"text17380 ";"""I woke up with a headache, feeling like I'd been worked over with sticks the whole night.""" text17381;"""Jesus, I was so sick of it all!""" text17382;"""Every day was the same, just a whole heap of new problems!""" text17383;"""I pushed myself up slightly in bed and punched the pillow several times as hard as I could.""" text17384;"""It probably hadn't done anything wrong. Still, it wasn't like the pillow could punch back.""" text17385;"""I didn't want to go to school, didn't want to get up at all.""" text17386;"""I couldn't believe my life would ever change for the better anymore.""" text17387;"""Being in a band had cheered me up a little at first, but wouldn't the happiness it brought make the subsequent pain even worse?""" text17388;"""Finally, I managed to drag myself out of bed.""" text17389;"""I had to choose the better of two evils, when I didn't have the strength to choose at all.""" text17390;"""But if that was how bad I felt, what about Kagome?""" text17391;"""Sure, saying she was acting strangely would be an understatement, but her father was missing after all.""" text17392;"""And I was sure that her inexplicable escapades would soon make the police suspect Iwamura.""" text17393;"""So I decided to give it one last try and figure out what was really going on with Kagome.""" text17394;"""The cold of the night had disappeared without a trace.""" text17395;"""I'd spent too much time in bed, and by the time I left the house it was no longer particularly early.""" text17396;"""The sun seemed to be feeling guilty for having failed to heat the earth yesterday and leaving me cold, and so was shining like it was summer.""" text17397;"""The last warm days of September always create the illusion that autumn will never come.""" text17398;"""People on the street smiled at me, and I occasionally did the same.""" text17399;"""In the end, my decision to get out of bed turned out to be correct.""" text17400;"""…""" text17401;"""In the classroom I was immediately assaulted by Kyosuke.""" text17402;"""Well, Nick, what's the news?""" text17403;"""Got none at all. Am I supposed to have any?""" text17404;"""You tell me.""" text17405;"""He looked at me as if I owed him money.""" text17406;"""If you're going to play detective again, please leave me out of it.""" text17407;"""What, can't I even ask a question any more?!""" text17408;"""I started going through my bag at a deliberately slow pace, and he eventually had to return to his desk.""" text17409;"""Kagome appeared in the classroom right before the bell.""" text17410;"""I wondered if she found it as hard to get up each morning the same way I did.""" text17411;"""I spent the entire first class observing Iwamura and failing to find anything unusual about her behavior.""" text17412;"""She wasn't stiff, zoned out, or overly focused on something — there was nothing to give away the stress that would be natural in this situation.""" text17413;"""While I was fidgeting on my chair and eagerly waiting for the break, she was carefully making notes and listening to the teacher.""" text17414;"""Had we really seen the same girl at the crime scene yesterday…?""" text17415;"""Finally, the bell rang.""" text17416;"""I quickly stood up and rushed to her desk.""" text17417;"""We need to talk.""" text17418;"""What, again?""" text17419;"""Kagome rolled her eyes wearily but didn't object.""" text17420;"""We went up to the roof.""" text17421;"""Over the past couple of weeks, this place had started to disgust me.""" text17422;"""People often associate the most neutral situations and events with something dangerous or unpleasant.""" text17423;"""It had always seemed strange to me, but when you have pointless conversations in the same place day after day, it makes you wonder whether it's the location's fault…""" text17424;"""Can you explain how you ended up at that warehouse yesterday?""" text17425;"""Kagome's entire body was telling me that she had no interest in this conversation, her hands linked behind her back, her eyes directed out at Tokyo's central business district.""" text17426;"""I've told you already — I followed you.""" text17427;"""No way that's true! I checked, nobody followed me from home.""" text17428;"""Then you're bad at checking.""" text17429;"""She shrugged her shoulders without turning to me.""" text17430;"""Anyway! Do you really think you can convince me you're a real detective?""" text17431;"""You two saw it all with your own eyes.""" text17432;"""We saw you there yesterday — that's true.""" text17433;"""I said somewhat calmer.""" text17434;"""But you could've found out where the murders happened on your own.""" text17435;"""And how would I do that?""" text17436;"""I don't know. It doesn't matter. What matters is…""" text17437;"""I sighed heavily and continued:""" text17438;"""What are you trying to accomplish? Why are you deliberately making people suspect you?""" text17439;"""…""" text17440;"""The way you're acting is unnatural and even stupid. But you're not stupid.""" text17441;"""Thanks for the compliment.""" text17442;"""Kagome turned around and gave me a cute smile, completely inappropriate for the situation.""" text17443;"""Maybe I am the one who killed them — has that thought crossed your mind?""" text17444;"""It has.""" text17445;"""I said and looked away.""" text17446;"""And what do you think?""" text17447;"""I didn't respond right away.""" text17448;"""Say she might be the murderer""" text17449;"""Say she has nothing to do with it""" text17450;"""Everything indicates that that's the truth.""" text17451;"""That I'm the killer, you mean?""" text17452;"""Kagome smirked.""" text17453;"""And you're not doing anything to change my mind.""" text17454;"""Why would I?""" text17455;"""Sure, this is all very strange…""" text17456;"""But I don't believe you're capable of doing something like that.""" text17457;"""Killing eight people at once, you mean?""" text17458;"""Do you think I could handle one or two?""" text17459;"""It's like you want me to believe it!""" text17460;"""Why would I?""" text17461;"""I don't know.""" text17462;"""I sighed and sat down on a bench.""" text17463;"""A few minutes of talking to her took as much energy as I imagined hours of parliamentary debates would.""" text17464;"""Why do you even care about them? You clearly weren't friends.""" text17465;"""People died! Students at our school! It could have been us, don't you understand…?""" text17466;"""For an instant, uncertainty and something else, imperceptible, well-hidden, appeared on Kagome's face. Maybe, a sense of guilt.""" text17467;"""But it wasn't the guilt of a repentant killer.""" text17468;"""What matters is that it's not you or Kobayashi they're suspecting!""" text17469;"""What does Ellie even have to do with it?""" text17470;"""You'd like to keep your darling out of all that, I understand.""" text17471;"""What…""" text17472;"""I'm glad you followed my advice!""" text17473;"""There's nothing between us, I just don't understand why you're even trying to drag her into this.""" text17474;"""The more you try to deny it…""" text17475;"""She made a face and gave me an angry look.""" text17476;"""You think I'm just being humble? Who would refuse…""" text17477;"""I still found it hard to say that I wouldn't mind deepening my relationship with Ellie.""" text17478;"""Especially to Kagome.""" text17479;"""Well, whatever.""" text17480;"""She shrugged her shoulders and quickly walked past me to the exit.""" text17481;"""This conversation, just like every other before it, left me with nothing. But for some reason I was almost certain Kagome wasn't the murderer.""" text17482;"""Was it one imperceptible shift of the eyebrows, a twitch of the mouth, an elusive look that was enough?""" text17483;"""For me — maybe. Would it be enough for the police?""" text17484;"""I didn't talk to Kagome for the rest of the school day.""" text17485;"""Kyosuke would occasionally pester me with pointless chatter, but my thoughts were elsewhere.""" text17486;"""If it wasn't her, then who?""" text17487;"""The more I thought about it, the stronger the sense that the killings weren't random.""" text17488;"""I obviously couldn't just think that I was the focal point of everything happening around me, couldn't make everything happening around me about myself, but it was also hard to believe that this case was just a coincidence.""" text17489;"""You win millions in the lottery, and the next day you meet a girl who falls in love with you at first sight.""" text17490;"""Catherine returns to Japan, and I find a written warning on my porch that very evening.""" text17491;"""Eight students at my school die, and…""" text17492;"""There were more than enough ways to finish that sentence.""" text17493;"""I didn't even want to think about some of them.""" text17494;"""Ellie was waiting for me at the school gate after classes, looking around impatiently.""" text17495;"""Ah, here you are! Let's take a walk!""" text17496;"""I obediently followed her.""" text17497;"""When we had put some distance between ourselves and the school, Ellie turned around and started talking in an unusually serious tone:""" text17498;"""You know, I was thinking about our conversation the whole night and…""" text17499;"""I'd already realized what she was about to say.""" text17500;"""You told your grandfather everything?""" text17501;"""Well…""" text17502;"""Her eyes started darting back and forth, and a guilty expression appeared on her face.""" text17503;"""You also said yesterday…""" text17504;"""I didn't say that!""" text17505;"""I exploded.""" text17506;"""But you… you…""" text17507;"""Sure I hadn't told her to not say anything for the umpteenth time, but you could hardly take that as a call to action.""" text17508;"""And what exactly did you tell him?""" text17509;"""It took some effort to calm down.""" text17510;"""Nothing much, really!""" text17511;"""Ellie suddenly grew angry.""" text17512;"""My friends were killed, remember? I told him one of the girls at our school had problems with them.""" text17513;"""More like the other way around — they had had problems with Kagome.""" text17514;"""And that she's acting weird.""" text17515;"""And of course you very prudently didn't mention the part where we met Iwamura in that warehouse?""" text17516;"""Yes.""" text17517;"""Ellie replied quietly and puckered her lips.""" text17518;"""No reason why grandpa should know where I was yesterday.""" text17519;"""Uh-huh.""" text17520;"""I smirked sadly.""" text17521;"""What now? Are you going to say it's my fault?""" text17522;"""No, it's not. But you've probably written Kagome a death sentence.""" text17523;"""You're trying to make my grandfather look like some cold-blooded cutthroat again!""" text17524;"""Do you really think he hasn't… broken the law at least once in his life?""" text17525;"""Who was I protecting? Kagome?""" text17526;"""Or was I hoping to incriminate Kobayashi Jun, who was most likely to blame for my parents' death?""" text17527;"""And do that in a conversation with Ellie…?""" text17528;"""She kept silent for quite a while.""" text17529;"""I'm sure she's in no danger.""" text17530;"""Then why tell him in the first place?""" text17531;"""Because…""" text17532;"""Ellie wrapped her arms around herself and made such a plaintive face that I immediately felt ashamed for attacking her.""" text17533;"""I just couldn't keep it bottled up inside! Going to school with that monster…""" text17534;"""Jesus, you have to realize that she just couldn't do it, physically… eight people…""" text17535;"""You saw her yourself in the crime scene yesterday! Does an innocent person look like that? Do they act like that?""" text17536;"""That was a difficult statement to counter.""" text17537;"""Maybe Iwamura is guilty of something… Or maybe she just came to gloat.""" text17538;"""It'd never crossed my mind before — did Kagome really feel some sort of perverted joy because of her abusers' death?""" text17539;"""I couldn't give a decisive answer to this question.""" text17540;"""If that's true, she's too sure of her impunity.""" text17541;"""What was going to happen to Kagome now?""" text17542;"""The police have their own methods, they'd take some time to investigate the case, and, to be honest, I couldn't imagine why they wouldn't end up suspecting Iwamura.""" text17543;"""A single glance at Kagemaru was enough to know Kobayashi Jun's methods.""" text17544;"""Was Ellie's suspicion enough for her grandfather to give an order?""" text17545;"""I tried to put myself in his position.""" text17546;"""Eight students from the same school as his granddaughter are killed in one night.""" text17547;"""Moreover, some of them were her friends.""" text17548;"""And the murderer is still at large.""" text17549;"""Would that be enough? More than enough, I'd say!""" text17550;"""And even if Ellie believed that her grandfather wasn't capable of killing a girl, what of it?""" text17551;"""But thinking about it, what could I even do? And was I supposed to do anything?""" text17552;"""Of course, my conscience simply wouldn't allow me to sit and wait until Kagemaru snapped her neck, but what if I was panicking about nothing again?""" text17553;"""Yes, Ellie and I had all the reasons in the world to suspect Kagome, but what did Kobayashi Jun know?""" text17554;"""Couldn't he have seen his granddaughter's words as just teenage impressionability?""" text17555;"""Fear takes molehills for mountains, after all.""" text17556;"""One way or another, I could at least warn Kagome.""" text17557;"""You didn't forget that we have a rehearsal today, did you?""" text17558;"""Ellie looked me in the eyes with a smile.""" text17559;"""No, I didn't.""" text17560;"""I lied even though I hadn't thought about it even once today.""" text17561;"""But I need to drop by my place first.""" text17562;"""Sure. It's too early anyway.""" text17563;"""Alright, then… See you later?""" text17564;"""I suddenly felt extremely awkward.""" text17565;"""See you later.""" text17566;"""Luckily, Ellie didn't notice.""" text17567;"""…""" text17568;"""I was strolling down a normal Tokyo street and imagining that just a hundred years ago there'd been a dense forest in its place or some rickety hovels nestling up to each other.""" text17569;"""A hundred years is more than the average person's lifespan, but what is it in terms of human history?""" text17570;"""If there really had been trees here, they could have been several hundred years old.""" text17571;"""In that case, a thousand and ten thousand years ago, there used to be wild nature here, just like everywhere on Earth.""" text17572;"""What would happen in another hundred years then? Would this place become a spaceport instead?""" text17573;"""Not that any of us would live long enough to see it.""" text17574;"""Meanwhile, Kagome had a real chance not to live to see tomorrow…""" text17575;"""Warn Kagome""" text17576;"""Do nothing""" text17577;"""When a thug attacks you and you don't punch back, you're angry not at them for the most part, but at yourself — for your own cowardice.""" text17578;"""I could just ignore the new information from Ellie, and perhaps that would have been the right decision considering Kagome's behavior lately.""" text17579;"""But it wasn't only about her, but about me doing the right thing, however small.""" text17580;"""Sorry, Ellie, not today…""" text17581;"""Kagome had left right after the bell rang, so there was no point in looking for her at school.""" text17582;"""I turned around and quickly headed for the station.""" text17583;"""Japanese schools, apart from teaching the curriculum, also offer children the opportunity to spend their free time participating in different clubs instead of watching TV and playing games.""" text17584;"""They vary from sport clubs (football, baseball, archery) to exotic hobbies like studying manga or ouendan.""" text17585;"""I played football pretty often but had never wanted it to become an obligation.""" text17586;"""As soon as something came with a schedule, assignments, senpais, curators chosen from teachers, and other attributes of social life and competitions, I immediately lost interest.""" text17587;"""Even if I used to like it until then.""" text17588;"""Naturally, I wasn't a member of any club.""" text17589;"""Neither was Kagome — so she had nothing to do at school after class.""" text17590;"""…""" text17591;"""I left the now-familiar station and looked around the fishy district, filled my lungs with salty air, and listened to the meaningless shouts of seafood merchants.""" text17592;"""I wondered if any of them had attended a literature club in school…""" text17593;"""Kagome's restaurant was unusually lively today.""" text17594;"""I walked in and looked around.""" text17595;"""Most of the seats were taken by elderly men loudly eating ramen, drinking beer, and making jokes between the previous two activities.""" text17596;"""And then there was Kagome.""" text17597;"""She hadn't even had time to change her clothes, dashing between tables in her school uniform.""" text17598;"""Once she noticed me, she stopped for a moment, frowned, and approached me confidently.""" text17599;"""You're interfering with my work.""" text17600;"""I haven't even started to.""" text17601;"""Not here.""" text17602;"""She dragged me outside.""" text17603;"""Well, what now?""" text17604;"""She shook the crumbs off of her clothes.""" text17605;"""I thought we'd already discussed everything.""" text17606;"""Yes, but… Let's say the circumstances have changed.""" text17607;"""In her natural habitat, Kagome looked less confident than usual. And, more importantly — less brazen.""" text17608;"""It's easy to pretend being someone you're not on neutral territory.""" text17609;"""When there's only your home behind you, you're forced to reevaluate the risks.""" text17610;"""I'm listening.""" text17611;"""Just don't worry.""" text17612;"""…""" text17613;"""And don't rush to conclusions.""" text17614;"""You do understand you saying that is going to make me worry, right?""" text17615;"""Yeah, sorry.""" text17616;"""Well… Ellie told her grandfather everything!""" text17617;"""I blurted out, not taking my own advice.""" text17618;"""And?""" text17619;"""Not a single muscle twitched on Kagome's face.""" text17620;"""It felt like I'd told her tomorrow's test was going to be postponed a week.""" text17621;"""What, and? That's it. Isn't it enough?""" text17622;"""What kind of reaction did you expect? That I'd start pulling my hair?""" text17623;"""I think you understand what it means.""" text17624;"""I do.""" text17625;"""Then you might be better off leaving Tokyo… For a while.""" text17626;"""Do you have any relatives?""" text17627;"""I'm not going anywhere — I need to find my father.""" text17628;"""She replied in a surprisingly calm manner.""" text17629;"""If it's about money, I'm ready to help. I have some savings…""" text17630;"""Sometimes, having started something, I couldn't stop myself.""" text17631;"""Why would I offer her money?""" text17632;"""It wasn't even about the fact that I barely had enough for myself.""" text17633;"""Acts of absurd generosity are performed only by the very rich and vain or the very poor and dimwitted.""" text17634;"""I don't need your money.""" text17635;"""But you're in danger!""" text17636;"""So is my father.""" text17637;"""You won't be able to help him if…""" text17638;"""I sighed and looked around — no one seemed be paying attention to our conversation.""" text17639;"""The police are one thing… But I'm not sure Kobayashi Jun will really bother to check whether you're guilty or not if he thinks his granddaughter is in danger.""" text17640;"""Kagome seemed to think about it for a moment but then continued in the same uninterested tone:""" text17641;"""I'm not going to give in to him even if he's God himself!""" text17642;"""Persistence worthy of a better cause…""" text17643;"""What do you care? This incident has brought you and Kobayashi much closer together, so you should be happy.""" text17644;"""She grinned.""" text17645;"""You know, you really seem to be happy that they died.""" text17646;"""I'm not about to cry.""" text17647;"""That's one thing. I'm not asking you to play the hypocrite and publicly mourn them.""" text17648;"""The horns of fishing trawlers and the screams of seagulls came from the sea; the port was full of life.""" text17649;"""And even if a heavy bag of fish fell on someone's head at that very moment, we'd never know about it.""" text17650;"""And even if we did, we wouldn't be very upset.""" text17651;"""That was… normal?""" text17652;"""Maybe it was just as normal to not be very sorry about the deaths of your enemies?""" text17653;"""But it's starting to seem like you're sincerely enjoying it.""" text17654;"""Kagome said nothing and looked away.""" text17655;"""I'm not going to pretend I understand your situation…""" text17656;"""Then don't.""" text17657;"""Why do you keep trying to creep into my life? Why?!""" text17658;"""Kagome suddenly raised her head and I saw tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.""" text17659;"""Why the sanctimonious concern? If you really want to help, find my father!""" text17660;"""Kill Kobayashi Jun, destroy the Corporation, I don't know… Do anything but talk pointlessly!""" text17661;"""I can't keep listening to this empty babble! That you care about me, you want to help…""" text17662;"""Where's your help, what has it done for me? You did a whole lot of talking then went back to your own life, leaving me with all the problems!""" text17663;"""You know, my life isn't exactly a paradise either…""" text17664;"""I said automatically.""" text17665;"""A lot of people were annoyed by my habit of always firing back to prove I was right, even when I was better off keeping quiet.""" text17666;"""Then sort yourself out first before bothering me!""" text17667;"""She shouted and returned to the restaurant, slamming the door in farewell.""" text17668;"""…""" text17669;"""My job was to warn her. Is how I comforted myself on the way to the station.""" text17670;"""But Kagome's emotional outburst didn't seem to fit the situation.""" text17671;"""She could've gotten angry, cursed at me, in the worst case.""" text17672;"""But it was like I had insulted her personally. As if I failed her.""" text17673;"""But what could Kagome expect from me, if I myself didn't expect or believe in anything?""" text17674;"""Maybe that was the point? Women are usually better at noticing things like that.""" text17675;"""Anyway, most likely, the truth was somewhere in the middle, as usual.""" text17676;"""It could also be possible that she was upset about something else that I had no idea about.""" text17677;"""One district of Tokyo gave way to another outside the train's window as it approached the city center.""" text17678;"""I was looking at the rows of apartment buildings, rejoicing deep inside that I didn't have to live in a human anthill like that.""" text17679;"""I wondered if their residents felt less lonely living so close to each other.""" text17680;"""I often felt lonely even in the middle of a crowd.""" text17681;"""What does it matter whether a person is a meter or a kilometer from you if the two of you have nothing in common?""" text17682;"""And paradoxically, there were very few people I was interested in being close to.""" text17683;"""Most people, usually, just annoyed me.""" text17684;"""I came home and stared at the telephone.""" text17685;"""Of course, I could've called Ellie from a phone box earlier and warned her that I wouldn't come for the rehearsal. Now it was too late.""" text17686;"""So, was I supposed to call her later tonight then? Or talk to her tomorrow at school…""" text17687;"""I kept standing by the telephone, anxiously shifting from one foot to another.""" text17688;"""It probably wasn't just about not going to the rehearsal.""" text17689;"""She'd ask why — and what could I say?""" text17690;"""Well actually, I could lie, come up with a thousand and one good reasons.""" text17691;"""But I felt I wouldn't be able to.""" text17692;"""Sometimes you just know that your lips will freeze, the words will get stuck in your throat, and you'll look away, hoping she won't ask anything else.""" text17693;"""In short, I couldn't tell Ellie that I missed the rehearsal because I had gone to Kagome.""" text17694;"""…""" text17695;"""Everyone lives in their own subjective reality — the difference is, some of those realities are closer to the objective one.""" text17696;"""In my reality, not that much time had passed by, but objectively the clock read eight.""" text17697;"""Ellie must've come back home already.""" text17698;"""I walked to the telephone, begrudgingly lifted the receiver and fidgeted with it.""" text17699;"""I dialed the number and waited for a response.""" text17700;"""Finally, an unfamiliar voice sounded on the other end:""" text17701;"""Kobayashi estate.""" text17702;"""Err… Ellie-san? I'd like to talk to Ellie-san.""" text17703;"""The young mistress isn't at home.""" text17704;"""When will she be back?""" text17705;"""I don't have the privilege of knowing.""" text17706;"""The voice responded turgidly.""" text17707;"""Thank you.""" text17708;"""I hung up, the silence of the empty house becoming instantly deafening.""" text17709;"""Not that I had any reason to be worried about Ellie.""" text17710;"""She could've gone somewhere with the guys. Or dropped by a music store.""" text17711;"""It wasn't that late, was it?""" text17712;"""I returned to the kitchen and turned on the TV.""" text17713;"""The newscaster was talking about the trial of some pilot who landed in Moscow.""" text17714;"""It was unbearably difficult to take in what I was hearing.""" text17715;"""To form sentences out of words, to transform sentences into electrical impulses that would find matches in the neural system of my brain.""" text17716;"""I wished I could just fly the hell away and land in the Red Square, too!""" text17717;"""Just grab a bag with a few things and…""" text17718;"""I imagined a light single-engine jet and a girl sitting next to me.""" text17719;"""Could it be Ellie?""" text17720;"""It wasn't that hard to imagine Himitsu flying with me, even Catherine.""" text17721;"""God, even Kagome, if she found her father first!""" text17722;"""But Ellie…""" text17723;"""She wasn't just way above me on the social ladder — it felt like she was from another planet.""" text17724;"""But when I was talking to her one on one, it was so easy to forget…""" text17725;"""The phone's dial was still looking at me reproachfully, as if urging to immediate action.""" text17726;"""But I couldn't just call every half an hour!""" text17727;"""It was just rude, really!""" text17728;"""I reached for the hanger to grab my jacket, but it wasn't there.""" text17729;"""Yeah, right…""" text17730;"""I walked outside and sat on the porch.""" text17731;"""The lights were on in Himitsu's house.""" text17732;"""We never talked after that time…""" text17733;"""What did she think when she saw Ellie at my place?""" text17734;"""Not Catherine, not Kagome, not any other girl — but Kobayashi Ellie in the flesh.""" text17735;"""You should've said you sell drugs — that would've been easier to believe!""" text17736;"""Himitsu hadn't been ready to even entertain the idea that Ellie and I might have something in common.""" text17737;"""And then she saw the queen of the school at my house.""" text17738;"""If she were to find out that we were also playing in the same band…""" text17739;"""Well, to be precise, I was playing in Ellie's band.""" text17740;"""A gust of bone chilling wind made me go back to the relatively warm house.""" text17741;"""Having been born and spent the first years of my life in a northern country, even all these years later I still found it impossible not to miss central heating.""" text17742;"""They say that the condition of your body influences the condition of your mind.""" text17743;"""I felt cold — which meant I had neither the energy nor desire to do anything.""" text17744;"""If my bass came to life like in some Disney movie, it would have likely scolded me for skipping rehearsal, for lying in bed, mindlessly flipping through the pages of yet another sci-fi novel.""" text17745;"""I imagined it as a kind of tubby burgomaster with a long twisted mustache, wearing colorful striped pajamas.""" text17746;"""Generally, I had little love for fantasy, being more interested in science fiction.""" text17747;"""Sorcery, wizards, almighty gods — all that magical stuff seemed to me like a poor but very convenient implementation of deus ex machina.""" text17748;"""Although when I was little, I could never tear myself away from Legends and Myths of Ancient Greece, the same as any other Soviet child.""" text17749;"""Now that was a realm of absolutely unscientific sodomy!""" text17750;"""But when I got my hands on Lem's Solaris, something changed.""" text17751;"""It felt like I'd pierced the veil of mystery over the endless Cosmos, of which we are only a tiny portion.""" text17752;"""The birth and evolution of life on other planets, the heroism of the explorers bravely going places where no man had gone before, first contact…""" text17753;"""It all seemed like a treasure trove of mysteries, enough for many thousands and millions of years.""" text17754;"""You solve one of them just to find out that there's a hundred others hiding behind the answer.""" text17755;"""A stark contrast to the wizard, who just mutters a spell and creates a fireball.""" text17756;"""Epistemologically, he doesn't care how exactly this spell works, as long as it works.""" text17757;"""But I could never be satisfied with that way of thinking.""" text17758;"""Maybe there was a great inventor slowly and painfully dying in me…""" text17759;"""Although those were just my assumptions.""" text17760;"""I imagined Kagome's probable reaction, her perpetually annoyed face and caustic remarks…""" text17761;"""Dig your own way out!""" text17762;"""When I arrived home, I got the sense I came too early.""" text17763;"""It was like in elementary school, when they let you go early, yet the clock was stubbornly saying I had to get ready for our rehearsal.""" text17764;"""Not that there was much to prepare — only myself, morally.""" text17765;"""I made some tea and several sandwiches and slowly ate them in front of the TV.""" text17766;"""I took a freshly ironed (by Himitsu) shirt out of the wardrobe, tried it on, and sighed.""" text17767;"""Our last meeting hadn't ended the way I wanted to at all.""" text17768;"""Just recently Himitsu had believed I could have nothing to do with Kobayashi Ellie — and then there she was, at my place, in this very kitchen.""" text17769;"""Besides, now we were playing in the same band… Not that she had to know that, for the time being!""" text17770;"""The time passed slowly, even more so since I was checking it every two minutes.""" text17771;"""But any wait is bound to end at some point.""" text17772;"""…""" text17773;"""I came to the rehearsal half an hour early again, but I wasn't the first to arrive.""" text17774;"""Tokyo Rider was standing behind the synthesizer, playing some synthpop. It sounded very futuristic.""" text17775;"""Hey.""" text17776;"""He noticed me and gave a slight nod, keeping his attention on the instrument.""" text17777;"""Listen… I've wanted to ask you for a while: what do you actually do in life?""" text17778;"""He finally tore himself away from the keys and gave me a sly glance from over his glasses.""" text17779;"""I'm not dancing to the corporate tune, if that's what you mean.""" text17780;"""What, can you really make a living playing music?""" text17781;"""Everything is possible if you put in enough effort…""" text17782;"""And if you're lucky.""" text17783;"""He added slyly.""" text17784;"""Ishida's and Mitsuyoshi's entrance meant we couldn't continue our thrilling conversation.""" text17785;"""Hi, Nick!""" text17786;"""Hey there!""" text17787;"""Good afternoon.""" text17788;"""I gave a reserved response to their greetings.""" text17789;"""No matter what they said, to me, our relationship as a group followed the kohai-senpai model.""" text17790;"""Why so tense? Something happen?""" text17791;"""N-no.""" text17792;"""I replied hesitantly.""" text17793;"""Of course, I was still thinking about Kagome.""" text17794;"""Had I done the right thing by leaving her alone with her problems, by not warning her?""" text17795;"""You must be waiting for El?""" text17796;"""The drummer chuckled.""" text17797;"""Mitsuyoshi!""" text17798;"""Ishida lightly jabbed his side with an elbow.""" text17799;"""I didn't say anything!""" text17800;"""Ellie appeared in the studio right on time.""" text17801;"""Sorry, I didn't really prepare!""" text17802;"""She ran into the room, and before even catching her breath, started apologizing.""" text17803;"""Yesterday was a teeeerrible day!""" text17804;"""Ellie looked at me furtively.""" text17805;"""Well, let's begin?""" text17806;"""But seeing the way she was playing and singing, I would never have said she didn't prepare.""" text17807;"""As for me, an extra day of rehearsing on my own clearly hadn't been enough — I was constantly making mistakes with the new songs, especially at first.""" text17808;"""Several times we had to start over because I'd lost the rhythm or forgot what I had to play.""" text17809;"""Nick, are you alright?""" text17810;"""That was a pretty stupid question.""" text17811;"""No, I wasn't! And I didn't think it was a good idea to talk about it in front of the other band members!""" text17812;"""But I tried to keep calm on the outside:""" text17813;"""Just a bit nervous.""" text17814;"""Don't be! Look at me — I'm not nervous at all!""" text17815;"""Ah, yeah…""" text17816;"""Her words sounded like mockery, but I knew that Ellie didn't actually want to upset me.""" text17817;"""It was just her personality — or so I kept telling myself.""" text17818;"""But her ability to instantly switch track from one problem to another wasn't just admirable, but also annoying and a little scary.""" text17819;"""Jealousy? That was probably too simple an explanation, overlooking too many details.""" text17820;"""…""" text17821;"""After about an hour, I finally relaxed a bit and found myself playing much better.""" text17822;"""And just then, one of the strings on my bass snapped.""" text17823;"""Goddamn it…""" text17824;"""I grit my teeth.""" text17825;"""Oh, sorry, I should've checked the bass… No one's played it for a while.""" text17826;"""Ishida immediately jumped to me, making a face like he'd just run over a pedestrian on a crosswalk.""" text17827;"""It's alright.""" text17828;"""I'll restring it, ok?""" text17829;"""I was ashamed to acknowledge it, but I couldn't do that myself.""" text17830;"""Thank you.""" text17831;"""I gave him the guitar.""" text17832;"""They say a broken string is good fortune.""" text17833;"""Ellie walked over to us and stood next to me.""" text17834;"""Really?""" text17835;"""No. I just made that up.""" text17836;"""She laughed, and I found myself offended.""" text17837;"""You know, I'm not really in the mood for jokes today.""" text17838;"""I added in a lower voice:""" text17839;"""And I think you know why.""" text17840;"""Sorry, I didn't want to upset you.""" text17841;"""I'm not upset at all… Except maybe with myself.""" text17842;"""Ellie made a gesture to step aside, so the others wouldn't hear our conversation.""" text17843;"""So you're still worried about that maniac?""" text17844;"""I'm not worried about her…""" text17845;"""Ishida noticed my sigh, turning away from the guitar and looking at us, perplexed…""" text17846;"""Those who don't oppose evil, condone it, don't they?""" text17847;"""And of course in your world all evil is personified by my grandfather!""" text17848;"""No. Alright, sorry, I shouldn't have even started.""" text17849;"""Nick, wait…""" text17850;"""I ignored her and went back to Ishida.""" text17851;"""Look, can you teach me to restring this?""" text17852;"""Sure thing!""" text17853;"""He gave me a wide smile in response.""" text17854;"""…""" text17855;"""When the practice was over, the sun had already gone down.""" text17856;"""I didn't have any instruments or equipment to pack, so I quickly said goodbye to everyone and left the studio.""" text17857;"""Ellie caught up with me after about half a minute.""" text17858;"""Nick, where are you running off to so suddenly?""" text17859;"""Nowhere… Home.""" text17860;"""I stopped and looked at her wearily.""" text17861;"""I would have preferred to spend the rest of the day alone.""" text17862;"""So you're upset after all?""" text17863;"""I'm just tired. And I haven't slept properly for a while. Going to collapse into bed as soon as I'm home.""" text17864;"""I lied, even though I didn't want to sleep at all.""" text17865;"""Well… Okay then. Bye! See you tomorrow.""" text17866;"""She said reluctantly.""" text17867;"""…""" text17868;"""As soon as I came home, I went to bed with a book — another science fiction novel.""" text17869;"""I preferred hard science fiction, which dealt with the real problems of space, contact with other life forms, and the structure of the universe.""" text17870;"""Although I also enjoyed adventure novels where interstellar flights and aliens were little more than stage decorations.""" text17871;"""Maybe because it wasn't that easy to find a really interesting book that went beyond anthropocentrism.""" text17872;"""I flipped through one page after another and at some point realized I'd completely stopped following the story.""" text17873;"""My thoughts had gone elsewhere or ceased to exist at all — I had neither the energy nor desire to focus on something specific.""" text17874;"""An image of an angry Kagome drifted before my eyes.""" text17875;"""Laughing Ellie with a guitar in her hands.""" text17876;"""Irina with her malevolent smirk.""" text17877;"""The stern face of Kobayashi Jun.""" text17878;"""Catherine and Himitsu…""" text17879;"""I didn't even notice when I fell asleep."""