text15140;"""I couldn't fall asleep until early in the morning. My whole body ached since I was afraid to turn and wake Catherine up.""" text15141;"""Meanwhile, she was sleeping just as calmly as the night before.""" text15142;"""But the next moment after I closed my eyes for just a second, the room was drowning in the light of the rising sun and the morning Tokyo was waking up behind the window.""" text15143;"""I turned to the other side, but Katya wasn't there. Maybe she went to the toilet?""" text15144;"""But the vague sense of something being wrong began eating at me and kept me from falling asleep again.""" text15145;"""I got up, wiped my swollen eyes, and looked around.""" text15146;"""A little scrap of paper lay on the table. Another note.""" text15147;"""\""Nick, I thought about it and decided that you're right. Sorry for everything. Love you. Catherine\""""" text15148;"""I turned the paper in my hands and re-read it several times.""" text15149;"""So, Catherine had left… But where to?!""" text15150;"""\""You're right\""? What the hell was I right about?!""" text15151;"""About going through our options and the suggestion she return to her mother?!""" text15152;"""At that moment, I didn't even know what I was saying!""" text15153;"""I just wanted to save the person I loved and said whatever popped into my head!""" text15154;"""Things I'd seen in movies or read in books…""" text15155;"""Is that a crime?""" text15156;"""What if I'd said we should drink poison together?!""" text15157;"""That was a way out too, in a sense!""" text15158;"""AAAAHHHH!!!""" text15159;"""A scream of agony found its way out of my lungs, and a tirade of swearing from behind the walls came in response.""" text15160;"""Katya, why?!""" text15161;"""I quickly got dressed and ran to Mrs Winters' apartment — Catherine must've gone there, right? Where else could she go?!""" text15162;"""Getting to that district on foot was unrealistic, and I had no money for a train ticket, so I just jumped over the paygate, pushing myself a meter and a half above the ground.""" text15163;"""I had no idea I could do something like that!""" text15164;"""I was panting and sweating in the train, and a decent exclusion zone formed around me in what would normally be a crowded Tokyo train car.""" text15165;"""Office rats in their grey suits, schoolgirls with way too much makeup on, decrepit old women in their last years — all of them stared at me with a mix of surprise and disgust.""" text15166;"""But I couldn't care less.""" text15167;"""My heart was beating to the tempo of a trash metal action film, constantly giving off overly progressive syncopated beats.""" text15168;"""The train seemed to be going at an incredible speed, but time went by so slowly that I felt death's approach several times before I got to the right station.""" text15169;"""From there, it didn't take much time to get to Catherine's house.""" text15170;"""I ran down the street, elbowing people like a professional rugby player.""" text15171;"""As soon as I reached the right door, I pressed the buzzer as hard as I could.""" text15172;"""The awful sound repeated again and again, but nobody opened the door.""" text15173;"""They weren't home? But then where was Katya?!""" text15174;"""Of course, I could've been wrong from the start — Catherine could simply have called her mother from a telephone box and agreed to meet somewhere else.""" text15175;"""By now they could already be flying away from the Japanese archipelago.""" text15176;"""I imagined Sheryl Winters drinking a margarita with a snarky smile on her lips.""" text15177;"""And Catherine in a chair next to her.""" text15178;"""What expression would she have, what would she be thinking about, how would she be responding to her mother's jokes…?""" text15179;"""I kept pressing the buzzer for so long that the doorman ended up stepping outside and trying to shoo me away.""" text15180;"""From him, I learned that Mrs Winters had left early in the morning, and he hadn't seen Catherine in a long time.""" text15181;"""So, my first thought didn't turn out to be my best…""" text15182;"""What else could I do?""" text15183;"""I slid down the brick wall of the house that always seemed completely alien to me and hugged my knees.""" text15184;"""Nikolai?""" text15185;"""I heard a familiar voice next to me.""" text15186;"""Ito was leaning over me with a look of genuine surprise on his face.""" text15187;"""Now that's a surprise!""" text15188;"""Ryunosuke-san…""" text15189;"""Of course, the meeting was unexpected for me too, but after Katya left, I seemed to have lost all ties to reality.""" text15190;"""What are you doing here?""" text15191;"""That's what I'd like to ask you. I have to admit, I'm glad we met!""" text15192;"""If you're here… and I'm here… so you haven't found Catherine?""" text15193;"""I was hoping that Ms Winters was with you.""" text15194;"""I'm sure you'd love her to be!""" text15195;"""I smirked and slowly stood up.""" text15196;"""At least she was safe!""" text15197;"""You don't think I intended to hurt Catherine-san, do you?""" text15198;"""Ito asked with feigned indignation.""" text15199;"""So then, I can leave?""" text15200;"""Of course!""" text15201;"""His nasty smile made me recoil.""" text15202;"""As soon as you answer a few questions.""" text15203;"""Go ahead. I have plenty of time.""" text15204;"""Then we'd better talk somewhere more suitable.""" text15205;"""This place looks suitable enough to me.""" text15206;"""Nikolai, let's not make a scene.""" text15207;"""He looked at the car parked nearby.""" text15208;"""Seemed like they'd gotten me good and I had no chance at escape.""" text15209;"""Not that I had anywhere to escape to — no place in Tokyo was safe for me anymore.""" text15210;"""And did it really matter where I was — on the street or in a cell — when Catherine had disappeared from my life once again.""" text15211;"""This time, it looked like, forever…""" text15212;"""Fine, let's go.""" text15213;"""As soon as we got into the car, a bag was pulled over my head, so I couldn't memorize the path we followed even if I wanted to.""" text15214;"""…""" text15215;"""The Japanese seemed to treat me more carefully than Mrs Winters' people.""" text15216;"""At least this time I didn't take any blows to the head!""" text15217;"""The interrogation room looked to be in the same building where I'd had my first pleasant conversation with Mrs Winters.""" text15218;"""While I was waiting for the unknown, I had time to think.""" text15219;"""So, Catherine had decided to follow my stupid advice and return to her mother.""" text15220;"""Could I blame her for it? After all she's had to go through over the last month?!""" text15221;"""No, I had no right to think like that.""" text15222;"""But a heart has a will of its own — yes, I had my concerns, but, going to sleep yesterday, I wanted to believe I would wake up next to Katya.""" text15223;"""However, the little worm of distrust nested deep within my soul gradually ate away at the wings of my noble intentions…""" text15224;"""She could've taken me with her!""" text15225;"""It's all because of her mother!""" text15226;"""Dress it in all the pretty words you like, she just abandoned you!""" text15227;"""You always knew it was going to end like this!""" text15228;"""You two are too different — you're not destined to be together!""" text15229;"""Ito is going to come in and shoot you like a rabid dog! And you still believe that meeting Catherine was a good thing?""" text15230;"""You could be living with Himitsu right now! Living good or bad — but living!""" text15231;"""But no! The noble impulse of your soul is going to drive you into a coffin!""" text15232;"""A coffin wouldn't even be the worst option! — a new voice echoed — They might well just hang you from a tree in Aokigahara! Together with the other romantics!""" text15233;"""Shut up!""" text15234;"""I screamed and grasped my head with my hands, as if that would calm the voices down.""" text15235;"""She was just waiting for the right moment to run away!""" text15236;"""Nothing she said meant anything — she was only with you so long as it was convenient for her!""" text15237;"""And soon as she got an opportunity, she ran away!""" text15238;"""Did you really think she would sacrifice anything at all for you, expose herself or her mother to danger?""" text15239;"""Everybody knew that! Everybody but you!""" text15240;"""Himitsu warned you — you just didn't want to listen!""" text15241;"""And where are we now? Look around!""" text15242;"""This is where your blind love got us!""" text15243;"""Must be beating yourself up! — the third voice said sarcastically, as if hammering the last nail in the top of the coffin that I, according to them, had no hope of having.""" text15244;"""ENOUGH!!!""" text15245;"""I smashed my head into the table as hard as I could.""" text15246;"""I would prefer it if I didn't have to tie you to the chair.""" text15247;"""Ito sat opposite to me, looking at me with disgust in his eyes.""" text15248;"""Ryunosuke-san, how long have you been here?""" text15249;"""I rubbed my bruised forehead but felt nothing.""" text15250;"""How about I tell you my theory first, and you correct me if I'm wrong anywhere, alright?""" text15251;"""He took out a cigarette and lit it.""" text15252;"""I just silently stared at him, not even sure whether this was real.""" text15253;"""You two were supposed to meet with Sheryl Winters, but her daughter ditched you.""" text15254;"""I don't care about why — whether you had a fight or disagreed on something.""" text15255;"""Ito went from talking like the sympathetic neighbor to a cold, calculating man used to getting his way.""" text15256;"""Naturally, you had a plan on how you'd get out of the country.""" text15257;"""Let's start with something simple: where were you supposed to meet with Winters?""" text15258;"""With each sentence my head dropped lower and lower, I felt like a naughty boy in a police station.""" text15259;"""Well, Nikolai, why the silence? Am I wrong about something?""" text15260;"""You wouldn't need to have a brilliant mind to come to the conclusions he did, but I just wasn't prepared to be driven into a corner like this.""" text15261;"""I only had two options: keep my silence until the end or tell the truth.""" text15262;"""The truth, unfortunately, was that I knew nothing!""" text15263;"""And thus it didn't much differ from silence.""" text15264;"""In any case, even under torture I wouldn't be able to say anything that could cause Catherine harm!""" text15265;"""And after everything, you still want to protect her! — one of the voices said mockingly.""" text15266;"""For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do you part?""" text15267;"""Well, we're almost there!""" text15268;"""I don't know anything…""" text15269;"""I whispered angrily.""" text15270;"""What? Nikolai, speak up, I can't hear you!""" text15271;"""I don't know anything, understand?!""" text15272;"""I shouted.""" text15273;"""We… we hadn't decided anything yet! It was clear that we had to get out of Tokyo somehow, but we had no money.""" text15274;"""Catherine… She must've contacted her mother. She left early in morning when I was still asleep.""" text15275;"""Is that so?""" text15276;"""Ito raised an eyebrow.""" text15277;"""You are unlucky in love, Nikolai.""" text15278;"""Tell that to your daughter, bastard!""" text15279;"""Do you think you're in a position to be speaking to me like that?""" text15280;"""I don't think it can get much worse.""" text15281;"""Ito reacted differently to what I expected — he frowned and leaned back.""" text15282;"""Despite everything, I don't want anything to happen to you! After all these years… Do you really believe you remained just a mission to me?""" text15283;"""If so, why would I save you?""" text15284;"""I don't know! Better yet, why don't you tell me what all this is for?!""" text15285;"""Maybe, because you still need me. To find Catherine's mother through her…""" text15286;"""Well, we won't get anywhere like this…""" text15287;"""He took out another cigarette, but broke the match while lighting it, cursed, and threw the pack on the table.""" text15288;"""Like a skilled figure skater, it slid on the smooth surface and stopped in the dent left by my head.""" text15289;"""I'll give you some time to think. We'll continue from where we left off.""" text15290;"""I assume I won't be given any water or food?""" text15291;"""You assume correctly.""" text15292;"""And how long will I have to… think?""" text15293;"""You have all the time in the world.""" text15294;"""Ito stood up and walked out, leaving his cigarettes behind.""" text15295;"""As soon as I was left alone, exhaustion overwhelmed me.""" text15296;"""My head moved to the dent in the table of its own accord, and the interrogation room quickly went away, like a landscape beyond the window in a train bringing me further and further from reality.""" text15297;"""…""" text15298;"""But everything ended well.""" text15299;"""Catherine and I were sitting on the beach, holding hands and looking at the sunset as it colored the horizon all shades of red and purple.""" text15300;"""We were silent, but the silence spoke louder than any words.""" text15301;"""Never before had I felt such connection with another person; it was as if we became one.""" text15302;"""After all the challenges and dangers, we finally found peace.""" text15303;"""How much I wanted this moment to last forever!""" text15304;"""…""" text15305;"""Water dripping onto my head woke me up.""" text15306;"""Slowly, one drop every few seconds — but each impact echoed in my skull like thunder.""" text15307;"""There's a reason why water torture is considered one of the worst in existence.""" text15308;"""I looked at the ceiling, but apparently it wasn't intentional — it seemed that the seam between the panels was right above my head, and the plaster had peeled off at just the right place.""" text15309;"""I didn't how much time had passed.""" text15310;"""Maybe a few hours, maybe a few minutes.""" text15311;"""That dream about Catherine completely undermined my determination to play hero.""" text15312;"""I hadn't been hiding anything (because I knew nothing), but I still hadn't wanted Ito to think he managed to get something out of me.""" text15313;"""But all this fervor seemed to have stayed behind in the dream, and I was ready to get on my knees in front of him and confess to every mortal sin.""" text15314;"""Except, he was in no hurry to come back.""" text15315;"""It was so silent in the basement (it was a basement, right?), that I could hear the blood running in my arteries, liquid moving in my head, and veins pulsating in my body.""" text15316;"""I felt like I was going mad…""" text15317;"""I started tapping out a rhythm on the table with my knuckles, but soon enough grew bored of it.""" text15318;"""It's not that scary to be alone, it's scary to be nothing!""" text15319;"""And to make it worse, the voices in my head had also gone silent when Ito left.""" text15320;"""Hey!""" text15321;"""I called carefully.""" text15322;"""Of course, it was too early to make assumptions — it was a normal reaction of my body to excessive stress.""" text15323;"""But with each second, the darkness was growing thicker above my head.""" text15324;"""I didn't believe that I would ever see Catherine again, but, at least, this morning I was still hoping to survive.""" text15325;"""A few hours ago I was hoping that Ito would just keep me here long enough to make sure I knew nothing.""" text15326;"""And then… who knows — maybe he would let me go!""" text15327;"""Now I was no longer sure I would live another minute — it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room, and I begun to suffocate, impotently opening my mouth like a fish thrown on land.""" text15328;"""Enough already!""" text15329;"""I ran to the door and started banging on it with my fists.""" text15330;"""Let me out! Ryunosuke-san, I'll tell you everything!""" text15331;"""But the same scornful silence was my only answer.""" text15332;"""Ryunosuke-san! I'll tell you about Catherine's mother! About my parents! I'll give you all the documents!""" text15333;"""…""" text15334;"""Ryunosuke-san, please!""" text15335;"""…""" text15336;"""Spare me!""" text15337;"""………""" text15338;"""…..""" text15339;"""…""" text15340;"""I always found it difficult to fall asleep in a new place for the first time. Catherine didn't seem to have the same problem (or maybe she was just too tired).""" text15341;"""After just five minutes, her breath grew steady and barely audible.""" text15342;"""Meanwhile, I didn't dare to turn, afraid to disturb her, and soon enough went numb everywhere I could.""" text15343;"""We were acting like total strangers, or at least it seemed that way to me.""" text15344;"""I couldn't shake the feeling I'd left something unsaid.""" text15345;"""I couldn't blame Catherine for trying to protect her mother, but I couldn't agree with her either.""" text15346;"""Maybe it was something like what my ancestors had felt after October 1917, when the entire country split into two camps — the reds and the whites.""" text15347;"""One single idea that doesn't even directly impact your life is enough to drive a wedge between siblings, parents and children, husbands and wives…""" text15348;"""A new flag won't grow more food.""" text15349;"""But humanity's bloodiest wars happened not over a loaf of bread but over completely intangible, abstract concepts.""" text15350;"""From my point of view, Katya's belief in her mother was irrational, but she probably thought the same about my distrust of Mrs Winters.""" text15351;"""Did I have good reasons to suspect Sheryl Winters of my parents' murder? I guess so.""" text15352;"""Was the evidence enough to be sure? I guess not.""" text15353;"""And if it not for her strange inaction, I wouldn't doubt that Catherine would be much safer with her right now than with me.""" text15354;"""On the other hand, she would be safer almost anywhere that wasn't with me…""" text15355;"""Time ran painfully slowly — after just half an hour I lost all feeling in the arm I was lying on.""" text15356;"""Are you asleep…?""" text15357;"""I whispered but heard no response.""" text15358;"""Then I turned as carefully as I could and stared at the ceiling.""" text15359;"""What would I do in the morning?""" text15360;"""Call Kyosuke, sure, but what if he didn't respond?""" text15361;"""I felt like a chess player sacrificing pieces one by one for the vague prospect of winning the game, hoping my opponent wouldn't figure out my rather obvious plan.""" text15362;"""And now the board was almost empty, my attack was almost ready, but all the other side had to do was move a pawn to ruin my entire strategy.""" text15363;"""Our lack of money seemed to be the main obstacle — but deep inside both of us knew that was just a nice excuse for future failure.""" text15364;"""It wouldn't take that much to leave Tokyo.""" text15365;"""At the end of the twentieth century, nobody starves to death in developed countries.""" text15366;"""If you are healthy and young, you can always find a job.""" text15367;"""If you have a goal and the will to pursue it, there's a lot you can achieve!""" text15368;"""Maybe you won't be incredibly rich and famous, but you can live a decent life and most importantly, be satisfied with it.""" text15369;"""At the moment, I couldn't imagine anything like that and doubted Catherine could either.""" text15370;"""Peace, happiness, and confidence in the future seemed to be the things that couldn't, in principle, happen to me… to us.""" text15371;"""Yes, we were together again, but what did that really change?""" text15372;"""We still argued with each other, I was still a spineless loser hunted by anyone and everyone…""" text15373;"""You hope that some \""event X\"" will change your life.""" text15374;"""And then it comes — and nothing changes!""" text15375;"""In the very best case, you just enjoy it for some time before everything gets back to normal.""" text15376;"""We all live by our hopes for the best, and to us they are more important than achieving the best itself — because the picture of the future in our heads is always more beautiful than the most beautiful reality we could ever possibly experience.""" text15377;"""And more importantly, hope is a hundred times more pleasant than reasonable caution in your predictions.""" text15378;"""Your first million won't make you happy if you were aiming for a billion.""" text15379;"""With years the mundane can make love lose its color — and then that young colleague seems much more attractive than your old, boring wife.""" text15380;"""You win the Japanese football league, start dreaming about the European Cup, and realize that winning it is beyond your reach…""" text15381;"""The same way, my reunion with Catherine hadn't become the catharsis I desired.""" text15382;"""Somewhere deep inside, I'd probably been hoping that when we would be together again all the worries and problems in our life would miraculously disappear.""" text15383;"""We wouldn't need to worry about money, the future, or spend time to maintain proper relationships with other people.""" text15384;"""Our life would become a fairy tale, our only duty would be to enjoy it!""" text15385;"""But reality turned out to be deaf to my requests, as always — it wasn't cruel or vindictive, it just didn't care about me.""" text15386;"""They say that statistics can predict the behavior of millions, but are absolutely useless when it comes to the life of one particular person.""" text15387;"""Just like that, I was dreaming of the future and ignoring the present, basing my expectations on stories from books, manga, and movies more than anything.""" text15388;"""When the horizon started to brighten, I finally fell asleep, absolutely exhausted.""" text15389;"""…""" text15390;"""Heavy and muddy, like a bucket of dirty water, sleep didn't bring relief.""" text15391;"""I woke up because of birds singing outside and barely managed to open my swollen eyes.""" text15392;"""Catherine was sitting behind the table, reading a book.""" text15393;"""Are you still here?""" text15394;"""I asked in a sleepy voice and tried to stretch — and immediately felt as if lightning pierced my back.""" text15395;"""Ow…""" text15396;"""I felt much worse than I normally would after sleeping for a few hours — it felt more like I'd gone on a 24 hour drinking spree and then fainted.""" text15397;"""You wake up, unable to understand where you are and who you are, what year it is and which galaxy this damn planet is in.""" text15398;"""Where else would I be?""" text15399;"""Only then did I understand what I had said and managed to sit up somehow, lowering my feet to the floor.""" text15400;"""About your mother…""" text15401;"""My stomach grumbled treacherously, so loudly that it was probably audible the next room over with how thin the walls were.""" text15402;"""Catherine smiled, but more out of politeness.""" text15403;"""Sorry…""" text15404;"""I understand, I'm hungry too.""" text15405;"""But still.""" text15406;"""I managed to get myself to the table and sat across from Catherine.""" text15407;"""I spent a lot of the night thinking and decided that I was wrong about your mother. Either way, I can't hold you responsible for her actions.""" text15408;"""And I can't keep pretending we can survive on sunlight and the holy spirit.""" text15409;"""Yes, we can leave Tokyo. We can run away from everybody — but not from ourselves.""" text15410;"""You had a nightmare?""" text15411;"""Worse, I had a dream about my future!""" text15412;"""Was I in it?""" text15413;"""She asked, sounding like she just wanted to keep the conversation going.""" text15414;"""I didn't dream anything, to be honest. Although I'm still not sure all of this isn't a dream…""" text15415;"""I just decided that you should go back to your mother after all.""" text15416;"""You decided? What about my opinion?""" text15417;"""You don't need me to tell you that it's the best option right now.""" text15418;"""She looked away and said nothing.""" text15419;"""The sounds of the city waking beyond the window grew louder by the minute: cars honked their horns louder and louder, it was harder and harder to tell voices apart in the overall noise, and birds went completely quiet.""" text15420;"""Maybe you just decided it's all too complicated?""" text15421;"""Catherine asked with sudden anger.""" text15422;"""Are you going to leave me alone, ditch me here?!""" text15423;"""What the hell are you talking about?!""" text15424;"""Because I don't know what to do! And neither do you!""" text15425;"""Neither of us are prepared for this, and it pisses me off!""" text15426;"""Why do other people get to tell me how to live and who to love? It drives me insane!""" text15427;"""You're sending me to my mom, but if it's all like you said, she wasn't particularly worried when I disappeared!""" text15428;"""Katya…""" text15429;"""I tried to take her hand to calm her down, but Catherine waved me away.""" text15430;"""If you aren't ready to take responsibility…""" text15431;"""What do you think I'm doing right now?!""" text15432;"""That's exactly the reason I'm saying this! It would've been much easier to ask you to run to the end of the world and not give tomorrow a second thought!""" text15433;"""I have no one but you, understand? Maybe that's why it's easier for me to just ditch everything.""" text15434;"""No one but you… But that doesn't mean that you have to give up on your future. You can go back to the States like you wanted. Get into college…""" text15435;"""If I really wanted to, I wouldn't have ended up here… with you…""" text15436;"""I'm glad to hear that, but I'm not sure that…""" text15437;"""Nick, enough!""" text15438;"""She suddenly shouted and pounded the table as hard as she could.""" text15439;"""Your heroic sacrifice won't make things better for anyone! Yes, I'll go to my mom. But we'll go together!""" text15440;"""You think that's the right thing to do?""" text15441;"""I know what you think about her. Even if you're right… I've known her for a bit longer, I can guarantee that you'll be in no danger.""" text15442;"""If you say so.""" text15443;"""I agreed obediently, inwardly excited that at least one of us could make a decision.""" text15444;"""But you can't just call her…""" text15445;"""We have a special signal for this kind of situation.""" text15446;"""Like a smoke signal?""" text15447;"""No goddammit, like semaphores!""" text15448;"""Didn't you say you didn't know she worked for the CIA?""" text15449;"""Even diplomats can find themselves in danger in a foreign country.""" text15450;"""Fair enough…""" text15451;"""I guess we'll have to skip breakfast.""" text15452;"""Catherine immediately reacted to my rumbling stomach.""" text15453;"""Wait. What happens next? I can't believe Mrs Winters would just take both of us out of the country.""" text15454;"""And even if so, who's to say she won't throw me into the ocean on the way?""" text15455;"""Catching Catherine's angry look, I smiled dumbly and quickly continued:""" text15456;"""And even if I do make it to the US in one piece… What will happen to me there?""" text15457;"""I know you don't like Japan — but I only know about America from TV.""" text15458;"""So, you don't want to do it?""" text15459;"""She frowned.""" text15460;"""No, no, it's okay, let's set sail! Or take flight…""" text15461;"""Catherine stood up and smelled her blouse.""" text15462;"""Jesus Christ.""" text15463;"""…""" text15464;"""The speed of my life seemed to be increasing at an exponential rate.""" text15465;"""It seemed as though just a moment ago I had been thinking about which job I'd have to get to support myself for the first while, and now we were practically standing on the airplane ramp, with one foot on the opposite shore of the Pacific.""" text15466;"""Well, not quite yet.""" text15467;"""Catherine had called her mother and agreed upon a meeting.""" text15468;"""I was standing next to her, but couldn't understand anything of their conversation.""" text15469;"""On the waterfront.""" text15470;"""Katya said, hanging up.""" text15471;"""Do you know where that is?""" text15472;"""I do.""" text15473;"""Are you sure you're not planning on being a field agent? Do they have schools for future CIA operatives in America?""" text15474;"""Katya gave my side a pretty painful poke.""" text15475;"""Ouch!""" text15476;"""…""" text15477;"""We were walking through Tokyo hand in hand.""" text15478;"""This could be the last time I'd see its streets…""" text15479;"""Truly, you only start to appreciate something that seems stable and normal when you're at risk of losing it.""" text15480;"""My whole life I'd been searching for downsides in Japan, Japanese people, and their way of living, but when an opportunity turned up to bid farewell to this country forever, I nearly panicked.""" text15481;"""The image of future challenges, a low-paying job, and a tiny place six tatami round had already formed pretty clearly in my head.""" text15482;"""But I couldn't even imagine what was waiting for me in the USA.""" text15483;"""Something bothering you?""" text15484;"""Catherine asked me all of a sudden.""" text15485;"""Bothering me? Not really, just daydreaming.""" text15486;"""About what?""" text15487;"""I think I'll miss Tokyo.""" text15488;"""Sorry…""" text15489;"""She lowered her head and let go of my hand.""" text15490;"""It's not your fault. Most likely, I would've had to run away from here anyway. After all, my parents' work has nothing to do with our relationship.""" text15491;"""I don't mean just that.""" text15492;"""We approached the station.""" text15493;"""I hope we'll at least have enough for a ticket.""" text15494;"""I sniffed, counting the coins.""" text15495;"""Looks like we'll have to jump over the gates. Ready?""" text15496;"""What?""" text15497;"""The look on Catherine' face made the idea immediately look much worse.""" text15498;"""Okay, then wait here.""" text15499;"""It took ten minutes to bag the sum needed.""" text15500;"""Most Japanese would just shrink away after a request for ticket money from a decently dressed, tall European.""" text15501;"""But there are kind people in this world, and soon enough we were on our way to meet Sheryl Winters.""" text15502;"""…""" text15503;"""Are you sure it's here?""" text15504;"""Yes, I am.""" text15505;"""We were standing on a bridge, cars rushing by behind our backs.""" text15506;"""When is she supposed to come?""" text15507;"""In half an hour or so.""" text15508;"""The last half hour of my life.""" text15509;"""I made a stupid joke.""" text15510;"""Nick, I'm sorry.""" text15511;"""Catherine reacted in a pretty unexpected manner.""" text15512;"""What're you apologizing for all the time?""" text15513;"""I usually don't know how to act or what to say, so I just do the first thing that pops into my mind. And then I get ashamed about it and make myself apologize.""" text15514;"""We could've saved so much time if I had told you the truth when I came back.""" text15515;"""But I thought you knew about the pregnancy, and when I realized you didn't, it was too late, and—""" text15516;"""Katya, enough!""" text15517;"""I interrupted her softly.""" text15518;"""We're here now. Let's just leave the past in the past so we can start a new life with a clear conscience!""" text15519;"""Yeah, just a moment, I'll wipe my memory clean!""" text15520;"""Here you go again! You should think positively!""" text15521;"""You should record that on a tape and play it on repeat in cars.""" text15522;"""I was about to respond, but a car stopped right on the bridge. Mrs Winters stepped out of it and approached us.""" text15523;"""Catherine! Are you okay? Are you hurt?""" text15524;"""She looked like she was about to hug her daughter, but then looked at me and, apparently, changed her mind.""" text15525;"""I'm fine, mom.""" text15526;"""Nikolai, I've underestimated you! This deserves respect! You can do more than just talk big!""" text15527;"""Michael probably deserved her gratitude more, but I couldn't help but be pleased.""" text15528;"""Thank you. I guess…""" text15529;"""Mom, I want you to promise you'll protect Nick!""" text15530;"""Of course, sweetheart!""" text15531;"""She immediately made that fake smile I'd now learned to spot.""" text15532;"""No, Mom, I'm serious! Nick risked his life for me! And I love him!""" text15533;"""We'll go back to the US together, and then…""" text15534;"""Apparently, she hadn't made any plans beyond that.""" text15535;"""And what does Nikolai think about it?""" text15536;"""I agree with Catherine. Nothing is keeping me here anymore!""" text15537;"""Mrs Winters took out a cigarette pack, looked at it, and put it back.""" text15538;"""You, children, may think that you're mature enough to make decisions—""" text15539;"""If Nick stays here, I'll stay with him!""" text15540;"""Katya interrupted her decisively and came closer.""" text15541;"""Catherine, this is not the place or the time!""" text15542;"""For you it never is! How about you find a minute for your own daughter before it's too late?!""" text15543;"""Sheryl Winters dolefully arched her eyebrows.""" text15544;"""Catherine, dear, we can discuss this later! Right now we really need to go!""" text15545;"""Only now I realized that she was quite nervous.""" text15546;"""Even when she discovered Himitsu at her place, Katya's mother looked much calmer.""" text15547;"""I carefully looked around, trying not to attract Catherine's attention, but she had gotten all worked up and didn't seem to notice a thing going on around her.""" text15548;"""I… We're not going anywhere until we sort this out!""" text15549;"""And you know what! This isn't a discussion — I'm just telling you! Doing the same thing you've been doing to me my entire damn life!""" text15550;"""Catherine Elizabeth Winters! You're forgetting yourself!""" text15551;"""Even in this situation, I let out a little inappropriate giggle — I hadn't known what Catherine's middle name was.""" text15552;"""However, both of them were too involved in their fight to notice that.""" text15553;"""What if I'm doing the right thing for the first time in a long time?""" text15554;"""How would you know what's right and what isn't?""" text15555;"""And you?!""" text15556;"""Ladies, maybe I should leave and stop bothering you?""" text15557;"""I said timidly.""" text15558;"""Oh no, you stay here!""" text15559;"""Why, that's a good idea, Nikolai. Go, Catherine will give you a call.""" text15560;"""Mrs Winters clearly wasn't about to back down, but Catherine was also pretty fired up.""" text15561;"""Perhaps she couldn't back up her demands with anything more serious than the prospect of being upset with her mother, but her confidence couldn't help but evoke awe.""" text15562;"""It was as if she grew taller — or maybe I slumped over, sensing my helplessness.""" text15563;"""Mom, if you don't go along with this, you'll never see me again!""" text15564;"""Catherine, watch your tone! I will not tolerate threats! I understand, you've been through a lot recently, but…""" text15565;"""Being with him isn't good for you!""" text15566;"""Sure! You always find someone else to blame!""" text15567;"""Catherine, be sensible!""" text15568;"""Mrs Winters suddenly switched to a more persuasive tone.""" text15569;"""You know full well that it's not that simple. I can't just take Nikolai out of the country like a suitcase.""" text15570;"""Make it happen!""" text15571;"""Even if I wanted to, I have my superiors and he has his own. There are laws and international norms.""" text15572;"""You two don't understand all that, so you think everything is simple!""" text15573;"""Oh, I think you've accomplished much more complicated stuff.""" text15574;"""I was either tired of idly watching this argument or tired of idly watching my life in general.""" text15575;"""Including far worse things — and without much difficulty or remorse.""" text15576;"""That's just your speculation, you have no proof!""" text15577;"""Sheryl Winters just waved me away.""" text15578;"""I have experienced one of those things personally, or have you forgotten about that?""" text15579;"""Then what's the problem now? Are principles more important than Catherine's happiness to you? What principles are we even talking about…""" text15580;"""How dare you to talk to me like that!""" text15581;"""She exploded.""" text15582;"""I probably just have nowhere to go and nothing to lose!""" text15583;"""You know what…""" text15584;"""She didn't finish. Her speech stopped weirdly abruptly and she bit her lip.""" text15585;"""I turned around and saw Ito as he was slowly approaching us.""" text15586;"""Catherine noticed him, too.""" text15587;"""Is that… Himitsu's father?""" text15588;"""Yes. Mrs Winters, would you please explain what he's doing here?""" text15589;"""If I knew…""" text15590;"""She snapped at me in response, and I could see she wasn't lying.""" text15591;"""Somehow, Ito's pace seemed too slow; there were only a couple dozens metres separating us, but it seemed that many hours passed before he came close.""" text15592;"""Glad to see everyone here.""" text15593;"""Himitsu's father smiled, and that smile was fearsome — as if his face was a leather mask stretched tightly over his skull.""" text15594;"""What are you doing here?""" text15595;"""Catherine's mother wasn't even trying to hide her irritation and contempt.""" text15596;"""Winters-san, I really wouldn't like to accuse you of anything, but the circumstances are such that I am forced to…""" text15597;"""He was talking in that nasty servile tone Japanese people use when communicating with their superiors, but in his eyes I could see cold determination and even anger.""" text15598;"""I am forced to ask you to come with us.""" text15599;"""A few seemingly normal cars with tinted windows stopped some distance away.""" text15600;"""What do you think you're doing?""" text15601;"""Catherine came closer and grabbed my hand.""" text15602;"""Your actions on Japanese soil threaten our national interests.""" text15603;"""Since when…""" text15604;"""She stumbled, clearly dumbfounded by Ito's assertiveness.""" text15605;"""If you want to discuss my authority, we can do so in another place and without witnesses.""" text15606;"""Oh, it is actually quite fortunate that your daughter is here. I'm extremely delighted that she is well.""" text15607;"""Just, let me just clarify one detail: when I was asked to take care of Catherine-san, I didn't know it was on your initiative.""" text15608;"""My initiative? What the hell are you talking about?! Are you saying that I ordered the kidnapping of my own daughter? Why would I do that?""" text15609;"""Mom?""" text15610;"""Catherine almost whimpered.""" text15611;"""Don't listen to him, dear! These Japanese would say anything to save their reputation!""" text15612;"""You didn't get a pat on the head for your initiative, did you?""" text15613;"""She asked Ito.""" text15614;"""It's strange to hear such things from you, since there are quite a lot of questions regarding your previous and current actions in our joint enterprise.""" text15615;"""I report neither to you, nor to your superiors! And you know that perfectly well!""" text15616;"""However, even I could notice that Mrs Winters lacked confidence.""" text15617;"""What is going on, Ryunosuke-san?""" text15618;"""Nikolai…""" text15619;"""He said and breathed out like a shogun who had found out that his only son had the unfortunate habit of secretly wearing a female kimono.""" text15620;"""I'm really sorry for that misunderstanding between us last time.""" text15621;"""Misunderstanding?""" text15622;"""The fit of nervous laughter made my eye twitch.""" text15623;"""You shot a person in my home, God knows what you were going to do to me!""" text15624;"""I would never—""" text15625;"""Boys! You will have time for that later.""" text15626;"""Catherine's mother interrupted him.""" text15627;"""Ito, if you just came here to chat, I have to repeat myself: you've chosen a bad time.""" text15628;"""Then I have to repeat myself as well, Winters-san: all of you will have to come with me.""" text15629;"""The cars with tinted windows that were parked nearby clearly obstructed the traffic: I wasn't even sure they were allowed to stop on this bridge.""" text15630;"""And what will you do if I refuse?""" text15631;"""She flashed her eyes, but I could hear an element of fear in her voice.""" text15632;"""Winters-san, let's not complicate this further.""" text15633;"""I didn't really know what their hierarchy was, but it seemed that Ito was supposed to obey Sheryl Winters' orders and not other way around.""" text15634;"""But we were on Japanese soil.""" text15635;"""You're the one complicating things here.""" text15636;"""Suddenly, she turned to me and looked at me with a plea in her eyes.""" text15637;"""Was she trying to say that Catherine and I had to run?""" text15638;"""But what chance did we have against cars?""" text15639;"""I didn't know this district and didn't know how many people Ito brought with him — what if there was a grim, armed Japanese man in a grey suit behind every corner?""" text15640;"""Katya was standing there with a look on her face, as if she were listening to a boring lecture.""" text15641;"""Ito, this is just preposterous!""" text15642;"""Apparently, Ryunosuke-san got tired of this whole scene. He frowned and made a sort of gesture in the air.""" text15643;"""The cars immediately took off and approached us.""" text15644;"""I really hope I won't need to repeat my invitation twice.""" text15645;"""Mrs Winters hesitated for a little while longer, but eventually she gave up and said to Catherine:""" text15646;"""Don't worry, everything is going to be alright.""" text15647;"""She was put in one of the cars and Catherine and I — in another.""" text15648;"""It turned out that windows were tinted from the inside, too, and there was a partition between the front and back seats, like in taxis in New York.""" text15649;"""I firmly gripped Catherine's hand and closed my eyes, readying myself for the worst.""" text15650;"""We were left in a dark room.""" text15651;"""All the way from the car, a heavy burlap sack that smelled like flour kept me from seeing anything, so I didn't know for sure where we were.""" text15652;"""But it looked like the place Mrs Winters had interrogated me in just a couple of weeks ago,""" text15653;"""What irony!""" text15654;"""Nick, is this the end?""" text15655;"""Katya sobbed.""" text15656;"""Don't be ridiculous!""" text15657;"""But…""" text15658;"""I wanted to somehow calm her down and encourage her, but I could understand that there was nothing to hope for.""" text15659;"""If even Sheryl Winters had failed, what could I, an average Japanese student, do?!""" text15660;"""I'm not saying that everything is alright and there's nothing to fear. But if we're still alive, they clearly need something from us.""" text15661;"""Have you considered that they might be just using us to get something from my mom?""" text15662;"""Well, in that case, when they get it…""" text15663;"""They'll get rid of the witnesses, us!""" text15664;"""Katya, I…""" text15665;"""Doesn't seem like mom was too worried about me anyway, if she ordered my kidnapping!""" text15666;"""Don't blindly believe Ito's words — I know him well, he's not above lying to get what he wants.""" text15667;"""Why would he lie? To convince me of something? What for?""" text15668;"""What could I say? She was right.""" text15669;"""Ryunosuke-san hadn't always behaved logically from my point of view, but theatrics had never been one of his sins.""" text15670;"""However, I recalled Mrs Winters' reaction the day when both of us received letters allegedly from Catherine.""" text15671;"""Not that I'm protecting your mother, but you know, right after you were kidnapped, she ran to me with such a look…""" text15672;"""Although the very next day she was perfectly calm and behaved as if nothing that bad had happened.""" text15673;"""Not that I was fond of remembering it myself.""" text15674;"""Nick, stop it, really! I've been justifying her actions for too long, turning the blind eye to the obvious.""" text15675;"""It was easier, much easier to give control over my life to someone else — that way I didn't have to make decisions and take responsibility for their consequences myself.""" text15676;"""There was always a scapegoat to blame if anything went wrong. That time, I couldn't stay in Japan — because my mom didn't allow me to. Very convenient, don't you think?""" text15677;"""Catherine fell into tears.""" text15678;"""I hugged her and pulled her to me.""" text15679;"""My head was completely empty — I wanted to say something else, show that I understood her feelings…""" text15680;"""But all I could do was be with her.""" text15681;"""We were hugging each other in the dark, cold, wet сell, trembling with cold, fear, or maybe, the realization that no one in the entire universe would help us.""" text15682;"""But still, we were together, and whatever would happen, at this moment nobody could tear us apart!""" text15683;"""Katya, I love you so much! I haven't told you that in a while, have I?""" text15684;"""Even if… I want to say: I've always loved you and will love until the very end!""" text15685;"""I really wanted things to be different! But since we're here now, it's important for me that you know…""" text15686;"""Catherine put a finger to my lips, demanding I stop.""" text15687;"""I know. I love you too. I'd change so many things too: say what I haven't said, do what I haven't done…""" text15688;"""But right now I just want you to know that you're not alone! And you will never be alone, even if there isn't much time left…""" text15689;"""Katya…""" text15690;"""Wait! Especially if we don't have much time left, I really want to tell you!""" text15691;"""Don't, I already know!""" text15692;"""I hugged her even closer.""" text15693;"""We were confessing our love and weren't letting each other finish, couldn't get enough of this newly found feeling.""" text15694;"""And may the world wait…?""" text15695;"""However, it had no intention of doing so — the door made a dull creak and slowly opened.""" text15696;"""Bright light hit my eyes.""" text15697;"""Two large men grabbed me by the arms and dragged me out of the room, another one took Catherine.""" text15698;"""We walked down the identical corridors to an interrogation room, and the door closed behind us.""" text15699;"""Well, at least this place is more picturesque…""" text15700;"""I tried to make a joke but Catherine didn't seem to listen — she sat down on a chair, put her hands on the table, and laid her head on them.""" text15701;"""Katya, are you okay?""" text15702;"""What do you think? Of course I'm not!""" text15703;"""She quietly said in a broken voice, as if in pain.""" text15704;"""Sorry, I didn't mean…""" text15705;"""Actually, I didn't mean anything! I just wanted to cheer you up!""" text15706;"""Thanks.""" text15707;"""She tried to smile.""" text15708;"""Heavy steps came from the corridor, familiar steps that evoked uncontrollable fear.""" text15709;"""My every muscle tensed like a string, and just froze like that — I couldn't move, as if crucified.""" text15710;"""The door opened slowly, and Ito was the one to come into view.""" text15711;"""Apologies for the inconveniences you have had to endure.""" text15712;"""He grumbled in a voice that was very different from the smarmy tone he had used with Mrs Winters.""" text15713;"""I wanted to snap back but couldn't find the strength.""" text15714;"""Ito glanced around the room, saw a free chair, came closer and sat across from Catherine.""" text15715;"""I instinctively stood next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, as if the gesture could protect Katya.""" text15716;"""Ryunosuke-san, why are we here?""" text15717;"""Don't you understand, Nikolai?""" text15718;"""He arched his eyebrows and looked me wearily.""" text15719;"""I didn't know how much time had passed since the incident on the waterfront, but Ito looked like someone who hadn't slept for several days.""" text15720;"""We have nothing to do with all your spy business! At least, Catherine doesn't! Let her go!""" text15721;"""You'd really like that, wouldn't you?""" text15722;"""It was clearly a mistake to bring this up immediately.""" text15723;"""After all, Katya could be used as leverage not only against Mrs Winters but also me.""" text15724;"""And, unfortunately, Ito still hadn't realized, or didn't even want to realize, that I knew absolutely nothing!""" text15725;"""Ryunosuke-san, please be reasonable!""" text15726;"""Luckily, it's completely up to you! As is Catherine-san's destiny. I see she's not doing well.""" text15727;"""His sarcasm made me flinch, I involuntarily tensed up and firmly squeezed Katya's shoulder.""" text15728;"""She looked at me with surprise.""" text15729;"""You can do whatever you want, but we can't tell you what we don't know!""" text15730;"""Unless…""" text15731;"""A terrible guess crossed my mind.""" text15732;"""It's not the guilty who bears the responsibility, but the person declared guilty!""" text15733;"""What if Ito just needed my testimony?""" text15734;"""Ryunosuke-san, if you want me to testify… If you'll release Catherine…""" text15735;"""Nick, don't you dare!""" text15736;"""Catherine jumped up from the chair and was about to lash out at Ito, but I stopped her.""" text15737;"""You bastard, scum! All you slant eyes are subhuman! What have you done to my mother?! Where is she?""" text15738;"""Catherine-san, I'd ask you to pick your words carefully!""" text15739;"""He said coldly, in an irritated rather than threatening tone.""" text15740;"""No, I'm asking! Demanding! I'm a citizen of the United States of America! You have no right to hold us here!""" text15741;"""Katya, calm down already…""" text15742;"""I tried to reason with her.""" text15743;"""Even though Catherine's reaction was understandable, it wouldn't do anyone any good.""" text15744;"""Just serve as entertainment for Ito.""" text15745;"""I didn't know if he found some sort of perverted pleasure in this, but at this moment I could easily imagine him as a serial killer, channeling his own distorted desires into humiliating the enemies of the state.""" text15746;"""The only things missing from the complete picture were a leather cloak and a cap.""" text15747;"""Ryunosuke-san, I'll say anything you want to hear! I'll sign anything you need! Just let Catherine go!""" text15748;"""She knows nothing! She won't tell anyone anything! Just put her on the first plane to the USA, and you will never hear from her again!""" text15749;"""He sighed, squinted his eyes, and looked at me like at a room he was about to clean up.""" text15750;"""I'm not a monster, Nikolai!""" text15751;"""Ito stood up, smiled, and walked back and forth across the room.""" text15752;"""After all, each of us does what they deem to be right. You want to protect Catherine-san — and you're ready to do whatever it takes to do so.""" text15753;"""Meanwhile, I just want to ensure the safety of my country. In the end, we're not so different!""" text15754;"""But I don't kill people…""" text15755;"""Sacrifices are inevitable. It seems to me that you're not particularly upset by the fact you weren't the one sacrificed.""" text15756;"""What about Mrs Winters?""" text15757;"""Catherine seemed to have burned out after her emotional speech and was just sitting, pointlessly staring into space.""" text15758;"""You think she didn't know the risks when she chose this kind of job?""" text15759;"""Very convenient, Ryunosuke-san!""" text15760;"""I flung my arms up in the air and smirked wearily.""" text15761;"""You always have an answer, an explanation, to anything. And you're always right, and when you aren't, you're acting for the greater good!""" text15762;"""Maybe, if I ever get out of here, one day I'll become just like you! It really is convenient — not to have to think about the morality of your actions!""" text15763;"""I would gladly see that…""" text15764;"""Suddenly, his face became grim, and a look of cold indifference seized it.""" text15765;"""Here.""" text15766;"""He took a few sloppily folded papers out of the inner pocket of his jacket and threw them on the table.""" text15767;"""I've told you already that the safety of my country has always been my greatest priority! And sometimes, it demands compromises, even if I personally don't always agree with them.""" text15768;"""I picked up the papers with shaking hands and ran my eyes through the text.""" text15769;"""Permission to leave Japan…""" text15770;"""But… why?""" text15771;"""You should thank Winters-san.""" text15772;"""He replied with annoyance and took a step toward the exit.""" text15773;"""Sir, wait! What's going to happen to my mom?""" text15774;"""Catherine asked quietly.""" text15775;"""Ito stopped for a second, but didn't even turn around. He firmly grabbed the doorknob, opened the door, and disappeared from our lives forever.""" text15776;"""…""" text15777;"""The rest felt like a dream.""" text15778;"""Through the same dark corridors, we were brought to an underground parking lot, were placed in an embassy vehicle, driven to the airport, and put on a normal flight to the States.""" text15779;"""All the way there, Catherine almost never raised her head, and I just held her hand, not knowing what to say.""" text15780;"""It was clear that Mrs Winters made some kind of deal so that we would be let go.""" text15781;"""I should've been happy that everything was over, but every time I looked at Catherine, I could only feel the bitter taste of defeat.""" text15782;"""The only one who really won was Ito — I didn't know what he wanted to get from the CIA, but, apparently, he did.""" text15783;"""Ito! The kind neighbor who I saw as, at most, an errand boy for the almighty resident of the American secret service!""" text15784;"""Had he really been playing a game of his own and had this been his plan from the very beginning?""" text15785;"""Dragging Himitsu into all this, his attempt to frame me for the Americans, kidnapping Catherine?""" text15786;"""Of course, he had been spying on me and my parents for ten years!""" text15787;"""Except, something in this theory didn't add up.""" text15788;"""But I didn't want to think about it right now, when we, finally, even though through great sacrifice, managed to break free of his grasp.""" text15789;"""The last time I'd flown was a very long time ago — the day when the snowy Soviet State was left far behind us.""" text15790;"""Compared to that flying barrel, this Boeing looked like a spaceship!""" text15791;"""After the shaking at takeoff, it reached cruising altitude and was flying so smoothly it felt as if it was sliding on well-oiled rails.""" text15792;"""Underneath, for as far as the eye could see, was only the expanse of the Pacific ocean.""" text15793;"""I always trembled at the thought of the might of this force of nature.""" text15794;"""Even a simple pool would seem bottomless to a kid, but there, deep down, living creatures survived under kilometers of dull, salty water.""" text15795;"""Somewhere down there was a Soviet atomic submarine, and next to it — a Spanish galleon with countless treasures in its hold.""" text15796;"""On the surface, there were tons of plastic that would choke our planet in a hundred years.""" text15797;"""But I doubted it would happen in my lifetime.""" text15798;"""Catherine was sleeping peacefully, and I didn't want to bother her, although I couldn't relax myself.""" text15799;"""Firstly, sleeping on a plane seemed completely impossible and absolutely unnatural to me.""" text15800;"""But more importantly, I was so exhausted that my body simply forgot how to go into the rest mode, still working at the maximum of its capabilities.""" text15801;"""Blood was throbbing in my temples, and the world around felt confined within a crystal ball, one of those you turn upside-down to make it snow.""" text15802;"""Except that right now it was more like I was locked in a dirty aquarium, observing real life as it happened beyond its walls.""" text15803;"""Reality didn't feel real, it was like a reflection in a funhouse mirror, and the plane started resembling a giant whale floating between foamy waves carrying a few hundred passengers and a crew in its belly.""" text15804;"""The steady rumbling of the engines could easily be mistaken for the sound of the digestive process — I hoped we'd arrive in America looking the same as when we left Japan!""" text15805;"""…""" text15806;"""Catherine signed heavily and stretched.""" text15807;"""Are you asleep?""" text15808;"""I asked for whatever reason.""" text15809;"""Maybe I just didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts anymore.""" text15810;"""What time is it?""" text15811;"""She asked with her eyes closed and annoyance in her voice.""" text15812;"""In this time zone? I don't know…""" text15813;"""God! How long have we been flying for?""" text15814;"""Three hours or so…""" text15815;"""Felt like I only slept for five minutes.""" text15816;"""It's always like that when you're really tired.""" text15817;"""Why aren't you sleeping?""" text15818;"""Can't sleep on flights.""" text15819;"""Have you ever tried?""" text15820;"""I don't need to, I know anyway.""" text15821;"""Yeah, right!""" text15822;"""She grinned and looked out the window.""" text15823;"""Katya, I…""" text15824;"""The need to say something was burning me up inside, but the right words were deep under the ocean.""" text15825;"""First and foremost, I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't formulate what exactly I'd done wrong.""" text15826;"""Of course, if I never existed in the first place…""" text15827;"""But that logic lead nowhere, not even to a dead end — it was merely launching the cycle of introspection and self hatred all over again.""" text15828;"""I'm sure your mom will be alright! Their target is the state, not an individual person!""" text15829;"""But what's going to happen to her after she does everything they need? That's called treason, you know!""" text15830;"""We don't know what they really need.""" text15831;"""But it's not hard to figure out.""" text15832;"""Nick, I understand…""" text15833;"""Suddenly, Catherine's expression changed.""" text15834;"""I understand everything. Mom made her choice long ago, and it wasn't in my favor.""" text15835;"""But… she saved us.""" text15836;"""The remorse a criminal feels on the scaffold can't lessen their sentence.""" text15837;"""Her words sounded cruel, but more importantly, did Catherine really believe that, or was she saying it because of everything she'd been through?""" text15838;"""It seemed like she'd just been turning a blind eye to obvious problems with her and her mother's relationship for too long.""" text15839;"""And the last straw led to a catastrophe — to a 180-degree turn.""" text15840;"""I still think resentment isn't the most productive emotion…""" text15841;"""We may never see each other again.""" text15842;"""Catherine said melancholically, staring at the loudly snoring man in the other row.""" text15843;"""Actually, we most likely won't see each other again. After what she'll tell the Japanese, there will be no way back for her.""" text15844;"""To be honest, Mrs Winters' destiny here bothered me much less than Catherine's mental wellbeing.""" text15845;"""But she still did a noble thing, you can't deny that! When nothing else could save us.""" text15846;"""I guess.""" text15847;"""Catherine shrugged her shoulders and immediately changed the topic.""" text15848;"""Do they have food here?""" text15849;"""…""" text15850;"""The plane didn't just provide food but also drinks.""" text15851;"""Thinking about it, Catherine had never had anything stronger than cola in my presence.""" text15852;"""But now she ordered a margarita and was slowly sipping on it, clearly enjoying the taste.""" text15853;"""To me it tasted like soda from a can, not even remotely resembling the Bartender's masterpieces.""" text15854;"""What are you sighing about?""" text15855;"""Just thinking about everything I left in Japan… Doubt I'll be able to go back anytime soon.""" text15856;"""Himitsu?""" text15857;"""Why do you always…! Fine, I thought about her too.""" text15858;"""Not really, actually, which was strange.""" text15859;"""I'm a human, Katya! It would be surprising if I didn't…""" text15860;"""Relax!""" text15861;"""She laughed all of a sudden.""" text15862;"""It's okay. I understand.""" text15863;"""Actually, I was thinking about the Bartender. His margaritas are way better than this.""" text15864;"""Well, you know best. On the other hand, we have real whiskey in the US, not that fake Japanese stuff!""" text15865;"""How come you know that best? I'm afraid to imagine what you were doing there without me!""" text15866;"""Riding cows, dueling in the city square, and picking up parlor girls!""" text15867;"""Naturally, alcohol helped Katya relax a bit — but it wasn't a solution to the problem.""" text15868;"""I had run away from home with nothing but a thin summer jacket.""" text15869;"""Yes, there was a house full of now-meaningless junk and dusty memories left behind, but it wasn't what had been keeping me in Japan.""" text15870;"""Catherine, on the other hand, lost the only person she was close to — and a loss like that can't be compared to a pile of old junk.""" text15871;"""Of course, Himitsu also stayed back in Japan, but I'd made my choice, and it would be stupid to try and keep a foot in both worlds when one of them was thousands of kilometres away!""" text15872;"""So you've got every skill to survive the wild west huh?""" text15873;"""You'll learn them too.""" text15874;"""Suddenly, her smile vanished.""" text15875;"""Nick, I'm serious! We're not flying to Mars. Yeah, it's another country — but not another planet!""" text15876;"""I'd already forgotten to think about what I'd do next. With my own life apart from Catherine.""" text15877;"""Not that I have much of a choice…""" text15878;"""Don't say that!""" text15879;"""Sorry.""" text15880;"""Here you go, now I feel guilty!""" text15881;"""Want another margarita?""" text15882;"""Are you trying to get me drunk?""" text15883;"""The thought did cross my mind.""" text15884;"""And what do you intend to do with me? When I'm so… drunk and accessible?!""" text15885;"""All of a sudden, Catherine got closer to me with very direct hints.""" text15886;"""Katya, come on, not here!""" text15887;"""Fine.""" text15888;"""She grumbled, dissatisfied, and moved away.""" text15889;"""To be honest, I also don't know what we'll do next. At one point we tried to imagine the future, made plans, but….""" text15890;"""But it's not going to be like that, is it? Not at all! I don't mean that things will be worse — just different!""" text15891;"""Like when you pull a random book from a shelf in the library with a vague idea about its plot, and only realize that the book is actually not like that at all only when you reach the middle!""" text15892;"""I don't think that's possible if you're alright in the head…""" text15893;"""You've just never been to a library in your life!""" text15894;"""Well, first of all, I have!""" text15895;"""Once or twice, maybe.""" text15896;"""But you're grumbling just like…""" text15897;"""Like Himitsu…?""" text15898;"""…like an old lady!""" text15899;"""What…?""" text15900;"""Catherine turned away from me and looked out the window.""" text15901;"""Okay, this is funny and all, but… What are we going to do when we get to the USA?""" text15902;"""The Japanese said that we'd be \""met\"" at the airport, but I hadn't the faintest idea what that could mean.""" text15903;"""Would we be sent to a secret government prison as accomplices to a traitor of the Fatherland?""" text15904;"""Americans appeared more humane than Japanese at first glance — but tell that to the residents of Hiroshima and Nagasaki forty years ago!""" text15905;"""Besides, I wasn't an American, nowhere close.""" text15906;"""I'll call grandma, she has a big house in—""" text15907;"""That's not what I'm talking about!""" text15908;"""I interrupted her.""" text15909;"""The margarita I'd drunk was giving me a headache.""" text15910;"""To the Japanese, I was just a Soviet spy! A real or potential one — doesn't matter, they treated me the same.""" text15911;"""And I don't have any reason to think the Americans will be any better…""" text15912;"""I don't want to be all doom and gloom but…""" text15913;"""Nick, just think about the book from the shelf! You're trying to guess the end without even reaching the middle! Maybe it's not the book you think at all.""" text15914;"""Now Catherine was trying to calm me down — the mood on this plane was changing as fast as the time zones.""" text15915;"""In any case, I won't let anyone hurt you! You've been protecting me, and now it's my turn!""" text15916;"""I wanted to say something sarcastic at first, but I got embarrassed and looked away.""" text15917;"""Either way, we won't be able to escape a serious conversation with your intelligence agencies.""" text15918;"""I'm sure they at least won't keep us in a cell like that disgusting guy did!""" text15919;"""Ito's made an impression on you.""" text15920;"""Not on you?""" text15921;"""I've known him for ten years.""" text15922;"""That's what surprises me!""" text15923;"""Well, like, you just get used to a person and stop feeling the threat coming from them.""" text15924;"""To be honest, I had never felt any threat from him.""" text15925;"""Maybe if Catherine had met him under different circumstances, she wouldn't think this way either.""" text15926;"""And who did Himitsu take after? Are you sure she's not adopted?""" text15927;"""After her grandma.""" text15928;"""I smiled dumbly.""" text15929;"""I'd like to be like my grandma, too… She's very different from my mom! Or my mom is very different from her… Anyway! You'll meet each other soon.""" text15930;"""Looking forward to it.""" text15931;"""I said that and felt exhaustion virtually cover me like a blanket, pressing me into the seat.""" text15932;"""This was far from the end!""" text15933;"""We had dashed down a rollercoaster's slope, and were now slowly climbing to the top again.""" text15934;"""It didn't appear like the ascent would be a long one, but who's to say an even deeper abyss wasn't waiting on the other side of it?""" text15935;"""Nick, you look down.""" text15936;"""Just been thinking about having another drink, and maybe another after that, but then didn't want to…""" text15937;"""I'm not going to cast my lot in with an alcoholic!""" text15938;"""Cast your lot… That… doesn't sound like you.""" text15939;"""Everyone needs to grow up at some point — and now seems like the right moment, don't you think?""" text15940;"""So you're saying we aren't adult enough? After everything—""" text15941;"""You don't think so?""" text15942;"""She interrupted me, covering her mouth with her hand.""" text15943;"""You've always seemed mature to me. At least, more mature than me.""" text15944;"""And who did that do any good?""" text15945;"""Catherine, I…""" text15946;"""What was the point of talking in circles?""" text15947;"""Even having escaped an imminent doom, I hadn't changed at all — and Katya was right about that.""" text15948;"""Maybe now, before we landed on the soil of another country and got into the hands of American intelligence, was the most appropriate moment to turn the page of the unknown book from a library shelf?""" text15949;"""Catherine Elizabeth Winters, will you marry me?""" text15950;"""What?""" text15951;"""I'm serious! I've never been so serious in my entire life!""" text15952;"""You know, you can get married in Las Vegas in literally half an hour. And the marriage would be totally official.""" text15953;"""She responded, having somewhat recovered from shock.""" text15954;"""Are we going to Las Vegas?""" text15955;"""For our honeymoon. As soon as the FBI, the CIA, and whoever else let us go.""" text15956;"""And as soon as we earn some money.""" text15957;"""And find a place to live, and I finish college.""" text15958;"""You mean — we finish?""" text15959;"""Sure, sure!""" text15960;"""Katya smirked.""" text15961;"""So, is that a yes?""" text15962;"""It's an \""I'll think about it\""!""" text15963;"""The plane with its silver wing was giving the ocean only its shadow, bringing us further and further to the east, to the meridian where it becomes the west.""" text15964;"""Perhaps we were сloser to Point Nemo than any other person in the entire solar system — but I didn't feel lonely at all.""" text15965;"""Katya took my hand, and, pointing at something out of the window, exclaimed happily:""" text15966;"""Look! I think I can see dolphins!""" text15967;"""From this height…""" text15968;"""I stopped myself.""" text15969;"""Yes, those look like dolphins.""" text15970;"""Catherine gripped my hand tighter, my eyes closed of their own accord, and I was finally able to slip into unconsciousness, to get the strength I would need for this new chapter of my life…""" text15971;"""…"""