text20246;"""I woke up covered in sweat, with Ellie snuffling peacefully next to me.""" text20247;"""The innocent expression on her face made the memories of us going through the whole bag of powder seem like a terrible dream.""" text20248;"""The clock was saying two-ish PM, which meant we had successfully skipped school.""" text20249;"""Well, what started as spending the night at my place has now turned to truancy.""" text20250;"""I was methodically going against everything Kobayashi Jun wanted from me, driving into the abyss with the gas pedal pressed to the floor.""" text20251;"""And scariest of all was that without me, Ellie would most likely have at least maintained the illusion of decency without tumbling into outright antisocial behavior.""" text20252;"""I carefully got up, trying not to wake her, and felt something weird — completely different from a hangover.""" text20253;"""Suddenly my body became light, my legs turned to jelly, and I lost my balance.""" text20254;"""I snagged the guitar and, letting out a displeased twang, it fell to the side.""" text20255;"""Mmm…""" text20256;"""Ellie stretched sweetly and opened her eyes.""" text20257;"""Is it morning already?""" text20258;"""Afternoon, two o'clock.""" text20259;"""I muttered.""" text20260;"""I was starving — the last time I'd had anything was lunch yesterday, and it'd been almost a full day since then.""" text20261;"""Do you want breakfast? I'm about to starve to death!""" text20262;"""What day is… Aaaah!""" text20263;"""She immediately jumped out of the bed and started putting her clothes on.""" text20264;"""We have a rehearsal today!""" text20265;"""Do what you want, but I'm not going anywhere until I eat.""" text20266;"""Just make it quick.""" text20267;"""She frowned, trying to button her shirt.""" text20268;"""…""" text20269;"""The engine that usually powered the rotor of my thought process seemed to have been stopped dead by something.""" text20270;"""We were walking down the street, and I couldn't focus on a single thought.""" text20271;"""Sometimes if felt like I spent long minutes just moving my legs, step after step, on autopilot, not thinking about a thing.""" text20272;"""Ellie looked a bit better — but also quite rough.""" text20273;"""Dose every time feel like… this?""" text20274;"""Well…""" text20275;"""She said and stared down at her feet, as if she was walking on ice.""" text20276;"""If you knew we had a group rehearsal today, why did you…""" text20277;"""It just happened.""" text20278;"""Oh, it just happened…""" text20279;"""Under different circumstances, I'd have picked my words more carefully to avoid upsetting her but here it seemed meaningless.""" text20280;"""Just like how after a sleepless night you don't care whether your tie matches your suit.""" text20281;"""Good thing Ellie's bodyguards hadn't come in to check whether we were still alive.""" text20282;"""I always had a feeling they were somewhere close, watching the house.""" text20283;"""Well, what do you want me to say?""" text20284;"""That you won't do it anymore?""" text20285;"""I knew how useless the promise would be.""" text20286;"""Every hangover I too would swear to myself that I'd never drink again.""" text20287;"""But I had to handle this quickly, even if not immediately.""" text20288;"""Just the thought that her bodyguards might notice the state we were in terrified me.""" text20289;"""My battered nervous system was starting to fail, and I felt myself start to sweat intensely.""" text20290;"""Nick, are you alright?""" text20291;"""I don't know.""" text20292;"""What if it was a heart attack?""" text20293;"""I stopped, resting my hand against a wall.""" text20294;"""My went got dark, and my heart started racing.""" text20295;"""It felt like my chest was tied with a tight belt, every breath took an enormous effort.""" text20296;"""I looked at my hands and couldn't understand what was happening — it was like looking at the world from outside myself, like there was a TV screen broadcasting my life.""" text20297;"""Hold on!""" text20298;"""Ellie ran to a vending machine full of drinks and bought a bottle of water.""" text20299;"""Here, drink.""" text20300;"""I really was thirsty like I'd just run ten kilometers without stopping.""" text20301;"""I emptied the entire bottle in one go.""" text20302;"""Thank you.""" text20303;"""Better now?""" text20304;"""I don't know.""" text20305;"""I listened to my senses and found that the panic did seem to have faded a little.""" text20306;"""Let's go?""" text20307;"""Let's go…""" text20308;"""I didn't want to show weakness — not as much to her as to myself.""" text20309;"""However that feeling of losing control over the situation frightened me.""" text20310;"""Did I really control anything in my own life?""" text20311;"""…""" text20312;"""By the time we reached the studio, we found that the other members of Z FEEL-Z had started without us.""" text20313;"""We were thinking you wouldn't come!""" text20314;"""Ishida greeted us cheerfully, but his demeanor quickly soured as he noticed our battered condition.""" text20315;"""You aren't coming from school?""" text20316;"""I was about to reply but Ellie was faster:""" text20317;"""Sure we are. See — I'm wearing my uniform.""" text20318;"""Although her uniform wasn't exactly neat, to put it mildly.""" text20319;"""It seemed that soon the wardrobes that had gone empty after my parents' death would be filled with female clothes again.""" text20320;"""Except she missed the fact that I was just wearing jeans and a sweater.""" text20321;"""I skipped though.""" text20322;"""I sighed to not ruin the story.""" text20323;"""…""" text20324;"""The panic that had come over me on the street seemed like nothing but a memory now, but the surreal feeling to everything around me made it hard to focus on playing music.""" text20325;"""It seemed that there was a pilot in my head, controlling my body like it was a robot.""" text20326;"""No matter how skillful he was, some delay and inaccuracy was inevitable.""" text20327;"""We played awfully.""" text20328;"""I noticed it, and so did everyone else.""" text20329;"""Alright, let's take a lunch break.""" text20330;"""Ishida finally put the guitar away.""" text20331;"""You guys can go, Nick and I have eaten already.""" text20332;"""Yes, but…""" text20333;"""I would've grabbed a bite too, but Ellie apparently wanted something with me.""" text20334;"""Once we were left alone, she took out a small bag full of powder without a moment's hesitation.""" text20335;"""Another one?""" text20336;"""It must've been the one I'd taken from her yesterday.""" text20337;"""I decided not to ask when she managed to take it out of my pocket.""" text20338;"""Want some recovery juice?""" text20339;"""Again?""" text20340;"""I exclaimed but felt far less confident in my indignation than yesterday.""" text20341;"""A bottle of beer really does help with a hangover — and I could definitely use some help.""" text20342;"""You do realize this is an addiction now, right?""" text20343;"""I'm not saying we should… go like yesterday.""" text20344;"""She pouted like a little girl accused of stealing candy from the cupboard.""" text20345;"""See, we're not getting anywhere today. But if we have just a bit of this, we'll be fine!""" text20346;"""I felt bile rise in my throat.""" text20347;"""You know, I was just thinking that I was a bad influence on you!""" text20348;"""Sorry to disappoint.""" text20349;"""Ellie smiled and came closer, waving the bag in front of my nose.""" text20350;"""The memories of the euphoria I'd felt yesterday made it so much harder to refuse.""" text20351;"""Accept""" text20352;"""Fine but just a little bit!""" text20353;"""We quickly refueled, the other guys soon returning.""" text20354;"""Apparently, the doping worked — I spent the rest of the rehearsal playing much better.""" text20355;"""Refuse""" text20356;"""No, and I don't think you should either.""" text20357;"""I can decide for myself.""" text20358;"""Ellie scoffed unhappily but put the bag away.""" text20359;"""Soon, other members returned from lunch.""" text20360;"""Even without any doping, I soon felt better and played more or less okay for the rest of the rehearsal, considering my mediocre skill level.""" text20361;"""When we walked out to the street it was already evening, but my internal clock stubbornly asserted that it was lunch time.""" text20362;"""Does anybody want to… get a bite? I know a bar nearby.""" text20363;"""Why not.""" text20364;"""Mitsuyoshi shrugged his shoulders.""" text20365;"""Yeah, good idea. We can discuss the concert, too.""" text20366;"""Ellie didn't mind either, and Tokyo Rider took us all for a ride in his expensive sports car.""" text20367;"""(How did he have so much money?!)""" text20368;"""…""" text20369;"""At that time of day, almost all the tables in the bar were occupied, but the Bartender still managed to find us a place.""" text20370;"""Brought friends along today, Kolya?""" text20371;"""Yeah, this is… my band.""" text20372;"""I replied hesitantly, as if embarrassed about something.""" text20373;"""A band? Really? Cool, seriously cool! Let me shake a musician's hand!""" text20374;"""When we got seated, I immediately said:""" text20375;"""Sorry about the Bartender — sometimes he goes overboard with hospitality.""" text20376;"""Is he from your homeland?""" text20377;"""Yeah, something like that.""" text20378;"""If I were asked to name the worst representatives of their respective peoples, I would immediately name the Bartender and Kyosuke.""" text20379;"""Although, of course, their particular clumsiness and inability to understand the context of a situation were more than compensated for by the size of their souls.""" text20380;"""Not many options in this place.""" text20381;"""Mitsuyoshi was carefully studying the menu.""" text20382;"""They serve fine ramen. And beer.""" text20383;"""I sneaked a glance at Ellie — she was sitting on her chair with a bored look.""" text20384;"""I have to work night shift.""" text20385;"""And I'm driving.""" text20386;"""I think I'll pass on that, too.""" text20387;"""I suddenly felt like an alcoholic just because I even mentioned beer.""" text20388;"""In the end, everyone chose something to their liking.""" text20389;"""I ordered a burger and a bottle of cola.""" text20390;"""So, about the concert.""" text20391;"""Ishida ate at most half of his ramen and set the bowl aside.""" text20392;"""Even though there's still half a week left, it'll be Nick's first concert and a good chance to make a name for ourselves.""" text20393;"""I talked to the manager of the club, and he said there'll be a guy from a record label.""" text20394;"""If we don't screw up, it'll be a great chance for us to finally release a demo!""" text20395;"""You think it'll work? We won't be the only ones performing there.""" text20396;"""I'm not saying he'll offer us a contract.""" text20397;"""Ishida gave us an impatient look.""" text20398;"""In the worst case, we'll record at our own expense.""" text20399;"""Yeah, money isn't a problem…""" text20400;"""No, El.""" text20401;"""He said strictly.""" text20402;"""We agreed from the beginning that the band was a shared project. We perform together, and we handle the expenses together. In equal parts.""" text20403;"""Do you agree, Nick?""" text20404;"""I do…""" text20405;"""The situation forced me to agree, but deep inside I saw nothing wrong with Ellie bearing a slightly larger part of the expenses.""" text20406;"""For once Kobayashi Corporation's money could serve a good cause.""" text20407;"""Besides, we aren't talking about an astronomical amount of money here.""" text20408;"""My first demo…""" text20409;"""Ellie muttered dreamily.""" text20410;"""I wonder what the cover will be?""" text20411;"""I'm more interested in the songs that will be in it. How long is a demo usually? About twenty minutes?""" text20412;"""Or less.""" text20413;"""So only three or four songs?""" text20414;"""He sighed in disappointment.""" text20415;"""Well, it's demo. The point is to show what we're capable of. A full-fledged album would come later.""" text20416;"""A full album!""" text20417;"""Ellie and Mitsuyoshi exhaled in unison.""" text20418;"""As for me, I listened to the conversation feeling like a secretary invited to a board meeting, given five minutes to do a presentation, and then forgotten in a corner.""" text20419;"""Guys, come back to reality! We haven't even performed yet, and you're already making plans.""" text20420;"""Jeez, like we can't even dream some.""" text20421;"""Dream as much as you want, just don't forget about reality.""" text20422;"""Ellie suddenly frowned.""" text20423;"""What are you talking about?""" text20424;"""Had they had a conversation about Ellie's addiction before?""" text20425;"""Nothing really…""" text20426;"""But Ishida backed off.""" text20427;"""I just want to say that we all need to take preparation for this concert seriously.""" text20428;"""I'm always prepared.""" text20429;"""Tokyo Rider said suddenly, and an awkward silence descended upon our table.""" text20430;"""We don't doubt you.""" text20431;"""Ishida finally broke it.""" text20432;"""We don't doubt anyone. And definitely not Nick! Right, Nick?""" text20433;"""I couldn't quite understand if she was joking, taunting, or teasing.""" text20434;"""Share some of your confidence with me.""" text20435;"""I can share something else.""" text20436;"""Alllright, I gotta go to work!""" text20437;"""Ishida stood up sharply like something had bitten his ass.""" text20438;"""There had to be something in Z FEEL-Z's past I was yet to learn about.""" text20439;"""…""" text20440;"""Ishida was the first to leave, and we said goodbye to Mitsuyoshi and Tokyo Rider outside.""" text20441;"""I felt better, but was extremely tired.""" text20442;"""That prophylactic dose had already worn off.""" text20443;"""I felt pretty bad, and deep inside regretted rejecting Ellie's offer.""" text20444;"""Say, Ellie…""" text20445;"""The question wouldn't leave my head, and I couldn't bear staying quiet.""" text20446;"""Do they know about…""" text20447;"""Jesus, Nick, stop taking me for an idiot!""" text20448;"""I'm just asking.""" text20449;"""She stopped and raised her head, as if looking for something in the sky.""" text20450;"""Maybe…""" text20451;"""Maybe what?""" text20452;"""That's the answer to your question. Maybe they do.""" text20453;"""She said calmly.""" text20454;"""Before meeting you I'd never thought that this sort of thing was… bad.""" text20455;"""But now…""" text20456;"""She turned around and looked pleadingly into my eyes.""" text20457;"""If you want me to, I'll never do it again!""" text20458;"""Did I really want that? With my heart and soul?""" text20459;"""Ellie…""" text20460;"""I was overwhelmed by emotion, and hugged her tightly and kissed her.""" text20461;"""Let's go home?""" text20462;"""She suddenly broke out of my embrace and ran a couple of steps away.""" text20463;"""Not today. I need to go home at least occasionally. Otherwise grandpa will misunderstand.""" text20464;"""Right, sorry.""" text20465;"""See you at school tomorrow. I haven't forgotten about it.""" text20466;"""Bye…""" text20467;"""Ellie waved goodbye and ran to the car parked nearby.""" text20468;"""If her bodyguards were around all the time, the situation wasn't just dangerous, it was catastrophic!""" text20469;"""Not only had I climbed the highest tree around, I was even sawing away at the branch I was sitting on.""" text20470;"""If you want me to, I'll never do it again!""" text20471;"""What mattered most was that Ellie wouldn't forget those words tomorrow!""" text20472;"""I was walking home in a grim state of mind.""" text20473;"""The first bout of drowsiness had already passed, but my body seemed to have switched to energy saving mode, my brain being the first organ to suffer.""" text20474;"""I only noticed somebody sitting on the porch when I almost bumped into him.""" text20475;"""Or rather, into her. Kagome was sitting on my porch.""" text20476;"""What are you doing here?""" text20477;"""She opened her eyes wide, as if genuinely surprised by my reaction and the fact I was even here.""" text20478;"""Aren't you happy to see me?""" text20479;"""I wasn't expecting you. Let's go inside.""" text20480;"""Sure, logically Ellie's guards wouldn't be watching the house when she wasn't there, but I still preferred not to risk it.""" text20481;"""…""" text20482;"""My eyes were closing by themselves, and I was fighting the desperate desire to make some tea.""" text20483;"""I wanted to quickly find out what Kagome wanted from me and finally go to sleep.""" text20484;"""You have my full attention.""" text20485;"""She walked around the table, running her hand over its top as if choosing a piece of furniture in a shop — and there was something suspicious about that estimating gesture.""" text20486;"""We better not talk at school — I get that. Anyone who starts a conversation with me would get strange looks. Like I'm contagious.""" text20487;"""You know, you're partially to blame for that.""" text20488;"""Oh, really?""" text20489;"""She raised an eyebrow and finally sat down.""" text20490;"""You did everything in your power to make them suspect you. Why are you surprised when that's exactly what happened?""" text20491;"""No matter how long someone innocent pretends to be guilty, they don't become it.""" text20492;"""That's a nice bit of sophistry.""" text20493;"""I took my head into my hands and leaned heavily against the wall.""" text20494;"""Kind of.""" text20495;"""Kagome smiled mysteriously.""" text20496;"""I just wanted to say thank you.""" text20497;"""For what?""" text20498;"""For not spending the rest of my life in prison. For the fact that they let my father go.""" text20499;"""I don't have anything to do with that. You better thank Ellie.""" text20500;"""And you weren't very friendly with her yesterday.""" text20501;"""You think so?""" text20502;"""If I hadn't been so tired, I most likely wouldn't have said any of this.""" text20503;"""After all, Ellie wasn't directly related to what had happened to Kagome and her father.""" text20504;"""I wonder how come they let you go so easily.""" text20505;"""So you really have nothing to do with it?""" text20506;"""She asked without a hint of anger, but I stayed silent.""" text20507;"""Maybe they got an order from above, or maybe… I don't know.""" text20508;"""I see.""" text20509;"""And that's it?""" text20510;"""What else? Sorry, I'm very tired.""" text20511;"""That's obvious enough. After all, you haven't been to school today.""" text20512;"""…""" text20513;"""Your relationship with Kobayashi is developing, I can see.""" text20514;"""If you're going to…""" text20515;"""No, no! On the contrary, I wanted to say that I've thought about it a lot and decided I haven't been fair to her.""" text20516;"""Thought a lot, have you…""" text20517;"""Prison's a good place to think, you know.""" text20518;"""How long did you spend there, three days?""" text20519;"""I smirked and walked across the room in order not to fall asleep standing up.""" text20520;"""Enough to understand something.""" text20521;"""Something?""" text20522;"""We don't choose our family and upbringing — this inheritance stays with you forever and influences your entire life.""" text20523;"""Right, so?""" text20524;"""Maybe Kobayashi doesn't realize what she's doing.""" text20525;"""And what is she doing?""" text20526;"""In the end, Ellie had done Kagome no wrong, at least personally.""" text20527;"""Iwamura only frowned in response.""" text20528;"""You seem to be a bit fixated on Ellie.""" text20529;"""Forget it.""" text20530;"""She responded angrily and stood up.""" text20531;"""Everything is back to normal, thank God!""" text20532;"""I exclaimed joyfully, flinging my arms into the air.""" text20533;"""Kagome looked like she was about to explode at any second but suddenly relaxed.""" text20534;"""You're right, that's not why I'm here.""" text20535;"""Maybe even such a short stay in prison didn't help my manners.""" text20536;"""You mean they treated you badly there?""" text20537;"""Not really…""" text20538;"""I suppressed the desire to ask for details about the conditions in Japanese prisons, or detention facilities, or wherever she had been.""" text20539;"""Well, Niko-san, thank you again.""" text20540;"""Uh-huh, any time…""" text20541;"""I grumbled without repeating that I had nothing to do with it.""" text20542;"""If there was anyone to thank here, it'd be Kobayashi Jun. As if he cared about some girl!""" text20543;"""Don't worry — I won't bother you… two at school.""" text20544;"""Very considerate of you.""" text20545;"""Before leaving my place, Kagome looked around as if she'd forgotten something important.""" text20546;"""Then I better go. Goodnight, Niko-san.""" text20547;"""Goodnight…""" text20548;"""For some reason, I saw Iwamura to the gate.""" text20549;"""After she disappeared from sight, I felt like a weight had fallen from my shoulders.""" text20550;"""Finally I could go to sleep!""" text20551;"""But before that I long stared at the sky that for some reason looked unusually clear tonight, the stars particularly bright.""" text20552;"""I suddenly imagined myself standing at the bottom of the sea, looking up at the myriad small fish swimming near the surface, glistening beautifully in the rays of the sun.""" text20553;"""Like stars.""" text20554;"""I went back inside, closed the door, and, completely exhausted, dragged myself to my room.""" text20555;"""Still, her politeness, courtesy, and even friendliness were bizarre.""" text20556;"""Did she really believe I had helped her evade prison?""" text20557;"""Sure, to a degree my actions had helped indirectly, but I had zero desire to overestimate my own importance.""" text20558;"""Kagome remained a mystery girl, and no difficulties or strokes of misfortune seemed to be able to change her personality.""" text20559;"""Whether it was a good personality was a another question entirely, but deep inside I envied her resilience."""