text11893;"""I was dreaming about flying through space, just flying, flying freely like a wind, faster and faster, waving to the passing planets and winking at galaxies."""
text11894;"""I was flying like a pulsar, having become vestigial radiation, flying towards the unknown."""
text11895;"""I never managed to get too far — in the morning I woke up in my bed again."""
text11896;"""Despite things looking up yesterday, now I was in a foul mood — something that became clear from the very first seconds of the new day."""
text11897;"""I didn't want to do anything, not even get up — I was willing to let life take its course without me, while I would lie and sleep."""
text11898;"""I'd been tossing and turning for a good hour, drowning in self-pity, when somebody knocked on the door."""
text11899;"""First quietly, almost at the edge of hearing, as if it were just my imagination."""
text11900;"""But then the knocking became louder."""
text11901;"""It was even a little exciting — at least something was happening!"""
text11902;"""I quickly put on some clothes and opened the door."""
text11903;"""Himitsu was standing on the doorstep with bags in her hands."""
text11904;"""Why are you knocking when there's a doorbell?"""
text11905;"""I grumbled, annoyed."""
text11906;"""Don't know, I just wanted to."""
text11907;"""She looked like everything was fine between us — at least, she was trying to."""
text11908;"""Why are you here?"""
text11909;"""Niko-kun, you probably don't have any food at home…"""
text11910;"""She lifted the bags demonstratively."""
text11911;"""I dropped by a grocery store a couple days ago."""
text11912;"""Ahh…"""
text11913;"""She drawled and lowered her head."""
text11914;"""But you can cook something."""
text11915;"""Can I?"""
text11916;"""Himitsu's face brightened."""
text11917;"""I didn't really know why I said that."""
text11918;"""Maybe because all the time alone inside my head was making me start to lose it. Any company would be better than my own thoughts."""
text11919;"""Besides, yesterday's talk with Ito had made me think."""
text11920;"""Nothing could be done about what she'd said to Catherine and I, but the rest — her motives, actions, what she knew about her father — might have been totally different from what I'd thought."""
text11921;"""…"""
text11922;"""Himitsu has been working away at a grand meal for half an hour already."""
text11923;"""The kitchen was filled with aromas of all kinds, the knife flashing through the air with inhuman speed, and something was boiling, hissing, and sizzling on the stove."""
text11924;"""For a while, I just sat behind the table and quietly watched her cook."""
text11925;"""Finally, the insincerity of the scene became unbearable."""
text11926;"""I talked with your father yesterday."""
text11927;"""I know."""
text11928;"""Himitsu responded, still focused on cooking."""
text11929;"""What you said back then… Whatever the case, don't think that it'll just stay in the past."""
text11930;"""She showed no reaction to my words."""
text11931;"""You shouldn't have behaved like that, even if you had your own <i>reasons</i>…"""
text11932;"""Silence, again."""
text11933;"""It was mean and disgusting! You were just taking revenge… No, not even revenge — it was like mocking a cripple!"""
text11934;"""Of course, I don't mean that…"""
text11935;"""I sighed and collected my thoughts."""
text11936;"""There are some things you can't tell others even if they're true!"""
text11937;"""Truth and facts aren't the same thing! Many Americans suffer from PTSD after Vietnam — that's true."""
text11938;"""At the same time, the Americans burned an awful lot of people there with napalm — that's also true."""
text11939;"""But tens of thousands of victims — that's a fact. In the end, everyone has their own truth, but the facts are the same for everyone…"""
text11940;"""Niko-kun, why are you saying this to me?"""
text11941;"""Himitsu asked wearily, finally throwing the last bits of vegetables into the pot."""
text11942;"""To be honest, I already forgot…"""
text11943;"""Do you really think I'm capable of hurting you?"""
text11944;"""I don't know how <i>capable</i> you are, but you've certainly said enough!"""
text11945;"""I didn't want to bring up the topic of Catherine's disappearance — in this context, it would only make Himitsu look more guilty."""
text11946;"""Of course, we'd talk about it in due time, but I didn't want that to be now."""
text11947;"""Breakfast will be served in ten minutes."""
text11948;"""She proclaimed like a lunch lady serving food in a school canteen."""
text11949;"""You think food can fix this situation?"""
text11950;"""You need to eat anyway."""
text11951;"""She responded in a gloomy tone. <w>In a very feminine or even maternal way, you could say."""
text11952;"""Sure…"""
text11953;"""Himitsu really put in the effort."""
text11954;"""No matter how bad my mood was, a feast fit for a king lifts your spirits regardless of the circumstances."""
text11955;"""That's how human physiology works."""
text11956;"""I was contently picking my teeth with a toothpick that had somehow appeared on the table and was looking at Himitsu in the way people look at <note=note56>\""The Appearance of Christ before the People\""</note>: failing to grasp the entire picture, but noticing new details every time as their gaze shifts around the painting."""
text11957;"""Was it good…?"""
text11958;"""She finally broke the silence."""
text11959;"""Yes. Was there a chance it wouldn't be?"""
text11960;"""What are you going to do today?"""
text11961;"""Why, did you have something in mind?"""
text11962;"""No, I just asked… Maybe you had some plans with Katty-chan."""
text11963;"""Himitsu seemingly didn't intend to hurt me when she said it, but I got all wound up anyway."""
text11964;"""So you were feeding me like a pig for slaughter? Main course comes after the meal, is that it?"""
text11965;"""I didn't mean…"""
text11966;"""Catherine's been kidnapped, for your information! Or maybe you already know? Maybe your father had a hand in it? Then it'd be your fault, with your reports!"""
text11967;"""Niko-kun…"""
text11968;"""Jesus, it's like we're in the 30s! You share bread with someone in the morning, then by evening he's written about you to <note=note57>the Cheka</note>!"""
text11969;"""I don't understand what you're talking about."""
text11970;"""That's right you don't! Next thing you'll be telling the same to his wife and children, and then, behind their backs, say that he was such a good man, who could think he was an anti-Soviet!"""
text11971;"""Niko-kun…"""
text11972;"""So you know, honestly, I have neither the mood nor desire to talk to you."""
text11973;"""Whether you're guilty or not — will you help me find Catherine?"""
text11974;"""Himitsu didn't respond, just lowered her head and even seemed to shrink."""
text11975;"""That's what I thought!"""
text11976;"""May I wash the dishes?"""
text11977;"""She asked timidly."""
text11978;"""<i>May</i> you?"""
text11979;"""I laughed."""
text11980;"""Do you need special permission?"""
text11981;"""I waved towards the sink."""
text11982;"""Be my guest!"""
text11983;"""Himitsu stood up obediently and collected the dishes."""
text11984;"""It was surprising how different her behavior was from what she had showed a couple of days ago."""
text11985;"""Had she run out of steam?"""
text11986;"""Had \""the Catherine problem\"" been <i>resolved</i>?"""
text11987;"""No matter what, it didn't make Himitsu more attractive in my eyes."""
text11988;"""After all, we weren't fifty years old — the fire of love needed to burn, not smoulder like an aroma candle on a windowsill."""
text11989;"""I have more important things to do."""
text11990;"""I walked out to the hall, put on my jacket, stuffed the wallet in my pocket, and grabbed the keys from the stand."""
text11991;"""Close the door when you leave!"""
text11992;"""This time, my conscience was quiet — she deserved it!"""
text11993;"""On the other hand, somehow, my resentment toward Himitsu had dissipated."""
text11994;"""It is probably the worst possible feeling: you don't feel angry with a person, you simply don't care anymore."""
text11995;"""But I also couldn't just neglect her: bad parents are still parents, and Himitsu was still Himitsu, even if she'd kind of lost it."""
text11996;"""…"""
text11997;"""I was walking down streets of Sunday Tokyo that were clad in the bright colors of autumn sales, and desperately gasping for air: I had definitely eaten too much."""
text11998;"""So, to sum it up: Catherine's mother knew nothing of Catherine, Irina knew nothing of Catherine, Ito knew nothing of Catherine…"""
text11999;"""Maybe Catherine had never existed in the first place and I just made her up?"""
text12000;"""And though I was kind of ready to believe the KGB and Japanese intelligence, the CIA — or rather, Sheryl Winters herself — had none of my trust."""
text12001;"""She had behaved too weirdly yesterday!"""
text12002;"""So, I decided to finally get the truth from Catherine's mother!"""
text12003;"""The street in front of their house was unusually empty, especially for a Sunday."""
text12004;"""The sun was shining brightly, ready to give its warmth to everyone who needed it, not demanding anything in return."""
text12005;"""Didn't look like there were many takers though."""
text12006;"""Maybe they'd all gone to the countryside, were walking in parks, or sitting in dark movie theatres?"""
text12007;"""Anyway, I had more important matters to think about than other people's plans for the weekend…"""
text12008;"""I rang the bell and had to wait a while for a reply."""
text12009;"""Finally, a sleepy voice responded:"""
text12010;"""Who's there?"""
text12011;"""Mrs Winters, it's me, Nikolai."""
text12012;"""A pause followed, as if she were trying to recall who I was."""
text12013;"""Get up here."""
text12014;"""Finally, a distinctive signal sounded, and the door opened."""
text12015;"""When I entered the apartment, Catherine's mother was already dolled up, even seemingly wearing makeup."""
text12016;"""Very good of you to drop by."""
text12017;"""She said as if she had been waiting for me."""
text12018;"""Really? I felt like our talk yesterday didn't end well."""
text12019;"""I guess. But as promised, I managed to learn something."""
text12020;"""You'd better sit down."""
text12021;"""Those words made my entire body tense."""
text12022;"""Catherine…?"""
text12023;"""She's fine."""
text12024;"""She smiled and continued:"""
text12025;"""Although what I'm about to tell you may sound shocking, it's the truth."""
text12026;"""Sheryl Winters looked unusually serious."""
text12027;"""Catherine wasn't kidnapped — she returned to the US, to her grandmother."""
text12028;"""Her words sounded too casual, as if she were talking about one of many insignificant facts during a work meeting at the embassy."""
text12029;"""But yesterday you said…"""
text12030;"""I don't believe it!"""
text12031;"""I shouted and shuddered, as if I'd been struck by electricity."""
text12032;"""Catherine's mother flinched."""
text12033;"""It's another one of your tricks! I don't know why you're doing this, but I'm sure that Katya couldn't do this to me!"""
text12034;"""Have you ever thought that she <i>did that</i> exactly because of you?"""
text12035;"""I…"""
text12036;"""Maybe, Mrs Winters had been behaving so strangely yesterday because she already knew that Catherine had left for the USA?"""
text12037;"""No, no!"""
text12038;"""I was trying to drive away the thought that this woman's words could be true."""
text12039;"""Why so suddenly? It doesn't look like she's pregnant this time!"""
text12040;"""I said in a now much less confident tone."""
text12041;"""As far as I know, she didn't bother telling you last time either."""
text12042;"""Things are different now!"""
text12043;"""I grit my teeth."""
text12044;"""Reaaally? And why is that?"""
text12045;"""But she told you!"""
text12046;"""Her grandmother called me."""
text12047;"""Can I talk to this grandmother?"""
text12048;"""Nikolai, don't you see you're in no position to demand anything?"""
text12049;"""I don't understand why it would be a problem!"""
text12050;"""Catherine said that she doesn't want to talk with anyone."""
text12051;"""Even with you?"""
text12052;"""Mrs Winters' only response was a sly smile."""
text12053;"""How very convenient!"""
text12054;"""Nikolai, believe me, this entire situation is as unexpected to me as it is to you."""
text12055;"""And what if I don't believe you?"""
text12056;"""Then you'll have to comfort yourself with pointless hope for something that can't happen."""
text12057;"""Won't be the first time…"""
text12058;"""I parried without thinking."""
text12059;"""I just don't understand, what are <i>you</i> getting out of this?"""
text12060;"""Has something happened to Catherine, and you don't want me to know?"""
text12061;"""Why do you see conspiracies everywhere?"""
text12062;"""Maybe because you work for the CIA, and conspiracies are your job!"""
text12063;"""You better be careful with what you say, for your own good."""
text12064;"""Or what?"""
text12065;"""The question sounded daring, but I didn't feel that confident."""
text12066;"""Do you really not understand?"""
text12067;"""Do you really think that by hiding the truth you are protecting Catherine from me?"""
text12068;"""I've already told you the entire truth."""
text12069;"""She responded coldly and glanced at the phone, as if she were expecting a call any minute."""
text12070;"""It's simpler for you without her, isn't it?"""
text12071;"""Excuse me?"""
text12072;"""Mrs Winters frowned."""
text12073;"""Without Catherine, you can give all of your attention to matters of national security!"""
text12074;"""For a moment, real anger flashed on her face — that exact expression that evokes instinctual fear, as if you're facing a wild animal."""
text12075;"""However, Mrs Winters quickly got a hold of herself and regained control over the situation."""
text12076;"""Are you trying to insult me?"""
text12077;"""I'm just returning the favor."""
text12078;"""Instead of lashing out, why don't you feel happy that Catherine is well?"""
text12079;"""Was it her who told you that she's <i>well</i>? Because just a couple of days ago things looked pretty bad!"""
text12080;"""I can only envy your stubbornness… That is, your belief that my daughter loves you no matter what."""
text12081;"""This childish, naïve confidence that love will overcome every obstacle… Do you really think Catherine is such a simple person?"""
text12082;"""I didn't really know what she was implying but was afraid to show her that."""
text12083;"""At least I believe that Catherine can decide for herself!"""
text12084;"""More empty words!"""
text12085;"""She threw her hands up in the air, scoffing wearily."""
text12086;"""Let's say she decides, you decide — and then what? Are you going to take these decisions, sit down, and look at each other?"""
text12087;"""You mean you're denying even the possibility of it? At the same time, you don't seem to be very upset about her going to the USA."""
text12088;"""Sheryl Winters knit her brows — and it was enough to understand: she too makes mistakes."""
text12089;"""Nikolai, I promised to tell you if I had any news about Catherine. I did."""
text12090;"""I still want to talk to her! Is Catherine really with her grandmother? Then I don't see any reason why I can't talk to her on the phone!"""
text12091;"""There are reasons."""
text12092;"""And they are?"""
text12093;"""They are."""
text12094;"""She responded briefly and looked at the phone again."""
text12095;"""But, I will ask her — and if Catherine wants to talk to you, we'll think of a way to organize it."""
text12096;"""<i>Organize</i> it! Jesus, it feels like I'm on some sort of a talk show! Mrs Winters, it's not a satellite link from Asia to America, it's just a phone call! It's 1987 already, hello!"""
text12097;"""Just give me her phone number, God damn it!"""
text12098;"""Careful, Nikolai!"""
text12099;"""Sheryl Winters was one of those women who don't need to be physically strong, have a gun, or threaten their opponents — if she wanted to inspire fear, she did."""
text12100;"""I just can't believe this is really happening! It's absurd!"""
text12101;"""You're trying to tell me that white is black and black is white, with a straight face!"""
text12102;"""And you know it full well!"""
text12103;"""Is this cynicism? Hypocrisy? Pardon me, my English vocabulary isn't that broad."""
text12104;"""It is cowardice — but only on your side."""
text12105;"""She suddenly replied in pretty good Russian."""
text12106;"""It's the inability to acknowledge that Catherine's life doesn't revolve around you. You say you love her — but is it really love?"""
text12107;"""You've just persuaded yourself that you two should be together no matter what, even if it goes against what she wants."""
text12108;"""What if it wasn't Catherine, hmm? If it was any other girl — would anything change for you?"""
text12109;"""Nikolai, just answer this question to yourself: do you love my daughter or do you love your love for her?"""
text12110;"""Those words hurt me deeply — I yet couldn't understand why, but I knew that there was some truth in them."""
text12111;"""So what, because of that I can't just talk to her now…?"""
text12112;"""No, you can't!"""
text12113;"""Mrs Winters replied abruptly, and the phone finally rang."""
text12114;"""Excuse me, I need to take this."""
text12115;"""She grabbed the receiver and quickly said in Japanese:"""
text12116;"""Please wait a moment."""
text12117;"""Then she covered the receiver with her hand and looked at me."""
text12118;"""You'd better go. And I suggest you think about what I said."""
text12119;"""Well, arguing with her would have been not only stupid but rude."""
text12120;"""I walked out of the apartment and carefully closed the door."""
text12121;"""Himitsu might still have been waiting for me at home, so I had no desire to return."""
text12122;"""I was pointlessly wandering the streets, trying to figure out what had just happened."""
text12123;"""As much as I wanted everything said by Catherine's mother to be a lie, I couldn't totally exclude the possibility that she was telling the truth."""
text12124;"""Of course, things were different now from <i>back then</i> — we were older, and the circumstances had changed."""
text12125;"""Besides, Katya couldn't have been faking the intimacy I'd felt these past few days!"""
text12126;"""Mrs Winters could throw around cliches about life experience all she wanted — it wouldn't change my feelings for Catherine."""
text12127;"""She just packed up and flew to the USA — can you believe it!"""
text12128;"""Just yesterday she could at most dream about it!"""
text12129;"""I kicked a soda can on the road that turned out to not be empty, it flew like a shuttlecock and doused a random man on the street in the sweet liquid."""
text12130;"""Hey!"""
text12131;"""He shouted immediately."""
text12132;"""Sorry…"""
text12133;"""I said, swallowing half the letters."""
text12134;"""How dare you…"""
text12135;"""He started to sound off, but I straightened up and looked down at him."""
text12136;"""Want to eat this can?"""
text12137;"""And walked away, leaving him to drip."""
text12138;"""…"""
text12139;"""I didn't have to be that rude — I felt ashamed and even offended at myself, but wrath and anger were boiling inside me, not letting me focus."""
text12140;"""I had to relieve the tension as soon as possible before I would really start to go off at people."""
text12141;"""…"""
text12142;"""The door chime gave a familiar ring, the bartender waving at me right away."""
text12143;"""Hey there!"""
text12144;"""It was still quite early, so almost all the tables were empty."""
text12145;"""Any good news?"""
text12146;"""I sighed heavily and sat on the chair at the counter."""
text12147;"""Pour me some beer, I need to calm down."""
text12148;"""Right this second!"""
text12149;"""While the Bartender was busy replacing an empty beer barrel, I was idly looking at the customers."""
text12150;"""To my surprise, I recognized Ellie among them."""
text12151;"""Wearing a leather outfit, all dolled up, she looked just like a rockstar!"""
text12152;"""You've got real fine personalities here."""
text12153;"""I jerked my head in her direction as the bartender put a big mug of cold beer in front of me."""
text12154;"""Happens."""
text12155;"""He shrugged phlegmatically."""
text12156;"""With the club next door and all. Do you know each other?"""
text12157;"""We've met."""
text12158;"""And what kind of relationship do you have?"""
text12159;"""The bartender scoffed, clearly implying something."""
text12160;"""We're about to find out!"""
text12161;"""I walked to her table and asked:"""
text12162;"""Is this spot taken?"""
text12163;"""Ellie tore herself away from the sheet with notes and lyrics in English and looked at me, surprised."""
text12164;"""Do we know each other?"""
text12165;"""I'm asking myself the same question…"""
text12166;"""Ah!"""
text12167;"""She exclaimed suddenly."""
text12168;"""You're…"""
text12169;"""No…"""
text12170;"""So you're…"""
text12171;"""It appeared like she really couldn't remember, but it looked extremely funny."""
text12172;"""The school boor, yes, that's me. But my name is Nick, actually. Not that people call me that often — I usually come by myself."""
text12173;"""Ah, yeah…"""
text12174;"""She said disappointedly, as if she'd at least expected me to be the prime minister of Japan."""
text12175;"""So yeah… Can I take the seat?"""
text12176;"""If you want."""
text12177;"""Learning a new song?"""
text12178;"""Mhm, we're performing tonight. You didn't come last time, by the way."""
text12179;"""So that episode we had a moment ago was pure performance?"""
text12180;"""Were you waiting for me?"""
text12181;"""Most assuredly!"""
text12182;"""I hope you won't come to this one either!"""
text12183;"""I wasn't planning to…"""
text12184;"""Really?"""
text12185;"""Ellie rounded her eyes, seemingly disappointed."""
text12186;"""But if you invite me and take me to a party afterwards, I'll think about it."""
text12187;"""You wish!"""
text12188;"""She scoffed and turned away."""
text12189;"""You're preparing pretty early…"""
text12190;"""It's because first we need to do the sound check, then prepare mentally, get ready…"""
text12191;"""You're talking about it like it's a real job…"""
text12192;"""If you aren't serious about music, why play at all?"""
text12193;"""I don't know… I don't play."""
text12194;"""Yeah, right."""
text12195;"""She smirked."""
text12196;"""I didn't know whether Ellie was trying to mock me or if it just happened accidentally, but she did it nearly as well as Catherine could."""
text12197;"""You know what… I've gotten enough shit from your family to have to take more from you personally!"""
text12198;"""You should be a little less judgemental, ojou-sama!"""
text12199;"""Did I say something wrong?"""
text12200;"""And, indeed…"""
text12201;"""No, sorry…"""
text12202;"""I sighed, lowered my eyes and took a big gulp of beer."""
text12203;"""What's the occasion?"""
text12204;"""The occasion for what?"""
text12205;"""Ellie nodded at the mug."""
text12206;"""Ah, well…"""
text12207;"""I instinctively pushed it away then caught myself — what was the point of feeling ashamed now?"""
text12208;"""And why did you start talking about my family?"""
text12209;"""Nevermind that. Just a slip of the tongue."""
text12210;"""Well keep going, since you started…"""
text12211;"""I didn't start anything! I just picked the wrong words, it's not what I meant to say."""
text12212;"""What was it then?"""
text12213;"""Ellie wouldn't get off my back."""
text12214;"""It seemed like a game for her more than anything."""
text12215;"""There are things that don't concern even a bad-mannered little ojou-sama!"""
text12216;"""Drop the other shoe already!"""
text12217;"""Plop!"""
text12218;"""That's why you're such a boor — you can't behave yourself at all!"""
text12219;"""Is everyone who doesn't report to you on your first demand a boor to you?"""
text12220;"""Would you like it if someone started talking about your family and stopped halfway?"""
text12221;"""I don't have a family…"""
text12222;"""Everyone has a family!"""
text12223;"""I don't… My parents died in a car accident, and my other relatives are in the USSR."""
text12224;"""So how are you… all alone here…?"""
text12225;"""She suddenly asked compassionately and even leaned towards me."""
text12226;"""This conversation began to tire me, mostly because Ellie was trying to stick her nose into things that had nothing to do with her."""
text12227;"""Whatever I said or didn't — it doesn't matter!"""
text12228;"""Some people can dress themselves, without servants."""
text12229;"""I dress myself!"""
text12230;"""Her face flushed with embarrassment and indignation, becoming even prettier."""
text12231;"""I couldn't help but notice that Kobayashi Ellie wasn't just an ordinary nice-looking girl from a rich family who had access to the best cosmetic products and specialists, but a real beauty, one someone couldn't turn into even with a hundred layers of makeup."""
text12232;"""I don't believe you. Prove it!"""
text12233;"""What… I… You!"""
text12234;"""See, it doesn't feel nice when people try to get you with stupid stuff!"""
text12235;"""She pouted in response, already starting to look like a spoiled child."""
text12236;"""Go away already, you're annoying me!"""
text12237;"""She grabbed a sheet from the table and brought it almost to the tip of her nose, thus creating a barrier between us."""
text12238;"""As you wish, milady!"""
text12239;"""I stood up, slowly bowed, took my empty mug, and walked to the counter."""
text12240;"""Ouch, Kolya, looks like…"""
text12241;"""Bartender made a silly pause, and I immediately realized what would follow."""
text12242;"""Your goose is cooked!"""
text12243;"""If bad jokes could kill, you would be the cruelest serial murderer in the history of Japan…"""
text12244;"""Put it on my tab."""
text12245;"""I said and, already in the doorway, heard the Bartender's deep voice:"""
text12246;"""On the house!"""
text12247;"""Naturally, a single mug of beer wasn't enough to make me drunk, but the headache came almost immediately."""
text12248;"""That nasty headache that's a consequence of too little drinking, when the liver has sobered up faster than the brain."""
text12249;"""I rubbed my temples and started looking for a pharmacy."""
text12250;"""I thought there was been a pharmacy around here… <w>or was it on the next street?"""
text12251;"""There was aspirin at home — as well as Himitsu…"""
text12252;"""At least she might be there."""
text12253;"""I didn't get headaches often so I really couldn't stand the feeling — not the pain itself even, but the constant, inescapable distraction of it."""
text12254;"""The conversation with Ellie had left me feeling weirdly incomplete — like when you can't answer a single question on an exam, it is the end of the course, and only now you realize that you've deprived yourself of an opportunity to gain an incredible bed of knowledge."""
text12255;"""I was wandering the streets without a purpose or direction, but I didn't want to leave that familiar area, so, in the end, I made a big detour and returned to the bar."""
text12256;"""A crowd of fans had started gathering at the club."""
text12257;"""Wasn't it too early?"""
text12258;"""I stopped nearby to think — should I drop by for the Z FEEL-Z performance?"""
text12259;"""Just the memory of Ellie, furious and embarrassed simultaneously, made me smile."""
text12260;"""Hi."""
text12261;"""Michael approached me."""
text12262;"""Now here was one of the people I wanted to see the least right now."""
text12263;"""What are you doing here?"""
text12264;"""I asked with undisguised irritation."""
text12265;"""I came for the concert. People say that the granddaughter of the head of the School Council plays in this band."""
text12266;"""Since when were you interested in rumors?"""
text12267;"""So it's not true?"""
text12268;"""He looked at me intently over his glasses."""
text12269;"""There are things that are so tied to an image of someone that you cannot picture him or her without them."""
text12270;"""If Michael was an RPG character, the glasses would give him a permanent +10 intelligence bonus."""
text12271;"""You'll find out soon, since you're here."""
text12272;"""Aren't you going to the concert?"""
text12273;"""I was thinking of dropping by, but changed my mind for some reason."""
text12274;"""I replied with blatant hostility."""
text12275;"""You still can't forgive me for my interest in Catherine."""
text12276;"""Trust me, you're the last person she's thinking about now!"""
text12277;"""Did something happen?"""
text12278;"""There was no need to tell Michael that Catherine was missing — but I was so annoyed and couldn't stop, like a Gloucester block in the Cooper's Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake."""
text12279;"""It only concerns me and her."""
text12280;"""I assume that can be taken as an answer to my question then? Regarding your attitude towards Catherine."""
text12281;"""Take it as whatever you want! But we are together again, if that's what you're asking!"""
text12282;"""I blurted out and immediately caught myself."""
text12283;"""It's hard to be <i>together</i> separated by thousands of kilometres — and I didn't know for sure that Katya was still in Japan…"""
text12284;"""Well, I'm glad everything is clear now."""
text12285;"""So what next? You'll just step back?"""
text12286;"""I haven't decided yet."""
text12287;"""A fit of rage overwhelmed me."""
text12288;"""What the fuck was this entire circus for then? Asking for my opinion, showing off your supposed honesty, all under the cover of our friendship?!"""
text12289;"""Why, if you wanted to fight for her from the very beginning?!"""
text12290;"""And you know, it's not so much that I hate the fact that you like Catherine — she's a pretty girl, a lot of people like her — it's this petty, mean-spirited game of decency."""
text12291;"""Hypocrisy and lies to my face!"""
text12292;"""You know it, too, but you'll never admit it and just keep hiding behind empty words."""
text12293;"""I just didn't want to affect your choice. Jealousy can fuel possessiveness."""
text12294;"""My choice!"""
text12295;"""I laughed so loudly that many of the people gathered at the club turned to look at us."""
text12296;"""An American-style choice I assume? With two seemingly opposing alternatives that are, in fact, the same?"""
text12297;"""Like, we will fuck you in the ass anyway, good sir — but you can choose if you want it with lubricant or without!"""
text12298;"""It's not like that at all."""
text12299;"""He replied, less calmly this time."""
text12300;"""Prove it then! For example, forget about Catherine's existence! Trust me, she's not the person you need!"""
text12301;"""I'd like to get to know her better and decide for myself."""
text12302;"""I'm not sure you'll get a chance."""
text12303;"""I smirked spitefully."""
text12304;"""You think stopping her from talking to other people is a sign of a healthy relationship? Maybe we'll just become friends."""
text12305;"""Who said I'd stop her from doing anything?"""
text12306;"""So it's not about you?"""
text12307;"""He stopped to think."""
text12308;"""Is this related to what we were talking about…?"""
text12309;"""Michael didn't finish the sentence but frowned and looked at me as like I'd said something unflattering about his mother."""
text12310;"""You haven't dragged Catherine into something dangerous, have you?"""
text12311;"""Have you considered she might've dragged me into something?"""
text12312;"""Well? Never crossed your mind, did it? That's why I'm saying this girl is more than you can handle."""
text12313;"""I'm not saying that you're lying, of course…"""
text12314;"""Lying?"""
text12315;"""I didn't let Michael finish."""
text12316;"""My knuckles seemed to crack by themselves."""
text12317;"""Misha, I am about to break your face."""
text12318;"""I took a step forward."""
text12319;"""He was shorter than me and, most likely, weaker, but he kept standing there without any sign of fear."""
text12320;"""It felt like someone pulled an emergency break inside me and I froze, as if ashamed to do this in front of everyone, although people had long stopped paying attention to us."""
text12321;"""But you know, I don't want to get my hands dirty! You can spit in the eye of people like you and you'll just say it's morning dew!"""
text12322;"""Nick, you're not yourself these days."""
text12323;"""He said, ignoring my aggression."""
text12324;"""All the more reason not to make me angry!"""
text12325;"""I snarled, turned around, and quickly left the scene of a fistfight that never happened."""
text12326;"""…"""
text12327;"""This time, I wasn't ashamed about my behavior at all."""
text12328;"""Yes, I overreacted a bit. <w>Yes, I threatened him."""
text12329;"""But Michael's hypocrisy, his confidence in his own permissiveness and impunity just didn't fit in with my morals at all."""
text12330;"""It isn't enough to be right — <i>means</i> matter just as much!"""
text12331;"""It's possible to support <i>freedom fighters</i> that really do fight for some sort of freedom but remain terrorists."""
text12332;"""Michael was underlining the absolute correctness of his behavior but remained a nasty little hypocrite."""
text12333;"""To some extent, it was all sophistry — to emphasize the formal rightness of your actions as much as possible, purposefully ignoring their absolutely foul substance."""
text12334;"""But Michael was right about one thing — Catherine would've been safer with him."""
text12335;"""To be happy for a moment and then go six feet under, or to live a long life without ups and downs, an unremarkable but stable one…"""
text12336;"""Did I have the right to make this choice for other people?"""
text12337;"""And Catherine, no matter how much I wanted her to, was yet to give me a single hint she was willing to sacrifice anything to be with me."""
text12338;"""Well, okay, there was a hint, and a big one — but when it comes to Katya, it didn't mean much."""
text12339;"""…"""
text12340;"""This tiresome week was coming to its end, but there was no hope the next one would be any better."""
text12341;"""I managed to spend the rest of the day walking around Tokyo, and when I returned home it was already dark."""
text12342;"""The light was on in my windows — I had been expecting it, even if not entirely."""
text12343;"""It meant Himitsu had decided to go on the offensive."""
text12344;"""Perhaps having realized Catherine had disappeared and she was left without a rival, she'd decided to bring out the artillery?"""
text12345;"""So what could I expect next? <w>A lace negligee?"""
text12346;"""I didn't want to see Himitsu — and not even because I was still mad at her."""
text12347;"""The mere thought of the sympathetic and commiserating expression on her face made me want to run away."""
text12348;"""Besides, Himitsu hadn't become a different person overnight, no matter what I was accusing her of."""
text12349;"""And was she really that guilty?"""
text12350;"""These days I was almost jumping on people, I couldn't talk to others normally or tolerate any objections, and was deaf to anyone else's feelings."""
text12351;"""Catherine, Catherine, Katya… <w>That was the only thing I was concerned with."""
text12352;"""I bought a bottle of sake at a store and headed to the park."""
text12353;"""I sat down on <i>our</i> bench and took a big gulp."""
text12354;"""As soon as I closed my eyes, I could easily imagine that Catherine was sitting next to me, absentmindedly looking at the lake, as usual."""
text12355;"""I could whisper something quietly, addressing her, and imagine her reply."""
text12356;"""I just couldn't touch her…"""
text12357;"""God, let her be okay!"""
text12358;"""In a sense, it would've been better if she actually left for America."""
text12359;"""At least Kobayashi Corporation and Japanese intelligence wouldn't be able to reach her there."""
text12360;"""And was it really so difficult to believe Sheryl Winters' words?"""
text12361;"""She did really look worried right after she found that note."""
text12362;"""What if the next day she was talking to me already knowing that Catherine was at her grandmother's place?"""
text12363;"""Then her calmness was easy to explain!"""
text12364;"""And if that was true, then Katya had left me. <w>For the second time."""
text12365;"""Or, perhaps not the second one…"""
text12366;"""…"""
text12367;"""I think it wasn't long before that terrible car accident."""
text12368;"""We had agreed to meet on the weekend and go to the cinema to watch an action film (I couldn't even recall its name)."""
text12369;"""Maybe Catherine didn't like it, or maybe she just got bored, but soon after the beginning, she began to complain that she had a headache."""
text12370;"""I didn't take it very seriously, because, apparently, I found the film interesting."""
text12371;"""Catherine whined for a bit, then went silent and sat there until the end of the film looking like she was at the dentist."""
text12372;"""When we left the cinema, Katya snapped at me:"""
text12373;"""Well, happy now?"""
text12374;"""Yeah, interesting movie."""
text12375;"""Yeah, right, so very interesting! Sitting there with a headache and shaking from each explosion on the screen!"""
text12376;"""Well, sorry, I didn't know it was so bad."""
text12377;"""I told you!"""
text12378;"""You should've been clearer, I guess… We could've left if you asked to."""
text12379;"""A normal person would understand."""
text12380;"""She replied and made an expression so pained you'd believe she'd had her leg blown off by a mine rather than a headache!"""
text12381;"""Sorry I'm not a <i>normal person</i> then!"""
text12382;"""I didn't like hearing all these unreasonable accusations."""
text12383;"""Next time, please, be more explicit."""
text12384;"""There won't be a next time."""
text12385;"""She answered coldly, turned around, and started walking away at a defiantly fast pace."""
text12386;"""Come on, Katya, stop! I'm sorry!"""
text12387;"""I ran after her."""
text12388;"""Catherine was walking fast but not running — and it was hard for me adjust to her speed while not looking silly."""
text12389;"""In the end, I had to move in short jogs."""
text12390;"""You're acting like I was keeping you there on purpose!"""
text12391;"""It doesn't matter if you did it on purpose or not! It's a matter of principle!"""
text12392;"""<i>Principle</i>, got it! Come on, I'm sorry!"""
text12393;"""I tried to carefully grab her by the hand, but Catherine waved me off with such anger that I got scared for a moment."""
text12394;"""Hey, something this small shouldn't…"""
text12395;"""Small things add up!"""
text12396;"""Okay, then how about I sit through a ninety minute lecture on \""Toxic masculinity and its role in the model of patriarchal domination in modern society\""!"""
text12397;"""Katya let out a laugh against her will, her lips curling up."""
text12398;"""But she immediately got angry at herself for that and tried to put her serious expression on again."""
text12399;"""Do whatever you want!"""
text12400;"""Seriously! You're reacting like I was keeping you there by force!"""
text12401;"""She didn't reply and tried to speed up even more."""
text12402;"""This had started to resemble an episode of one of those stupid Japanese prank TV shows."""
text12403;"""Katya, enough!"""
text12404;"""I grabbed her by the hand and stopped her."""
text12405;"""Let go!"""
text12406;"""She started protesting loudly and tried to break free, so I had to pull her over and hold her in a hug."""
text12407;"""Let go!"""
text12408;"""I won't until you calm down!"""
text12409;"""The fight didn't last long — finally, Catherine stopped resisting and just went limp in my arms."""
text12410;"""All good — someone could've thought, but I knew this situation was possibly even worse than shouting and breaking dishes."""
text12411;"""I can't know what I'm doing wrong if you don't tell me!"""
text12412;"""She didn't respond."""
text12413;"""Alright?"""
text12414;"""I asked timidly."""
text12415;"""…"""
text12416;"""Why did I suddenly remember that episode specifically?"""
text12417;"""Maybe because if Catherine hadn't gotten pregnant and left, we would've broken up anyway?"""
text12418;"""Were we really fated to not be together, and there was no such thing as a match made in heaven?"""
text12419;"""I was running out of sake, and myriad stars were shining in the sky."""
text12420;"""They seemed to be brighter than usual here, although the city center with its excessive light pollution was just nearby."""
text12421;"""I raised the bottle and saluted to Aldebaran."""
text12422;"""For Catherine to be…"""
text12423;"""I couldn't force myself to say \""alive\"" out loud."""
text12424;"""Found!"""
text12425;"""Even if I assumed her mother had been blatantly lying to me, there was nothing I could do!"""
text12426;"""Whether Catherine had been kidnapped or had really returned to the US, I was just a witness — like Michael, like Himitsu."""
text12427;"""And, unfortunately, reality wasn't concerned with my feelings."""
text12428;"""I didn't drink a lot, but that sake turned out to be pretty strong."""
text12429;"""Sometimes, when you're drunk, the future tends to look brighter."""
text12430;"""And sometimes you just don't care about what tomorrow might bring, all problems seem to fade away into minor complications."""
text12431;"""Of course, I couldn't stop caring about Catherine…"""
text12432;"""As if swimming in condensed milk, I was walking towards my house."""
text12433;"""What could I say if Himitsu was still there, what could I do…?"""
text12434;"""I didn't have to report to her! <w>I'm an adult already — if I want, I drink!"""
text12435;"""But the lights were off."""
text12436;"""Despite being seemingly confident, I still tried not to make much noise when opening the door."""
text12437;"""I sneaked into the kitchen."""
text12438;"""The dishes had disappeared from the table, and the whole room looked somewhat weird."""
text12439;"""I gave it another look, trying to figure out what had changed."""
text12440;"""No way!"""
text12441;"""I whistled."""
text12442;"""The thick layer of dust had disappeared from the shelves, the floor was shining, and all the dishes were washed and sorted."""
text12443;"""I quickly checked the other rooms — they too were unusually clean."""
text12444;"""I couldn't believe that Himitsu had managed to clean these Augean stables alone, in a single day!"""
text12445;"""No matter what I was accusing her of, I had to give her credit."""
text12446;"""I returned to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water."""
text12447;"""It was late in the night, which meant that Monday had already come — another day for me to go to school and pretend to be a highly functional member of society."""
text12448;"""Whether due to the alcohol or my personality, all of this suddenly started to seem so small and insignificant compared to the distance to Aldebaran, who I'd been drinking in the park with."""
text12449;"""Damn it, he could've seen where Catherine went!"""
text12450;"""Except I would've had to wait 65 light years for a reply."""
text12451;"""And that is a distance much greater than two football fields."""