text9566;"""I dreamt I was in a game where I had to develop my character.""" text9567;"""I was leveling up, investing experience points into agility and strength, receiving new skills.""" text9568;"""I wish it worked like that in real life — once you reach a new level, old enemies are no threat to you anymore.""" text9569;"""On the other hand, that also means there are stronger monsters ahead.""" text9570;"""I was dragged out of that wonderful RPG world by the doorbell.""" text9571;"""I got up, but didn't hurry to open the door.""" text9572;"""Who could it be? Maybe they just got the wrong door?""" text9573;"""I wasn't expecting anyone and doubted someone would come to my place by accident.""" text9574;"""But whoever it was, they kept ringing and clearly had no intention of leaving.""" text9575;"""Then again, no one I should've been afraid of would be ringing the bell in broad daylight.""" text9576;"""Coming!""" text9577;"""I shouted, quickly dressed up and dragged myself to the door.""" text9578;"""Niko-kun…""" text9579;"""Himitsu was standing on the porch, dressed in her school uniform.""" text9580;"""She wore a strange facial expression — like she'd just learned she won a billion yen in the lottery and then someone told her the tax is so high she actually needed to pay more than she had won.""" text9581;"""Niko-kun, why did you lock the door?""" text9582;"""I wasn't expecting you.""" text9583;"""My words sounded cold, even though I didn't mean them to.""" text9584;"""I cast a glance at the clock — it was nine and change.""" text9585;"""Why aren't you at school?""" text9586;"""Niko-kun, you aren't a teacher and can't reprimand me!""" text9587;"""I see.""" text9588;"""Are you… alone?""" text9589;"""Of course, who else could…""" text9590;"""I started automatically.""" text9591;"""Ah, yeah…""" text9592;"""She lowered her head, trying to conceal her embarrassment.""" text9593;"""Do you want to come in?""" text9594;"""She just nodded slightly in response.""" text9595;"""Yesterday I spent a lot of time thinking that Himitsu, maybe, wasn't all that guilty.""" text9596;"""Even if everything was true, wouldn't it make sense for me to try and have an honest conversation with her now?""" text9597;"""She was really bad at lying, after all… She couldn't have been pretending all those years, could she?""" text9598;"""And then there was also the situation with Catherine and what Himitsu saw.""" text9599;"""A shitty situation however you look at it, shitty even without all the spying stuff.""" text9600;"""You haven't had breakfast yet!""" text9601;"""Himitsu was about to get to work but immediately caught herself, and it was as if something dropped in her chest, her eyes losing all expression.""" text9602;"""Never mind though…""" text9603;"""Of course, let's eat — breakfast is the most important meal, after all…""" text9604;"""I came to my senses.""" text9605;"""We were so used to behaving this exact way, that as soon as something went totally wrong, we couldn't just immediately change our habits.""" text9606;"""Slips of tongue and omissions…""" text9607;"""If there's one thing I hated in the world, it's hypocrisy!""" text9608;"""I'm really sorry it happened like this… things should've been different…""" text9609;"""Niko-kun, you don't need to apologize. I just thought that… after everything that… that you…""" text9610;"""Himitsu could barely manage to talk, it seemed she was about to burst into tears at any moment.""" text9611;"""I took a step towards her on autopilot, but immediately froze, unable to decide on anything to do.""" text9612;"""…you told me…""" text9613;"""But she had told me a lot too!""" text9614;"""And what did that all amount to in reality?""" text9615;"""My daughter is handling the mission well.""" text9616;"""I started to cook breakfast, trying not to look her in the eyes.""" text9617;"""I don't really have much… got some eggs left — want me to fry them?""" text9618;"""Himitsu didn't respond and sank heavily onto a chair.""" text9619;"""Let's count that as a yes.""" text9620;"""The eggs were sizzling merrily in the pan, ignoring the tension in the air.""" text9621;"""I was constantly mixing the eggs and ended up with airy yellow lumps instead of the usual sunny-side-ups.""" text9622;"""That's the sort of scrambled eggs they have in American films, if I wasn't mistaken.""" text9623;"""It wasn't the best choice… Not that I had anything to choose from!""" text9624;"""Sorry if it's not very good…""" text9625;"""I put the plate in front of Himitsu and sat opposite her.""" text9626;"""She picked at a piece of it with her chopsticks and said:""" text9627;"""The shape isn't great…""" text9628;"""Well, sorry I didn't leave the room to draw a heart with sauce.""" text9629;"""I wasn't going to.""" text9630;"""This had gone too far!""" text9631;"""Look… I know how this looks from your perspective, but I'm tired of thinking it's all my fault!""" text9632;"""I love Catherine, and whatever happened between us… I don't need to justify that to you!""" text9633;"""That's not what you told me just a week ago.""" text9634;"""Himitsu said, looking at me from under her brows.""" text9635;"""Well, man proposes…""" text9636;"""I understand, Niko-kun… It's none of my business, and I shouldn't get involved.""" text9637;"""I understand… But it still hurts to see you ruin your life, unable to understand what's really going on.""" text9638;"""I understand… But it still hurts to see you ruin your life, unable to understand what's really going on.""" text9639;"""So what's really going on? It'd be nice if you told me!""" text9640;"""I did! I did many times!""" text9641;"""She clearly hadn't gotten my hint.""" text9642;"""Even in such a state — humiliated and insulted — Himitsu didn't look like a spy. She didn't look like her father's unwilling accomplice either.""" text9643;"""I hesitated.""" text9644;"""If this is only about our relationship…""" text9645;"""What else could this be about, Niko-kun?!""" text9646;"""She interrupted me, breaking into a shout.""" text9647;"""…then it has nothing to do with you.""" text9648;"""My voice didn't sound nearly as confident as I wanted.""" text9649;"""I guess it's not how I had imagined this conversation, but, on the other hand, what else could I expect from Himitsu?""" text9650;"""That she would say: live happily ever after…?""" text9651;"""After everything… that I… that we survived because of… her! How can you?!""" text9652;"""But I love Catherine! I've always loved her! I can't do anything about it!""" text9653;"""And what about her?!""" text9654;"""Himitsu jumped off the chair, ran to me, but immediately stopped as if she'd seen a monster.""" text9655;"""She recoiled back to the garden door, opened and closed it again, walked to the kotatsu, gave me an angry look and immediately turned away.""" text9656;"""Niko-kun, do you really think she loves you…? That she ever loved you?!""" text9657;"""Because she… When you were together… Earlier… Then…""" text9658;"""Himitsu choked on her sobs and broke into a run, away from me.""" text9659;"""I was sitting silently, forgetting to even breathe.""" text9660;"""The most horrible thing was that I barely felt sorry for her.""" text9661;"""That is life, such are the social rules and norms: I couldn't be with two girls at the same time, even if I loved them both, each in their own way.""" text9662;"""Moreover, I didn't want that!""" text9663;"""I couldn't imagine any one of us being happy in that threesome.""" text9664;"""Both of them were too possessive.""" text9665;"""I really had been afraid of losing Himitsu more than anything in the world just a couple days ago.""" text9666;"""But at that time I had no hope I would ever be together with Catherine again!""" text9667;"""Were we together now though?""" text9668;"""One thing I knew for sure was that a one-night stand meant much less for Katya than it did for Himitsu!""" text9669;"""Suddenly, I felt terribly tired.""" text9670;"""I had seemingly slept enough, but when you're brought back from the land of fairy tales to the real world so brazenly, you're left with a sense of incompleteness.""" text9671;"""My eyes closed by themselves, my mind ready to leave my body to find itself in the realm of might and magic again.""" text9672;"""However, this time I wasn't fated to become a legendary hero.""" text9673;"""I didn't even become a simple NPC, as I saw no dreams.""" text9674;"""Still, I was woken up in the same unconscionable way as in the morning — by a nasty doorbell.""" text9675;"""At least this time they weren't ringing non-stop!""" text9676;"""I came to my senses pretty quickly.""" text9677;"""Himitsu again? Did she forget something?""" text9678;"""No, after such a fight she would need much more time to return to her senses.""" text9679;"""The clock was saying four in the afternoon.""" text9680;"""I opened the door and saw Catherine.""" text9681;"""Still asleep?""" text9682;"""She asked with a bored expression.""" text9683;"""Well, I… I mean… yeah, I was, why?""" text9684;"""Nothing… Nothing.""" text9685;"""She smiled and confidently stepped inside — I moved out of her way automatically.""" text9686;"""Nothing you can do if someone does come — open the door. But — remember! — don't say anything you're not supposed to say and don't do anything that might have consequences.""" text9687;"""So I opened the door…""" text9688;"""Catherine walked into the kitchen, looked around, sat on a chair and crossed her legs — just like her mother.""" text9689;"""That thought made me feel uncomfortable.""" text9690;"""Aren't you going to offer me anything? Tea or coffee? I've been at school since early in the morning, not sacking up half the day like you.""" text9691;"""At school? She had found the time to change though…""" text9692;"""Tea…""" text9693;"""I kept mumbling, having still not fully come to my senses.""" text9694;"""Katya took the initiative right away.""" text9695;"""We may have parted on bad terms yesterday.""" text9696;"""She said somewhat absently, and went quiet, clearly waiting for my reaction.""" text9697;"""Considering the circumstances…""" text9698;"""Even still. If my mom hadn't…""" text9699;"""Was she really trying to apologize for her mother again?""" text9700;"""It was nice to hear that, sure, but her persistence could find better use elsewhere.""" text9701;"""We both knew that Catherine wasn't responsible for Mrs Winters' actions. Whether she had known about them or not.""" text9702;"""Why weren't you at school? It doesn't look like you're… sick.""" text9703;"""She smirked.""" text9704;"""Did she need to know about my talk with Irina yesterday?""" text9705;"""After all, Katya was yet to tell me anything on her own initiative.""" text9706;"""It was like I had to tear every single bit of information out of her with pliers.""" text9707;"""On the other hand, I could no longer trust Himitsu — and I was scared to be left alone with my problems.""" text9708;"""The only question was — did Catherine deserve my trust?""" text9709;"""I reckoned it was still too early for that.""" text9710;"""Just being lazy.""" text9711;"""Just, huh?""" text9712;"""Exactly.""" text9713;"""Okay then.""" text9714;"""Is that all?""" text9715;"""I put a cup of tea in front of her.""" text9716;"""Have you just come to find out why I've been skipping classes?""" text9717;"""No.""" text9718;"""She replied slyly and took a sip.""" text9719;"""I sighed desperately and sat next to her.""" text9720;"""It's so difficult with you sometimes…""" text9721;"""I know right.""" text9722;"""The few minutes that we spent in silence seemed to last forever.""" text9723;"""I was looking at Catherine, trying to understand what changed about her in a year and a half.""" text9724;"""Was she taller? It didn't seem so.""" text9725;"""The haircut was the same, or, at least, very similar to what she had back then.""" text9726;"""Figure, weight, cup size? I couldn't tell…""" text9727;"""It was difficult to spot any major difference at first glance.""" text9728;"""This happens too…""" text9729;"""The person looks the same, but once you get to talk to them, it's like they're someone else.""" text9730;"""It was also possible that I'd simply never known the real her.""" text9731;"""In any case, I'm grateful you're here.""" text9732;"""How couldn't I? Relationships are made up of these little things.""" text9733;"""Relationships!""" text9734;"""I scoffed, stood up, and walked round the kitchen.""" text9735;"""Katya, we've already talked about this…""" text9736;"""Not Romeo and Juliet, I know. But…""" text9737;"""It seemed like she had been preparing for a serious conversation but only came up with that one line.""" text9738;"""You know! You've been acting weird since we slept together. Got what you wanted and now all that love talk is over with?""" text9739;"""Not at all!""" text9740;"""Although that's exactly how it looked.""" text9741;"""So you want us to be together again?""" text9742;"""Don't you? Maybe, there's something's stopping you? Himitsu, for example?""" text9743;"""No… She and I…""" text9744;"""It became hard for me to speak, like I was lying in confession — and the priest, all the parishioners, and, most importantly, God himself, knew!""" text9745;"""I lowered my head.""" text9746;"""She and I are… Well, we kind of had a fight.""" text9747;"""Ooooh…""" text9748;"""Catherine raised her eyebrows.""" text9749;"""Could it have been on my account?""" text9750;"""No.""" text9751;"""She definitely wasn't the reason, in my view.""" text9752;"""Why then?""" text9753;"""I didn't know how to respond and couldn't come up with a remotely good lie.""" text9754;"""Perhaps sometimes the paths of even the closest people diverge…""" text9755;"""You can feed this pseudo philosophical bullshit to her, not me.""" text9756;"""Okay, fine, it's because of you! Are you happy now?""" text9757;"""It was partially the truth.""" text9758;"""Yes, quite.""" text9759;"""She smiled, stood up, and came closer to me.""" text9760;"""I'm happy you made the right choice.""" text9761;"""I'm just… not used to being in an \""either-or\"" situation…""" text9762;"""Catherine was standing so close, and I had no idea what she wanted from me. That, again…?""" text9763;"""Such a beanpole, but sometime you act like a complete child!""" text9764;"""She laughed and took me by the hand.""" text9765;"""The right choice deserves a proper reward.""" text9766;"""Reward, huh?""" text9767;"""Once again I felt embarrassed, like poruchik Rzhevsky telling his servant about a cornet who threw up on his uniform at a recent ball.""" text9768;"""I can imagine what you're thinking, but I meant something very different.""" text9769;"""I wasn't really thinking anything…""" text9770;"""I just wanted to go somewhere and spend some time together, talk about our lives.""" text9771;"""Catherine let go of my hand and turned away.""" text9772;"""Yeah, of course…""" text9773;"""I kept mumbling but immediately remembered Irina's words.""" text9774;"""Well, screw her!""" text9775;"""A date with Catherine! Wasn't that the thing I'd been dreaming about for the last year and a half?""" text9776;"""Why would anyone need a life spent within four walls?""" text9777;"""I don't bite, you know.""" text9778;"""Seemed like she was tired of my indecisiveness.""" text9779;"""It's just a bit sudden. I'm sure you prepared in advance, but I've been put on the spot.""" text9780;"""On the spot!""" text9781;"""She mocked me.""" text9782;"""Where do you want to go to?""" text9783;"""Somewhere people usually go for a date! Where did you go with Himitsu?""" text9784;"""We didn't…""" text9785;"""I cleared my throat.""" text9786;"""Amusement park. How do you like the idea?""" text9787;"""Brilliant, let's go.""" text9788;"""And why was it much easier for me to believe that we had had sex a couple of days ago than that we were going on a full-fledged date…?""" text9789;"""And why did I choose the place where Himitsu and I had just visited recently?""" text9790;"""Why did I choose it at all?""" text9791;"""The amusement park certainly wasn't as crowded on a weekday as on the weekends.""" text9792;"""Sometimes it seemed to me as if the massive metal constructions standing idly here were like dinosaur skeletons in a museum.""" text9793;"""Just as huge and grand, they had long lost their might and served only as a memory of an era long past for mildly curious tourists, who dropped by the museum only because it was mentioned in their guidebook.""" text9794;"""Lost in your philosophical problems again?""" text9795;"""Not philosophical ones really. Do you like it here?""" text9796;"""Yeah, why not? Amusement parks are about the same everywhere.""" text9797;"""You just haven't been to the USSR yet…""" text9798;"""Don't they have anything like this there?""" text9799;"""Of course they do…""" text9800;"""I caught myself.""" text9801;"""I don't know, I don't remember.""" text9802;"""I see.""" text9803;"""We were walking around the park, not going on any rides, not even visiting the haunted house.""" text9804;"""Just observing others having fun.""" text9805;"""If I was alone, I'd have been fine with that, but what about Catherine?""" text9806;"""Although the entire time we were there, she wouldn't stop smiling.""" text9807;"""I see you're actually enjoying this. Even though we're not doing anything.""" text9808;"""Are you unhappy about something?""" text9809;"""No, no, everything's great!""" text9810;"""That's what I think too. You've never been a fan of active recreation.""" text9811;"""What's active about pointless adrenaline spikes?""" text9812;"""I agree. Except…""" text9813;"""We stopped by the ferris wheel.""" text9814;"""Want to go for a ride?""" text9815;"""Yes…""" text9816;"""She replied wistfully.""" text9817;"""We had to stand in a queue of constantly clamoring children, but finally found ourselves alone in a rather spacious cabin.""" text9818;"""I wish I could go to the very top, where no one can reach you… and stay there forever!""" text9819;"""Is it your turn to philosophize now?""" text9820;"""No, it's just a dream.""" text9821;"""Katya looked sad and wasn't even looking out the cabin windows.""" text9822;"""Wasn't looking at the world from a bird's-eye view the entire point of this wheel?""" text9823;"""Little people were swarming on the ground.""" text9824;"""Tiny children were carelessly chasing each other across the square, a small janitor was unhurriedly sweeping the street, collecting wrappers, broken balloons, candy floss sticks, and other waste products of human happiness into one pile.""" text9825;"""The small people on the roller coasters were shouting just like the big ones.""" text9826;"""Did you know that those things are called American mountains in Russian?""" text9827;"""Really? And why is that?""" text9828;"""Catherine smiled, but it looked forced.""" text9829;"""I don't even know, to be honest.""" text9830;"""I guess, because they go up and down, rising and falling…""" text9831;"""I think that sounds like the historical cycles of every country.""" text9832;"""Maybe.""" text9833;"""I could tell Catherine was thinking seriously about something.""" text9834;"""On the ground, among other people, she'd probably managed to forget about it for a time, but here, where only birds and airplanes were closer to the sky, where she was left alone with me…""" text9835;"""If you want to talk about something…""" text9836;"""If I only knew what to say to you and how to say it.""" text9837;"""Sometimes I try to look so mature and pretend that I understand it all…""" text9838;"""Katya, if you don't tell me, I can't…""" text9839;"""I wanted to say: \""I can't help you\"" — but how could I help in this situation?""" text9840;"""Having a mother like hers was itself a serious challenge, not even mentioning her real job.""" text9841;"""There are things I haven't told you about. Couldn't tell you. And I still can't.""" text9842;"""…""" text9843;"""Don't worry, they aren't related to my mom or your parents. It's…""" text9844;"""She was visibly forcing herself to speak, barely finding the words.""" text9845;"""About things that happened long ago but still influence my life.""" text9846;"""I was silent, and Catherine waited a while between each sentence.""" text9847;"""Sometimes, something happens by itself, and then you… You don't want everything to go wrong, and you…""" text9848;"""You do what you think is best… But then you regret what you've done.""" text9849;"""Was she talking about our breakup? Was she regretting that?!""" text9850;"""Emotions overwhelmed me.""" text9851;"""It's long in the past! Don't blame yourself! Time heals all!""" text9852;"""I was blurting out pointless cliches.""" text9853;"""I want to say that happiness can follow after tragedy. Sometimes you need to lose something to get something greater.""" text9854;"""Lose…""" text9855;"""Catherine repeated after me in a voice devoid of all emotion, the voice of a subway announcer.""" text9856;"""I'm sure we'll be fine!""" text9857;"""Of course, I should've sat next to her, hugged and kissed her, held her tightly and not let her go until the ferris wheel brought us away into the starry night.""" text9858;"""However, at that moment, I felt that Catherine was a world away from me.""" text9859;"""Distant and lonely on her empty planet on the other end of the universe, where there are no suns and stars, where matter froze and the endless process of creation stopped forever.""" text9860;"""And right now I could not reach her.""" text9861;"""The wheel finished its rotation and stopped.""" text9862;"""I helped Catherine out of the cabin.""" text9863;"""Cool, I liked it!""" text9864;"""She smiled as if there hadn't been that chasm between us a moment ago.""" text9865;"""Where next?""" text9866;"""Want to grab a bite?""" text9867;"""Great idea.""" text9868;"""I immediately noticed a kiosk selling hot dogs.""" text9869;"""It's very American, don't you think?""" text9870;"""…""" text9871;"""We ate a hot dog each, resting on a bench.""" text9872;"""Speaking of the US… How did it feel to be there after Japan?""" text9873;"""The same distant expression from the other side of the universe appeared on Catherine's face. But only for a second.""" text9874;"""If you don't want to talk about it…""" text9875;"""No, it's okay. Honestly, things weren't the way I would've wanted there either.""" text9876;"""I didn't go to school right away, because…""" text9877;"""She faltered.""" text9878;"""Because we had to move often, and mom said it wouldn't be convenient.""" text9879;"""And then I had to catch up so I wouldn't have to repeat the year.""" text9880;"""I see…""" text9881;"""One way or another, everything we talked about led Catherine back to unpleasant memories.""" text9882;"""Well, I have absolutely nothing to brag about! Except that I didn't have to repeat the year, I guess?""" text9883;"""Was there a chance you would?""" text9884;"""Of course! The goof-off enterprise has its risks, but don't underestimate my power level!""" text9885;"""I said in the voice of an anime villain.""" text9886;"""Catherine laughed, and the air seemed to grow less tense.""" text9887;"""Oh, right! Here's an important one — you've missed so many great anime! I mean I'm no Kyosuke, but I can always recognize a masterpiece when I see one!""" text9888;"""We talked all the way to evening, and a guard even had to ask us to leave because the park was closing.""" text9889;"""I didn't want this day to end!""" text9890;"""I was wandering the streets, not following a particular direction but just walking forward, drowning in the devilish revelry of Tokyo's myriad night lights.""" text9891;"""Catherine was walking next to me, and somehow, her pace was quiet and careful, as if she didn't want to distract me from something important.""" text9892;"""It's already late I guess.""" text9893;"""I finally came to my senses and realized that we were next to her home.""" text9894;"""Thank you for today! I really needed a change of scenery!""" text9895;"""Me too.""" text9896;"""We stopped right in the middle of the street, but not in a very convenient spot — we often had to dodge annoyed people, some even muttering insults at us.""" text9897;"""Well, then…?""" text9898;"""To be honest, I don't want to go home so early.""" text9899;"""Early?""" text9900;"""What do you want to do then?""" text9901;"""Let's go to your place.""" text9902;"""To my place? I mean, I don't mind…""" text9903;"""Catherine was unpredictable, as usual.""" text9904;"""Not that I wasn't happy about the opportunity to spend the night together, but what would stop her from drastically changing her mind on the way there?""" text9905;"""If you want…""" text9906;"""Don't make that face!""" text9907;"""She suddenly laughed.""" text9908;"""What face?""" text9909;"""Like I'm giving you a parking ticket!""" text9910;"""I don't even have a license…""" text9911;"""And I do now!""" text9912;"""Katya said proudly.""" text9913;"""How come?""" text9914;"""You can get a driving license at sixteen in the US.""" text9915;"""Then congrats, I guess.""" text9916;"""To be frank, I even felt a bit… envious?""" text9917;"""I couldn't say I was generally prone to envy.""" text9918;"""Other people's success and welfare only interested me as a matter of fact.""" text9919;"""Maybe the reason was that I was barely interested in anybody's life except my own.""" text9920;"""What did I care for others' billions? Would I get a single yen of that?""" text9921;"""That's why I didn't really know how I felt.""" text9922;"""As if Catherine and I were competing at something and I had hit the finish line second.""" text9923;"""That didn't sound genuine.""" text9924;"""Maybe. Let's go then?""" text9925;"""I just wanted to sweep away the awkward moment as soon as possible.""" text9926;"""…""" text9927;"""I was throwing careful glances at Himitsu's house.""" text9928;"""Old habits die terribly hard!""" text9929;"""You'd think, after everything that had happened… but no, I was still afraid of her judgement!""" text9930;"""I didn't know if Catherine paid attention to that — even if she noticed, she didn't show it.""" text9931;"""I opened the door, entered the house, took my shoes off — all that, not even daring to look back.""" text9932;"""I felt Katya's eyes on my back, but I couldn't imagine what she was was feeling.""" text9933;"""Maybe she was smiling cattily or looking at me with that same expression of cold indifference?""" text9934;"""I'll make some tea…""" text9935;"""I blurted out and rushed to the kitchen.""" text9936;"""My heart was beating so fast that it seemed it was about to jump out of my chest and go on to live a life of its own.""" text9937;"""A few deep breaths… Alright!""" text9938;"""Why was I so worried now of all times?""" text9939;"""Maybe because everything would finally change after this night?""" text9940;"""Catherine stopped in the doorway, as if hesitating.""" text9941;"""I met her eyes and could not tear myself away, drowning in their bottomless depths and dissolving in the languid anticipation I could read in them.""" text9942;"""My feet took a few steps forward by themselves, then a few more — it felt as if I was flying towards Katya.""" text9943;"""And there we were, standing next to each other, and our lips were about to meet…""" text9944;"""Catherine softly pushed me away and moved back slightly.""" text9945;"""Don't…""" text9946;"""She whispered quietly.""" text9947;"""Sorry, I thought that…""" text9948;"""I shouldn't have come.""" text9949;"""Something like this was exactly what I had been afraid to hear!""" text9950;"""…""" text9951;"""So I ruined everything again, huh.""" text9952;"""No! You didn't do anything wrong! I just thought that… Well, in this situation…""" text9953;"""I should've just kept quiet— what else was there to say?""" text9954;"""Catherine stepped away from me and smiled.""" text9955;"""You would've forgiven me anything?""" text9956;"""I didn't mean anything like that.""" text9957;"""I frowned.""" text9958;"""And, to be fair, she was hinting at that too boldly!""" text9959;"""How was I supposed to guess whether she wanted it or not? Did I have to ask her for written permission every time?!""" text9960;"""I should probably go home.""" text9961;"""Weirdly, she hadn't felt that way when we were standing basically at her doorstep.""" text9962;"""As you wish.""" text9963;"""Will you come to school tomorrow?""" text9964;"""Irina advised against that.""" text9965;"""No, tomorrow…""" text9966;"""I was too tired after today to come up with a believable lie.""" text9967;"""I won't.""" text9968;"""Okay. Then I'll have a reason to visit you.""" text9969;"""She told me playfully and bid farewell.""" text9970;"""…""" text9971;"""What the hell was that?!""" text9972;"""The teapot, somewhat cooled by now, was standing on the stove.""" text9973;"""I was too lazy to boil the water again and I didn't want to drink tea at night.""" text9974;"""I turned off the lights and went to bed.""" text9975;"""Even though my strange day hadn't finished the way I wanted, Catherine and I seemed to have grown a bit closer.""" text9976;"""I tossed from side to side for a while, but sleep wouldn't come.""" text9977;"""In the darkness, it seemed as if beyond the walls of my home Tokyo was teeming with nightlife.""" text9978;"""People were dancing in clubs, musicians were playing rock-n'-roll, alcohol was flowing like a river, and neon lights had replaced the stars.""" text9979;"""I imagined myself flying down the streets, into a bar, landing at a table with strangers, and talking with them loudly…""" text9980;"""And then all the sounds mixed into one unintelligible rumble, the lights flashed by like lanterns of all colors in an underground tunnel, I soared up and froze among the cold light of stars, high above the clouds.""" text9981;"""But I didn't feel lonely there — my feelings seemed to have acquired a life of their own.""" text9982;"""My love for Catherine materialized as something like an ethereal angel, and a new sun lit up next to it — and I knew it was Himitsu.""" text9983;"""These images surrounded me, and I was dissolving in them, as they dissolved in me.""" text9984;"""Something had to come out of this symbiosis, but, unfortunately, the night would pass, the new day would come — and this feeling would be forgotten like another weird dream.""" text9985;"""Each time, I tried to hold that moment of enlightenment, and each time, I was defeated by the reality and the human nature."""