text18557;"""But the night failed to bring me the rest I longed for.""" text18558;"""I was constantly waking up and glaring at the clock.""" text18559;"""I felt like I absolutely had to get some sleep, but the more you focus on something the more sensitive you are to any distractions.""" text18560;"""I kept hearing noises from the street and thinking about what was going to happen the coming evening.""" text18561;"""Would I embarrass myself there? Was going through with Irina's assignment a good idea, and if so, would they catch me in the process?""" text18562;"""I only managed to fall asleep just before dawn.""" text18563;"""…""" text18564;"""I got up at around nine, although there was no need to — the ball was scheduled for the evening, and nothing was stopping me from sleeping all the way until then.""" text18565;"""Still, no matter how much I wanted to sleep, I felt a sense of unease that wouldn't let me stay in bed any longer""" text18566;"""A cup of hot tea helped me to come to my senses — my eyes weren't closing by themselves anymore, although it still felt like there was a dense fog inside my head.""" text18567;"""I walked out to the porch to freshen up a bit and stared over at Himitsu's house.""" text18568;"""I couldn't say the fight we'd had yesterday had been serious, but she had been acting weird.""" text18569;"""I could've expected her to be upset, start crying, or even get hysterical, but at the same time, Himitsu wasn't pretending that nothing happened.""" text18570;"""Had that been the last straw…?""" text18571;"""My urge to apologize, a habit I'd built over the years, was stronger than my willpower.""" text18572;"""I still hesitated for a while, but then crossed the road and rang the doorbell of Himitsu's house.""" text18573;"""It didn't open immediately, and Ryunosuke-san, Himitsu's father, appeared on the doorstep.""" text18574;"""Good morning, Nikolai.""" text18575;"""He clearly wasn't expecting guests so early. Or maybe me in particular.""" text18576;"""Good morning Ryunosuke-san, is Himitsu home?""" text18577;"""No, Himitsu isn't here.""" text18578;"""She must be shopping then? When will she be back?""" text18579;"""He gave me the look of a mortician evaluating a potential client.""" text18580;"""Not any time soon, Nikolai. Himitsu's staying at her grandmother's house for a while.""" text18581;"""Her grandmother's house?""" text18582;"""I repeated, puzzled.""" text18583;"""Yes, she'll be living there for now.""" text18584;"""And for how long?""" text18585;"""I can't say for sure at the moment.""" text18586;"""Are we talking days or…""" text18587;"""Months, I think. Maybe longer.""" text18588;"""Ryunosuke-san, did something happen?""" text18589;"""You should know better than I, Nikolai.""" text18590;"""What does that mean?""" text18591;"""The meaning of his words took a while to reach my mind, but his tone was concrete.""" text18592;"""It means that you should know what happened between the two of you.""" text18593;"""And why Himitsu asked me to take her to her grandmother's place.""" text18594;"""Aaah, so she asked you…""" text18595;"""Nothing yesterday had seemed to hint at this turn of events.""" text18596;"""That's all I have to say. Goodbye, Nikolai.""" text18597;"""And with that Ryunosuke-san closed the door right in my face.""" text18598;"""It wasn't very polite to say the least, not that he ever bothered much with manners.""" text18599;"""If there was anyone I really used to be afraid of, it was Himitsu's father.""" text18600;"""Every one of his words and gestures had a calculating, cold confidence to them.""" text18601;"""He never said more than he had to, never tried to impress others, and seemingly didn't care much what others thought of him.""" text18602;"""If someone like him says something, he means it.""" text18603;"""Could he have taken Himitsu far away from me on his own? I thought he could!""" text18604;"""But in a way it happened too quickly.""" text18605;"""I was sure that if yesterday Himitsu had known that she was leaving, she would've at least hinted at it.""" text18606;"""And what was \""months or maybe longer\"" supposed to mean?""" text18607;"""I confidently pressed the buzzer.""" text18608;"""The second time, it took even longer for Ryunosuke-san to open the door.""" text18609;"""Did you forget something, Nikolai?""" text18610;"""When I saw him again, I lost most of my confidence.""" text18611;"""What about school? She can't just leave like this, in the middle of the school year…""" text18612;"""I'll handle that.""" text18613;"""You'll handle that? I see, but…""" text18614;"""Nikolai, don't you think you should have worried about this before?""" text18615;"""Before what?""" text18616;"""I asked naively, and Ryunosuke-san frowned.""" text18617;"""Before you ruined your relationship with my daughter.""" text18618;"""…""" text18619;"""I didn't reply — he was right, and arguing wouldn't get us anywhere.""" text18620;"""Good, at least you understand now. Goodbye.""" text18621;"""Once again, the door was slammed in my face without warning.""" text18622;"""I went back home deep in contemplation.""" text18623;"""Still, Himitsu couldn't have just left, yesterday's conversation didn't feel like a farewell!""" text18624;"""I had a rough idea of where her grandmother lived since I had been there a few times when we were little, but did I have the time to deal with that now?""" text18625;"""There was the ball and then Irina, Z FEEL-Z, Ellie…""" text18626;"""Months or maybe longer, huh?""" text18627;"""For a second, I imagined I'd never see Himitsu again and felt a dull pain in my chest.""" text18628;"""Even realizing what I'd done wrong, I didn't know whether I could have acted any differently.""" text18629;"""In large part, Kagome was in prison because of me.""" text18630;"""If we'd never known each other, things might have gone very differently for her.""" text18631;"""And if I was so worried about not doing enough for her, how would I have handled something happening to Himitsu…""" text18632;"""No, this was for the better!""" text18633;"""People like me should suffer!""" text18634;"""The problem was, by suffering myself I made people around me suffer too.""" text18635;"""Yes, clearly I should have returned to my homeland after my parents' death.""" text18636;"""That is, unless I would have made new friends there and broken their lives, too…""" text18637;"""What the hell is all this!""" text18638;"""I was sinking ever deeper into the depths of depression.""" text18639;"""The insidious tuxedo, already starting to gather dust, was still lying on the table.""" text18640;"""It's all your fault!""" text18641;"""My arm was mid-swing when it stopped and hung powerlessly in the air.""" text18642;"""After all, it cost a lot of money.""" text18643;"""I smiled at the comical side of the situation.""" text18644;"""We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people who don't give a damn about us.""" text18645;"""Maybe I did want to impress Ellie — but that'd be much easier to do by playing the bass like a virtuoso than putting on that stupid clown suit.""" text18646;"""Suddenly, somebody rang the doorbell, and, whoever it was, I was grateful to the unexpected visitor for distracting me from my self-flagellation.""" text18647;"""Kyosuke was standing at the doorstep, with a sly look on his face.""" text18648;"""Hi. Have you got something serious to talk about or…?""" text18649;"""Although, what serious matter could he be here about on a Saturday morning?""" text18650;"""Or.""" text18651;"""He squinted even harder, so that his eyes became two narrow slits.""" text18652;"""I sighed and stepped aside.""" text18653;"""Well, come in, I guess.""" text18654;"""Kyosuke walked into the kitchen after me and immediately noticed the tuxedo.""" text18655;"""So it's true?""" text18656;"""What?""" text18657;"""To be honest, I didn't quite believe Mike. I mean sure, he's not the biggest mouth in the city, but you, going to a ball…""" text18658;"""I hadn't asked Michael not to tell anyone, and he often took requests or the lack of them literally.""" text18659;"""But he could've assumed!""" text18660;"""Well, imagine that.""" text18661;"""I sighed, grabbed the tuxedo and froze, not knowing what to do with it.""" text18662;"""I can't not ask — what did you have to do to get an invitation to a ball at Kobayashi's estate?""" text18663;"""Yeah, you really can't.""" text18664;"""Kyosuke was practically dying of curiosity, and I decided it would be much easier and quicker to confess.""" text18665;"""Where do I start…""" text18666;"""It just so happens that I'm now the bass player in Ellie's band.""" text18667;"""I paused, waiting for a comment, but he remained silent.""" text18668;"""So, she invited me to the ball. The other guys didn't want to join, but she asked them, too!""" text18669;"""Kyosuke still didn't say a word.""" text18670;"""Aren't you going to say something?""" text18671;"""I'm just wondering whether I should punch you in the face for hiding something so important from me, or congratulate you.""" text18672;"""Or maybe praise you and Michael on the incredible prank.""" text18673;"""It'd be an expensive prank.""" text18674;"""I scoffed, shaking my tuxedo.""" text18675;"""Music is great and all, but what about a more personal relationship?""" text18676;"""I don't know what you're talking about.""" text18677;"""I gave the default response but still felt a pleasant chill run down my spine.""" text18678;"""Nick, seriously! How long have we known each other? I know you in and out!""" text18679;"""If you do, why are you asking?""" text18680;"""Because I need details!""" text18681;"""He rolled his eyes, jumped to me, grabbed my hands and shook them back and forth.""" text18682;"""They sustaaaaaain me!""" text18683;"""He wheezed in the voice of an anime villain.""" text18684;"""There aren't any!""" text18685;"""I tried desperately to push him away, succeeding after some effort.""" text18686;"""Don't crumple the tuxedo!""" text18687;"""So some rags are more important than a friend to you!""" text18688;"""These rags cost thirty thousand yen!""" text18689;"""A compelling argument.""" text18690;"""He agreed and stepped back.""" text18691;"""There's nothing to tell you, seriously. If there was something…""" text18692;"""I got tired of holding the tuxedo and put it on the kotatsu.""" text18693;"""I just don't know what's going to happen next. My life has been changing at the speed of light recently.""" text18694;"""First Catherine, then Iwamura…""" text18695;"""Wait, but what do you have to do with Iwamura and the murders?""" text18696;"""He interrupted me immediately like it was an interrogation.""" text18697;"""I regretted mentioning Kagome at all.""" text18698;"""You know the joke you never tell people with big mouths?""" text18699;"""Nick, if you've gotten yourself into something, do you really think I'd…""" text18700;"""What are you implying? That I killed them all?!""" text18701;"""I pretended to get angry to change the subject.""" text18702;"""No, of course not!""" text18703;"""I thought you wanted to ask something about Ellie?""" text18704;"""I did…""" text18705;"""He agreed and lowered his head.""" text18706;"""Go ahead then.""" text18707;"""With what?""" text18708;"""With asking about her.""" text18709;"""Asking what?""" text18710;"""I don't know, her cup size! That's what you always want to know, right?""" text18711;"""Do you know it?""" text18712;"""He exclaimed.""" text18713;"""I don't, how would I?""" text18714;"""But will you tell me when you find out?""" text18715;"""No, Kyosuke, even if I do, I won't.""" text18716;"""Fair enough.""" text18717;"""He agreed and walked to the fridge.""" text18718;"""Got anything to eat?""" text18719;"""He opened it and made a face.""" text18720;"""I thought Himitsu-chan took care of you.""" text18721;"""Himitsu… she's busy now.""" text18722;"""Of course, if she really was going to be gone for as long as her father said, Kyosuke would find out sooner or later. But better later.""" text18723;"""Ah, nobody cares about you except for me.""" text18724;"""You want to eat out then? I heard about this new restaurant next to…""" text18725;"""Not today. I need to prepare for the ball.""" text18726;"""I see.""" text18727;"""He drawled.""" text18728;"""I better be the first person you talk to about it!""" text18729;"""Of course.""" text18730;"""…""" text18731;"""After Kyosuke left, I took the tuxedo out of the cover and tried it on.""" text18732;"""It had looked better in the store.""" text18733;"""And then someone rang the doorbell again.""" text18734;"""Did Kyosuke forget something?""" text18735;"""But it was someone I absolutely did not expect to see today — Catherine, in the flesh!""" text18736;"""Why so fancy?""" text18737;"""She laughed as soon as I opened the door.""" text18738;"""Your every visit is a celebration!""" text18739;"""But really though?""" text18740;"""Really though, I'm going somewhere tonight.""" text18741;"""Looks like you're going to a ball or something.""" text18742;"""Precisely.""" text18743;"""Catherine looked surprised at first, then looked downcast.""" text18744;"""Will you invite me in?""" text18745;"""Sure.""" text18746;"""We proceeded to the kitchen. Katya stopped hesitantly, as if she'd forgotten something.""" text18747;"""To what do I owe the honor?""" text18748;"""We haven't talked for so long, and it looks like you aren't happy to see me.""" text18749;"""Yeah, and we hadn't talked for a year and a half before that. As I remember, you weren't so friendly with me when you returned to Japan.""" text18750;"""True enough.""" text18751;"""She suddenly agreed, wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her head.""" text18752;"""So what's the ball about?""" text18753;"""It's at Kobayashi Ellie's place. Heard of her?""" text18754;"""I had no reason to hide anything from Catherine.""" text18755;"""Moreover, I'd suddenly realized I hadn't even thought of her for a while.""" text18756;"""I have. But I had no idea you two were so close.""" text18757;"""I'm playing in the same band as her now.""" text18758;"""So you've picked up your guitar again?""" text18759;"""Something like that.""" text18760;"""I shrugged and poured some water into a glass — for some reason, I was really thirsty.""" text18761;"""Well, congrats.""" text18762;"""Thank you. Everything's happened so fast I still haven't quite figured out what's going on.""" text18763;"""She's attractive — you're a picky guy, only going for the very best.""" text18764;"""You mean yourself?""" text18765;"""Modesty adorns a person, but I look good enough without it.""" text18766;"""But still…""" text18767;"""It looks like things are going fine for you.""" text18768;"""Relatively.""" text18769;"""Such terrible things are happening around you, but you're enjoying life anyway.""" text18770;"""What terrible things?""" text18771;"""Those murders.""" text18772;"""Ah, that… Yeah, that's unpleasant.""" text18773;"""You never know how your fate will turn out.""" text18774;"""It's better not to think about that.""" text18775;"""Although not thinking has always been the most difficult part for me.""" text18776;"""Better not to think about that…""" text18777;"""She repeated quietly and looked at me dolefully, somehow.""" text18778;"""So you wouldn't be too upset if I told you I want to return to the US?""" text18779;"""Why would I be…?""" text18780;"""I responded, but inside it felt like somebody had stabbed me right through the heart.""" text18781;"""I don't know, just…""" text18782;"""Why so sudden? You've only been here for a couple of weeks.""" text18783;"""I shouldn't have come back to Japan. It was a mistake.""" text18784;"""…""" text18785;"""I didn't know how to respond to that.""" text18786;"""Katya looked upset, reserved, and grim.""" text18787;"""As if someone had forced her to come here and say all this.""" text18788;"""Maybe it was her mother again?""" text18789;"""Did you… make that decision yourself?""" text18790;"""If you mean my mom, she has nothing to do with it. For once.""" text18791;"""Then I really don't get it.""" text18792;"""You don't get what.""" text18793;"""She said as a statement more than a question.""" text18794;"""I braced myself — not all honesty was good when it came to Catherine.""" text18795;"""Then why did you come back?""" text18796;"""I told you already… It's because of my mom's job!""" text18797;"""So the job doesn't matter anymore?""" text18798;"""Now… the circumstances have changed.""" text18799;"""Really? How come?""" text18800;"""Nick, I'm not asking for a report about, for instance, your relationship with Kobayashi Ellie.""" text18801;"""She finally raised her head and glared at me.""" text18802;"""Yes. But I don't spend my life jumping between islands and continents.""" text18803;"""Are you lecturing me?""" text18804;"""I don't even know. Why did you come here if you don't want to tell me anything?""" text18805;"""Just a few days ago I probably would have been furious, but now I just found Catherine's behavior strange.""" text18806;"""To say goodbye.""" text18807;"""…""" text18808;"""Is it that surprising?""" text18809;"""She suddenly laughed, and tears gleamed in her eyes.""" text18810;"""I don't even know, what reaction did I expect? I should've just written another letter you'd never read anyway!""" text18811;"""What was so important in that letter?""" text18812;"""I felt like I'd done something unforgivable by not reading it.""" text18813;"""Just like when your numbers in the lottery are just one off from winning.""" text18814;"""You took the letter yourself…""" text18815;"""I tried to object timidly.""" text18816;"""After you'd kept it for how long? A year?""" text18817;"""It's in the past, what's there to talk about now…""" text18818;"""In the past!""" text18819;"""She flung her arms up in the air and turned away.""" text18820;"""Look how quickly everything changes for you! Just a few days ago you were running after me, crying about old times, and now you're putting on that stupid suit thinking you look like a millionaire!""" text18821;"""I'm not…""" text18822;"""You know, I really shouldn't have come here! If I just left, you wouldn't have even noticed!""" text18823;"""Catherine shouted and ran out of the kitchen.""" text18824;"""I didn't try to stop her.""" text18825;"""Why would I? What would I say, do?""" text18826;"""In her last words, I could hear not just disappointment but resentment and even regret.""" text18827;"""Women always enjoy having admirers, even if they don't take them seriously.""" text18828;"""Was this the same thing? Had my entire relationship with Katya never been anything more?""" text18829;"""No, I couldn't believe that either.""" text18830;"""Had Catherine decided to leave, and, already standing on the plane ladder, finally realized she was losing something important?""" text18831;"""Even that it was the case, it was too late…""" text18832;"""And not only for her — for me, too.""" text18833;"""It seemed that I hadn't even noticed turning this new page in my life.""" text18834;"""As if I'd gone to bed one person and woken up as someone completely different.""" text18835;"""I spent the remaining hours before the ball languishing around — Katya hadn't chosen the best time for her visit.""" text18836;"""…""" text18837;"""I took a taxi and got to Kobayashi's estate past sunset.""" text18838;"""Appearing out of the darkness, a long cavalcade of luxurious cars was lined up before the gates.""" text18839;"""My driver whistled when we came closer and assaulted me with inappropriate questions.""" text18840;"""Finally, I left the car and looked around.""" text18841;"""On the one hand, it wasn't as scary as I'd imagined, but the obvious otherness of the place was still a bit frightening.""" text18842;"""The other guests seemed quite comfortable here: greeting each other merrily, laughing, walking up the stairs to the four meter high front doors.""" text18843;"""It took an effort to follow them.""" text18844;"""Inside, the Kobayashi estate was even fancier — like a photo taken somewhere in the Louvre.""" text18845;"""I found myself in a huge hall already full of men clad in formal suits and women in gorgeous dresses.""" text18846;"""Nobody was paying attention to me but I still felt wobbly on my feet.""" text18847;"""I leaned against one of the columns and shuddered when a waiter addressed me:""" text18848;"""Would you like some champagne?""" text18849;"""I automatically grabbed a glass from the tray and looked at the waiter through it.""" text18850;"""Distorted by the sprinkling liquid, his emotionless face looked like an ugly mask to me.""" text18851;"""Thank you.""" text18852;"""I briefly replied and took a sip.""" text18853;"""I remembered Michael's advice about being careful with alcohol at events like this.""" text18854;"""Where is that barely perceivable line the separates a drink for courage and two bottles downed from failed self control?""" text18855;"""I decided to think about that later and emptied the glass.""" text18856;"""Ellie was nowhere to be seen, and I could already feel the alcohol going to work.""" text18857;"""Michael had been right about the champagne…""" text18858;"""In order to distract myself a bit, I started looking over the crowd.""" text18859;"""The women were the most visually distinct parts of it, while the men who accompanied them, though differing in height, weight, hair (or lack of thereof), more or less blended together into a samey mass of black and white.""" text18860;"""Suddenly, a strange couple stopped by the column I leant against: a man of unidentifiable age, wearing inappropriately dark glasses, and a woman who looked strangely like Irina.""" text18861;"""For a while they just stood there, paying no attention to me, but then the woman spoke.""" text18862;"""Spoke Russian…""" text18863;"""That lady is wearing such a wonderful dress!""" text18864;"""She made a vague nod somewhere off to the side — apparently, pointing fingers was bad manners.""" text18865;"""Is it just my imagination, or is she together with the gentleman who came in the Rolls Royce?""" text18866;"""Natasha, dear, nothing gives away that a person belongs to the lower classes more than an understanding of expensive clothes and cars.""" text18867;"""He replied simply, which immediately made me sympathetic.""" text18868;"""Victor!""" text18869;"""His companion's exclamation followed.""" text18870;"""Could it be just a coincidence that out of all the guests, the ones standing next to me turned out to be Russians?""" text18871;"""Or had Irina sent them to make sure I completed my assignment?""" text18872;"""No, then it would've been easier to give it to someone who wasn't a high school student.""" text18873;"""But the champagne was working — I heard my own voice before I even finished considering whether I should talk to them.""" text18874;"""Sorry for eavesdropping… But since we find ourselves in the same company, so to speak…""" text18875;"""I knew I was spewing nonsense but couldn't stop.""" text18876;"""You're from the USSR, right?""" text18877;"""Oh yes, how did you know?""" text18878;"""The woman asked with surprise and gave me a friendly smile.""" text18879;"""Probably by virtue of having ears.""" text18880;"""Victor, you're unbearable!""" text18881;"""By the way, my name is Natalia.""" text18882;"""Nikolai.""" text18883;"""I introduced myself and looked at the man.""" text18884;"""His eyes were hidden behind those dark lenses, making it impossible to guess what he was thinking about.""" text18885;"""But for some reason, it seemed like he was silently chuckling at me.""" text18886;"""Victor.""" text18887;"""He reached out with a simple and open gesture.""" text18888;"""It's not often that you meet someone of your age here, Nikolai…""" text18889;"""She stopped, then suddenly waved her hands as if realizing she'd said something ridiculous.""" text18890;"""No, I didn't mean that…""" text18891;"""It's alright. I was invited by the mistress of the house.""" text18892;"""Could I even call Ellie that?""" text18893;"""Maybe Kobayashi Jun had a wife, who would be Ellie's grandmother — then she'd have more of a right to be called the mistress of the house.""" text18894;"""So you must be Elizabeth's classmate?""" text18895;"""Yes, something like that.""" text18896;"""Little Ellie has grown up so fast! Already inviting a suitor to a ball!""" text18897;"""We aren't…""" text18898;"""Well, the lad clearly doesn't mind.""" text18899;"""The man grinned, skillfully snatching a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter.""" text18900;"""To be honest, I've never been to a ball before.""" text18901;"""Then have some — helps with the nerves!""" text18902;"""He handed me a second glass that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.""" text18903;"""Michael's disapproving face appeared before my eyes, but these two had made me so tense I was having a hard time thinking logically.""" text18904;"""Drink""" text18905;"""Thank you…""" text18906;"""I accepted the glass and took a sip.""" text18907;"""Come on! Your mom isn't watching.""" text18908;"""She isn't.""" text18909;"""I smiled weakly in response and drank a bit more.""" text18910;"""Refuse""" text18911;"""No, thank you, it's still against the law here for me to drink.""" text18912;"""Yeah? And what were you doing just now?""" text18913;"""Victor asked, disappointment audible in his voice.""" text18914;"""My cheeks burned red but I didn't reply.""" text18915;"""Victor, stop trying to turn the young man into a drunkard!""" text18916;"""One way or another, since I started the conversation, I had to get to the point:""" text18917;"""If I may ask…""" text18918;"""Look at that, you're speaking like a real Japanese already.""" text18919;"""Victor!""" text18920;"""I continued in a less confident tone:""" text18921;"""Do you work at the Soviet embassy?""" text18922;"""I work in a joint Soviet-Japanese company.""" text18923;"""I didn't even know if companies like that existed but was too afraid to reveal my ignorance.""" text18924;"""And Victor is a famous writer. Quite well known in certain, small, circles.""" text18925;"""Small enough that the boy wouldn't have heard of me.""" text18926;"""What do you write about?""" text18927;"""Life.""" text18928;"""He replied vaguely, drank his champagne in one go, and looked rapaciously around the hall, searching for a waiter.""" text18929;"""Sorry, I'm mostly into science fiction.""" text18930;"""Eh, our life's full of it at every corner!""" text18931;"""He laughed loudly but to my surprise, nobody paid any attention to us.""" text18932;"""By that point, one thing was clear — Victor had nothing to do with the KGB.""" text18933;"""He was more likely to be someone the KGB would have under surveillance.""" text18934;"""I couldn't say anything certain about Natalia though — Irina had pretended to be an airhead at first too.""" text18935;"""The champagne was going to my head — that second glass had clearly been too much.""" text18936;"""Well… It's always nice to meet here… I mean, in Japan, in general… compatriots, so to say.""" text18937;"""The pleasure is ours.""" text18938;"""Natalia said, instantly losing all interest in our conversation once she noticed someone in the crowd.""" text18939;"""Kumiko, so glad to see you!""" text18940;"""She immediately ran away, leaving me alone with the strange writer.""" text18941;"""Don't be so tense!""" text18942;"""I'm not.""" text18943;"""His company was becoming more and more uncomfortable.""" text18944;"""You'll find your girlfriend!""" text18945;"""And indeed, I finally saw Ellie, as she was coming down the stairs from the first floor.""" text18946;"""Excuse me.""" text18947;"""I gave him the empty glass, and, quickly maneuvering between guests, made my way to Ellie.""" text18948;"""I said and, quickly maneuvering between guests, made my way to Ellie.""" text18949;"""I was starting to think you'd abandoned me here!""" text18950;"""Nick… hi…""" text18951;"""Ellie looked like my presence was a surprise to her.""" text18952;"""You look good.""" text18953;"""She was wearing a long, snow-white dress and really did look stunning.""" text18954;"""I mean — great… It's a very beautiful dress… You're very beautiful…""" text18955;"""Thank you.""" text18956;"""She grew embarrassed.""" text18957;"""Was this really the first time she'd heard a compliment like that?""" text18958;"""Sorry, I'm a bit… I mean…""" text18959;"""I couldn't quite control my tongue, and it felt like the entire Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra was playing in my head while I'd been asked to transcribe the timpani part of it in a notebook.""" text18960;"""That second glass had clearly been too much!""" text18961;"""Don't worry, I understand.""" text18962;"""Ellie smiled, and all the tension disappeared at once — she understood!""" text18963;"""Let's dance?""" text18964;"""Uh, I don't know how…""" text18965;"""Don't worry, just follow my lead and everything will be alright.""" text18966;"""If you say so.""" text18967;"""Had I been sober, I would've never agreed to this!""" text18968;"""We walked to the middle of the room, Ellie carefully half-embraced me, taking my right hand with her left.""" text18969;"""Just like this. One, two, three! No harder than keeping rhythm on a guitar.""" text18970;"""Well, that depends on the person…""" text18971;"""She'd clearly gone on easy on me with the pace — some of the couples around us were spinning like the cabins of a ferris wheel.""" text18972;"""I carefully repeated her every move, mostly managing to keep up.""" text18973;"""But soon the silence became completely unbearable — both in and of itself and due to what I'd drunk.""" text18974;"""You look taller with heels.""" text18975;"""You know, I don't think I'll ever really get used to them. Sure, I have to wear dress shoes sometimes — it can't be helped.""" text18976;"""It's cool in a way.""" text18977;"""You weren't wasting time without me either, you even made small talk with someone — I saw from upstairs.""" text18978;"""Ah, those…""" text18979;"""I lost the rhythm a bit but Ellie slowed down to compensate and carefully showed me the right movements again.""" text18980;"""I just heard them speak Russian.""" text18981;"""So you found some of your countrymen? Great!""" text18982;"""Yeah, I guess…""" text18983;"""While I was almost sure about Victor, I still couldn't make my mind up about Natalia.""" text18984;"""On the other hand, was it that important?""" text18985;"""After all, there were only two possible outcomes for Irina — I would either bring the photos or not.""" text18986;"""I immediately felt the unpleasant weight of the camera in my inner pocket.""" text18987;"""Good thing they weren't searching guests at the entrance!""" text18988;"""What're you thinking about? It's like you're somewhere else.""" text18989;"""Yeah? Sorry… I'm just a little anxious, you know, I've never been to a ball before.""" text18990;"""I've been getting dragged to all kinds of places since I was little. And I say they're all unbearably boring!""" text18991;"""But she was behaving much more… reserved than usual, I guess.""" text18992;"""That's hard to imagine.""" text18993;"""How about you imagine bringing our equipment and instruments here, and performing in front of all those dead-inside geriatrics!""" text18994;"""That's even harder.""" text18995;"""The alcohol was starting to slowly lose its grip — champagne goes to the head quickly but doesn't linger long.""" text18996;"""I caught myself staring greedily at the shining silver trays filled with tall glasses of alluring bubbly.""" text18997;"""But I'm still glad you're here.""" text18998;"""That's because I'm keeping you from getting bored.""" text18999;"""No.""" text19000;"""She gave a short reply, kept silent for a while, and added in a quieter tone:""" text19001;"""Not just that.""" text19002;"""Why hasn't anyone else from the band come?""" text19003;"""They… don't like events like this.""" text19004;"""I see.""" text19005;"""I wondered if I would have found myself at the Kobayashi estate under different circumstances.""" text19006;"""Then it's great that Z FEEL-Z now has two socialites to keep each other company!""" text19007;"""Ellie smiled with the corners of her mouth only — very politely and adult-like.""" text19008;"""When the situation called for it, she could act like a real lady.""" text19009;"""The dance was coming to its end. Mimicking the other men around me, I bowed to Ellie and she responded with a light curtsy.""" text19010;"""Lighter music started playing, and the couples spread out across the hall, forming groups of different sizes, starting conversations with each other, some occupying the tables with food and drinks.""" text19011;"""Thank you for the dance. That was… an interesting experience.""" text19012;"""You're very welcome.""" text19013;"""Her eyes suddenly started darting around, as if she felt uncomfortable in my presence.""" text19014;"""Sorry, Nick, I need to take off for a bit. Unfortunately, I have my own obligations at this vanity fair.""" text19015;"""Yeah, yeah, of course…""" text19016;"""See you later.""" text19017;"""She smiled and approached a group of young women.""" text19018;"""I was left alone, surrounded by perfect strangers who didn't care one bit about me.""" text19019;"""I immediately grew anxious, my heart started beating faster, and I began to sweat.""" text19020;"""So, what was I supposed to do?""" text19021;"""My eyes darted across the hall in search of Natalia.""" text19022;"""She was casually talking with other guests and probably wasn't watching me.""" text19023;"""Of course, I could always tell Ellie everything and hope for Kobayashi Jun's protection.""" text19024;"""He probably wouldn't be happy, but there was still a chance that he'd help.""" text19025;"""Otherwise, he would have dealt with me like Irina had with Kagome.""" text19026;"""But the mere thought of this all-powerful man made me tremble inside.""" text19027;"""I had no reason to trust Irina either but, at least, she was Russian, she was one of my people.""" text19028;"""Even though I didn't always agree with the motivation behind her actions, I could still understand them.""" text19029;"""And what did Ellie's grandfather want?""" text19030;"""Money, power, and even more money?""" text19031;"""And, most importantly, what kind of protection could he provide?""" text19032;"""Would he bring me to a remote Japanese village and have me live in a dilapidated hut with Kagemaru?""" text19033;"""With a well a kilometer away, no decent heating in winter, and of course no bathroom?""" text19034;"""That didn't sound like an attractive prospect.""" text19035;"""On the other hand, if I were Irina, I'd get rid of the unnecessary witness once I had the photos.""" text19036;"""All her talk about patriotism applied only to the domain of ideals, not individual people.""" text19037;"""We strive for the betterment of the country as a whole, for the prosperity of the people.""" text19038;"""If a small part of the people suffer because of that — that's an acceptable loss.""" text19039;"""And, most crucially, Irina had never even much tried to hide the fact that those were her morals.""" text19040;"""I wasn't one to compare socialism and capitalism, but at the moment I felt like I'd been thrust into the middle of their struggle.""" text19041;"""And real people with real feelings were willing to choke each other to death for the sake of those ideas.""" text19042;"""Tiger or dragon — which should I to trust?""" text19043;"""Once, when I was little, I heard a fairy tale about how these two creatures didn't get along with each other.""" text19044;"""In that tale, the solution was discovered fairly quickly — to connect the tails of the dragon and the tiger, so that they'd be forced to find mutual understanding.""" text19045;"""But in reality the symbiosis of two separate political and economic systems didn't seem like such a good idea to me.""" text19046;"""And it wasn't easy to tell which one was which at a glance!""" text19047;"""But returning from the abstract to the concrete — I still had to make a choice between the tiger and the dragon.""" text19048;"""Complete Irina's mission""" text19049;"""Seek protection from Kobayashi Jun""" text19050;"""No, Irina was more dangerous!""" text19051;"""By refusing, I risked not making it to tomorrow, but if I succeeded there was a chance she'd keep her word.""" text19052;"""Now all I had to do was not get caught!""" text19053;"""I'd learnt the plan of the house by heart but was still extremely nervous.""" text19054;"""Was it the second room on the left or the third? Second or third…""" text19055;"""There was almost no one on the stairs and balconies — I found the right moment and walked quickly up to the second floor without looking back.""" text19056;"""The corridor seemed endless, paintings by western artists hung on the walls, and a luxurious carpet covered the floor.""" text19057;"""Under different circumstances, I'd have been surprised by the deliberate absence of anything Japanese.""" text19058;"""But my only purpose at this moment was to fulfill the mission.""" text19059;"""I slowly opened the door leading to Kobayashi Jun's office, and it squeaked treacherously…""" text19060;"""Thank God nobody heard that.""" text19061;"""There was a spacious room behind the door, with a huge oak table at the window and bookcases along the walls..""" text19062;"""I dashed to the table, randomly opened several drawers and went through the papers inside.""" text19063;"""At first, it seemed that there was nothing in there apart from financial documents, reports, and other stuff meaningless to me.""" text19064;"""The strange logo was nowhere to be seen.""" text19065;"""I'd already grown desperate when in the last drawer I came across a thick folder filled with papers.""" text19066;"""I opened it and saw that same logo!""" text19067;"""I quickly took the camera out of my pocket and started feverishly taking shots.""" text19068;"""I didn't know how much film there was and, on instinct, tried to be quicker — as if that could increase the amount of shots I had!""" text19069;"""I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of the documents but there would be plenty of time to read them over later, at home.""" text19070;"""If, of course, I'd manage to develop the film by myself…""" text19071;"""The camera started clicking futilely, indicating that I couldn't photograph anything else.""" text19072;"""There was still around half the folder left to go, but it was no longer my problem — Irina should've thought about that in advance!""" text19073;"""Satisfied with myself, I confidently went for the exit, when the door suddenly opened and two grim-looking men in black suits appeared in the doorway.""" text19074;"""…""" text19075;"""What are you going to tell Ellie?""" text19076;"""Digging the grave left me completely exhausted. I was breathing heavily, sweating, my heart beating like crazy, my tuxedo, trousers, and white shirt all covered in dirt.""" text19077;"""But it no longer mattered.""" text19078;"""It is commendable you're able to think of someone other than yourself at this moment, Nikolai.""" text19079;"""The security guards had led me to the yard through the back door, where Kobayashi Jun soon joined us.""" text19080;"""I was given a shovel and brought to the forest next to the estate.""" text19081;"""In that first second, in the old man's office, I had a desperate thought to run — to jump out of the window, break the glass.""" text19082;"""But that only works in American films, and it was more likely to kill than save me.""" text19083;"""You understand I had no choice, right?""" text19084;"""I wasn't as much trying to delay the inevitable as unable to keep digging — my hands were shaking and refused to grip the shovel.""" text19085;"""Irina Mostovaya.""" text19086;"""It was an affirmation more than anything.""" text19087;"""I've heard a lot about this woman. It seems she can be quite persuasive.""" text19088;"""However, Nikolai, you must also realize that after what you've seen, I cannot just let you go.""" text19089;"""I haven't seen anything!""" text19090;"""I pleaded.""" text19091;"""I had no time to read anything — I'd just finished taking photos when your goons appeared!""" text19092;"""Unfortunately, we have no way to confirm your words.""" text19093;"""And that's a good enough reason to kill me?""" text19094;"""Think for yourself: if you return to Mrs Mostovaya without the photos, she clearly won't be happy. And if she finds out that you were caught and your camera was taken, I think she will be left with no choice either.""" text19095;"""As disgusting it was to acknowledge it, he was right.""" text19096;"""And, apparently, I had no chance of making it out of this forest alive.""" text19097;"""The strangest thing was, I felt no primal fear or panic — just bitter disappointment with myself for not doing the right thing.""" text19098;"""You don't get angry at a tornado for destroying your house — you get angry at yourself for ignoring the evacuation order.""" text19099;"""And maybe for even building a house in that area.""" text19100;"""My parents… Were you the one who killed them?""" text19101;"""He ran his hand through his beard and gave it a moment's thought.""" text19102;"""Your parents were spies, Nikolai. They had made their choice long before they reached Japanese soil.""" text19103;"""Spare me, what kind of spies could they possibly have been!""" text19104;"""Quite good ones — considering how many years they managed to work undercover and hide it even from their own son.""" text19105;"""…""" text19106;"""I didn't know how to reply to that.""" text19107;"""Now, when I only had several minutes left to live, why would he lie?""" text19108;"""Did everyone know except me?!""" text19109;"""Kobayashi Jun knew, Irina knew, Ichinose knew…""" text19110;"""I remembered mom and dad but couldn't believe it was true.""" text19111;"""In my memory they were very normal people, engineers.""" text19112;"""God, I'd always believed my dad built bridges!""" text19113;"""Kobayashi-san, I don't believe you!""" text19114;"""He could believe what he was saying, but that was no proof of my parents' guilt!""" text19115;"""Many people suffered for nothing in the Cold War.""" text19116;"""Well, that is your right.""" text19117;"""Then why did you allow the son of Russian spies to mingle with your granddaughter?""" text19118;"""Because I knew you had nothing to do with their activities.""" text19119;"""Oh, really? Thanks for believing in me!""" text19120;"""My laugh quickly turned to intense coughing.""" text19121;"""Dig already!""" text19122;"""One of the security guys snapped.""" text19123;"""Almost there.""" text19124;"""Another one smirked.""" text19125;"""You know, Kobayashi-san… Ellie always defended you so fiercely. Said you weren't capable of murder.""" text19126;"""Elizabeth doesn't understand much about the world, even if she tries desperately to look mature.""" text19127;"""And it is exactly to protect her and ensure her future that I am sometimes forced to… go to unpleasant lengths she's better off never knowing about.""" text19128;"""He said all this in a tone as if explaining the duties of a new maid.""" text19129;"""Have you thought about asking Ellie if she wants that future?""" text19130;"""You Russians just don't understand our way of life.""" text19131;"""I'd say ten years in Japan are more than enough to understand.""" text19132;"""If you do, Nikolai, then it's time to leave all your grudges behind and start your next cycle with kind and sincere intentions.""" text19133;"""I don't believe in the wheel of life or whatever you're talking about.""" text19134;"""Fine. Then I'll say it in the words of Epicurus, the Greek philosopher: as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.""" text19135;"""So, Nikolai-kun, you have nothing to be afraid of either way.""" text19136;"""I could feel the mockery in his words, even though his voice was calm.""" text19137;"""In a different situation, I would've been tired of all this pointless philosophizing. But here it was keeping me alive, however briefly.""" text19138;"""What do I have to do for you to let me go?""" text19139;"""Sometimes I'd considered what lengths a man can go to to survive.""" text19140;"""Treason, murder, even genocide…?""" text19141;"""I could never answer the question of what I personally would be prepared to do if I were to find myself in such a situation.""" text19142;"""You've chosen your fate yourself, Nikolai.""" text19143;"""In a sense, his answer even brought me relief.""" text19144;"""You're talking about karma and reincarnation, then about choosing your fate. Don't you think those concepts don't quite mesh with each other?""" text19145;"""Nikolai, you're just delaying the inevitable.""" text19146;"""Yes, I fucking am!""" text19147;"""I threw the shovel into the pit and finally started crying.""" text19148;"""I'm only eighteen, my whole life was ahead of me!""" text19149;"""What have I done wrong?! I swear, I didn't read those documents!""" text19150;"""It no longer matters, Nikolai.""" text19151;"""But I'm a human being, after all! My life means something!""" text19152;"""I'm not a stock you can buy or sell depending on its price.""" text19153;"""Who gave you the right to kill people so easily, like they're lazy employees you can fire at any moment?!""" text19154;"""Boss, I think it's deep enough already.""" text19155;"""One of the guards shouted with irritation.""" text19156;"""Kobayashi-san… sama! Please! I beg you!""" text19157;"""At least die like a man!""" text19158;"""He said with disgust.""" text19159;"""The last thing I heard was the clank of metal — apparently, someone had racked a gun…""" text19160;"""No, in Japan, Kobayashi Jun had more power!""" text19161;"""And the risk was unbelievably high — now, with so many strangers in his home, anything of value would be guarded even more closely than usual.""" text19162;"""I didn't know why Irina had sent me here but, standing in the middle of this motley crowd, I was absolutely sure that I wouldn't be able to complete the mission unnoticed.""" text19163;"""There was only the moral dilemma left — could I… did I have the right to trust the person guilty of my parents' death?""" text19164;"""Even if his guilt was unproven, the suspicion alone was enough.""" text19165;"""You wouldn't invite a guy who used to work as an accountant at Auschwitz for tea, even if the Nuremberg trials had found he had nothing to do with the mass murders.""" text19166;"""But at this point my life was on the line and the options I had available to me were much more limited.""" text19167;"""If there were any other alternative… But I had no confidence in Irina's moral qualities either.""" text19168;"""I was trying to convince myself that I was jumping to conclusions, that I couldn't accuse Kobayashi Jun of crimes against humanity just because he was rich and powerful.""" text19169;"""And who was I to judge? When your life is at stake, the list of things you find acceptable tends to expand tremendously.""" text19170;"""Still, all the excuses very much resembled the indulgence of a collaborationist.""" text19171;"""…""" text19172;"""It took at least half an hour for Ellie to find time for me again.""" text19173;"""After those girls, she'd managed to talk to a whole lot of other people.""" text19174;"""Why the long face, Nick?""" text19175;"""Is it that obvious?""" text19176;"""On the backdrop of everyone else? Of course it is.""" text19177;"""Indeed, there was an atmosphere of celebration all around me.""" text19178;"""I need to have a serious talk with you.""" text19179;"""Alright.""" text19180;"""She looked at me, puzzled.""" text19181;"""Not here.""" text19182;"""We walked outside.""" text19183;"""The night's chill felt refreshing to me, while Ellie shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.""" text19184;"""If I had a jacket, I'd share.""" text19185;"""Ah, the jacket, yeah… I forgot about it, sorry! It's in my room — I'll be right back…""" text19186;"""That can wait, I'm not poor enough to have to wear the same clothes year round.""" text19187;"""The remark about the jacket somewhat distracted me, and it took a considerable effort to get my thoughts back on the track that actually mattered:""" text19188;"""Ellie, I want you to listen to me very carefully, and not interrupt!""" text19189;"""Alright.""" text19190;"""She nodded seriously in response.""" text19191;"""So much has happened in my life in the past two weeks that it would take too long to explain it all. But I don't need to.""" text19192;"""What matters is that I was contacted by Soviet spies.""" text19193;"""I don't know what they need from me… It's somehow related to my parents' work and your grandfather's company.""" text19194;"""And also our… our acquaintance.""" text19195;"""I raised my hand as a warning, but Ellie wasn't about to interrupt me.""" text19196;"""I understand what you might think. That I tried to befriend you because I had a hidden agenda and… Anyway, none of it is true!""" text19197;"""Well, partially it was true: I did get myself invited to the ball for a reason.""" text19198;"""Nick, I realize that this is serious and all but what's your point?""" text19199;"""I sighed heavily and continued:""" text19200;"""In the end, that woman from the KGB asked me… rather, ordered me to sneak into your grandfather's office and take some photos of his documents. One sec…""" text19201;"""I took the mini camera out of my pocket and handed it to Ellie.""" text19202;"""The girl fidgeted with it in her hands and gave it back.""" text19203;"""I swear, I have no idea what's in those documents!""" text19204;"""For some time, Ellie looked at me like I was a teacher explaining some incredibly complex material that was going to be on the final exam.""" text19205;"""But I've decided, I can't do it! Because…""" text19206;"""I stumbled.""" text19207;"""To be honest, right now I'm more afraid of your grandfather than the KGB.""" text19208;"""I understand.""" text19209;"""I waited for her to continue but she just kept giving me this seemingly captivated stare.""" text19210;"""What do you understand?""" text19211;"""I understand that you're in a difficult situation. But Nick…""" text19212;"""The KGB is some serious stuff! You need to go to the police!""" text19213;"""Will they help?""" text19214;"""I smirked sarcastically.""" text19215;"""But if not the police, who then?""" text19216;"""Your grandfather, I'm telling you!""" text19217;"""Sure, I can talk to grandpa, but…""" text19218;"""But what?""" text19219;"""Fine, nothing!""" text19220;"""She suddenly smiled and lit up.""" text19221;"""Wait a moment, I'll be quick!""" text19222;"""And she ran away, leaving me to freeze on the veranda.""" text19223;"""I didn't want to think her reaction was out of indifference.""" text19224;"""I was even less inclined to think she was a little stupid.""" text19225;"""But Ellie clearly didn't entirely comprehend the seriousness of the situation.""" text19226;"""She probably understood, in general terms, that I was in a difficult situation but not the actual grave danger that came with it.""" text19227;"""Telling her about problems I had at school would probably have had the same reaction.""" text19228;"""And that seemed weird.""" text19229;"""To what extent is a person who lives in luxury, who has never faced any serious obstacles in their life, able to sympathize with the common people?""" text19230;"""Maybe that's what I hadn't noticed in her face — compassion…""" text19231;"""The automatic reaction of offering help isn't enough. Often there are situations where there's no help to be given other than sympathy and a kind word.""" text19232;"""While I was waiting for Ellie's return, two servants carried dead-drunk Victor out of the house and past me as he unintelligibly recited some poems.""" text19233;"""Natalia followed him, apologizing to everyone she met.""" text19234;"""In order not to attract unnecessary attention, I prudently hid behind a column.""" text19235;"""I had to thank Michael, or maybe my own common sense, for not going too hard on the champagne.""" text19236;"""I needed a clear head for the talk with Kobayashi Jun.""" text19237;"""I didn't know how much time had passed, but when Ellie finally appeared, accompanied by her grandfather, I'd almost frozen to death.""" text19238;"""And the old man noticed that right away.""" text19239;"""Good evening, Nikolai. I think we better talk inside.""" text19240;"""I gladly followed him.""" text19241;"""We returned to the house and walked up the stairs to the second floor.""" text19242;"""Elizabeth, leave us.""" text19243;"""But…""" text19244;"""She was about to object but then lowered her head obediently.""" text19245;"""As you say, grandfather.""" text19246;"""When Ellie had left, Kobayashi Jun leaned against the railing and looked out benevolently at the people dancing below.""" text19247;"""It's a wonderful evening for dancing, don't you think, Nikolai?""" text19248;"""Yes, I suppose…""" text19249;"""I had no idea how this evening was different from any other.""" text19250;"""To be honest with you, I didn't expect us to meet again so soon.""" text19251;"""If you're talking about me agreeing to play in Ellie's band…""" text19252;"""No, not at all, what nonsense!""" text19253;"""He turned to me and smiled approvingly.""" text19254;"""Moreover, I'm glad that she now has such a serious and responsible friend.""" text19255;"""His words seemed strange, especially considering our previous conversation, but I knew well that Kobayashi Jun never said anything without a reason.""" text19256;"""Thank you for thinking so highly of me.""" text19257;"""Now, what did you want to talk about? Elizabeth said it was something of great importance.""" text19258;"""I gathered my courage and started:""" text19259;"""Kobayashi-sama, some time ago I was contacted by people from Soviet intelligence. To be more precise, by Major Irina Mostovaya.""" text19260;"""He was listening to me with an unreadable expression on his face.""" text19261;"""And… She demanded that I steal some documents from you tonight.""" text19262;"""Some documents?""" text19263;"""He finally asked.""" text19264;"""Certain documents. I swear, I have no idea what's in them! I only know that there should be a logo on them — the Earth surrounded by rings.""" text19265;"""Irina also gave me a camera… Here!""" text19266;"""I took the mini camera out of my pocket and showed it to the old man, but he expressed no interest in it.""" text19267;"""I understand. This is very interesting. I don't know Ms Mostovaya personally, but I have heard that she's a capable young woman.""" text19268;"""Couldn't argue with that!""" text19269;"""But I said nothing out loud.""" text19270;"""And, as I understand, Nikolai, you've decided not to collaborate with her?""" text19271;"""Yes…""" text19272;"""Why?""" text19273;"""Why?""" text19274;"""I asked, puzzled.""" text19275;"""Some questions tend to confuse you with how inappropriate they are.""" text19276;"""And though there's only one answer to the question \""Why is the sky blue?\"", even if not everybody knows it, in my case there was a choice.""" text19277;"""I really could have tried to find the documents.""" text19278;"""But in the end, I trusted my gut on which was the lesser of two evils.""" text19279;"""I don't think she can be trusted.""" text19280;"""For a moment, his face became tense — apparently, Ellie's grandfather was thinking carefully about what he was going to say.""" text19281;"""Does that mean you trust me?""" text19282;"""Express trust""" text19283;"""Yes.""" text19284;"""I responded without a second thought.""" text19285;"""Say you had no other option""" text19286;"""Do I have a choice?""" text19287;"""I blurted out in response.""" text19288;"""I'm glad you're sincere with me.""" text19289;"""He smiled and gave me a pat me on the back.""" text19290;"""It made me freeze, shrink away, an electrical impulse shooting up my spine.""" text19291;"""Don't worry about a thing — I'll handle it.""" text19292;"""But…""" text19293;"""These people will do you no harm.""" text19294;"""But Kobayashi-sama, with all due respect… I'd like to know what to do next, how to deal with her.""" text19295;"""Next time — if there will be a next time — you'll just tell her that you will not work for her.""" text19296;"""Will she really accept that?""" text19297;"""I scoffed sadly.""" text19298;"""I will bring it to the attention of the right people that you're under my protection. She won't have a choice.""" text19299;"""His words were surprisingly similar to Irina's promises about the KGB protecting me.""" text19300;"""The creation of imaginary threats and promises of protection have been the main weapons of skilled manipulators throughout history.""" text19301;"""On the other hand, what did I expect? A personal squad of bodyguards?""" text19302;"""That's very generous of you.""" text19303;"""Of course…""" text19304;"""He suddenly smiled wide.""" text19305;"""I can do no less for a young man who is so trusted by my granddaughter!""" text19306;"""You see, Elizabeth might be wayward, but common sense has always been her strong suit.""" text19307;"""I see.""" text19308;"""Although, considering everything, I wasn't so sure about Ellie's common sense.""" text19309;"""Maybe even Kobayashi Jun was no stranger to human follies and, just like any other grandfather, doted on his granddaughter.""" text19310;"""So don't worry about a thing, Nikolai!""" text19311;"""Now go. This evening is for you, the young. Talk, dance, enjoy life.""" text19312;"""Meanwhile, I'll make all the necessary arrangements.""" text19313;"""I lingered for several seconds but didn't know what else to say.""" text19314;"""Then, if I may…""" text19315;"""I searched for Ellie as I slowly walked down the stairs.""" text19316;"""Under other circumstances, I would have never trusted that sly old man, but now it was about his granddaughter!""" text19317;"""Even if not entirely — she didn't know all the details — but she still understood that I was in some trouble and needed her grandfather's help.""" text19318;"""And now, if something were to happen to me…""" text19319;"""Although, wasn't I overestimating how important I was to Ellie and the potential pain she'd feel from my loss?""" text19320;"""Maybe the old man thought she'd get over my disappearance just the same way she'd gotten over breaking her favorite toy when she was little?""" text19321;"""Those thoughts made my head spin, and I had to lean on the railing.""" text19322;"""Then why that show?""" text19323;"""If I was a potential threat, wouldn't it be easier to order Kagemaru to quietly take me outside and bury me somewhere in the forest behind the house?""" text19324;"""After all, nobody needs unnecessary witnesses.""" text19325;"""With every minute I understood less and less, but I knew one thing for sure — I really didn't want to go home, where Irina could be waiting for me…""" text19326;"""I finally found Ellie and walked over to her.""" text19327;"""Here I am.""" text19328;"""Had your talk?""" text19329;"""She suddenly frowned.""" text19330;"""Nick, you look like you just found out you've only got a couple weeks left to live.""" text19331;"""Seriously?""" text19332;"""If grandpa said something wrong, I'll…""" text19333;"""No, everything's alright!""" text19334;"""He was very nice and helped me a lot… Well, promised to help.""" text19335;"""You aren't saying this just to be polite, right?""" text19336;"""Me? Polite? Never!""" text19337;"""It just sounds so much like my grandfather…""" text19338;"""She sighed and looked up at the now-empty balcony.""" text19339;"""All of my friends are scared of him.""" text19340;"""I can't imagine why!""" text19341;"""But a weak-willed person wouldn't achieve what he has!""" text19342;"""Nobody says that…""" text19343;"""He's just protecting me. I know it might seem like too much sometimes but that's just how he is…""" text19344;"""It's always good to have someone who cares about you.""" text19345;"""You're saying it like…""" text19346;"""Well, yeah, I don't have anyone.""" text19347;"""Except Himitsu — and even she had run away.""" text19348;"""That's… That's… Very sad.""" text19349;"""Sometimes Ellie was virtually exploding with emotion, but other times she seemed inexplicably callous.""" text19350;"""Like she couldn't find the right words to express sympathy.""" text19351;"""A person can get used to anything.""" text19352;"""But I guess even if some people leave us, that doesn't mean we'll always be alone. Soon you might meet someone else, someone following the same path as you.""" text19353;"""Theoretically.""" text19354;"""I just mean, don't give in to despair.""" text19355;"""I won't.""" text19356;"""That's the spirit!""" text19357;"""Right.""" text19358;"""Ellie, apparently, didn't know how to continue the conversation, and I didn't mind saying nothing.""" text19359;"""Let's dance a bit more?""" text19360;"""She finally asked.""" text19361;"""Let's.""" text19362;"""I shrugged and offered her a hand.""" text19363;"""The second time, dancing wasn't nearly as embarassing or confusing.""" text19364;"""We were swirling in the middle of the hall, and I was holding up far more confidently than before.""" text19365;"""So are you going to tell me what you and and grandpa talked about?""" text19366;"""Ellie's question was fair — anyone would ask the same in her place.""" text19367;"""But I didn't know whether to tell her the truth.""" text19368;"""She could look calm one second, then explode and do something stupid the next.""" text19369;"""At that moment, most of all I wanted to forget that Irina might already be waiting for me at home, ready to demand an explanation.""" text19370;"""Ellie looked at me inquisitively and was about to say something, but I was faster:""" text19371;"""Have I told you that you look beautiful today?""" text19372;"""If not for you, I don't know where I would be… You and the guys in the band, of course.""" text19373;"""You guys are exactly what I need now!""" text19374;"""Is that related to what you were talking about with my grandfather?""" text19375;"""Yes… partially…""" text19376;"""Sometimes, it feels like you're just using me.""" text19377;"""Ellie smirked without a hint of anger, but the sorrow in her eyes was unmistakable.""" text19378;"""And then I realized I had to do something immediately — I couldn't just drift along.""" text19379;"""In this moment Ellie really was charmingly alluring, but the longer I twisted and turned, trying to hide the truth from her, the more suspicious she became.""" text19380;"""It wasn't even important what she suspected me of exactly — having an agenda behind my interactions with her or something else.""" text19381;"""The main problem was losing her trust!""" text19382;"""And right now she was the only link connecting me to Kobayashi Jun.""" text19383;"""There was no reason to believe he'd offered me protection for any other reason.""" text19384;"""And although I didn't entirely understand the old man's behavior, I had to act on the assumption that had the highest chance of being true.""" text19385;"""In the end, when you're running away from a lion on the savannah, whether you'll contract malaria is the last thing you worry about.""" text19386;"""In the end, I did what seemed to be the only logical thing in the situation… I kissed Ellie…""" text19387;"""She didn't understand right away what was happening but then timidly responded to the kiss.""" text19388;"""Her lips were softer than I could ever imagine.""" text19389;"""Could it be her first time?""" text19390;"""Strangely, none of the guests paid attention to us — they didn't care at all for what anyone else, excited by the merriment and the champagne, was doing.""" text19391;"""Finally, I pulled away from Ellie.""" text19392;"""If I am, then only for this!""" text19393;"""Nick, I… wasn't ready!""" text19394;"""The element of surprise is the entire point.""" text19395;"""Are you serious about all this?""" text19396;"""Of course! I like you!""" text19397;"""And if you're thinking about Catherine or Himitsu…""" text19398;"""No.""" text19399;"""The dance was over, and we walked to the least crowded wall.""" text19400;"""I don't care about the past.""" text19401;"""You know!""" text19402;"""Ellie livened up, raising at me her eyes full of visceral hope.""" text19403;"""I think I fell in love with you right away. From first sight…""" text19404;"""God, what am I talking about?!""" text19405;"""She immediately blushed and lowered her eyes.""" text19406;"""What's so special about me?""" text19407;"""I was surprised but noted that deep inside I had had a suspicion about her feelings.""" text19408;"""You speak so beautifully and…""" text19409;"""If you had to hear me talk, that's not first glance.""" text19410;"""Oh come on, that doesn't matter!""" text19411;"""Ellie came close and raised her head, apparently waiting for my reaction.""" text19412;"""I kissed her again, this time very briefly.""" text19413;"""I don't think it'd be right if your grandfather saw us.""" text19414;"""He's already locked up in his office, talking about business with someone!""" text19415;"""I'm sure he has eyes and ears all around the place..""" text19416;"""And I have nothing to be ashamed of!""" text19417;"""Nor do I. It's just… after our talk today…""" text19418;"""Yeah, by the way…""" text19419;"""I sealed her lips with another kiss, long and passionate.""" text19420;"""When we finally let each other go, Ellie turned all red, a strand of her hair a little out of place.""" text19421;"""I didn't expect it'd be so… so…""" text19422;"""What?""" text19423;"""This!""" text19424;"""I need to go to the ladies' room.""" text19425;"""You know, I should probably go. I need be home…""" text19426;"""I quickly looked at the clock.""" text19427;"""Before midnight. Yes, before midnight!""" text19428;"""Is somebody waiting for you there?""" text19429;"""No, it's just… I just need to, trust me. I'll explain everything later.""" text19430;"""Alright.""" text19431;"""Ellie agreed reluctantly and took my hand.""" text19432;"""See you tomorrow then?""" text19433;"""See you tomorrow.""" text19434;"""And we kissed goodbye.""" text19435;"""…""" text19436;"""The moment I got into the taxi, I felt extremely tired, and the entire trip back from Kobayashi's estate blended into a single dance of light beyond the car's window.""" text19437;"""Fortunately, my home greeted me with its usual silence, and for once I was happy to hear it.""" text19438;"""I still had to comprehend and reflect on everything that had happened, but that would come later.""" text19439;"""At the moment, I had only one desire, one necessity — to sleep…""" text19440;"""…"""