text22031;"""What else is there?"""
text22032;"""Will you allow me to just keep living my life?"""
text22033;"""I personally have had no quarrel with you…"""
text22034;"""Kobayashi Jun smirked malevolently."""
text22035;"""That seemed like only half of the sentence he wanted to say, but the rest never followed."""
text22036;"""Now, if you've understood it all, Nikolai…"""
text22037;"""He stood up with some effort and looked around."""
text22038;"""You have a nice house. A pity about your parents."""
text22039;"""Thank you."""
text22040;"""I saw the old man to the car and long kept standing in the yard, thinking about what'd just happened."""
text22041;"""To some extent, the actions of Ellie's grandfather seemed just as chaotic and senseless as Ellie's antics."""
text22042;"""First he was asking me to keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble, and then he was personally informing me that it was all over between us."""
text22043;"""Perhaps there was more of a human in that wise and cruel gray-haired man than what met the eye."""
text22044;"""He was talking about the mistakes of youth, but wasn't he committing the exact same ones in his old age — by not letting his granddaughter gain her own experience, even if it wasn't always positive?"""
text22045;"""You can hardly raise a good person by keeping them in a gilded cage their entire life."""
text22046;"""But in my head, all these concepts sounded like emotionless numbers on the pages of a scientific report."""
text22047;"""There were no feelings, emotions, or soul to them."""
text22048;"""Meanwhile, I'd lost the girl I had been planning to build a future with."""
text22049;"""And what did it matter whether Nikolai Anokhin, the drugs, Ellie herself, or her grandfather were to blame for it?"""
text22050;"""I sat down on the porch and got lost in my thoughts."""
text22051;"""I felt tension in my chest, and it suddenly became hard to breathe."""
text22052;"""Ellie's laughing face clearly appeared before my eyes."""
text22053;"""If only she weren't a Kobayashi…"""
text22054;"""I threw away all these <i>ifs</i> along with my fear and other conformities, and suddenly realized how much I missed her."""
text22055;"""Irina had appeared in my life suddenly and disappeared just as quickly, Kobayashi Jun did nothing to me in the end."""
text22056;"""But that whole time I was, and kept being, afraid."""
text22057;"""Was that fear the reason why I lost Ellie?"""
text22058;"""If I'd been more self-assured, if I'd been showing my feelings more obviously, could everything have been different?"""
text22059;"""The problem was exactly that I couldn't understand what my feelings were…"""
text22060;"""But at this moment, thinking about Ellie was making sobs well up in my throat."""
text22061;"""Niko-san?"""
text22062;"""Kagome was standing at the gate and looking at me attentively."""
text22063;"""God, you again…"""
text22064;"""I sighed in desperation but noticed with surprise that I wasn't that angry about her yet another <i>accidental</i> visit."""
text22065;"""Let me guess, you were just passing by?"""
text22066;"""Come on Niko-san, you're a smart guy! Of course I was following you."""
text22067;"""She came closer and virtually hung over me."""
text22068;"""And how much did you see?"""
text22069;"""How much did I see?"""
text22070;"""She repeated as if not understanding the question."""
text22071;"""I saw a person who looked like Kobayashi Jun walk out of your house, get in a car, and leave."""
text22072;"""…"""
text22073;"""Did you have a fight with Kobayashi-san?"""
text22074;"""Why do you think that?"""
text22075;"""Why would her grandfather spend his time on you otherwise?"""
text22076;"""Kagome grinned."""
text22077;"""Thanks for the kind words."""
text22078;"""Niko-san, I'm just telling the truth, while you, apparently, prefer to hide in your fantasy world."""
text22079;"""I'm not going to argue with you."""
text22080;"""Don't you understand that you and Kobayashi couldn't ever work?"""
text22081;"""What are you, a cupid, to judge us?"""
text22082;"""I wanted to get really angry at Iwamura, but either I lacked the energy or simply agreed with her deep inside."""
text22083;"""It's always easier to see things from outside."""
text22084;"""So what do you see?"""
text22085;"""You two don't match each other!"""
text22086;"""She exclaimed as if telling me an obvious truth."""
text22087;"""And why is that?"""
text22088;"""First, because she's a Kobayashi and you're an ordinary person."""
text22089;"""I don't mean to say that being ordinary is bad, not at all."""
text22090;"""But in five, ten years, her destiny will be the one that maybe one of a million… even a billion people may have!"""
text22091;"""Can you imagine yourself next to her when she takes her place at the head of Kobayashi Corporation?"""
text22092;"""I've not planned that far ahead…"""
text22093;"""I muttered in response, at the same time knowing perfectly well that I couldn't."""
text22094;"""But why do you think that Ellie would necessarily follow in her grandfather's steps? She wants to play music…"""
text22095;"""Do you even believe that yourself?"""
text22096;"""Kagome laughed loudly and moved her face even closer to mine."""
text22097;"""Niko-san, I want to help you avoid deep disappointment in the future!"""
text22098;"""You know, her grandfather was telling me more or less the same thing today. He also doesn't want Ellie to make mistakes."""
text22099;"""Have you thought that he might be right?"""
text22100;"""The weird unity of Kagome's and Kobayashi Jun's opinions was not only surprising but also terrifying."""
text22101;"""Either way, it's none of your business."""
text22102;"""Haven't you realized yet, Niko-san?"""
text22103;"""…"""
text22104;"""I knew what she was about to say next but didn't want to hear it. <w>Was I afraid, or was the reason more complex?"""
text22105;"""This won't be a problem with me."""
text22106;"""She ran her hand down my cheek."""
text22107;"""Iwamura-san…"""
text22108;"""Why so formal?"""
text22109;"""Kagome… This isn't appropriate right now."""
text22110;"""I didn't have the strength to push her away."""
text22111;"""Moreover, I was enjoying this girl's attention, even if it was the wrong moment for it."""
text22112;"""But I can't just stop loving you!"""
text22113;"""Love is a very big word, don't you think?"""
text22114;"""It is what it is."""
text22115;"""She suddenly frowned but immediately caught herself and smiled again."""
text22116;"""You can't control the whims of your heart!"""
text22117;"""Ahah, right, sure…"""
text22118;"""I mumbled."""
text22119;"""A month wasn't even enough for me to finally figure out what I was feeling towards Ellie, and I definitely couldn't expect such speed from Kagome, considering her personality."""
text22120;"""You love Kobayashi, so why refuse me the right to love you?"""
text22121;"""I'm not refusing anyone anything."""
text22122;"""Iwamura's words sounded very pretty, and in a different situation I would've thrown myself into her embrace without hesitation."""
text22123;"""But weren't these advances exactly the reason for Ellie's jealousy?!"""
text22124;"""But you've been behaving strangely! Following me, like you're doing your damnedest to make Ellie and me break up."""
text22125;"""I just wanted to spend more time with you — and if something so small was enough for Kobayashi, you should wonder if she ever loved you for real."""
text22126;"""She responded innocently."""
text22127;"""Indeed, there was undeniable logic to Kagome's words."""
text22128;"""But such was Ellie's personality: rises and falls, flashes and eclipses, cries and silence, major and minor."""
text22129;"""That's what I liked about her, that's why I was so drawn to her."""
text22130;"""Don't look at her, Niko-san. Look only at me."""
text22131;"""Kagome raised my head so that our eyes met."""
text22132;"""The passion on her beautiful face looked genuine — was she always that beautiful and I just never noticed?"""
text22133;"""Besides, everything was over between me and Ellie — if just an hour ago there had still been some hope, it became crystal clear after the conversation with Kobayashi Jun."""
text22134;"""Besides, Kagome looked like a much simpler option than Ellie."""
text22135;"""I was scolding myself for showing weakness and cowardice, but at the same time I couldn't feel the strength to refuse her beckoning lips."""
text22136;"""And so we kissed."""
text22137;"""She was a bit awkward at it but compensated the lack of experience with enthusiasm."""
text22138;"""Just yesterday I'd been kissing one girl and today — another."""
text22139;"""I guess many would disapprove of such behavior but I was tired of stepping on the same rakes over and over again!"""
text22140;"""First Catherine, then Ellie, even Himitsu…"""
text22141;"""Why did <i>I</i> have to be running after them and immediately refuse someone who ran after me?"""
text22142;"""Finally, Kagome pulled away from me."""
text22143;"""Well, feeling better?"""
text22144;"""Maybe."""
text22145;"""And still, looking at her, I was trying to notice the smallest sign of deceit."""
text22146;"""Do you think I'm not being sincere with you, Niko-san?"""
text22147;"""Yeah, the thought did cross my mind."""
text22148;"""Then let's go inside, and I'll prove my true intentions."""
text22149;"""Are you trying to buy me with sex?"""
text22150;"""…"""
text22151;"""She got embarrassed, clearly not expecting such an answer."""
text22152;"""It might be a casual thing for you, but I've never had anything like this."""
text22153;"""Well…"""
text22154;"""Having made the first step, it would be silly to retreat now."""
text22155;"""Please, be gentle…"""
text22156;"""She whispered in a languid voice, and I immediately realized that I had gone too far already and could no longer stop."""
text22157;"""Like a minecart from an Indiana Jones movie, flying into the abyss."""
text22158;"""I hope you understand what you're doing."""
text22159;"""<i>We</i> are doing."""
text22160;"""Kagome smiled and reached out for me."""
text22161;"""…"""
text22162;"""That's how my career of a rock musician ended before it even began."""
text22163;"""Together with my relationship with Ellie."""
text22164;"""I was sad, I felt the loss, but at the same time I was trying to comfort myself thinking that, in the end, nothing depended on me."""
text22165;"""And with Kagome by my side, doing so was a bit easier."""
text22166;"""I was persuading myself that I couldn't oppose Kobayashi Jun."""
text22167;"""In the end, money defeated both love and rock'n'roll…"""
text22168;"""But the image of Ellie — laughing Ellie, crying Ellie, angry Ellie, was still strong before my eyes."""
text22169;"""Yes, I had already spent a year and a half holding onto the image of a girl that didn't really exist, and I was risking to fall in the same trap again…"""
text22170;"""But I loved Ellie!"""
text22171;"""Even though it took me so much time to realize it."""
text22172;"""Sorry."""
text22173;"""I carefully pushed her away and stood up."""
text22174;"""Kobayashi-san is lucky."""
text22175;"""Kagome suddenly smirked."""
text22176;"""She doesn't seem to think so."""
text22177;"""Who knows…"""
text22178;"""Still, thank you for… Thank you for your sincerity."""
text22179;"""She moved her hair back with an abrupt gesture and gave me an incredibly serious look."""
text22180;"""I'd prefer you thanked me differently."""
text22181;"""Sorry but I can't… I really do love Ellie."""
text22182;"""Well, I see."""
text22183;"""Goodbye then, Niko-san."""
text22184;"""She said coldly and left."""
text22185;"""And that's it…?"""
text22186;"""Of course, it's hard for anyone to take a no for an answer, but Kagome's reaction looked abnormal again."""
text22187;"""Did I even do the right thing?"""
text22188;"""After Catherine, I had much less moral strength left to <i>fight for love</i>."""
text22189;"""And now I would have to fight Kobayashi Jun as well…"""
text22190;"""I sighed and looked at the sky."""
text22191;"""Half of the autumn had already passed, while my life seemed to be starting anew."""
text22192;"""I had to correct the mistakes I'd made and win back the live of the girl I didn't deserve."""
text22193;"""Did I even stand a chance?"""
text22194;"""The memories about the short period of time we'd spent together were telling me that I did."""
text22195;"""It was hard to believe that Ellie would stop loving me in a single day."""
text22196;"""And even if I would have to fight her — I wasn't going to back off!"""
text22197;"""The cold wind out of nowhere made me go back to the house."""
text22198;"""It seemed that beyond the doorstep was left not only the cold of the upcoming winter but also the diffidence, the doubts, and the hesitation that had been torturing me for so long."""