text21197;"""I dreamt that we were breaking up."""
text21198;"""Ellie was shouting, breaking dishes, packing suitcases, taking all of her things out of the wardrobes, much more than I remembered there ever being."""
text21199;"""She accused me of every possible thing, of having spoiled her best years just by existing."""
text21200;"""And I was just sitting on the bed, my head lowered, listening to the endless angry tirade, somewhere deep inside feeling relief for this finally being over."""
text21201;"""…"""
text21202;"""Can you wake up from a smell, I wonder."""
text21203;"""First you open your eyes, your consciousness returns to the waking world, and only then does it start to perceive the strange smells that just aren't right for your house."""
text21204;"""Something was burning!"""
text21205;"""I jumped out of the bed and began to shake my head, dumbfounded."""
text21206;"""There seemed to be no smoke, but also no Ellie…"""
text21207;"""I dashed to the kitchen and found her standing by the stove."""
text21208;"""What are you doing?"""
text21209;"""I asked angrily, still half asleep."""
text21210;"""Making breakfast. At least trying to."""
text21211;"""She replied in alarm and stepped away from the stove."""
text21212;"""On the pan, tortured beyond measure like Jordano Bruno at the stake, some poorly cut vegetables had tragically died."""
text21213;"""Nearby stood a bowl with partially mixed eggs and fragments of their shells."""
text21214;"""I used to think this only happens in manga."""
text21215;"""What?"""
text21216;"""That some people are <i>this</i> bad at cooking."""
text21217;"""Well <i>excuse</i> me."""
text21218;"""She pouted but looked angry with herself more than anything."""
text21219;"""I've just never had a reason to learn. You couldn't play bass before, too!"""
text21220;"""I still can't…"""
text21221;"""I sighed and threw the charred remains into the trash."""
text21222;"""Alright, I'll show how it's done. You taught me to play the guitar, so it's my turn now."""
text21223;"""…"""
text21224;"""We ended up with a pretty decent omelette with vegetables and ate it with great pleasure — partially due to having skipped dinner yesterday."""
text21225;"""See, it wasn't that difficult."""
text21226;"""Mhm. Then next time it's my turn."""
text21227;"""Looking forward to it."""
text21228;"""I replied sarcastically."""
text21229;"""Hey!"""
text21230;"""For a moment, you could almost think this was a normal conversation between a normal young couple on a normal morning."""
text21231;"""But looking at Ellie, I couldn't get yesterday night out of my head."""
text21232;"""We seemed to have come to some sort of compromise, or at least, I'd forced her to accept my point of view."""
text21233;"""Ellie wasn't a complete sociopath and couldn't in all seriousness say her behavior was normal."""
text21234;"""At least, openly."""
text21235;"""But it was obvious that in her mind she didn't really agree with me, and more importantly — she couldn't quite tell good from bad."""
text21236;"""Not that I was much better."""
text21237;"""About your guards…"""
text21238;"""To be honest, I didn't want to have this conversation at all."""
text21239;"""I told you, I'll handle it."""
text21240;"""Her expression darkened immediately."""
text21241;"""It was weird that nobody had called me yesterday."""
text21242;"""It might have been that <i>they</i> knew where Ellie was all along."""
text21243;"""The thought made me feel somewhat uneasy, because then it was logical to assume that Kobayashi Jun was also aware of the other events of yesterday evening."""
text21244;"""Nick, you're only worried about one thing."""
text21245;"""What?"""
text21246;"""What my grandfather thinks about you!"""
text21247;"""I think anyone would be worried about what his girlfriend's family thinks…"""
text21248;"""I started carefully."""
text21249;"""But I will admit our case is special."""
text21250;"""I wish I could be special to you in any other sense."""
text21251;"""She sighed and turned away."""
text21252;"""Ellie, I can't completely abandon common sense!"""
text21253;"""After all, we live in a society."""
text21254;"""A society, yeah…"""
text21255;"""Ellie confirmed absentmindedly."""
text21256;"""…"""
text21257;"""Are we going to school?"""
text21258;"""Let's go!"""
text21259;"""She suddenly livened up."""
text21260;"""…"""
text21261;"""Ellie didn't hold my hand, although she walked next to me, smiling mysteriously."""
text21262;"""It's a bit colder today than yesterday, don't you think?"""
text21263;"""Yeah, I guess."""
text21264;"""I should tell them to bring me an autumn coat. Or that jacket I bought last year…"""
text21265;"""Your wardrobe must be bigger than my entire house."""
text21266;"""Since when did the desire to look beautiful become a crime?"""
text21267;"""No, I didn't mean anything like that, sorry."""
text21268;"""Nick, why do you always apologize?"""
text21269;"""She laughed, and those words reminded me of Himitsu."""
text21270;"""True enough…"""
text21271;"""You probably also like walking with a beautiful girl, not some ugly duckling."""
text21272;"""In reality, I never paid much attention to how the people I liked dressed."""
text21273;"""Catherine, Himitsu… <w>It took an effort for me to remember what they usually wore."""
text21274;"""And I wouldn't call them fashionistas either."""
text21275;"""I guess."""
text21276;"""That didn't sound genuine!"""
text21277;"""I like you in any outfit. And especially without one."""
text21278;"""Ellie suddenly blushed and lowered her head."""
text21279;"""Usually, she was more than eager to keep the ball rolling about <i>this</i>."""
text21280;"""We need to let Ishida and the others know that everything is fine."""
text21281;"""I don't think they're particularly worried."""
text21282;"""Why's that?"""
text21283;"""Well, because…"""
text21284;"""Shit, me and my tongue!"""
text21285;"""Because it's not the first time something like that happened."""
text21286;"""In for a dime, in for a dollar!"""
text21287;"""Ishida just can't just keep his mouth shut, can he?!"""
text21288;"""She asked, irritated."""
text21289;"""And here I thought we'd decided not to keep secrets from each other…"""
text21290;"""Not that we'd actually agreed on anything of the sort — but that line usually works."""
text21291;"""I wasn't hiding anything from you. Not on purpose."""
text21292;"""So you were just going to omit a thing or two?"""
text21293;"""Come on, Nick, enough already!"""
text21294;"""She pleaded and hang on my arm."""
text21295;"""Such a beautiful day, and you're doing it again!"""
text21296;"""You just said it was cold."""
text21297;"""I knew I was <i>grumbling like an old man</i> but couldn't help it — the complaints were leaping off my tongue by themselves."""
text21298;"""I didn't say <i>it was cold</i>! I said I need a coat!"""
text21299;"""Yeah, sorry…"""
text21300;"""Complaints followed by apologies — where did I ever learn that?"""
text21301;"""…"""
text21302;"""At school the topic of my and Ellie's relationship had already lost its luster, so we were no longer looked at like exotic animals in a zoo."""
text21303;"""Which I was more than happy about!"""
text21304;"""I'd never wanted to be the center of attention, so I didn't know how long I'd be able to last."""
text21305;"""But the spotlight is capricious, and people were already whispering about a guy from another class who'd knocked up his girlfriend."""
text21306;"""Alright, see you later."""
text21307;"""Ellie's goodbye sounded rather cold."""
text21308;"""Bye."""
text21309;"""I deliberately took my time changing my shoes, pretending to struggle with untying the messy laces."""
text21310;"""This day started better than it could have, especially considering the events of yesterday, but how would it end?"""
text21311;"""I was sitting in the classroom, spinning a pencil in my hand."""
text21312;"""I'd always found tricks like that difficult — it impressed me how effortlessly they came to some people!"""
text21313;"""Kagome, for instance."""
text21314;"""She was spinning a pen with all five of her fingers at a speed that made her hand look like a race car and mine a Toyota from the 1930s."""
text21315;"""Annoyed, I slammed the pencil back onto the desk loudly and was reprimanded by the teacher for it."""
text21316;"""Back to Ellie. <w>Was her irrepressible love of <i>fun</i> really the only part of the problem?"""
text21317;"""It was worrying how defensive she got every time I tried to discuss it with her."""
text21318;"""I was trying to take Ellie's favorite toy from her, I could understand that, but was I just a toy to her as well?"""
text21319;"""You grow out of playing with toys, or get tired of them, and if they break it isn't really much of a deal…"""
text21320;"""Whatcha thinkin about, pal?"""
text21321;"""Kyosuke approached me during break, slowly looked around, brushed off the chair next to me, and sat on it with such caution you'd think he was afraid to break it."""
text21322;"""Just… About everything and nothing."""
text21323;"""Right, I see."""
text21324;"""He scratched his chin thoughtfully and went silent."""
text21325;"""You see what?"""
text21326;"""Ellie-sama has finally decided that a peasant like you is no match for her?"""
text21327;"""Uh huh, she sure has."""
text21328;"""I said idly — more to play along with his stupid game."""
text21329;"""Really?!"""
text21330;"""Kyosuke exclaimed and jumped off the chair, knocking everything off of the desk he'd been sitting at."""
text21331;"""Whoops."""
text21332;"""He started clumsily collecting the notebooks and textbooks from the floor."""
text21333;"""Nejima won't be happy."""
text21334;"""He won't notice anything… I'll be quick…"""
text21335;"""Kyosuke was panting like he'd just ran a half marathon."""
text21336;"""Having finished he no longer looked quite so happy."""
text21337;"""So everything's alright with you two?"""
text21338;"""Depends on what you call \""alright\""…"""
text21339;"""Well, people doing <i>alright</i> don't say that."""
text21340;"""…"""
text21341;"""I just shrugged in response and looked at the pencil that stubbornly refused to spin at the speed I wanted."""
text21342;"""Nick, you're my friend. And Ellie-sama is Ellie-sama. So I have to be the first to know all the details!"""
text21343;"""Asking to be a fly on the wall?"""
text21344;"""I'm not planning that far ahead but I wouldn't say no to…"""
text21345;"""His facial expression suddenly changed."""
text21346;"""Wait! Have you already had… that… you know?!"""
text21347;"""Are you asking whether we've had sex yet?"""
text21348;"""I said emotionlessly."""
text21349;"""Se-ku-su…"""
text21350;"""He said disgustingly, in a way only the Japanese can."""
text21351;"""Kyosuke, for God's sake, you're overrating a simple physiological process."""
text21352;"""You know, Nick, the rich really don't know how the other half lives!"""
text21353;"""He emphatically crossed his arms over his chest and turned away."""
text21354;"""That's when our weird English teacher entered the classroom."""
text21355;"""And here comes Rando…"""
text21356;"""Kyosuke scoffed."""
text21357;"""Since our school was supposed to be an elite one, students were expected to know English well enough to communicate with native speakers by the time they graduated."""
text21358;"""But Mr Stone didn't know a word of Japanese, which made the whole situation strange."""
text21359;"""Hi fellows, how are you?"""
text21360;"""He cheerfully waved at us with the attendance list."""
text21361;"""Never better."""
text21362;"""Although I personally wasn't bothered at all."""
text21363;"""Which you couldn't say about Kyosuke, whose academic record generally wasn't outstanding."""
text21364;"""Were you discussing girls or was that just my imagination? Mind if I join?"""
text21365;"""I don't think you'll find it interesting."""
text21366;"""What's he talking about?"""
text21367;"""Kyosuke whispered, pretending as hard as he could that he fully understood what the teacher was saying."""
text21368;"""He's asking when you're going to lose some weight."""
text21369;"""I immediately replied."""
text21370;"""I'm not going to compete with you for the heart of a young beauty, but I still have a few arrows left in my quiver!"""
text21371;"""That sounded ridiculous, because he looked about twenty five."""
text21372;"""Mr Stone, we believe you entirely."""
text21373;"""Nick, why the formalities? I've told you many times — just call me Lowland!"""
text21374;"""As much as I disliked formalities myself, fraternizing with a teacher like this seemed weird to me."""
text21375;"""Kyosuke's embarrassed. You know him."""
text21376;"""Kyosuke what?"""
text21377;"""My chubby friend pulled on the sleeve of my jacket."""
text21378;"""See?"""
text21379;"""In wasting your time on embarrassment, you might miss something important in life."""
text21380;"""He said thoughtfully and scratched his little beard."""
text21381;"""You do know that I came to Japan primarily to learn Zen Buddhism, right?"""
text21382;"""It clearly wasn't to teach English — he wasn't exactly good at that."""
text21383;"""The idea of finding harmony between oneself and nature has been distorted in the West."""
text21384;"""Ancient practices have been put to serve short term gains, and their core, their integrity, has been brutally torn from them."""
text21385;"""Meditation is meant to be used as a tool to learn a judgement-free perception of reality, not to relieve stress after a hard day spent in a battle for capitalistic ideals."""
text21386;"""And I believe that only here, in the East, do people still preserve the true ideals of Buddhism!"""
text21387;"""I quickly glanced at Kyosuke, who was batting his eyes in clear confusion, and found myself doubting that Rando would be able to find what he was looking for here."""
text21388;"""This is all very interesting, Mr Stone…"""
text21389;"""I'm not saying that you should cast off everything worldly and leave for a monastery, not at all!"""
text21390;"""While you're young, you have every right to enjoy life!"""
text21391;"""Corporations are the evil everyone must fight, externally as well as internally!"""
text21392;"""It was strange to hear that from a man who worked at a school mostly running on Kobayashi Corporation money."""
text21393;"""Do you understand me?"""
text21394;"""We understand you perfectly, Mr Stone!"""
text21395;"""I said enthusiastically."""
text21396;"""What the hell is he saying here?"""
text21397;"""Kyosuke wouldn't stop."""
text21398;"""Then… I hope today's lesson will go… without any problems."""
text21399;"""He got embarrassed and walked to his desk."""
text21400;"""Rando at his best."""
text21401;"""Why do you even call him Rando?"""
text21402;"""Most other people were better than Kyosuke at English, but almost none of the Japanese students were happy that Mr Stone couldn't speak a single word of their language."""
text21403;"""So, he was often ignored or even openly teased."""
text21404;"""To give him some credit, he took it calmly and when could, fired back with some clever responses."""
text21405;"""But the words of the strange English teacher Lowland Stone had found a place in my heart."""
text21406;"""If all of us, myself included, were supposed to fight corporations, did that mean I had to fight Ellie, too?"""
text21407;"""I didn't see her as representative of all the evil the Kobayashi Corporation had committed."""
text21408;"""And if not for my parents' death, I would have been more than happy to date the heir to a million dollar company."""
text21409;"""That car accident… <w>I'd convinced myself I had no time to think about it, that I had more important things to worry about."""
text21410;"""But was that really the case?"""
text21411;"""Was I just cowardly ignoring the moral dilemmas I couldn't or didn't currently want to resolve?"""
text21412;"""Still, even if there was a cauldron kept ready in hell just for Kobayashi Jun, Ellie had nothing to do with it."""
text21413;"""Deep in my thoughts, I didn't notice the bell ring or Mr Stone politely ask the students to take their seats."""
text21414;"""But far from everyone listened to him."""
text21415;"""Lunch break is always the busiest time."""
text21416;"""Some people run to the cafeteria right after class to get the best seats, some take out bentos they'd brought with them, and some, like me, just sit and look out the window, expecting lunch to find them on its own."""
text21417;"""Kyosuke went to another class on <i>very important</i> business, while Michael helped Mr Stone bring a huge map of the US he'd dragged in for the lesson back to the staffroom."""
text21418;"""I was about to head to the cafeteria — just sitting around hungry was a bad idea after all — when Kagome approached me."""
text21419;"""Want to have lunch with me?"""
text21420;"""She put a bento box on my desk."""
text21421;"""The few students still left in the classroom shot us disapproving looks."""
text21422;"""And I remembered Kagome's promise not to talk to me at school."""
text21423;"""If you don't, I'll leave at once."""
text21424;"""Kagome said before I managed to return to my senses."""
text21425;"""Rejecting her offer wasn't easy — and it wasn't even about Iwamura specifically but just normal politeness."""
text21426;"""Besides, my stomach definitely preferred homemade bento to cafeteria food."""
text21427;"""Thank you."""
text21428;"""She sat opposite to me on an empty chair and put an identical bento in front of her."""
text21429;"""Unlike Himitsu's, there wasn't a choice between a red and blue box."""
text21430;"""The bento was delicious — as expected from Kagome."""
text21431;"""She was eating quietly, constantly glancing at me… <w>No, more like blatantly staring!"""
text21432;"""Do I have rice on my face or what?"""
text21433;"""It finally got to me."""
text21434;"""No, why do you ask?"""
text21435;"""Because you're looking at me so…"""
text21436;"""How?"""
text21437;"""So… so… I don't know! Like this!"""
text21438;"""What else am I supposed to look at?"""
text21439;"""She asked with genuine surprise."""
text21440;"""In another situation, if there was someone else in Kagome's place, I'd think she was flirting with me."""
text21441;"""Iwamura-san…"""
text21442;"""I started as politely as I could."""
text21443;"""Just tell me honestly, what are you trying to achieve?"""
text21444;"""Do I need any special reason to thank my savior? Even by just offering this humble bento."""
text21445;"""Enough already!"""
text21446;"""Angered, I pressed my thumb against the chopstick so hard that it cracked."""
text21447;"""Niko-san, not everyone has an ulterior motive."""
text21448;"""Who are you hinting at?"""
text21449;"""Who indeed…"""
text21450;"""She pretended to be seriously thinking about it."""
text21451;"""I wanted to just stand up and leave but something was stopping me."""
text21452;"""If I didn't know you, I'd think you were in love with me."""
text21453;"""Do you know me, Niko-san?"""
text21454;"""She asked mysteriously."""
text21455;"""…"""
text21456;"""Kagome had fallen in love with me? <w>No way!"""
text21457;"""Although, why not…"""
text21458;"""Could I explain Catherine's, Himitsu's, Ellie's feelings for me with logic alone?"""
text21459;"""And if it was more or less clear with the first two, Ellie's feelings remained a mystery to me to this day."""
text21460;"""Thanks for the bento, but I don't think it's entirely appropriate."""
text21461;"""Are you afraid of Kobayashi's jealousy?"""
text21462;"""She smiled cutely."""
text21463;"""I am not…"""
text21464;"""And then Ellie actually appeared in the doorway."""
text21465;"""She carefully examined the classroom, noticed us, and came closer after a second's hesitation."""
text21466;"""Nick, Iwamura-san."""
text21467;"""She greeted us politely — as if she were addressing her teachers."""
text21468;"""Kobayashi-san.<seq ka_yes>"""
text21469;"""Kagome tilted her head slightly."""
text21470;"""Hi, we're… err…"""
text21471;"""I shrunk inside, as if cowering from some form of punishment."""
text21472;"""Having lunch, as I see. Sorry for disturbing you…"""
text21473;"""You haven't disturbed us at all! I'm the one who should apologize!"""
text21474;"""Iwamura interrupted her, took her bento, and stood up."""
text21475;"""Please, take a seat."""
text21476;"""And quickly walked out of the classroom."""
text21477;"""What the hell was that…?"""
text21478;"""I see you two have a good relationship now."""
text21479;"""Ellie, it's nothing, don't think that…"""
text21480;"""What am I supposed to think?"""
text21481;"""Nothing."""
text21482;"""I sighed."""
text21483;"""Ellie glanced at my bento, then suddenly grabbed the box and the chopsticks that lay next to it on the desk."""
text21484;"""Hmm, that's very good. Did she make it?"""
text21485;"""Clearly not me."""
text21486;"""She'll make for a perfect Japanese wife."""
text21487;"""Ellie, enough already! I realize how it looks from outside but I don't know what's on Iwamura's mind."""
text21488;"""What's on her mind…"""
text21489;"""Ellie drawled, stuffing the remains of my lunch into her mouth."""
text21490;"""When she finished, she gave me a satisfied smile and said:"""
text21491;"""Please pass my regards on to the chef!"""
text21492;"""I'll make sure to."""
text21493;"""I scoffed grimly."""
text21494;"""And I should go. I still have stuff to do."""
text21495;"""Ellie, wait…"""
text21496;"""What else?"""
text21497;"""I wanted to say that…"""
text21498;"""What?"""
text21499;"""Indeed, <i>what</i>?"""
text21500;"""Nothing. Fine. See you after school?"""
text21501;"""Can't make it today. The girls and I are going to karaoke."""
text21502;"""After all, I have my own friends, apart from you."""
text21503;"""Something struck her, and she gave me <seq el_grin>a predatory smile."""
text21504;"""Just like you do. Bye."""
text21505;"""…"""
text21506;"""Ellie left, leaving me with an uncomfortable feeling of words left unspoken."""
text21507;"""Yes, she'd misunderstood Kagome's intentions, but were they clear to me?"""
text21508;"""And, most importantly, were they clear to Kagome?"""
text21509;"""Sometimes, it seemed to me that that girl's actions were decided by a random number generator."""
text21510;"""Although Ellie's love seemed just as random."""
text21511;"""I had a headache because of these constant thoughts and a stomach ache because Ellie ate most of the bento, leaving me hungry."""
text21512;"""I headed for the vending machines and bought several lemon buns."""
text21513;"""On the way back, I met Takehito."""
text21514;"""Takehito-san."""
text21515;"""I greeted her politely but coldly."""
text21516;"""She suddenly stopped."""
text21517;"""Anokhin-kun, are you on your own today? How unusual."""
text21518;"""If I didn't know you, I'd say that was sarcasm."""
text21519;"""Do you know me, Anokhin-kun?"""
text21520;"""She smiled and moved along."""
text21521;"""Do you know me, Niko-san?"""
text21522;"""Jesus, did I know anyone at this school?!"""
text21523;"""Well, I definitely knew Kyosuke."""
text21524;"""Just before the bell rang, he returned to the class and walked to me."""
text21525;"""I just saw Ellie-sama. She seemed upset."""
text21526;"""…"""
text21527;"""Did you say something to her?"""
text21528;"""My entire life doesn't revolve around Ellie, you know."""
text21529;"""Although you wouldn't say that looking at my life lately…"""
text21530;"""Nick…"""
text21531;"""<i>Nick</i> what? If you want to know — ask her yourself!"""
text21532;"""I waved him away and blankly stared at my textbook."""
text21533;"""Kyosuke grumbled something and returned to his seat."""
text21534;"""I suddenly felt ashamed for treating him like this."""
text21535;"""He wasn't doing it out of malice — it was just his personality."""
text21536;"""And I had no other friends but him…"""
text21537;"""Class was over pretty soon, and I realized it was the first time in a while I had some time for myself."""
text21538;"""Ellie had her own plans, Himitsu was gone and we'd probably never see each other again."""
text21539;"""Catherine had vanished from my life just as quickly as she had entered it."""
text21540;"""So I only had Ellie. <w>The flighty, uncontrollable, wayward Ellie."""
text21541;"""I was walking without aim and soon ended up near the familiar bar."""
text21542;"""The decision to get drunk at three in the afternoon wouldn't have seemed so foolish just a month ago, but now something was stopping me."""
text21543;"""I didn't want to be a bad example for Ellie?"""
text21544;"""Although she seemed to be doing fine self-destructing without my help…"""
text21545;"""Niko-san?"""
text21546;"""A familiar voice I'd been hearing way too often called out to me."""
text21547;"""I turned around and saw Iwamura standing nearby with an innocent look to her, holding her school bag."""
text21548;"""Have you been following me?"""
text21549;"""I asked, not even trying to hide my irritation."""
text21550;"""Not at all."""
text21551;"""She paused, then smiled."""
text21552;"""Did you like the bento?"""
text21553;"""Considering Ellie ate most of it…"""
text21554;"""Yeah, thanks, it was delicious."""
text21555;"""Glad to hear it."""
text21556;"""Right now, something about her reminded me of Himitsu."""
text21557;"""I hope you didn't have a fight with Kobayashi because of me?"""
text21558;"""You have nothing to do with that…"""
text21559;"""So you two did fight?"""
text21560;"""Kagome looked upset, and I found it hard to tell if she was pretending or not."""
text21561;"""What difference does that make to you?"""
text21562;"""I tried not to sound rude."""
text21563;"""Well, I'm worried about you, Niko-san! Is that so hard to believe?"""
text21564;"""Her surprise seemed genuine, even."""
text21565;"""<i>Worried</i>…"""
text21566;"""But Kagome's question was fair."""
text21567;"""Yes, she hadn't always behaved appropriately before, but I'd always thought that people can change."""
text21568;"""Especially having lived through what she had."""
text21569;"""Even real criminals feel remorse sometimes."""
text21570;"""<i>Real criminals</i> — I smirked internally."""
text21571;"""As if I still believed Kagome was guilty, even though the police no longer suspected her."""
text21572;"""Yes, I am! Because I like you."""
text21573;"""You like me?"""
text21574;"""I exhaled."""
text21575;"""Oh, I didn't mean that… I wanted to say that I'm grateful for you saving my father and getting me out of jail, and…"""
text21576;"""She looked convincingly embarrassed."""
text21577;"""Well, Niko-san. You shouldn't make a girl say these things!"""
text21578;"""I didn't."""
text21579;"""This kind of conversation felt weird to me, as if we were acting out a play."""
text21580;"""With the difference being that Kagome had the script, while I had to improvise."""
text21581;"""Fine, let's not just stand outside… Wanna go in?"""
text21582;"""I pointed at the bar."""
text21583;"""If it's an invitation."""
text21584;"""I guess it is…"""
text21585;"""I didn't know why I even started this."""
text21586;"""Maybe, I really didn't want to talk in the middle of the street and couldn't summon the courage to shoo Iwamura away after what she'd said?"""
text21587;"""Oh, Kolya, hi!"""
text21588;"""The Bartender, previously bored to death, quickly latched onto me."""
text21589;"""I see you aren't alone? A new girl every day — my respect!"""
text21590;"""He'd be a great guy if only he didn't talk so much."""
text21591;"""I whispered to Kagome, but she just smiled cutely in response."""
text21592;"""We sat as far away as possible from the bar, I ordered a cola, while she got a herbal tea."""
text21593;"""Thought you'd get a beer."""
text21594;"""Who do you think I am? It's only three in the afternoon!"""
text21595;"""Yeah, right."""
text21596;"""How did she even know I liked to drink?"""
text21597;"""After getting our drinks, we spent some time sitting quietly, looking in different directions."""
text21598;"""Finally, Kagome broke the silence:"""
text21599;"""Is everything going well with you and Kobayashi?"""
text21600;"""Why are you asking?"""
text21601;"""Don't know. From outside it seems like…"""
text21602;"""Seems like <i>what</i>?"""
text21603;"""Call it feminine intuition."""
text21604;"""And what's your feminine intuition telling you?"""
text21605;"""Niko-san, I'm not trying to stand between you two!"""
text21606;"""Then what <i>are</i> you doing?"""
text21607;"""Niko-san, believe it or not, but I really am worried about you."""
text21608;"""Worried… and? Do you think Ellie isn't a good match for me?"""
text21609;"""I didn't say that."""
text21610;"""Right, you didn't say anything."""
text21611;"""I scoffed and regretted not actually ordering a beer."""
text21612;"""The entire conversation seemed unnatural, and I could barely understand what I was doing here."""
text21613;"""Niko-san, you can always count on me."""
text21614;"""She raised her hand as if intending to touch my face but stopped at the last moment and smiled apologetically."""
text21615;"""So, it was becoming more and more obvious that Kagome had feelings for me."""
text21616;"""Or at least she was trying to show them as hard as she could."""
text21617;"""Look, I don't want to offend you, but I've already got a girlfriend."""
text21618;"""And do you love her?"""
text21619;"""She asked without blinking an eye."""
text21620;"""<i>Love</i>?"""
text21621;"""I repeated as if trying to remember the meaning of this word."""
text21622;"""And worst of all, there was no answer to the question that would satisfy me."""
text21623;"""Somehow I couldn't even force out a decent lie."""
text21624;"""I'm happy with our relationship."""
text21625;"""Niko-san, don't you see that she's using you?"""
text21626;"""Using me how?"""
text21627;"""I asked with surprise."""
text21628;"""Kagome just shrugged and took a sip."""
text21629;"""Trying to get something out of her system?"""
text21630;"""Are you into psychology?"""
text21631;"""Only the applied kind."""
text21632;"""To be honest I had thought on occasion that Ellie only saw me as a convenient way to satisfy her needs rather than an actual person."""
text21633;"""Needs like security, love, intimacy, passion, or whatever else."""
text21634;"""But of course, I couldn't confess that to Iwamura."""
text21635;"""That's all very interesting, but I have to go."""
text21636;"""I took out my wallet and dropped a big bill on the table, simultaneously giving the Bartender a wink."""
text21637;"""My treat."""
text21638;"""I didn't want to see Iwamura anymore today — just the idea of her was suddenly painful to me."""
text21639;"""Her face alone already brought to mind unpleasant thoughts, which lead to doubts and caused a torturous dissonance between reality and what I wanted to believe."""
text21640;"""I guess in a similar way people run away from their alcohol dependency, family issues, and the sense of guilt for the crimes they've committed."""
text21641;"""Seems like it's going to be a nice night."""
text21642;"""Kagome walked out of the bar after me, stood a behind me, stretching and letting out a cute moan."""
text21643;"""Jesus, don't you have to go home? What about your restaurant?"""
text21644;"""I'm already leaving, Niko-san…"""
text21645;"""Is all she managed to say when Ellie appeared from around the corner."""
text21646;"""Nick?"""
text21647;"""The first moment of surprise on her face was already giving way to anger."""
text21648;"""Oh, hi, what brought you here?"""
text21649;"""I just left the karaoke place — it's close by. What are you doing here though?"""
text21650;"""With Iwamura-san…"""
text21651;"""She added in a threateningly low voice."""
text21652;"""Kobayashi-san, I just happened to come across Niko-san. And he invited me to spend some time with him at that bar."""
text21653;"""The last sentence was clearly unnecessary."""
text21654;"""Oh, he invited you. How nice of him!"""
text21655;"""In this situation, I couldn't bring myself to chastise Ellie for being angry."""
text21656;"""I didn't feel guilty, but at the same time I felt ashamed, like a child being punished for something he didn't understand."""
text21657;"""Ellie, I…"""
text21658;"""I understand, there's no need for excuses!"""
text21659;"""First you have lunch together, now you're hitting bars!"""
text21660;"""Kobayashi-san, you're exaggerating — we're just friends."""
text21661;"""Ah, you're already <i>friends</i>?!"""
text21662;"""She flung her arms up in the air and smirked powerlessly."""
text21663;"""Yes, what's wrong with that?"""
text21664;"""Nothing!"""
text21665;"""Kobayashi-san, it's not like Niko-san is your property."""
text21666;"""Property? Nobody's talking about property! He's just… just…"""
text21667;"""He face showed intense internal strain."""
text21668;"""Capable of choosing his friends."""
text21669;"""Kagome finished for her and looked at me."""
text21670;"""Right, Niko-san?"""
text21671;"""I was caught between the rock and a hard place and didn't know what to do."""
text21672;"""I was supposed to be taking Ellie's side but I couldn't persuade myself that she was right."""
text21673;"""After all, it's not like I was interrogating her about who she'd gone to with karaoke and why!"""
text21674;"""Ellie, we really did meet on pure accident."""
text21675;"""And just couldn't part ways?"""
text21676;"""Sorry, but I don't have to tell you about every single person I talk to who isn't you."""
text21677;"""You don't have to?"""
text21678;"""She said, embarrassed, pressed her lips together."""
text21679;"""Of course you don't…"""
text21680;"""I'm just worried about you."""
text21681;"""But if it wasn't me Niko-san was talking to, everything would be fine?"""
text21682;"""Kagome smirked."""
text21683;"""How do you…"""
text21684;"""Ellie grit her teeth but managed to hold back."""
text21685;"""I couldn't understand why she hated Iwamura so much."""
text21686;"""And it clearly wasn't just trivial jealousy."""
text21687;"""Girls, don't fight."""
text21688;"""I tried to somehow calm them down but it didn't quite work."""
text21689;"""Nick, if you want to spend time with her, be my guest! What do I care?!"""
text21690;"""Ellie raised her nose, turned around, and prepared to leave."""
text21691;"""Jesus Christ, wait!"""
text21692;"""I grabbed her hand, and at the same moment I caught Kagome's gaze on me."""
text21693;"""Not the most pleasant of situations."""
text21694;"""Look, I don't want to be rude but it's time for you to go."""
text21695;"""I addressed Iwamura."""
text21696;"""Well, thanks for the tea, Niko-san."""
text21697;"""Kobayashi-san."""
text21698;"""She squinted slyly and finally left. <seq hide_ka>"""
text21699;"""I released Ellie's hand, and it hung powerlessly against her body."""
text21700;"""Here, see?"""
text21701;"""Not that I knew what she was supposed to see, exactly."""
text21702;"""Ellie's behavior didn't make much logical sense, but emotionally it was fairly coherent."""
text21703;"""And the best solution right now would be to assure her of my eternal love."""
text21704;"""Except I couldn't bring myself to."""
text21705;"""Are you happy now?"""
text21706;"""I am."""
text21707;"""Ellie finally turned to me, her face devoid of any expression."""
text21708;"""I don't know what's on Iwamura's mind, but I don't enjoy her advances any more than you."""
text21709;"""Do you? You looked pretty happy at lunch."""
text21710;"""Because it was tasty! You tried it yourself."""
text21711;"""Fine, Nick, I understand."""
text21712;"""She said phlegmatically."""
text21713;"""What do you understand?"""
text21714;"""Everything."""
text21715;"""And I have to go. There's a lot of homework to do."""
text21716;"""Homework? I don't remember it ever bothering you."""
text21717;"""I mean, Ellie usually did her homework when she found the time, but I couldn't say she cared much beyond that."""
text21718;"""I suppose Iwamura is a straight A student?"""
text21719;"""How the hell would I know?!"""
text21720;"""I just don't want to lag behind."""
text21721;"""Ciao! Don't forget about the rehearsal tomorrow."""
text21722;"""This time I didn't stop her, tired of arguing about each and every one of her stupid ideas."""
text21723;"""She'd probably come to her senses and apologize tomorrow!"""
text21724;"""…"""
text21725;"""But I still felt somewhat uneasy."""
text21726;"""I couldn't get Ellie's upset, arrogant expression out of my mind."""
text21727;"""Maybe it was the look of a model in a beauty pageant having taken second place, now sitting in the dressing room, the cameras no longer directed at her."""
text21728;"""What would I think if I saw Ellie with a guy I didn't like?"""
text21729;"""Knowing myself — I wouldn't like any guy I saw around her more than once."""
text21730;"""And this was Iwamura we were talking about!"""
text21731;"""But I couldn't influence Kagome's behavior."""
text21732;"""Except maybe by telling her to fuck off."""
text21733;"""But that would only be indulging Ellie's whims. <w>And what would be next?"""
text21734;"""I felt more and more that I was, willingly or unwillingly, adapting my life, actions, even my thoughts to Ellie's wishes."""
text21735;"""I did everything to not offend her or spoil her mood."""
text21736;"""God, I'd become Himitsu!"""
text21737;"""At first, I justified it by the need for Kobayashi Jun's protection."""
text21738;"""Then I tried to persuade myself that I liked the relationship, that I liked Ellie…"""
text21739;"""No, I really did like Ellie a lot, but how much of it was love and how much was pity?"""
text21740;"""I suddenly realized that in many ways she suffered more than I did, more than anybody I knew."""
text21741;"""The drugs, the music, even her occasionally exaggerated love for me were evidence of that."""
text21742;"""Meanwhile, I had become stuck in this relationship long before I realized it, and now there was no way back."""
text21743;"""…"""
text21744;"""I spent the rest of the day at home, walking from one room to another with a book in my hands."""
text21745;"""I had to re-read each paragraph several times to keep track of the story."""
text21746;"""The sudden realization of the essence of my feelings towards Ellie was annoying me."""
text21747;"""What good was I as a savior if I couldn't even help myself?"""
text21748;"""But Ellie loved me… <w>at least she thought she did."""
text21749;"""She trusted me."""
text21750;"""So who else, if not I?"""