text19441;"""A week had passed since the ball at the Kobayashi estate."""
text19442;"""My relationship with Ellie was developing rapidly, a little too rapidly as it sometimes seemed."""
text19443;"""Of course, Irina didn't just disappear and I still had to explain myself to her, but somehow, Kobayashi Jun had kept his word — the young KGB agent didn't look nearly so confident."""
text19444;"""I learned a lot of new things about myself from her, including that <i>the way home was forever closed</i> to me."""
text19445;"""Not that I was particularly upset by that."""
text19446;"""It was very clear Irina had been completely unprepared for this turn of events."""
text19447;"""Apparently in her harmonious model of the world, people were meant to act on their programming, like robots."""
text19448;"""And I hadn't just refused to work with her, I'd gone to their biggest enemy for protection."""
text19449;"""Disdain, and more importantly, confusion were written openly on her face."""
text19450;"""Irina never threatened to take any revenge, at least openly, but did make several angry remarks along the lines of me having to forever look over my shoulder from now on."""
text19451;"""The next surprise was Kagome's release from jail."""
text19452;"""Same as before, without warning, Kiyama-sensei gathered the entire school in the yard and announced that the police had found new leads and that Kagome was innocent."""
text19453;"""Just like that, casually and routinely!"""
text19454;"""Today we're accusing you of murdering eight people, and you're probably going to be executed for it. Tomorrow we're very sorry and are letting you go — it was just a mistake, could happen to anyone!"""
text19455;"""Of course I understood that both the accusation and acquittal had been at the hands of someone with power."""
text19456;"""Irina had bragged that it was her work."""
text19457;"""But the KGB probably didn't have anything to do with Kagome's release."""
text19458;"""Who else was able to control the police?"""
text19459;"""I could only think of Kobayashi Jun, but even if it was him, I had no idea what motive he could have for protecting a simple schoolgirl."""
text19460;"""Was it about her father?"""
text19461;"""But the Corporation kidnapped him to begin with…"""
text19462;"""The number of questions grew by the day, and meanwhile Ellie seemed to be rising ever above above the mundane world."""
text19463;"""Since we were spending as much time as possible together, our relationship couldn't just stay platonic."""
text19464;"""I couldn't understand how her grandfather allowed his granddaughter to behave like that, behave strangely not only by Japanese standards."""
text19465;"""And it wasn't just the risk of an unwanted pregnancy…"""
text19466;"""The prefrontal cortex of a human's brain, the part responsible for rational thinking and self-control, only forms fully by the age of twenty."""
text19467;"""Until then, a person is considered underage in many countries, not fully responsible for their actions."""
text19468;"""Of course, with a personality like mine, I risked remaining partially disabled for my entire life, but most people do tend to mature with age."""
text19469;"""No, I didn't mind Ellie staying at my place every other day, but having her security parked the next street over quickly started to attract unnecessary attention from my neighbors."""
text19470;"""Ellie didn't even seem to notice little issues like that, nor that her behavior was a bit frivolous, to put it mildly."""
text19471;"""She was shining with happiness and love, and, in the shadow that a light this bright inevitably creates, common sense was dying in agony."""
text19472;"""There was no point hiding our relationship, nor was it possible with Ellie behaving like this."""
text19473;"""I had to endure several long interrogations from Kyosuke as well as a conversation with Saya-chan about Himitsu's disappearance."""
text19474;"""The latter was particularly difficult for me."""
text19475;"""I expected shouting, shaming, and insults, but Saya did better — she conveyed all her dislike for me without the need to put it in words."""
text19476;"""After that, I spent the rest of the day feeling and looking absolutely dejected, which upset Ellie."""
text19477;"""Band practice continued, nobody in Z FEEL-Z being surprised the two of us were dating."""
text19478;"""While I had to give credit to their acumen, I still couldn't quite get rid of the feeling that there was something going on in the band I didn't know about."""
text19479;"""As if they weren't mentioning something, something they weren't really hiding but wouldn't talk about unless prompted."""
text19480;"""But I still couldn't figure out what that was."""
text19481;"""Catherine stopped going to school, but we were never officially told that she'd transferred."""
text19482;"""I tried to find even a bit of grief in my heart, scratch the old wound raw, but that part of my life seemed to have been quarantined off."""
text19483;"""They say unprocessed memories of trauma might surface again even years later."""
text19484;"""So maybe I didn't really let it go or forget, and instead had bottled everything up so deep inside myself I'd stopped feeling it."""
text19485;"""Time would show, and I had plenty of it! <w>Or so I wanted to believe…"""
text19486;"""As for my feelings for Ellie, I definitely felt attraction, sympathy, respect, and affection for her."""
text19487;"""But the word <i>\""love\""</i> never came up in my internal dialogue."""
text19488;"""I compared this relationship with my relationship with Catherine. <w>Even with my friendship with Himitsu…"""
text19489;"""I noticed plenty of differences, yet almost nothing in common."""
text19490;"""Everything was different with Ellie."""
text19491;"""I could have spent an eternity listing the ways we were different, but that didn't change how I perceived the relationship."""
text19492;"""Limes and lemon are different in color, shape, even taste to an extent, but if you ever decide to wipe your eyes with them, there won't be much difference."""
text19493;"""Similarly, I used to think all relationships evoked more or less the same emotions."""
text19494;"""The reality was much more complicated than that."""
text19495;"""As for Ellie, she obviously didn't seem to have any problems — partially, maybe, because the relationship was her first."""
text19496;"""It showed in everything she did — her incredible passion and how she lost track of time, her words and gestures, and how once I caught myself thinking she had even changed the way she talked."""
text19497;"""Sure, I didn't lag behind in the bedroom, but once we were back vertical, every so often I would start to doubt myself."""
text19498;"""Besides, I constantly felt guilty about using Ellie to get in Kobayashi Jun's good graces, using her to guarantee my own safety."""
text19499;"""And so I was constantly mentally going over every positive thing about our relationship aside from her grandfather's protection, while stubbornly ignoring any negatives."""
text19500;"""It was simpler that way, but I couldn't shake the fear of one bad apple spoiling the entire barrel."""
text19501;"""Monday."""
text19502;"""Ellie woke me up early so we wouldn't be late for school, but by my standards, she'd overdone it by an hour."""
text19503;"""Which meant there was still enough time to make breakfast, even if I hadn't had enough sleep."""
text19504;"""I like watching you cook."""
text19505;"""Ellie was sitting, wrapped in my shirt, with her feet on the chair."""
text19506;"""There are three things you can watch forever: fire burning, water falling, and other people working."""
text19507;"""She didn't respond and kept watching my every movement with the same dreamy expression."""
text19508;"""I can't really cook — you'll see. I'm nothing like…"""
text19509;"""I remembered Himitsu but there was no point in talking about her — and not only because I was worried Ellie would get jealous."""
text19510;"""… the cooks on TV."""
text19511;"""Speaking of which, I really did like cooking shows, even if I never tried to make anything I saw in there."""
text19512;"""I didn't even know why I was so attracted by them."""
text19513;"""I'm sure you'll do great."""
text19514;"""How's your grandfather?"""
text19515;"""I asked casually."""
text19516;"""Same as usual."""
text19517;"""Usual?"""
text19518;"""Nick, is there something you want to say? Then say it."""
text19519;"""<i>Something</i> I want to say…"""
text19520;"""Was this the time to be straight with her?"""
text19521;"""I'm worried about you. Your friends died just recently, you haven't even had time to mourn them…"""
text19522;"""Indeed, from outside, you might think Ellie wasn't even that worried in the first place."""
text19523;"""But once I got to know her better, I realized that wasn't the case."""
text19524;"""She just tried to seem strong in any situation, and couldn't quite understand when she had to keep her emotions to herself and when she could let them out."""
text19525;"""I feel sorry about Miku and Marie…"""
text19526;"""She said after a small pause."""
text19527;"""But I didn't know the others that well."""
text19528;"""And still."""
text19529;"""Of course, you're right."""
text19530;"""She lowered her head and sighed."""
text19531;"""Do you think I'm an emotionless bitch?"""
text19532;"""If I did, you'd taste arsenic in your coffee."""
text19533;"""Ellie smiled mostly out of politeness."""
text19534;"""And indeed, I now had a can of coffee in my drawer."""
text19535;"""As well as a new comb in my bathroom and groceries in my fridge."""
text19536;"""One day a man in a black suit just rang the doorbell and handed me a bag with all that stuff."""
text19537;"""In love, just like in anything else, Ellie wasn't looking for compromise, and sometimes that was scary."""
text19538;"""What does arsenic taste like?"""
text19539;"""If I knew, we wouldn't be talking right now."""
text19540;"""Only the sound of the eggs sizzling in the pan broke the uncomfortable silence in the kitchen."""
text19541;"""The silence was lasting for too long, but I was doing my best not to break it first."""
text19542;"""Do you think there's something wrong with me?"""
text19543;"""Ellie finally asked in a voice that sounded like she had long accepted a terminal illness and was asking the doctor how much she had left."""
text19544;"""Wrong how?"""
text19545;"""Wrong in how I act. I should probably leave…"""
text19546;"""We're about to eat and leave together. For school."""
text19547;"""I responded, pretending I didn't understand what she was talking about."""
text19548;"""Are you tired of me?"""
text19549;"""Why would you even think that?!"""
text19550;"""Because sometimes, it feels like you're too tense around me."""
text19551;"""Well, maybe I am."""
text19552;"""I replied quickly, flipped the eggs, and continued:"""
text19553;"""You're too good for me."""
text19554;"""I wish!"""
text19555;"""Ellie laughed."""
text19556;"""When I'm with you, I don't want to ever go back to that huge house, I don't care what others expect of me."""
text19557;"""…"""
text19558;"""You don't mind if I move in, do you?"""
text19559;"""N-no… I don't."""
text19560;"""I barely forced out."""
text19561;"""What else could I say? <w>That I did?"""
text19562;"""That answer could put an end to our relationship all on its own!"""
text19563;"""Whatever, it's all just silly talk! Who would allow me to do that?"""
text19564;"""…"""
text19565;"""Thought it's nice to dream sometimes."""
text19566;"""We're going to graduate in half a year."""
text19567;"""I said, cutting vegetables."""
text19568;"""I couldn't make the pieces all equally thick and that was irritating me immensely."""
text19569;"""And what next? I'll need to go to a university."""
text19570;"""I guess. Is that a bad thing?"""
text19571;"""I don't know. I just can't imagine myself in the world my grandfather lives in."""
text19572;"""It's hard to even be in his office. As if I can't breathe there."""
text19573;"""I could understand her feelings but I didn't say that out loud."""
text19574;"""How can I put it… All those people <i>there</i>… If they had a choice, would they have agreed to work a job like that on their own?"""
text19575;"""What's bad about their jobs?"""
text19576;"""Sitting at a desk the whole day, moving papers from one pile to another, and staring at a screen? What's good about that?"""
text19577;"""People can't all be artists. Somebody has to do that, too."""
text19578;"""My words sounded fake.<w> At least, to myself."""
text19579;"""But I understood clearly that I couldn't go along with her here."""
text19580;"""It was like agreeing to stay up partying with unemployed friends when you had to go to work at seven in the morning, while they could sleep until noon."""
text19581;"""Yeah, I get that but… The thought gives me chills."""
text19582;"""I doubt you'll have to sit around like that and organize papers."""
text19583;"""You mean grandpa will make me a vice president of something right away?"""
text19584;"""I didn't reply, but it didn't seem like Ellie expected an answer."""
text19585;"""And how's that better? Loads of responsibility and even less free time!"""
text19586;"""When are you supposed to live?"""
text19587;"""Now."""
text19588;"""I wanted to finish the conversation as soon as possible."""
text19589;"""Well, if you insist…"""
text19590;"""The food's ready! Do stuff yourself!"""
text19591;"""How rude!"""
text19592;"""It's from a Soviet film. I think we could probably find a tape of it. Want to watch it together later?"""
text19593;"""You bet!"""
text19594;"""…"""
text19595;"""We were walking to school using the same route I used to go with Himitsu for years."""
text19596;"""Ellie took me by the arm, which only strengthened my cognitive dissonance."""
text19597;"""I didn't know how I was supposed to act and mostly kept quiet."""
text19598;"""It seemed that initiating a pointless conversation about nothing with Ellie wasn't the best idea, but she herself never went quiet for a second, constantly talking about school, music, telling me about her plans for the upcoming concert."""
text19599;"""And occasionally I would forget <i>who</i> was walking by my side and saw her as a normal girl."""
text19600;"""But once bitten, twice shy: I held back and forced myself to always be on guard."""
text19601;"""I had no idea what the future held, but for now I had to preserve this relationship and act in whatever way kept Ellie pleased."""
text19602;"""Nobody discussed our romance in public — they were probably just too scared to."""
text19603;"""Naturally, there was plenty of talk behind our backs, but that wasn't surprising — high schoolers don't need much of a reason to gossip."""
text19604;"""Yet there was a more straightforward person to be found within the walls of the school."""
text19605;"""We stumbled upon Takehito Touko at the lockers."""
text19606;"""She was in the same class as Ellie but you wouldn't call them good friends."""
text19607;"""Kobayashi-san. Anokhin-kun."""
text19608;"""She greeted us coldly."""
text19609;"""Touko-san?"""
text19610;"""You're together very early in the morning."""
text19611;"""She remarked, looking at us reproachfully."""
text19612;"""I could never understand that Japanese saying about morning."""
text19613;"""Would we look different in the afternoon or evening?"""
text19614;"""Are you surprised by that?"""
text19615;"""Don't think that I'm the only one who is."""
text19616;"""That's the first time I'm hearing about it!"""
text19617;"""Ellie dramatically flung her hands up in the air — and her affectation was a bit overblown, in my opinion."""
text19618;"""If you don't see a problem with this yourself…"""
text19619;"""I don't!"""
text19620;"""Kobayashi-san, you've changed a lot lately. And I can't say that it's been for the better."""
text19621;"""Yeaaaah? I wonder who decides how I <i>should</i> act?"""
text19622;"""Ellie, maybe we shouldn't?"""
text19623;"""I whispered timidly, but she was already out of control."""
text19624;"""Ellie probably hadn't failed to notice the disapproving looks from the girls or the open envy of the guys."""
text19625;"""She couldn't not hear her classmates whispering behind her back."""
text19626;"""And Takehito-san's words were just the straw to break the camel's back."""
text19627;"""On the other hand, it wasn't hard to understand Ellie's feelings — we were not the first and only couple in this school, and for whatever reason the others didn't get this kind of attention."""
text19628;"""So summon us for a meeting with the Disciplinary Committee!"""
text19629;"""Is there a reason I should?"""
text19630;"""She parried caustically."""
text19631;"""Takehito was also the head of that institution, one I personally found very confusing."""
text19632;"""Any time, Touko-san!"""
text19633;"""Ellie straightened up and glared at the <i>School Inquisitor</i>, as some called Takehito behind her back, with fire in her eyes."""
text19634;"""Kobayashi-san, I'm not your enemy. I'm just trying to explain that the school has certain norms…"""
text19635;"""How do you like this?!"""
text19636;"""Ellie exclaimed, grabbed me by the lapels, pulled me in, and seized my lips with a passionate kiss."""
text19637;"""I didn't have the time to react and just froze in an unnatural pose with my eyes wide open, staring at Takehito."""
text19638;"""Ellie's stunt seemed to be no less of a shock to her."""
text19639;"""I felt surprise, embarrassment, and burning shame in sequence."""
text19640;"""But Ellie didn't care — she acted like we were alone at my place. <w>Maybe even more passionately, in a way."""
text19641;"""Finally, I gently but firmly pushed her away, but Ellie paid no attention to that and immediately turned to Takehito."""
text19642;"""How do you like that, huh, Touko-san?!"""
text19643;"""The latter just sighed deeply in response, as if she was utterly disappointed in someone she used to treat with great respect."""
text19644;"""I have nothing else to say, Kobayashi-san. Just remember it might be too late when you finally come to your senses."""
text19645;"""Having said that, she left, and I was relieved to note that nobody else seemed to have seen Ellie's escapade."""
text19646;"""Why would you do that?!"""
text19647;"""I snapped at her as soon as Takehito walked away."""
text19648;"""What, did I fluster you too? Embarrassed much?"""
text19649;"""Ellie smirked and glared angrily at me — almost like she had at Touko."""
text19650;"""Why do you always need to jump to extremes? Does it have to be either puritanism or debauchery?"""
text19651;"""So you think I'm debauched?"""
text19652;"""I don't. Actions don't always define who we are, especially what we do when we're emotional."""
text19653;"""You just need to… I don't know… be a bit more careful in some situations."""
text19654;"""I didn't expect to hear that from you, Nick! From anyone else, but not you."""
text19655;"""Any reasonable person in my place would react the same! Except some would keep their mouth shut."""
text19656;"""<i>Reasonable</i> !"""
text19657;"""Ellie frowned, then suddenly lowered her eyes, wrapped her arms around herself, and even seemed to become smaller."""
text19658;"""I love you, Nick! Don't you love me?"""
text19659;"""I love you, too."""
text19660;"""I had to make quite an effort to make the words <i>sound</i> genuine."""
text19661;"""But Takehito isn't preventing us from loving each other. She's talking about… talking about…"""
text19662;"""Indeed — what did the <i>School Inquisitor</i> want from us?"""
text19663;"""Until now, we hadn't been kissing each other in public, hadn't been holding hands on school grounds…"""
text19664;"""What else could there be? <w>Were we supposed to keep several meters away from each other?"""
text19665;"""It's all just pointless conventions!"""
text19666;"""Maybe you're right. I guess I even can agree with you, just… you didn't have to jump on me in front of everyone like that."""
text19667;"""Nobody saw us."""
text19668;"""But they could have!"""
text19669;"""Are you that worried about it?"""
text19670;"""It's weird you aren't."""
text19671;"""Now you're talking like Touko."""
text19672;"""Because…"""
text19673;"""Because she was right?"""
text19674;"""Because the truth is impartial!"""
text19675;"""I tried to make it sound like a joke."""
text19676;"""Fine. Maybe you're right, and I overdid it a bit. Sorry."""
text19677;"""…"""
text19678;"""I didn't expect her to agree with me, so I didn't know how to react."""
text19679;"""See you later then."""
text19680;"""Yeah."""
text19681;"""Ellie walked to her classroom, while I spent a while standing at the lockers thinking about what had just happened."""
text19682;"""…"""
text19683;"""Kagome was acting as if nothing had happened at all."""
text19684;"""But the reaction to her return was quite predictable — people avoided Iwamura like a leper."""
text19685;"""If before she had only been talked to out of necessity, now she was outright ignored. <w>By the teachers, too…"""
text19686;"""Although Kagome didn't seem to be bothered by it."""
text19687;"""She would come to a lesson, take notes in her notebook, then leave after the bell, probably for the roof."""
text19688;"""You'd be forgiven for being surprised that her issue with the police had been resolved so quickly, but Kobayashi Jun's influence could be clearly felt here — and he wasn't known for dragging his heels."""
text19689;"""Of course, I was glad justice had finally prevailed, but in every other respect this situation felt abnormal."""
text19690;"""She at least should have changed schools."""
text19691;"""It was even weirder that as soon as Kagome had been released, her father was <i>found</i>."""
text19692;"""He didn't know anything useful about who had kidnapped him or what they wanted from him."""
text19693;"""Akira Shinji spent the entire time in a dark cellar without once being interrogated or asked anything."""
text19694;"""That was clearly the Corporation's doing too, but for the life of me I couldn't thread together all the events that had happened in the past two weeks."""
text19695;"""Correlations were neatly disguised as true causes, and those in turn had so many incoming and outgoing connections that the average person could never hope understand it all!"""
text19696;"""The web it all weaved was enormous."""
text19697;"""And as much as I wanted to figure it all out, I was busy spending all my time with Ellie."""
text19698;"""During lunch she stormed into the classroom like a SWAT team assaulting a crack house."""
text19699;"""As if the wild kiss in front of Takehito a couple of hours earlier had never happened."""
text19700;"""Nick, let's go eat?"""
text19701;"""There was nothing wrong with the invitation to lunch itself, but Ellie's insistence and cheerfulness were a little out of line with local decency."""
text19702;"""Everyone in the classroom was giving us discrete (and not so discreet) looks."""
text19703;"""Of course, by now they were somewhat used to Ellie-sama's daily visits, but I still felt like I was in a cage at the zoo, naked."""
text19704;"""I really felt like I needed a break from all the attention, even Ellie's."""
text19705;"""At the same time, I was afraid that rejecting her offer would cause her to get emotional again."""
text19706;"""Accept"""
text19707;"""Decline"""
text19708;"""In for a penny…"""
text19709;"""Let's go."""
text19710;"""We walked into the corridor, followed by the gaze of my classmates."""
text19711;"""Tah-dah!"""
text19712;"""Ellie took a nice-looking bag from behind her back and handed it to me."""
text19713;"""Inside were two luxurious bento boxes."""
text19714;"""I'd like to say I made them myself, but…"""
text19715;"""Cool!"""
text19716;"""I whistled, genuinely surprised."""
text19717;"""Of course, the taste of food does depend on how much love was put into cooking it, but this was clearly a bento from a real chef."""
text19718;"""And that's always delicious."""
text19719;"""So I decided not to worry about the specifics of my lunch's origin."""
text19720;"""Let's go to the cafeteria?"""
text19721;"""Today is such a nice day — let's eat outside!"""
text19722;"""Isn't it cold?"""
text19723;"""Not at all!"""
text19724;"""In reality I just didn't want to be the centre of everyone's attention again."""
text19725;"""…"""
text19726;"""We walked up to the roof, and, as one might have expected, ran into Kagome there."""
text19727;"""While I was agonizing over how to find somewhere to be alone with Ellie, I completely forgot this place had a master already."""
text19728;"""Iwamura-san."""
text19729;"""Ellie greeted her coldly."""
text19730;"""Pffft."""
text19731;"""Kagome scoffed and marched past us wearing an upset, for whatever reason, expression."""
text19732;"""Just don't go telling me I said something wrong again!"""
text19733;"""Ellie frowned, walked to a bench, and sat down."""
text19734;"""I've not said a word."""
text19735;"""God, sometimes it seems to me that she enjoys everyone thinking she's a <i>weirdo</i>."""
text19736;"""After Kagome had been acquitted, even Ellie had admitted that someone else was guilty of murdering her friends."""
text19737;"""It's interesting how some people are only barely moved by logical arguments yet at the same time believe everything people with power or authority say."""
text19738;"""I didn't want to criticize Ellie for being unable to think for herself, but she seemed to have <i>forgiven</i> Iwamura a little too easily."""
text19739;"""Although, Ellie might have simply been holding herself back for my sake."""
text19740;"""Obviously innocent people shouldn't suffer for what they haven't done."""
text19741;"""But sometimes I really wish they'd make a separate article in the Penal Code just for Iwamura!"""
text19742;"""I imagined Ellie as a prosecutor at a trial."""
text19743;"""My mental image was so convincing that I couldn't help but let out a snicker."""
text19744;"""…"""
text19745;"""Sorry."""
text19746;"""What's so funny?"""
text19747;"""Nothing, I just thought you'd make a fine prosecutor."""
text19748;"""Yeah, sure."""
text19749;"""Ellie looked at the bento with a genuine sadness in her eyes — as if answers she had long been seeking were hidden in that little box."""
text19750;"""I hope the real murderers get what they deserve."""
text19751;"""After everything that'd happened, I was almost positive the KGB had nothing to do with it, and Irina had only made use of the situation."""
text19752;"""But if it wasn't the Soviets, then who?"""
text19753;"""It seemed like you'd need the detective skills of Sherlock Holmes to solve this mystery."""
text19754;"""Has your grandfather mentioned anything?"""
text19755;"""I asked cautiously."""
text19756;"""No but…"""
text19757;"""She pouted, as if remembering something unpleasant."""
text19758;"""The investigation is still on."""
text19759;"""I see."""
text19760;"""But enough about sad stuff!"""
text19761;"""I had somewhat gotten used to her sudden mood shifts."""
text19762;"""I want to talk about the concert!"""
text19763;"""Right, the concert…"""
text19764;"""What?"""
text19765;"""I haven't had any time to play bass recently."""
text19766;"""And whose fault is that?"""
text19767;"""Well you need two people to have sex, so it's not fair to just blame me."""
text19768;"""Ellie blushed, opened her eyes wide, and, finally, threw a piece of asparagus at me."""
text19769;"""Even if it's true, you could have worded that better."""
text19770;"""I carefully picked the asparagus up from the bench with my chopsticks."""
text19771;"""You know, I've never tried asparagus before. This is asparagus, right?"""
text19772;"""Yes."""
text19773;"""Ellie replied, annoyed."""
text19774;"""I used to think that asparagus was something related to the sea. Like a sea cucumber or something."""
text19775;"""A trepang."""
text19776;"""What?"""
text19777;"""A trepang. An edible sea cucumber. And I don't understand how you could mistake asparagus for it."""
text19778;"""Well, sometimes mental associations work out weirdly."""
text19779;"""Then I want you to associate this week with the concert!"""
text19780;"""As you say, ojou-sama!"""
text19781;"""Great! Today we'll go home and rehearse as soon as class is over."""
text19782;"""The fact that she said <i>home</i> — not <i>your place</i> but just <i>home</i> — rubbed me the wrong way. <w>That's how people usually talk about <i>their</i> home."""
text19783;"""It'd be a bit strange to say that you're going <i>home</i>, when you're going to another person's house."""
text19784;"""And her guitar, comb, several tubs of incomprehensible creams and ointments, shampoo and other hygiene products on the shelf in the bathroom, had also moved to that new <i>home</i>."""
text19785;"""I still can't say I'm totally confident in my skills. Rehearsing is one thing, but performing for a crowd…"""
text19786;"""Confidence comes with experience, and you can't get experience without putting in effort."""
text19787;"""I remembered my idea of Ellie being able to play guitar as soon as she was born."""
text19788;"""People have different levels of talent by nature."""
text19789;"""Yeah? Then I think you have more than enough talent to play bass in Z FEEL-Z."""
text19790;"""She put the bento away, kneeled on the bench, arched her back, and leaned in close to me in a very erotic fashion."""
text19791;"""Her playful expression and the predatory gleam in her eyes left no doubt about Ellie's intentions."""
text19792;"""Hey, not here…"""
text19793;"""Why not? There's no one on the roof except us."""
text19794;"""What if Iwamura comes back?"""
text19795;"""We can have a threesome."""
text19796;"""And it's a bit cold here for <i>that</i>…"""
text19797;"""Didn't you say it wasn't cold outside?"""
text19798;"""She immediately stood up and threw a hurt look my way."""
text19799;"""It felt warmer in the morning."""
text19800;"""I also stood up and shivered dramatically."""
text19801;"""Brrrr! And class is about to start."""
text19802;"""Fine."""
text19803;"""Ellie agreed reluctantly."""
text19804;"""Then I'll see you in the yard after class."""
text19805;"""M'am, yes ma'am!"""
text19806;"""To somehow smooth my démarche, I pulled Ellie to me and gave her a big kiss."""
text19807;"""I'd love to but I already…"""
text19808;"""I desperately looked around the classroom for support."""
text19809;"""Already agreed to go with Kyosuke."""
text19810;"""I said that much louder than I had to, and my chubby friend looked over at us, surprised."""
text19811;"""But a small nod only the two of us would understand did the trick."""
text19812;"""Yes, Kobayashi-san, I already said I'd go with Nick…"""
text19813;"""He slowly approached us and carefully stood next to me, shifting from one foot to another."""
text19814;"""Is that so?"""
text19815;"""Ellie said disappointedly and took a bag with a beautiful ornament depicting flying cranes from behind her back."""
text19816;"""Enjoy your meal, then."""
text19817;"""And she casually put the bag on my desk."""
text19818;"""And don't forget that we've got… We've got stuff to do. See you in the yard after class."""
text19819;"""Alright."""
text19820;"""After Ellie walked out of the classroom, Kyosuke sighed with such relief you'd think he'd just found out his cancer diagnosis turned out to be a false positive."""
text19821;"""Nick, seriously, you'll give me a stroke one day!"""
text19822;"""You'll give one yourself if you keep eating garbage!"""
text19823;"""I pointed at the bag of chips he was holding in his hands and took two marvelously crafted bento boxes out of the bag."""
text19824;"""Here, have some delicacies. As an apology."""
text19825;"""I gave one to Kyosuke."""
text19826;"""Damn!"""
text19827;"""His eyes bulged out as he opened the box — like he'd discovered an ancient treasure."""
text19828;"""To be honest, I was always jealous that Himitsu-chan cooked for you every day, but this… This is a whole other level!"""
text19829;"""God, Ellie can't cook — she must've asked her chef."""
text19830;"""I scoffed."""
text19831;"""They way people put Ellie on a pedestal had seemed strange to me even before, but now that sort of reaction to anything she did got on my nerves."""
text19832;"""There was nothing extraordinary about the girl, let alone unique — nothing to genuinely admire."""
text19833;"""Yes, Ellie had her good points, but she wasn't the only confident, beautiful heir to a multimillion corporation in the world…"""
text19834;"""Nick, I think you don't quite realize how lucky you are."""
text19835;"""And while most of my classmates looked at me with what was disapproval at the very least, Kyosuke, when he found out I was now dating Ellie, had become extremely excited, bordering on manic."""
text19836;"""It's Ellie-sama, friend! Ellie-sama! I couldn't even dream of her ever talking to me, and now, thanks to you, it's become possible."""
text19837;"""Uh-huh, whatever you say…"""
text19838;"""I grumbled and also opened my bento."""
text19839;"""Yes, it was all very tasty, on a completely different level from Himitsu's cooking."""
text19840;"""Although a lunch like this seemed a bit much — normal food was just fine by me."""
text19841;"""I wonder what you did to deserve all that!"""
text19842;"""To be honest, I'd never given much thought as to why Ellie chose me of all people."""
text19843;"""Her actions mostly followed her heart, so to say, and were rarely based on logic."""
text19844;"""And the heart of a beauty, as is well known…"""
text19845;"""I wasn't worried so much about why Ellie was interested in me but the consequences of it."""
text19846;"""Don't you think there are… difficult moments in a relationship?"""
text19847;"""In a relationship — maybe. In a relationship with Ellie-sama — no. Unless you screw it up yourself."""
text19848;"""I sighed heavily and focused on the bento."""
text19849;"""Although, naturally, Kyosuke didn't know everything that had happened to me, and he didn't know Ellie the way I did."""
text19850;"""When every guy envies you and wants you dead, and every girl judges you, thinking you're a mix between a maniac and a hypnotist…"""
text19851;"""Whuh?"""
text19852;"""Kyosuke asked — causing crumbs to fly everywhere out of his mouth."""
text19853;"""Chew first, speak second!"""
text19854;"""He carelessly wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket and continued:"""
text19855;"""So you think it's better to vegetate alone?"""
text19856;"""But I never wanted to be famous. Especially not like this — when literally everyone in this damn school is staring daggers at you!"""
text19857;"""Nick, I'd sympathize with you, but I can't."""
text19858;"""Oh, you can't?"""
text19859;"""Think about it…"""
text19860;"""His face suddenly became serious."""
text19861;"""I really can't stand <i>normal</i> guys. I tolerated your relationships with Himitsu-chan and Catherine-san because we're friends."""
text19862;"""But Ellie-sama is another thing entirely! I'm not going to be the one to set a fire under the stake you've tied yourself to."""
text19863;"""But the wood is dry, and the crowd is bored and wants a spectacle."""
text19864;"""How poetic…"""
text19865;"""I didn't expect that from my best friend."""
text19866;"""Kyosuke frowned for a moment and then burst out laughing so loudly<seq kyo_laugh> that I finally realized he was joking."""
text19867;"""Got ya!"""
text19868;"""No, seriously, Nick! You should've seen your face!"""
text19869;"""Fine, enough already."""
text19870;"""I grumbled, feeling the blood rushing to my face."""
text19871;"""Even if I don't understand what kind of heavenly lottery you had to win to get the best girl in school, no, in Japan — I'm happy for you."""
text19872;"""I could see a shadow of regret on his face for a moment."""
text19873;"""Maybe, Kyosuke wasn't one hundred percent sincere after all."""
text19874;"""But I was grateful he at least tried."""
text19875;"""Nick, have you got a minute?"""
text19876;"""Michael, who had been shooting impatient glances at me for some time now, approached us."""
text19877;"""Take a seat."""
text19878;"""A minute alone, I mean."""
text19879;"""Kyosuke, do you mind?"""
text19880;"""Kyosuke doesn't mind…"""
text19881;"""He grumbled."""
text19882;"""What about the box…"""
text19883;"""He asked, already several steps away from us."""
text19884;"""Keep it — Kobayashi Corporation can eat the loss."""
text19885;"""So what did you want to talk about?"""
text19886;"""I asked when Kyosuke returned to his desk."""
text19887;"""Catherine."""
text19888;"""Right, Catherine. What else could it be…"""
text19889;"""Is she okay?"""
text19890;"""He was talking in an even more emotionless voice than normal."""
text19891;"""I think so. Hasn't she told you anything?"""
text19892;"""Hasn't told me about what?"""
text19893;"""About going back to the US."""
text19894;"""She's going back so soon after she just came to Japan?"""
text19895;"""He finally frowned."""
text19896;"""I'm not Katya's personal secretary. Just telling you what I heard from her."""
text19897;"""So you two talked?"""
text19898;"""Were we not meant to?"""
text19899;"""Michael looked at me as if I was someone he was seeing for the first time, someone he didn't know what to expect from, someone to be wary of."""
text19900;"""What? Catherine's not my problem anymore! In fact, she stopped being my problem a year and a half ago."""
text19901;"""Is that so?"""
text19902;"""So it is."""
text19903;"""Well, I see."""
text19904;"""He said, as if finishing a dull and pointless conversation."""
text19905;"""Thank you for letting me know."""
text19906;"""After Michael left, I swallowed hard and felt myself shrink inside."""
text19907;"""When needed, he could really make the right impression."""
text19908;"""Class was over pretty soon, which meant I was going to be at Ellie's full disposal for the rest of the day."""
text19909;"""I couldn't say I'd managed to get tired of her in only a week, but deep inside I felt I needed some more time alone."""
text19910;"""…"""
text19911;"""I was standing at the gate, occasionally catching unfriendly glances from students as they passed by."""
text19912;"""God, it felt like I'd been put up on a wanted poster somewhere!"""
text19913;"""Take Takehito — she looked at me, stopped for a second as if remembering something, and then strode away."""
text19914;"""I looked at the clock — Ellie was late."""
text19915;"""Are you waiting for ojou-sama?"""
text19916;"""I heard a familiar voice behind my back."""
text19917;"""I immediately straightened up and turned around — it was Kagemaru."""
text19918;"""Well… yeah."""
text19919;"""I replied unsurely, as if confessing something shameful."""
text19920;"""You'll see her later. Let's go for a ride."""
text19921;"""To where?"""
text19922;"""Kobayashi-dono wants to see you."""
text19923;"""I hardly had a choice, so I followed him to the car."""
text19924;"""…"""
text19925;"""The clear, sunny day felt very different in Kobayashi Jun's office, so close to the sun."""
text19926;"""Down there, Tokyo was drowning in a furious sea of lights, while you watched all that interplay of white and yellow, enjoying the cool air inside the office, like you were looking out of a spaceship."""
text19927;"""Come in, Nikolai, take a seat."""
text19928;"""The old man said, and I could hear something like weariness or irritation in his voice."""
text19929;"""Apparently, it was going to be a serious conversation."""
text19930;"""I slowly sat down in the armchair opposite to him, crossed my legs but immediately felt that I wasn't comfortable sitting like that."""
text19931;"""Then I straightened my back unnaturally and put my hands on my knees."""
text19932;"""Relax, Nikolai. All the worst is already past."""
text19933;"""I was about to ask him what he was talking about on autopilot but restrained myself."""
text19934;"""In any case, Ellie's grandfather looked far less friendly today, even if that friendliness had always been feigned."""
text19935;"""Has Elizabeth told you anything about her parents?"""
text19936;"""Only that they're no longer with us."""
text19937;"""I replied carefully."""
text19938;"""Yes, I suppose it isn't the most pleasant topic for her. And under different circumstances, we would never be discussing it now, but…"""
text19939;"""He sighed heavily and closed his eyes."""
text19940;"""At the end of the 60s, Elizabeth's mother, my daughter, met a French musician who came to Japan on tour."""
text19941;"""It was a very different time — in our country as well as in the West."""
text19942;"""Even though the young rebelled against tradition, laws, and rules both then and now."""
text19943;"""But at that time it felt new — the student strikes, the clashes with the police, the assault on Tokyo University…"""
text19944;"""It looked wild to my generation, and I couldn't approve of my daughter's relationship. You must understand."""
text19945;"""He arched his eyebrows, as if apologizing to me."""
text19946;"""Yumiko was just as wayward as Elizabeth. Perhaps even more so."""
text19947;"""I'm not denying my responsibility for what happened back then, not in the slightest."""
text19948;"""One way or another, Yumiko fled with Elizabeth's father to France."""
text19949;"""He remained silent for a while, giving me an intense look."""
text19950;"""Kobayashi-san, I didn't know…"""
text19951;"""Of course you didn't. But you do now. Though it's not the end of the story."""
text19952;"""Naturally, I couldn't give up on my daughter and leave her without any help."""
text19953;"""At that time, I didn't possess the resources I do now, but I still managed to keep track of her life."""
text19954;"""And the life she led there… Let me put it this way, it definitely wasn't what a father would wish for his daughter."""
text19955;"""I was familiar enough with the music and musicians of the 60s to understand what he was talking about."""
text19956;"""Soon after Elizabeth was born, her parents died in a car accident. Her father got behind the wheel drunk after a concert."""
text19957;"""Fortunately they had the mind to leave their daughter home."""
text19958;"""He grinned sadly."""
text19959;"""After Yumiko's death, I had to use every resource at my disposal to bring Elizabeth back to Japan."""
text19960;"""Believe me, Nikolai, it wasn't an easy task."""
text19961;"""I do…"""
text19962;"""And now, when Elizabeth has grown up, I'm watching her follow in her father's footsteps."""
text19963;"""He stood up, locked his hands behind his back, and walked along the window."""
text19964;"""Yet she doesn't even remember him! She was three when they died."""
text19965;"""To be honest, I had a hunch that something tragic had happened to Ellie's parents, but I'd never imagined her father had been a musician."""
text19966;"""Did she inherit her passion for music and rebelliousness from him?"""
text19967;"""Now you understand, Nikolai, why I'm doing everything I can to protect Elizabeth from the sinister consequences of this, hmm… hobby."""
text19968;"""I do."""
text19969;"""I agreed, although it wasn't a question."""
text19970;"""At the same time, I don't want to put too much pressure on her."""
text19971;"""I still blame myself for Yumiko's death."""
text19972;"""Kobayashi Jun was being honest beyond all measure, but I couldn't hear the sincerity in his voice you'd expect for someone genuinely repentant for their actions."""
text19973;"""It all seemed rehearsed — just enough truth, spun the right way, to achieve his purpose."""
text19974;"""But I had no doubt that deep inside he did mourn his daughter's death."""
text19975;"""Perhaps you've asked yourself the question, why do I allow Elizabeth such frivolous behavior?"""
text19976;"""…"""
text19977;"""I mean her staying at your home almost every other night."""
text19978;"""Kobayashi-san…"""
text19979;"""I started, already prepared for the worst, but the old man raised his hand, stopping me."""
text19980;"""Wait, I haven't finished."""
text19981;"""It's not about you. She could've fallen in love with anybody and would act the same."""
text19982;"""I have to admit, you aren't the worst possible choice, but it changes nothing."""
text19983;"""So Nikolai."""
text19984;"""He frowned, and I felt a shiver run down my spine."""
text19985;"""I don't know how long your relationship is going to last. But if it ends the same way most teenage romances do, I don't want Elizabeth to suffer."""
text19986;"""I'd never…"""
text19987;"""And, second — you must make sure her obsession with this gaijin music won't lead to irreparable consequences."""
text19988;"""I suddenly thought that I couldn't imagine him young — as if Kobayashi Jun had been born with a beard and in a kimono."""
text19989;"""Did you understand me, Nikolai?"""
text19990;"""Even if his instructions were vague, they required no clarification. <w>Except…"""
text19991;"""Do you want Ellie to stop playing music?"""
text19992;"""No, unless it affects her studies."""
text19993;"""I understand."""
text19994;"""I knew I could count on you."""
text19995;"""He smiled for the first time in the conversation, walked to me, and shook my hand."""
text19996;"""Not very firmly but not weakly either — putting in just the strength the situation required."""
text19997;"""You'll be returned home."""
text19998;"""…"""
text19999;"""Kagemaru let me out of the car, once again confirming I understood Kobayashi-dono's words."""
text20000;"""Ultimately, that conversation with the old man hadn't been any sort of revelation, but, at the same time, now I understood that the reasons for Ellie's behavior were far deeper and more complex than I first assumed."""
text20001;"""And there Ellie was…"""
text20002;"""The moment I took my key out of my pocket, she jumped out of the bushes where she had apparently been hiding so Kagemaru wouldn't see her."""
text20003;"""To be honest, I was about to get angry because you didn't wait for me, but I guess grandpa is poking his nose where he shouldn't again!"""
text20004;"""Jesus, don't scare me like that! I almost had a heart attack!"""
text20005;"""Sorry."""
text20006;"""No… It's my fault… I should've warned you…"""
text20007;"""I was offering mumbled excuses like I often used to with Himitsu."""
text20008;"""Except this time absolutely no fault lay with me."""
text20009;"""I saw Kagemaru bring you here. What did grandpa want from you?"""
text20010;"""Kobayashi Jun didn't tell me whether or not I could tell Ellie about our conversation."""
text20011;"""Did he forget? <w>That was unlikely!"""
text20012;"""Let's get inside first."""
text20013;"""I closed the door with some relief, letting Ellie enter first."""
text20014;"""Your grandfather is just worried about you…"""
text20015;"""And, in the end, it was true."""
text20016;"""Any grandfather would act more or less like him in his place."""
text20017;"""The difference was, Kobayashi Jun had far more effective means of persuasion at his disposal than the ramblings of an old man."""
text20018;"""If he had his way, I'd spend my days under lock and key!"""
text20019;"""Well, you're exaggerating…"""
text20020;"""Still, what did he want from you?"""
text20021;"""She frowned and stared at me intensely."""
text20022;"""He can't just ignore that you… that we… our relationship."""
text20023;"""I was having trouble finding the words to express myself without saying too much and provoking yet another outburst from Ellie."""
text20024;"""It has nothing to do with him! And…"""
text20025;"""She exclaimed but immediately stopped herself, like a cocky young vice president stared down by his older colleagues at a board meeting."""
text20026;"""He didn't threaten you, did he?"""
text20027;"""No, no, not at all!"""
text20028;"""I started waving my hands — I didn't even have to lie about that."""
text20029;"""Although a <i>request</i> from Kobayashi Jun's was scarier than most people's threats."""
text20030;"""Then what did he want?"""
text20031;"""Ellie asked in a resigned voice and sat down on a chair."""
text20032;"""He… told me about your parents."""
text20033;"""Whaaaat?"""
text20034;"""…"""
text20035;"""I mean, I wasn't going to hide it from you, just…"""
text20036;"""All in good time."""
text20037;"""I understand."""
text20038;"""What exactly did he tell you?"""
text20039;"""Now this was a question where extreme caution was paramount."""
text20040;"""That they died in a car accident when you were little."""
text20041;"""Yes. Same as your parents."""
text20042;"""She suddenly wrung her hands in desperation and looked at me as if I were a priest — expecting absolution."""
text20043;"""I didn't want you to pity me. Like a <i>we're just the same</i> sort of thing. Nothing good ever comes of that!"""
text20044;"""Searching for a partner on the basis of similar emotional trauma is indeed a bad idea."""
text20045;"""But it also wasn't always possible to figure out what else beyond pure emotion drove Ellie."""
text20046;"""Hundreds of thousands of people die in car accidents every year. Many have children. And not all of them are similar."""
text20047;"""Yes, but…"""
text20048;"""Besides, I only became an orphan pretty recently, and you—"""
text20049;"""See, here it goes!"""
text20050;"""She interrupted me angrily."""
text20051;"""Just don't pity me!"""
text20052;"""I didn't even think to!"""
text20053;"""Ellie lowered her head, lost in thought."""
text20054;"""Yeah, I made a fool out of myself again. Created so much fuss about nothing."""
text20055;"""Your reaction is completely natural."""
text20056;"""Uh huh, sure!"""
text20057;"""It's hard for me to remember my parents too. I wouldn't wish it on anyone to lose their loved ones."""
text20058;"""But I barely remember them…"""
text20059;"""I still have some photos of me with my parents in France, but I don't remember where or when they were taken."""
text20060;"""How old were you? Three? That's completely understandable."""
text20061;"""Maybe, but is it fair?"""
text20062;"""…"""
text20063;"""I mean, my mom used to constantly blame my grandpa for everything."""
text20064;"""Ellie smirked sadly."""
text20065;"""It's ironic — that's one thing I remember."""
text20066;"""I can't remember what exactly she blamed him for, but that doesn't matter now."""
text20067;"""Grandpa didn't approve of her relationship with my dad, so they had to flee to France."""
text20068;"""The word <i>\""flee\""</i> somewhat alarmed me."""
text20069;"""Of course, it was possible she was just exaggerating."""
text20070;"""I don't know what exactly my grandpa didn't approve of, but I think it was about my father being a musician."""
text20071;"""So Kobayashi Jun hadn't told her about the circumstances of her parents' death."""
text20072;"""Consequently, it was better for me not to mention it either."""
text20073;"""And now he wants me to stop playing music, too! Can you imagine that?"""
text20074;"""I can…"""
text20075;"""To an extent, I could even understand Kobayashi Jun — an unhappy but alive child is better than a happy and dead one."""
text20076;"""He asked you to convince me to drop it, right?"""
text20077;"""Well…"""
text20078;"""Doesn't matter, he does it to everyone. Ishida, Mitsuyoshi, and Tokyo Rider just didn't break under the pressure."""
text20079;"""So they struck me as confident guys a reason!"""
text20080;"""Ellie, you should know that I'm not afraid of him, and I would never do something to hurt you!"""
text20081;"""Of course, I wasn't fully honest — it was physically impossible not to be afraid of the head of Kobayashi Corporation."""
text20082;"""But that didn't mean that I would act on that fear."""
text20083;"""On the other hand, my relationship with Ellie mostly started because I wanted her grandfather's protection."""
text20084;"""Really?"""
text20085;"""She opened her eyes wide and looked at me pleadingly."""
text20086;"""Of course! I love you!"""
text20087;"""I walked to her and gave her an affectionate kiss."""
text20088;"""Naturally, by doing so, I was risking her becoming even more emotionally unstable, but in this situation I didn't have any other choice."""
text20089;"""You won't leave me like… like my parents?"""
text20090;"""She broke into tears and wrapped her arms around my neck."""
text20091;"""No, of course not!"""
text20092;"""I felt a surge of tenderness, but her behavior was still a little scary."""
text20093;"""…"""
text20094;"""It took quite a lot of time for Ellie to finally calm down."""
text20095;"""She wiped her tears, her red eyes gleaming and looking at me with clear desire."""
text20096;"""But you were going to prepare for the concert…"""
text20097;"""I said timidly."""
text20098;"""I'm always prepared."""
text20099;"""Can't say the same about myself."""
text20100;"""Nick, I think you need to relax! I understand perfectly that a conversation with my grandfather can be very unpleasant."""
text20101;"""She grabbed her school bag, went through it, and took out a small plastic bag."""
text20102;"""This will help!"""
text20103;"""Is this… what I think it is?"""
text20104;"""Probably."""
text20105;"""Ellie smirked slyly, a wicked spark appearing in her eyes."""
text20106;"""But where did you get it?!"""
text20107;"""After what Kobayashi Jun had told me, after his <i>request</i> to not let Ellie follow the wrong path…"""
text20108;"""I couldn't think of anything worse than this!"""
text20109;"""Why are you grumbling like an old man? We're only going to have a little bit. Just for a head start — and then we'll play!"""
text20110;"""A lot was starting to make sense now: Ellie's frequent mood swings, emotional outbursts, even the sexual intensity…"""
text20111;"""But I couldn't never have imagined the heir to Kobayashi Corporation turning out to be a drug addict!"""
text20112;"""Ellie, I'm asking you seriously! Where did you get <i>this</i> ?"""
text20113;"""Here we go again! I'll take it alone if you don't want to. I'm not underage by your country's laws!"""
text20114;"""Ellie was about to open the bag but I jumped to her and grabbed her arm."""
text20115;"""Nick, let me go."""
text20116;"""She protested but didn't try to pull my hand away."""
text20117;"""Do you know what this can lead to?"""
text20118;"""You think alcohol is any better?"""
text20119;"""It's not, but…"""
text20120;"""Just don't moralize at me, Jesus! I know my substances!"""
text20121;"""And how long have you…?"""
text20122;"""I exhaled and let go of her hand."""
text20123;"""Enough to know there's no harm if you do it carefully."""
text20124;"""I didn't know what to do next."""
text20125;"""Take the bag away from her, throw its contents in the toilet, flush it, tie Ellie to a chair, and hand her over to Kagemaru?"""
text20126;"""If I were to stick to my guns, it'd only push her away."""
text20127;"""And there was no reason to assume that she'd stop being a human being after a single hit."""
text20128;"""Just tell me honestly, all this time we've been together…"""
text20129;"""Have I been taking it?"""
text20130;"""She smirked sadly."""
text20131;"""Well, yeah, once or twice."""
text20132;"""…"""
text20133;"""How the hell hadn't I guessed?!"""
text20134;"""Maybe her grandfather suspected something too, which is why he was so thorough with me?"""
text20135;"""Rock music alone was hardly cause for so much concern."""
text20136;"""Ellie, God, I don't even know what to think…"""
text20137;"""Are you disappointed with me? Should we break up?"""
text20138;"""She asked with a weird defiance in her voice."""
text20139;"""No, of course not!"""
text20140;"""It seemed like our relationship hung on a thin thread covered with a thick layer of powder."""
text20141;"""Then will you keep me company?"""
text20142;"""She again offered me the bag with a pleading look in her eyes."""
text20143;"""Obviously, Ellie caught me off guard and I couldn't come up with reasonable arguments on the spot."""
text20144;"""So I could either keep proselytizing or agree to her offer."""
text20145;"""Agree"""
text20146;"""Refuse"""
text20147;"""Naturally, I didn't want to become an addict, but I decided it would be easier if we had some kind of solidarity."""
text20148;"""Just for a head start?"""
text20149;"""No more than that!"""
text20150;"""…"""
text20151;"""I couldn't say that the effect followed right away."""
text20152;"""Five minutes later, I still didn't feel a thing."""
text20153;"""That's it?"""
text20154;"""Yeah! What did I tell you?"""
text20155;"""I mean, I feel nothing so far."""
text20156;"""Just wait a little longer."""
text20157;"""She giggled conspiratorially."""
text20158;"""Maybe I really did exaggerate the danger of it?"""
text20159;"""(Except how would I explain it to Kobayashi Jun if he found out?)"""
text20160;"""Let's go and rehearse then?"""
text20161;"""…"""
text20162;"""At some point, the bass in my hands seemed to start playing itself!"""
text20163;"""The strings vibrated so slowly it was as if the world around me had frozen, and the sound from the amp felt voluminous, like it was embracing my entire being."""
text20164;"""And then the rhythm started to accelerate, as if somebody was continuously rotating the speed wheel on the drum machine."""
text20165;"""What's the hurry, Nick?"""
text20166;"""Ellie suddenly stopped and laughed."""
text20167;"""I don't know…"""
text20168;"""I breathed out and looked at my hands."""
text20169;"""I could feel unusual energy flowing all the way to my fingertips, and it seemed like right now I could play any part, no matter how complex it was."""
text20170;"""Ah, I see!"""
text20171;"""She squinted predatorially."""
text20172;"""See what I was talking about now?"""
text20173;"""Had that magic white powder been the secret ingredient to Ellie's talent this entire time?"""
text20174;"""I still doubt that your grandfather would approve of this approach to music."""
text20175;"""But he doesn't need to know, does he?"""
text20176;"""She put the guitar away, came to me, and sat on my knees."""
text20177;"""It's probably always like this in the beginning, and then…"""
text20178;"""My voice of reason was still shouting desperately somewhere on the edge of my consciousness, but it got quieter every second, like an echo in a deep cave."""
text20179;"""It's fine, Nick."""
text20180;"""Ellie whispered in my ear, giving me a gentle kiss on the neck."""
text20181;"""I was very much aware of what would follow and didn't want to resist."""
text20182;"""The rest of the day and almost the whole night was a fever dream full of sex and passion, and by morning Ellie's bag had grown completely empty…"""
text20183;"""How could I even consider something like that!"""
text20184;"""No! And I won't let you either!"""
text20185;"""I gathered my strength and grabbed the bag out of her hands."""
text20186;"""Ellie didn't try to resist but immediately grew sad."""
text20187;"""Look, I'm doing this for you!"""
text20188;"""Yeah, thanks for your help!"""
text20189;"""Nick, you're acting just like my grandfather! I wish you could ask me first whether I need help or not!"""
text20190;"""Ellie was indignant, but she had none of the proper fervor, it sounded somehow casual, even forced."""
text20191;"""I'm only doing it because I love you!"""
text20192;"""I brought out the big guns."""
text20193;"""Fine…"""
text20194;"""She said after a long pause."""
text20195;"""Let's rehearse."""
text20196;"""I was surprised that Ellie let things go my way so easily but said nothing."""
text20197;"""Go ahead, I'll join you in a bit."""
text20198;"""She went to bathroom, while I walked to my room and grabbed the bass which had long been waiting for this moment."""
text20199;"""…"""
text20200;"""While we played, I kept a constant eye on Ellie, trying to figure out how in the past week I had failed to notice even once that she was taking drugs."""
text20201;"""A couple of times she seemed to notice it."""
text20202;"""What is it?"""
text20203;"""Nothing, it's just that you're very pretty."""
text20204;"""You need to focus on your guitar now — it's pretty too."""
text20205;"""The low tones were finding their way out of the amp seemingly on their own — I couldn't help but note that my skills had improved significantly in the past days."""
text20206;"""But something changed about Ellie — and I couldn't quite grasp what and if it really was the case…"""
text20207;"""If you gaze into the abyss for too long, the abyss gazes back."""
text20208;"""If you continuously search for flaws in a person, you'll always find them."""
text20209;"""But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off."""
text20210;"""Finally, in one of the songs, she tried to play the solo Ishida used to perform, which itself sounded weird on an acoustic guitar."""
text20211;"""How do you like it?"""
text20212;"""Her face was red, her hair was messy, and her eyes gleamed."""
text20213;"""I instinctively reached into my pocket to check whether the bag was still in place. <w>It was."""
text20214;"""Ellie, tell me honestly, did you have more than one bag?"""
text20215;"""Was that the reason she went to the bathroom…?"""
text20216;"""If I didn't offer you any, you wouldn't have even noticed, so what's the problem?"""
text20217;"""She got upset but immediately laughed it off."""
text20218;"""It's fun!"""
text20219;"""Right, I'm dying of laughter."""
text20220;"""I put the bass away and looked out the open door, into the yard."""
text20221;"""There was an unbearable feeling that the last bits of strength I had to resist this petulant girl were leaving me."""
text20222;"""You've got a nice stash of the stuff. Do you ever sell it?"""
text20223;"""What? No!"""
text20224;"""She said with indignation but then squinted her eyes slyly."""
text20225;"""Although I can sell you some for a good price."""
text20226;"""I really had no idea what to say or do next."""
text20227;"""It seemed that Ellie was not only unwilling but also unable to accept my reasoning."""
text20228;"""Do what you want."""
text20229;"""Come on, Nick!"""
text20230;"""She basically threw the guitar on the floor, came closer and sat on my knees."""
text20231;"""Enough! Not now!"""
text20232;"""You don't want to?"""
text20233;"""She asked in a languorous voice."""
text20234;"""No."""
text20235;"""I think you do."""
text20236;"""She was caressing my body, and some of its parts quickly started to respond."""
text20237;"""Then she unbuttoned her shirt, took another bag out of her pocket and poured some powder on her chest."""
text20238;"""Just once!"""
text20239;"""Just a second ago I was certain that I could refuse, but at this moment, under the influence of my physiological instincts, that seemed a much harder task."""
text20240;"""Sunshine, don't…"""
text20241;"""She hugged me tighter, so my nose almost sank into her chest with the white powder sprinkled on it."""
text20242;"""After all, maybe one time wouldn't hurt?"""
text20243;"""I squeezed my eyes shut and…"""
text20244;"""See, and you thought it was scary!"""
text20245;"""The rest of the day and almost the whole night became a fever dream full of sex and passion, and by the morning Ellie's bag had grown completely empty…"""